Does getting read bother you?

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Yesterday was another outing for me as I am cooking Thanksgiving dinner and needed a few items (okay a lot of items) as well as wine. My past outings I have kind of taken the caution of going early (less people and all). However, this time I had to go later to ensure the liquor store was open. Kind of put the Thanksgiving weekend thing in the back of my mind so when I showed up at the grocery store, it was really, really packed . That meant for the first time I was going to be under close scrutiny.

Now while from a distance I think I blend reasonably well, closer inspection will always be "yup dude in drag". So I took a breath, got out of the car (this was my first time wearing a dress in public so I was even more self-conscious (if you are interested in what I was wearing here is the link http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ut-again-today).

Got to the store, got a cart and started. First two people I ran into read me immediately, I could tell by their expression (not a pleasant by the way). Had a few other stares (mainly by men who looked quite confused and slightly irritated). I had one women actually go out of her way to avoid me. But for the most part people didn't notice (more likely didn't care). I did have a lovely conversation with the young girl who checked out my groceries.

I have to admit, it was a bit of a bummer being read so easily but then again, I believe I will the topic of many a Thanksgiving Dinner this weekend . . . "Hey I was out getting groceries and guess what I saw ... "

So my question for you who go out (unless you pass 100 percent that is), does it bother you when you get read and if it does it ever dissipate the more you go out. Specifically, do you just get used to it and ignore the rude stares/giggles or learn to accept it as part of being.

Hugs

Isha

[linda allen]

You have to ignore the stares and comments, there's no point in confronting anyone. I have only been out a few times and I try to avoid close encounters so I don't know if I've been read or not. Most folks are polite enough or too busy with their own chores to actually say anything rude or stare obviously. Some folks will be nice or even go out of their way to be nice, like the checkout girl you spoke of. It could be their personality or it could be store policy.

I recall a stare and look of dissaproval (from a woman) on a past outing and it did bother me and take the pleasure out of the trip for a while. On the other hand, I have had people I pass on the street say "good morning" to me and men step off the sidewalk to let me pass. There's the good and the bad.

[Diane78]

The more I go out, the less stares I notice, probably because I don't really care anymore if I get read. Lately I even want to get read. I get into more conversations when I am dressed and people smile at me a lot, especially women. Men also seem to want to talk, on occasion. I know that I am being my authentic self, it doesn't hurt anyone, not illegal and feels good besides. I love to show plenty of cleavage too. My girlfriend says I have good legs and advises me on wardrobe and makeup. She is a great support.

[Tracii G]

I get read a lot and yeah when you try too look as good as you can seems to be when that happens.
Some look some don't and its a mixed reaction from the ones that read you.
I am pretty much over worrying about it and just go out and do what I need to do.
Its funny when you don't try so hard to pass is when you pass the best.
I can go months and never get so much as a look and sometimes I can get read more in one day to make up for it.

[Nikki A.]

I really don't care if I'm read or not and it gets easier the more you go out. The one time I let it get to me was when I thought I was looking really good one day after church, when I was entering the diner afterwards an older gent opened the door for me and then said "After you Sir", well it blew my bubble for a bit but at least I had a gent hold a door for me.

[Stephanie47]

I've limited my outings to walks in the early evening with the intention of avoiding contacts. I will never pass as a woman. I dress for stress relief and the peace and tranquility it brings. I think I would be very self conscious of society's negative spin on cross dressing if I were read. I did go out as a woman several times at Halloween and got mixed reactions' laughed at by a guy who had maybe too much booze, and, complimented by a young cashier. To actually mix socially with men and woman while en femme would be very unnerving to me.

[ArleneRaquel]

I get read about 99% of the time and I don't care. I just desire to live the life that I chosen, which is living, or more accurately dressing as a woman 24/7.

[Beverley Sims]

As long as there is no aggressive confrontation.

[heellover]

I have been out a couple Halloweens,but I don't really think that counts. So I have only been out once,and mind you the place where I went was a LGBT bar. I know I was read,but no one really batted an eye at me. In fact there was an older couple,likely in their late 50s early 60s,that sat next to my wife and I and at one point during the evening he bumped into me,and he said "I'm very sorry miss!". So I'm not sure if he was being polite or I was convincing enough to fool him.
(I personally don't think so)
It was the monthly drag show at this bar,and a few of the performers told me I looked very good and convincing and didn't believe that that was only my first outing.

[biggirlsarah]

Personally I don't mind getting read especially as I don't pass and I am not under any misconception that I do, but what I do mind is getting abuse, which normally if it is going to come is from the younger people especially if they are in a group and the especially boys who think it is big to make fun of the tranny, also I personally take offence at being referred to as sir which is what happened to me the other day in a cafe, I was with my wife and got us both a cup of coffee the gentleman refered to me as sir , I replied saying I will pretend I didn't hear that , adding I know I am not fooling anyone but it is nice to be humoured occasionally, later we went into a pen shop and the lady there was very accommodating and never referred to my gender in any way what so ever.

[Sophie Yang]

Isha,

I was going to respond to your "Afraid of losing your male identity" post, but never got around to it. But my response to either one applies to both. Google the book Male-Femaling, by Richard Ekins. I am not sure why it is classified as a medical book. I think you will find it a quick and interesting read. He describes the many different Male-Femaling paths one can take and where they end up.

The book addresses your "Afraid of losing your male identity" post. He describes

• Beginning Male-Femaling
• Fantasy Male-Femaling
• Doing Male-Femaling, developing different styles
• Constituting
• Consolidating (aparting, substituting, and integrating

Within this framework there are some insightful chapters on different ways people reading and being read interact with each other.

I have never had a bad interaction after being read. If say walking down the sidewalk and I suspect that someone read me as we pass, I turn around and see if they also turn around. Hasn't happen in a long time. Same thing in a crowded room. I take a quick look to see if I am getting an awkward glance or snicker. For me now, I think it is more my mind conjuring up things that aren't happening.

I was read a month or so ago when I caught a shuttle bus to the airport which is 90 minutes away. The driver sir'ed me once. I still tipped him when we arrived at the airport. Never had a problem after that. Still use the service, usually the same driver up to the airport and different drivers down.

Cute outfit.

[Zylia]

If you look/move/sound like a 'dude in drag' like the vast majority of us you will get read, that's the name of the game. If I wasn't bothered about it at all I probably wouldn't spend 'so much' time on my appearance, but I know it's a game you can't really win, except if you don't play.

Worse than being read however is being treated disrespectful.

[kimdl93]

Just a bit. I expect to be read so I'm pleased when I'm not.

[Allison Quinn]

it does kind of bother me at times o3o
What bothers me is when some people can read me while others really just can't and I don't understand it xD

[Kiva]

I hate being read when I'm in drab, and someone says...."yeah look at him. He's a wannabe for sure."

[Sheren Kelly]

If you look/move/sound like a 'dude in drag' like the vast majority of us you will get read,..Worse than being read however is being treated disrespectful.

When I go out I try to act with dignity and I tend to be accepted. I have no illusions that I "pass", particularly at close range. I always assume I am read, but am treated with the same respect I show others. On those times the situation is uncomfortable or I am treated less respectfully, I remember that how others treat me says more about their insecurities and prejudices than it says anything about who I am.

[BeckyAnderson]

Well...I could care less if I'm read or not and most times I'm am. I really don't need someone's approval. I feel perfectly comfortable in my own skin. People are going to look, people are going to be inquisitive and some will want to talk with you. I take it all in stride. Usually, if I get a negative reaction in the form of a stare or snicker, I generally look at the person and give them a smile. Smiling seems to convey confidence and self acceptance and they seem to be much more at ease with seeing a crossdresser. I couldn't even begin to count the number of times I've been out but each and every time I venture out I am appropriately dressed.....helps a bunch.

Anyway, enjoy the freedom of venturing out and relish the feelings that go along with it. Hugs, Becky

[Angela Campbell]

I really do not know if I have ever been read, no one has ever said anything or done anything.

[Alice Torn]

Somewhat. At six foot six barefoot, i stick out like a scarecrow. I need a thicker skin, to do this in public, as i will be watched. Different angles, we may look more like ladies, but other angles, blow our cover. In close contact, i know i will be read almost always. I did ok, with jeers a few times out, and hope i can handle more, by letting it fall off me like water off a duckies back.

[Kate Simmons]

Nope, but, then again, I'm never trying to "pass" as someone or something I'm not Hon.

[reb.femme]

I don' mind getting read but it's what comes with it that matters. I have no delusions that I pass but I try to fly under the radar. That is my simple intention.

Had our local Trans Meet last night and a group of 4 (2 girls and 2 guys) sat on a table next to us.

I was talking to a guy from the pub about buying a website and caught sight of one of the guys from the group looking at me, in what I can only describe as a sneer. I'm sure he was simply jealous of the fact that I was prettier than his girl.......not!

I just looked away but wished I had smiled back. Maybe he was uncomfortable with us/me being in close proximity but that's his problem, not mine. Anyway, any trouble and I could have hit him with my handbag .

Rebecca

[Suzanne F]

Isha
No I don't mind being read anymore. It does go away the more you go out. I am just so happy to be out that it doesn't matter to me. I feel pretty and happy and I think most people that notice me see that. Sure there are a few who stare but I don't spend much time concentrating on that. I think being with Allie and Rachael has also helped. We seem to be able to go anywhere we want and people are so sweet to us. Maybe you need to find some other girls to get your confidence up. I love starting the evening out by myself and then meeting up with them later. Anyway keep going for it! You are going to be great!
Suzanne

[PretzelGirl]

I don't think this is a yes or no question. I do quite well when I go out. But on a bad day, I might dwell on a stare a little too long. If getting read becomes comments, there are many of us that could easily let it bother us. So it really depends on our mood and the situation.

[Karren H]

No... doesn't bother me one bit...

[Jilmac]

I've been read before and will most likely be read again and as long as I'm not harrassed, I couldn't care less what others say, think, or do to avoid me. I figure if others have a problem with me the way I am, they can all take a long walk off a short pier, and keep walking until their hat floats.