Does getting read bother you?

[TheMissus]

Nope, but, then again, I'm never trying to "pass" as someone or something I'm not Hon.

This seems very smart

Given many here are over six feet, lets face it, you WILL be read, as girls can be tall but we're usually not THAT tall. We also don't have Adam's Apples or large hands or feet. (Well, some might but I think these girls are rather rare going by the shoe sizes always left in stores, lol) Anyway, these are also natural giveaways that you can't exactly change by wearing makeup.

My gut feeling (and reading the answers in a thread I started a few pages ago) accepting you're a man crossdressing in public is surely healthier for your mental state than heading out with the hope you'll be seen as a woman. Unless you're transexual, I don't see the point in setting yourself up for such disappointment?

And for those called 'Sir' when dressed, the general public has no clue what a CD is doing or thinking so I doubt they are being disrespectful - they're just calling it as they see it. You can't blame them for their confusion. From what I read on this forum, most here are equally confused, if not more so!

[Leah Lynn]

Isha, it doesn't bother me anymore, in fact I get amused at the odd reactions. Friday night I was walking to a bar for a GNO, when I met some people coming towards me on the sidewalk. First was a young man, 20- something, and we just made eye contact and I smiled. He smiled and just walked on. Then there was an older couple, 60- something, and the lady gawked at me, as if she'd seen a creature never seen on earth before. The bar I was going to is next to a club that occasionally has drag shows. I smiled at her and said, "Would you like my autograph? I'm performing later tonight." Her husband gripped her arm and pulled her on their way. I was still laughing when I reached the bar. I hit a couple malls on Saturday and was read a few times, but other than a couple discreet looks, I got a couple smiles. I had lunch in a neat little Italian place and was treated as if I was a GG. I commented on another patron's shoes, and we talked for at least 20 minutes. I believe that our persona, ability to act like a woman, our confidence in being what we project, makes most people accept us. Some people though, just don't have the brain cells to act civil when meeting us.

Hugs,

Leah

[Marcelle]

Isha, it doesn't bother me anymore, in fact I get amused at the odd reactions . . . There was an older couple, 60- something, and the lady gawked at me, as if she'd seen a creature never seen on earth before.

Hi Leah,

I had a similar experience in the grocery store. A lot of people stared and I knew there was some snickering. Others walked on by oblivious to the world around them, guess they saw the long hair and dress and figured girl . . . move on. The oddest reaction was an elderly couple (60s) who just happened to be getting the same apples I needed for my pie. So I went up and began getting the apples, the look was interesting to say the least. I don't think they were being rude but more a product of their time . . . let's face a dude in dress with calf high boots must have seemed weird.

So I just smiled at both of them, not a sarcastic rude smile but a friendly smile. The wife looked away in absolute horror but the husband smiled slightly nodded and went back to his apples.

I have to admit, this was an interesting experience in up close and personal interaction with the world around me. Not daunted by the experience and in a way it was good to go through it.

Will I ever pass as a woman . . . not in a million years. I am just going to accept I am in a dude who likes to wear dresses and live with it (well at least this is my plan . . . still have a way to go to be truly comfortable with it).

Hugs

Isha

[Rogina B]

Unless you're transexual, I don't see the point in setting yourself up for such disappointment?

Everyone of us out and about in the mainstream world is EQUAL ! There is no outward way for an observer to know what "degree of T" a person is by observation! And that is the thing..being comfortable in your own skin" is the key to being comfortable out anywhere. So,they "clock you" who cares? Enjoy your celebrity status as it is something that not everybody has!

[Stark]

This thread got me curious about a phenomenon I've noticed as a trans male and I thought I would throw the question out to you ladies: do you find that women read you more easily than men do? It is incredibly frustrating to be passing in a group of men and then have a woman refer to me as "she." Invariably, it's the female store clerks, baristas, etc. who gender me female on the same days (and often in the same places) that the male ones gender me male. What is it that women pick up on that men don't? :/

[Princess Chantal]

Nope doesn't bother me at all, actually I hope that everybody reads me as a guy having so much fun with his crossdressing

[PattiAllison]

I used to be terrified about how people would react to seeing me dressed but I have finally gotten to where I just don't care what people think anymore. I feel that it is my right to be dressed as a woman and nobody can take that right away from me.

[NinaP]

Being read is just part of the fun. A "delayed read" reaction is often priceless. Some folks have been a bit brusque, perhaps, but I've never experienced severe rudeness or hateful attitudes.

But there are no guarantees, of course.

[ReineD]

Worse than being read however is being treated disrespectful.

Exactly.

I'll answer for my SO since she hasn't been here in years, but she is deeply hurt by being treated disrespectfully. This has only happened a few times though. Once or twice I caught people whispering and chortling behind her back but this does not happen often either, as far as I know. People who do this make me angry.

Still, my SO is human and she does not like to be read after she has put in so much effort in her physical transformation. It's disheartening. And I think it's disheartening because we all know there is a possibility that some people are presenting a neutral front when their thoughts are anything but.

BTW, everything that my SO feels, I feel. The way that people see us affects me too. So I guess I'm qualified to answer this thread in my own right.

This is what I and my SO do not mind: people who know that she is not a genetic female, but who still have conversations with her and kid around. My SO goes out enough to have gotten to know several people who work at the places that we frequent regularly. These people give the impression that not only do they NOT have a negative bias against genetic men who present as woman, they actually respect them and their choices.

[Rachel Morley]

So my question for you who go out (unless you pass 100 percent that is), does it bother you when you get read and if it does it ever dissipate the more you go out. Specifically, do you just get used to it and ignore the rude stares/giggles or learn to accept it as part of being.

Well, yes it is a disappointment when I get read but it doesn't bother me toomuch (not these says at least) unless the person's reaction is negative. If it's clear that they are offended or they are rude to me then I just want to get outa there soon. It's kind of weird, if I don't like being the center of attention (and I don't) then why would I go outside in the mainstream public dressed en femme? I don't know, I just have to to validate my self worth I guess.

[Eryn]

I've only had one instance where I was called "Sir" while dressed. It was a busboy in a coffee shop. I'm not going to get all bent out of shape over it.

I'm quite sure that others have also suspected that I was not a GG, but this doesn't mean that they were absolutely sure of my birth gender. There is always the chance that I might indeed be a tall GG handicapped by angular features, and most of the people I encounter act accordingly.

One thing I have learned is that one must show confidence. Tall, less than attractive, GGs don't worry about "passing." They are confident in what they are and I emulate this. For example, if I am shopping and another shopper gives me that "odd" look the instinctive CD response is to move away. I don't do this. I move closer and let them get as good of a look as they want. A GG wouldn't have anything to be ashamed of and neither do I.

[Destinë]

I've not yet been out while dressed, though I am dressing up to see the Rocky Horror Show, if that counts.
Reading this does make you think more about the stares disabled people get though. While we can opt to go out dressed or not, these people are disabled permanently.

[Nicole Erin]

Getting read means nothing. Happens to me often I imagine.
What bothers me is the rare negative reaction.
Just cause someone reads you does not mean they will react badly.

[sinderella]

1'st, I don't consider myself as "in drag" 2'nd I dress down or conservatively. When I'm out I own however I'm dressed and if people can't handle it, then I consider it to be their problem and not mine. I'm never "in their face", but if they choose to get in mine...then I stand my ground. (I can wield a mean heel if I have to lol). No, I don't mind getting "read".

[Michelle (Oz)]

So my question for you who go out (unless you pass 100 percent that is), does it bother you when you get read and if it does it ever dissipate the more you go out. Specifically, do you just get used to it and ignore the rude stares/giggles or learn to accept it as part of being.

Yes, it gets much easier the more you go out ... but in more than one way.

You realise that it is not all about 'me' - people are more likely to be laughing at something unrelated to 'me' but we just think it is about 'me' because we are self conscious.

Technique improves with practice to make 'maleness' less obvious to a casual observer. Walking, makeup, mannerisms - the whole package.

But mostly it is having the confidence to know that you will be read and not be concerned. Smile a lot - look happy. People react to whether you are confident or a deer in headlights. If I get 'the look' I just smile at them as if to say 'yep, you read me but I'm having a ball'.

And there is a good deal of upside to being read. Staff at so many stores, hotels, airlines, cafes, etc know me and recognise me. Delightful service and friendships formed.

Relax, practice and enjoy!!

[Terri Andrews]

I have enjoyed the comments on this post,since this is a subject that I worry about way to much.
I am out 3 or 4 days a week and there are few things that I have not experenced as a Woman who is out and about.
I think that most are to busy with there lives to pay attention to me as long as I am dressed to blend in
,but having said that I am sure that I have been read at times but I continue to enjoy my life and not let the small minded comments of others ruin it for me..

[julie w]

I have had women talk to me in stores and I know they have no idea I am cross gendered , then someone else gives me a second look ,I have put it down to, if they know anything about transgender or like checking people out like my SO does there's a good chance they will read you ,you can,t let it bother you if you want to go out mainstream

[Anne2345]

Getting read? No. It does not bother me in the least. It used to think it matters, and I was deathly afraid of it. But unless you have unwittingly placed yourself in an ill-advised position, it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is that most people are too involved in their own shit to even notice or care. And in the end, who are they to control what you do? You are not hurting them in any tangible manner whatsoever. In my own experience I have run the gamut from incredibly nice, compassionate people to complete douchebag jackasses. In the end, if it's important enough to you, you gotta be you, and you will find a way to make it work.

[*Maya*]

It doesnt bother me getting read, I welcome it and expect it, but I cant tell for sure when it happens... it can be bit more uncomfortable in instances where people didnt read you at first but after a little more interaction suddenly it hits them... most of the time its fine, but sometimes its not

[vikki2020]

Getting read means nothing. Happens to me often I imagine.
What bothers me is the rare negative reaction.
Just cause someone reads you does not mean they will react badly.

yeah. You stay positive, and the reaction almost always will be the same. Own it, and good things happen!

[ShriekCassandra]

I don't even like being looked at when I'm out and about as an everyday male so I would be very self conscious in regards to not being convincing enough and drawing unwanted glares and attention to myself.

[BWOemerger]

One of my most memorable outings (good) was getting read. I was in a Freddy's and a lady employee came up to me and ask if she could help me shortly after I responded "No Thanks" I could see it hit her. It made me feel pretty good that I got away with it for that long and through that kind of interaction. Really helped with my confidence.

[Brooklyn]

You are a performer, and people usually take their cues on how to react from you. Like Eryn said, if you project confidence, look like you're having a fab day, and talk to people, they usually will have a positive reaction - even though you get clocked. If you act all shy and withdrawn, avoid eye-contact, and so on, you'll get much worse results. Many of us don't have tons of natural confidence after living in shame and confusion for years, so fake it 'til you make it. Happy Thanksgiving!

[Phydelia]

i can't speak to whether it gets better or not, but personally it bothers me a *lot*... the one time i went out dressed in a public vanilla setting, the stares (not even negative/hostile reactions) nearly sent me running back to my hotel in tears.

[MissTee]

I don't go out because it would bother me greatly to be read.