I clocked someone today

[MarinaKirax]

I wanted to reach out to another gurl today, and didn't. I was out today in a large mall in the area, and saw an attractive woman in a black raincoat (it was raining outside) , blond below the shoulder hair, and over the knee black boots, no heel. She was in the Top Shop store, and I noticed here only because of her height, close to mine (5'11"). I am always looking for taller women and how they carry themselves, and what they wear. I noticed her, and then..... I thought .... well you know what I realized. I scoped her from a few angles, then felt terrible about it. She really looked very good, and suddenly I felt like I should sneak over to her and say, surreptitiously, "You look great". But I was with my daughter, and I didn't. I have had this feeling often, if I see another CD, either passable, or not. Has anyone else had this experience, and have you ever gone over to another gurl and told her she looked fabulous? Was she, or was she in need of the compliment?

[Destinë]

I would probably be embarrassed, disappointed and slightly offended if a stranger told me I looked fabulous. To me it simply means that they don't find you convincing.

[Anne2345]

You gotta be careful, and use discretion. Having been the recipient of hate, mockery, and jest, one must accept what one puts themselves out there for. It does not make it right, and it does not make it suck any less. But having been the recipient of stares, mockery, foul denigrating language, and just overall douchebaginess, shit can hurt. Shit can hurt, that is, if you let it. Do your thing, if you believe in yourself. It will be hard. It will also be easy. It will run the full spectrum of what it is. But in the end, it is up to YOU to decide what is important to you. Regardless, **** the naysayers. You are better than they are. They pretty much such, and can **** themselves. You, on the other hand, are beautiful. Please be careful, though. :-)

[Beverley Sims]

Marina,
Remember she is another deer in the headlights and you should treat her the same, if you do not want to startle her.
Just stay away, if she smiles at you smile back, nothing else and if there is some other interaction then play it by ear.

[sandra-leigh]

People can be strange. On another site, in private I complimented the appearance of a woman who had said quite clearly that she was MTF in transition, but the response I got back was as if I had given her a grave insult.

Myself, I will take any sincere compliment that comes my way, even if it does imply I don't pass. One of the best compliments I've had so far was along the lines that I looked good because I looked happy.

If someone wants to compliment me by saying that I look relaxed, or that I look happy, or that my outfit is tasteful, or that being as I am looks natural for me -- bring it on! Heck, even if someone wants to say that even though my face looks male, that I "look like you belong", I'll take it. Because if someone looks right at me, sees my flaws, and accepts me as a person ("validates me") then I am happy.

[Nicole Erin]

I don't always pass.
I do get plenty of compliments on outfits, my hair, and my legs.
If someone is being polite, don't take it as an insult even if it suggests you don't pass. Maybe see it as opportunity knocking. And you know it knocks only once.

Here is a brief story of one time I messed up - I was at the grocery, cute outfit and high heel sandals. I was in a pissy mood for some reason. Anyways some lady said, "I want those legs!" Like a dumb butt, I kind of turned up my nose and hurried off.
What I should have done is say thanks and then, "I cannot give them to you but I can perhaps... let you use them if you like". Could've maybe got me some "leg" (yeah a stupid pun).

How awesome would that have been? she could have been enjoying the sexiest legs in trannydom and I could be rolling in the hay with a GG. But I let my 'tude get in the way.
Don;t let it happen to you.

Convincing - If someone says you look good, they may not be convinced you are a woman but they ARE convinced you are good looking. What more do you need?

[linda allen]

If a crossdresser is trying to pass and you comment on her appearance, even with a compliment, you've let her know that she's not passable. That will probably hurt her feelings.

Worse yet, suppose you compliment a person you think is a crossdresser, only to find out that she is actually a generic woman, how will that make her feel? How will it make you feel?

I think it's best to just treat her as another woman (a stranger). You probably wouldn't just walk up to a strange woman in a mall and compliment her on her looks. A suspected crossdresser would be the same.

[SheriM]

I'm not so sure that we should ignore our sisters. A nice compliment is usually taken in the spirit it was meant. I really like it when a GG says something complementary to me. Only had one male say something to me - he wanted to make contact but was as nervous as me. Finally he said that he wished he had my figure, said he only underdressed. I told him to go to crossdressers.com and we went our separate ways.
SheriM

[Michelle (Oz)]

Marina

You set me thinking about how I would feel. I don't think I pass on close inspection but I do hope that from a distance I do.

On the one hand it can be a bit lonely out femme so meeting another CDer would be good to share an occasional coffee.

The flip side is being caught off guard particularly if outed within hearing range of others. I tend to be fairly confident these days but I could still be put off.

One thought in situations like this is to be noticed by the person and see if she reacts to a friendly smile.

Michelle

[Allison Quinn]

If I ever clock people, either I say nothing to them because I think it would be rude to do so or I just compliment them as I would any other person :P
The most I would say is I like outfit or hair c:

[Rosie Moonlight]

If I was the 99% passing CDer in the store and you came over and offered me a compliment, I'd at first be grateful, then I'd be puzzled and want to ask 'what was it gave me away?' The CDer that good has obvously put in a LOT of effort and will desire perfection, if they are as good as you say they are. Perhaps if your compliment included how you passed for aaaages but it takes one to know one etc... Being 'busted' might just encouage (or help) her to up her game a bit.

[Marcelle]

Hi Marina,

Lovely avatar BTW.

I am of the mindset that I would not approach a fellow CDer while she is "en femme" in public. While I would not have a problem with a sister CDer coming up to me and saying you look good (I do not pass so I hold no illusions that I am fooling anyone), I am not sure if all feel that way. Some are trying to blend and going up to them "no matter how innocent it is, could throw them off and upset them (it really depends on the person). Besides, I would be mortified if I approached who I thought was a CDer and said you look great only to discover she was a GG, it would look a bit creepy and if her boyfriend or husband happened to be close at hand . . . it might get ugly . . . "What are doing hitting on my wife?"

Hugs

Isha

[Amy Lynn3]

Maybe I don't get it, but I like to meet other cder's. Any time I am contacted on this site or other ways, I am always glad to meet up. I see no difference out in public (for me) I would welcome another cder saying hello or maybe a compliment.

I know all people are not like me, but do you think this might work, if we approached someone, by saying something like this....I see you have on a wonderful dress, that I have wanted one like it for years. You might think I'm nuts, but I like to wear female cloths on occassion. Just out ourselves first. Just something to think about.

[sandra-leigh]

Linda, women do compliment women they don't know. They might phrase it in more specific terms like, "I love how that dress looks on you", or "Your hair looks fabulous". I had a number compliment me on my very colorful cloth purse.

About two weeks ago I complimented a GG on her skirt (or was it dress? I forget now); she broke into a smile and thanked me and said why she liked it, and twirled around to give me a look.

Perhaps "you look fabulous" might not be appropriate, but something like, "That color of blouse matches your hair well" need not be interpreted as a secret code for "Hah, clocked you!". Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

[MarinaKirax]

I see the point that ANY comment is basically "you don't pass". It's a bit sad, though, because that means that for those who wold interpret the encouragement that way, the perfect passing outing is really very solitary - like a ghost reconnoitring the living world. Probably no talking, no interaction, really, trying not to be noticed. I know this, and it's exhilarating, but still somehow a bit empty.

And why do we feel so differently about encouragement from females versus males?

Still others of us make the point that passing is not the 'be all and end all', and would those ladies who don't aim to pass feel differently about being approached? It just seems so strange to see someone who I know probably feels very insecure, and I'm one of the few people who can truly empathize, and I can't go over and offer support without making it worse. I'm not tortured over it, it just seems ironic. MK

[Majella St Gerard]

A compliment is a compliment, when someone tells me I look good, I usually just blush and say thank you.

[Stephanie Miller]

I just don't understand why some think it is imperative to add crossdresing to the equation? I approach people of both genders all the time with casual "in the isle" short conversations. ( Simple comments like: Pretty shoes. Great T-shirt caption. etc.) I don't go out of my way to "stalk" someone, but if I happen to be in the same isle.....
Treat a CD the same and you can't go wrong.

[Tina B.]

Question, do you give out complements to strange women, men and children at the mall, if not what makes a CD any different.
Most of us find better use of our time at the mall than bother people that are minding there own business. Just because a guy puts on a skirt, it does not mean he is looking for a guy to bother him, just like every women out there that dresses nice is not necessarily trying to attract a man, maybe she just likes to look nice, or her job requires it.
Leave people alone, it's a shopping center, not a social center.

[BillieJoEllen]

I have seen a number of CDers talk to and pass in the general population. People talking to them never had a clue. I think as a CDer myself that I have a certain 'radar' that can see and pick out whether someone is CD or not. I believe most of us possess that ability.

[SherriePall]

First off, just because a woman is tall doesn't mean she is a CD'er. There are plenty of taller women out there, trust me.
Secondly, as Sandra Leigh posted, compliment an item such as the dress, the handbag, or shoes.

[suchacutie]

There is another way, and it's one I use whenever I can. I have also run into a few of our sisters, and I do engage them in conversation if it's possible to do so, but I treat them as any other woman. I never let on that I think that they are CD in any way. I think this is the greatest compliment we can pay each other publically (unless we know them personally, of course). It has never failed to elicit a smile!

[Melissa Rose]

This topic comes up about once a month and the replies tend to follow the same lines each time. At least we are consistent.

A quick and simple comment about liking her shoes, dress, etc. is fine as long as it was done in the typical way women compliment each other. I am in the camp that says err on the side of caution with taking it any further, or not approaching at all if they are looking nervous or embarrassed. I would not want to embarrass or bother someone if they would rather be left alone or go unnoticed. I would rather miss someone who would welcome the interaction than tread where I am not welcome. I would rather not take the chance of ruining someone's outing or day by making a well intended, but upsetting gesture of support or friendship. I know a few girls who would freak out if anyone approached them. If you are someone who is looking to meet other cross dressers, try a group in your area. It is one of the best way to meet others in a safe manner.

If you are very experienced with being out in public and frequently interact with others, you develop a sixth sense about compliments or comments. As an example, about a month ago I was serving wine, beer, sodas and water at a large semi-private party associated with the non-profit organization I work at so I interacted with nearly each of the 80-100 people there over several hours (you are everyone's friend when you control the alcohol). I wore a patterned, summery dress with bright colors which tends to generate a positive comment or two about the design or colors. There were 6-7 comments throughout the evening about liking my dress or my necklace. One woman told me "You look very pretty". I took this specific comment as being more supportive and not merely complimentary (i.e., she read me). It had a different feel especially in light of the context and situation. If I was trying to be stealth, her comment could have been painful it even though it was complimentary. I know I get read so I took it as a sincere compliment.

While I have no problem with someone approaching me, I know others are not ready for it so I would respect their boundaries and err on the side of caution. I have never publicly run into someone who I was sure was a cross dresser so I have never had to put my policy into practice; however, others I know have seen me while they were in drab and unable or willing to say hi.

[5150 Girl]

I wonder if it would be good policy upon reading a sister to say "Hi sister; my name is (insert your fem name here)

[MarinaKirax]

Maybe next time I'll just smile!

[Kiva]

I would give her a nice smile and wink.