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Thread: I clocked someone today

  1. #26
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tina B. View Post
    Question, do you give out complements to strange women, men and children at the mall, if not what makes a CD any different.
    I compliment women, Yes. Men certainly less often; occasionally on a T-shirt. I would compliment some of the aboriginal men on their braids if I knew the proper form to do so.

    Children I am careful with, usually not doing more than smiling, or waving at an infant. People get very protective of children and innocent remarks to children might be interpreted quite badly by adults.

    Quote Originally Posted by 5150 Girl View Post
    I wonder if it would be good policy upon reading a sister to say "Hi sister; my name is (insert your fem name here)
    There is something about that phrasing that bothers me. I think I would rather have a guy come up to me and say something like, "Excuse me, would you be able to tell me where I could buy a dress like that in my size?" or say "You're very brave; I haven't dared dress outside the house", than to call me "sister". I am quite approachable but I am not your comrade. But that's me.

  2. #27
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    I've had gg's come up to me and say "I love your perfume" or "I like your skirt". I like the interaction. I'm aware that I don't pass completely but think I do look good enough to go out. It's no longer a surprise when someone says something about my dress, etc. I would guess that most CD's are aware they don't pass completely - if they did, you would not know. SO - I say go ahead and say something nice. DON'T say "I can tell that you are a man but look good anyway". But "I like your shoes, can I ask where you got them?" is OK.
    SheriM

  3. #28
    Senior Member robindee36's Avatar
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    This can be a difficult situation. Deep inside you are bursting to make contact with another CD, or so it seems. However, they may be trying to fly under the radar and just be a woman, out and about.

    My preference, and that of others here too, is to keep to myself. At most a smile but never a confrontation. I appreciate this discrete distance when I am out dressed and always afford it to others I 'clock'.

    Look if they are interested in striking up a conversation, they will follow-up on your smile. If not, that's OK too.

    Hugs, Robin

  4. #29
    Member Talisker's Avatar
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    I would not mind being approached by another CD if it was done politely. Passing to other CDs I think is very difficult as the radar is more sensitive. There have been two occasions in the last year. Firstly one stood in the centre of a busy city centre walkway. What initially caught my eye was the clothing which was pretty wedding attire whilst everyone else had saturday shopping leggings and boots. My SO also saw her and asked if I wanted to look like that. What was interesting was the lack of response from the huge number of folks going past. A few gave a double take but most didnt notice.

    The second time there were 2CDs in a local hotel bar. They were sat down and it took a while till I noticed their wigs. Would have initiated a conversation with them if did not have company at the time.

    I was approached by a guy near a city station who said "I looked pretty and if I wanted some company". Maybe I should start another thread with that.

  5. #30
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Today, a random GG complimented my shoes, and went on to discuss how she missed the leotards that her mother used to buy her when she was young (I was wearing red tights that matched my red shoes.)

    This evening, as I moved a few feet to line up for the bus, I noticed a young woman, and I noticed that she smiled at me. I boarded the bus, and somehow she sat beside me (knowing that I was wearing a dress and tights.) I complimented her on a small bag she had, and she was pleased. She then did some texting; when she was finished, I brought forward a name that she had mentioned in conjunction with the small bag, and we then proceeded to get into a conversation that we were both enjoying. I even missed my stop (but only by a couple of blocks.)

  6. #31
    Aspiring Member Maryesther M.'s Avatar
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    Treat 'her' like any other female stranger. Either no actual interaction at all or if circumstances dictate, a comment on what's around or the weather or whatever, but Absolutely Nothing personal. Ever.

    M.
    Last edited by Maryesther M.; 10-15-2013 at 11:26 PM. Reason: Typo

  7. #32
    Senior Member Farrah's Avatar
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    I could be wrong, but I don't think it would've been a problem. It could've made her feel more at ease about being out. I know if someone came up to me, especially a sister, I would feel better about being out and possible break the ice for me a bit. Just my opinion.

  8. #33
    Swans have more fun! sandra-leigh's Avatar
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    Maryesther, does "personal" include items of clothing, accessories, or hair? Because I have complimented women I do not know on all of those - oh, and on makeup too the odd time. I seem to recall the odd time I got ignored, but most of the time I get at least a "Thank you" or a smile, and some times the women are obviously pleased.

    There is a difference between a plain compliment and a "I'm a stalker" or "I want to get in your pants" compliment. And sometimes a plain compliment can be misunderstood. But then so too can be holding a door open for a person, aka "I am perfectly capable of opening the door by myself, don't be condescending and insulting". (Me, I hold doors for whomever happens to be there, only taking special care for the infirm or those with bulky objects like strollers or grocery bags or wheelchairs.)

    Complimenting a woman's beauty or breasts or butt is risky: even when it is intended "objectively" and not sexually it is risky; cf. "the privilege of the male gaze". But an article of clothing or accessory is a lot less risky.

    I would suggest that if you happen to pass close by then a compliment about an item would not be out of order -- but the further out of your way you go, the more the person is going to feel "singled out".

  9. #34
    Aspiring Member Maryesther M.'s Avatar
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    Sandra,

    Yes I did. Complete strangers are exactly that and uninvited or unsolicited comments may only be directed at someone who one knows or who one had met before, e.g. at some activity, gathering or perhaps in a professional capacity (I'm a Dr. & a dentist, so I meet a lot of people every day and might meet them casually in the street, supermarket or petrol station, but I'd only be recognisable in male mode)

    M.

  10. #35
    Junior Member Bridgetlagurl's Avatar
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    Good intentions can be misconstrued. Wondering if it would be for desire to let other people know who you really are? I am ready to come out totally, but I am waiting for my wife to catch up. We do go out while I am dressed but only at night. Weird situation with your daughter, does she know? You don't want her thinking you are hitting on another woman.
    Lots things in your situation that are consideration.

  11. #36
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    I've Been There

    I also once clocked a very pretty gurl at the mall once dressed to the nines and looking QUITE lovely. My unfiltered, unbridled mouth could not help but to express 'sweet!' Whereupon her response was to thank me.

  12. #37
    Administrator Tamara Croft's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaKirax View Post
    I wanted to reach out to another gurl today, and didn't.
    She'll probably be glad you didn't.

    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaKirax View Post
    and suddenly I felt like I should sneak over to her and say, surreptitiously, "You look great".
    Do you normally go up to women and say how great they look??

    I find this behaviour odd, would you like another 'gurl' coming up to you whilst you were out and about shopping minding your own business, hoping you blend in telling you how good you look? or would you be embarrassed at being read... You're basically outing them! not cool...
    Administrator

    Missing my Libra babe Sherlyn, I hope she's rocking up there with the angels
    Missing our Rianna, doesn't seem right, gone to early, hope she's partying with Sherlyn

  13. #38
    Chickie Chickhe's Avatar
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    I feel offended when someone comments about my appearance in either guy or female mode. It just doesn't feel good to be judged by someone... a simple complement on something I am wearing from someone I know is okay. If you are out in public trying to blend and not drawing attention to yourself...you don't really want someone to run up to you and start talking to you, especially about gender. ...think of it like this...you run up to an undercover cop and start telling them you know they are a cop...not appreciated. You are in a library and start talking to someone about the book they are reading...you both like books, but its not the time or place.
    Chickie

  14. #39
    Junior Member AnntoAnn's Avatar
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    I think it is best just to smile and move on. I know I do not pass all the time and have been spotted/outed a few times good and bad. I know what usually gives me away and a just put up with it. I tend to blend in and keep myself to myself. I have been approached by another CD (dressed) while out shopping and they said they just had to say something. The only problem is that they clearly did not pass and so we then attracted looks and sniggers that I certainly did not get before. I was uncomfortable to say the least. She was pleasant, but I just wanted to get away. I felt bad about that, but at the time I was getting uncomfortable.

  15. #40
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    Actually had this happen tonight at dinner a first for me.
    I was doing an enfemme day and stopped to get some BBQ at a place I have gone to enfemme and never had any problems.
    Walked in and waited in line with a few people got my dinner and headed for a table.
    I was looking around and found an empty table and a lady stopped me by saying Oh Miss?
    I stopped and she said are you going to take that table? I said well its the only clean table I see so yes.
    She said good its my friends first time out and she is very nervous.I did a double take and by golly 3 sisters at the table !!!
    I smiled and said OMG this is soo funny nice to meet you ladies are you from around here?
    They said no we're from Ashland Ky and had come here to do some shopping.
    I welcomed them and asked them if they were having a good time to which they said we sure are now that you're here.LOL
    All the chatter was about TG/ CD related things,shopping and shoes etc.
    So 3 new friends Amy,Abby and Crystal all because they said hi to me first.
    I guess pick your poison when it comes to meeting others.I can't say you shouldn't but sometimes you should.

  16. #41
    Silver Member I Am Paula's Avatar
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    Please don't approach somebody you see en femme, unless you are at a TG event. It's a blow to the self esteem to think the avg. Joe (you, in drab) can tell. A few of you girls mention that you get compliments when out. Yes, but I'll guess only once a conversation has started, as in with a store SA, hair stylist etc.
    You will never know the situation that brought this person here. A CD's first time out, and it was difficult enough just to get out the door. A TS, trying her best to fly under the radar, or a nervous youth, trying to figure out where in the gender spectrum he or she belongs. These are people to which being clocked can be more than just an embarrassment, it can be a set back in whatever journey they are on.- Paula, a TS just trying to fly under the radar.

  17. #42
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    Like so many here, you can only THINK you clocked someone.

    Unless you saw their "body parts"? Even then, there are numerous folks here somewhere in between at least for a short time.

    I have known a few GGs in my life with "male voices" that could easily fool people if you were to only have a phone conversation.

    Body shape? Come to Florida and observe all the skin on display practically year round. People come in all shapes and sizes.

    I think part of the trouble here, is that many folks WANT to find others of a like kind, so they don't feel like they are rowing alone?

  18. #43
    its important mykell's Avatar
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    i dont go out as mikell, but if i did when that day comes i feel a compliment of shoes or jewelry, clothing would be better than looks, just getting a compliment here took some getting used to, i work in retail and often interact with folks while working and find out quickly who is at ease with interactions and move along with those not in a comfort zone,
    since joining the forum and reading all the threads here and seeing some of the avatars of some here that like to get out and are perfectionists there is now a question mark about who i may be looking at. will still interact with folks but (clocking, new here, when i read the title my male me assumed you got hit on and took offense to the way it was done and [clocked] him!!) would never be something i would try, meeting girls would be through this forum or one of the gatherings listed. there would be a comfort zone for me that way.

    try this scenario - it happened to me once, insert heel in mouth
    "oooo how soon are you due" reply "im not pregnant"
    Last edited by mykell; 11-22-2013 at 11:06 AM.
    ....Mykell
    i dressed like a girl and i liked it! crossdressing...theirs an app for that

  19. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by CyanAlli View Post
    If I ever clock people, either I say nothing to them because I think it would be rude to do so or I just compliment them as I would any other person :P
    The most I would say is I like outfit or hair c:
    You mean like: I love your hair. Your eyes are beautiful. Your lips are fantastic. Your whole face is SO cute.--Oh sorry just looking at your profile pic. hehe have a great day..

  20. #45
    Senior Member UNDERDRESSER's Avatar
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    A situation I find myself in is a good example of a reason for caution.

    A very nice customer we have, when I first saw her, I didn't know quite who I was dealing with. These days, I'm fairly certain that she is a FtM TS. The transition was late in life, and I think, possibly still ongoing? Hard to say without asking, but I think she is now post-op, but is still pursuing further "enhancements" as money permits. Very masculine face, though that has softened over the last 2 years.

    When I first saw her, she looked like a not very convincing CD. Think how she might have reacted if I had identified her as such, even if she had looked better and I had complimented her on some aspect? Tricky.

    Now I know her fairly well, on a customer/SA basis, if the subject came up, I might say something about how I am awe of her bravery, though I think I would just use some conversational gambit to give her an opportunity to open up a bit. She obviously knows that the first presentation was a bit off, but I tried to treat her as normally as possible. She at first made a point of seeking me out, I think because I did treat her normally.

    As an aside, I think one reason that some men are aggressive to CDers and TS, is that some are so pleased to be treated in a friendly fashion, or even in a carefully neutral way, they seek such people out, and this can come across as flirting, or trying to strike up a relationship. I get this sometimes with some women, (GG) who appear to be trying to hit on me. What do you do? They are not asking for my number, but there is a definite hint in the air. I've taken to trying to drop my GF into the conversation. A lot of guys who might be quite accomplished at deflecting unwanted attention from a GG, (or accepting it!) frequently freeze up when it comes from a TS or CD. They get scared, and fear turns very quickly to anger and aggression.
    "Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO

    Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.

    The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.

  21. #46
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    Marina zeroed in on the woman because she was near her 5'11' height. Forever I've scoped out taller women. Not because I'm trying to figure out if they are a CDer or a GG, but, because.... well I don't know. Maybe, it's because I'm 6' even (down from 6'1 1/2") and married to a woman who is 5'2". Maybe I'm trying to see how life would stack up differently if I was married to a tall woman. I've seen only one CD-er in my area who is tall. If I were inclined to run over and say hi to a CD-er I would have said something that was not complimentary. When I was in San Francisco a long time ago I did see two tall very attractive CD-ers, who were totally passable. Nobody gave them a second look. Maybe, I "clocked" them because I was giving them scrutiny because I was trying to ascertain whether they were CD-ers.

    I really do not think it is appropriate to just run up to anyone and invade their privacy. Now, I will say, if I am in line waiting for a long time, I will strike up a conversation. It just does not seem to be appropriate to run up to someone unless there is some communality to the situation. Recently an active duty soldier came up to me on Veterans' Day weekend and struck up a conversation because I was wearing a baseball cap with the same brigade he was also in, but, forty years later. To me that was OK. I was advertising myself.

    No matter how much I like the dress a woman may be wearing, I would never run up to her and ask her where she got.

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