I wouldn't even bother going out if I wasn't 95% passable. I pass so well that I've used crowded women's bathrooms, fitting rooms, I've attracted men and lesbains, and a group of kids tried to make a fool of me by walking behind me and laughing at me but the people looking at them wondered what they were laughing about and then they shut up.
I've never been out, but I don't have a wig, so that's a definite no-go for me. Like a lot of folks on here allude to, I'd say that everyone has her minimum standards, some more so than others!
~Ashley~
I may pass 5-10% of the time and I go out enfemme every day and to varied locations.
Last edited by ArleneRaquel; 10-19-2013 at 08:18 PM.
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I'm pretty out & about 2 to 5 times a month. People treat me great. Hey! If I can get ma'amed on an airplane like I did last month , then all is cool, right?
That still doesn't stop the worries I get of whether I pass or don't pass. Sometimes a bad hair day, or make up that isn't right will make me feel inadequate. I've had laser & electrolysis on my beard, but patches show up once in a while, and I get very frustrated. I won't lie that even in the deepest of my self confidence, I have gotten panic attacks occasionally. I'm 5 foot six, the typical height of many women, my hair is mine, so most eyes don't bother to scan me. Yay! That's nice.
Sure, if I was transsexual and did all the magical things like hormones and surgeries, I could fly under the radar with ease, but I didn't , but I'm giddy happy to have gotten as far as I have, and that's fine with me. I don't need perfection.
For me it does. I'd feel much more comfortable unnoticed and invisible.
Taylor, I want to pass. I do not want to upset the "wa" of the public. However, I am a man with a man's body. I will not pass although I do care. I try to blend in by dressing appropriately, including make up appropriate for the venue. When I go out, I do my best but passing does not inhibit me.
For those that don't pass you're making a statement that men can wear womens clothes too so your furthering the cd cause for more acceptance! If a lot of cds didn this then people would get used to us!
I would love to pass, but it would be pretty difficult with me being over 6 feet tall. I just have to get to the point where I'm OK passing, or not and being content either way.
There are days when I would love to pass...if only I was under 5'8" or so and under 130#'s. At my size, the only thing I have a chance of passing as might me a retired NFL quarterback. No way to fly under any radar I know of. Even with the labor intensive make up and hair, there are days when going out and actually passing would be great fun, if only...
Kate
I would never leave the house if I cared if I pass or not, I don't try to appear as a woman. I do dress femm but I don't try to pass myself off as a woman, I am clearly a man in a dress/skirt, whatever. I don't really care what other people think, as long as they don't bother me. Most people won't even mention what I'm wearing, they don't want to offend.
To me, blending and passing are the same thing. I want to be "just one of the girls" and I hope I am when I go out. I try to be the woman I would be if I were born a woman, I've had voice lessons to help with that. Do I pass 100%, nope. I try real hard though...
I think that's a good way to look at it - be the woman you would be if you were born a woman. That's why I don't buy the six inch heels and hooker outfits.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Not passing is a major factor for me; it's why i've only been out in public dressed when at a kink convention where i could expect people to be supportive. If i could pass i think it would become a much larger part of my life.
I would love to pass. I am amazingly lucky as far as body size goes: 5'2" and 130lb, so I think I'm very passable from a distance. Up close, however, body hair would give it away. If I shave at 8am, I have (so-called) 5 o'clock shadow by noon.
I've only started venturing out recently and only to a CD support group meeting, so still not really out and about in public. Like many other posters, I would not go out in public without doing my best with dressing and makeup to pass.
My desire to venture out had nothing to do with how passable I felt I was. It was actually the reverse.
I pushed myself to be sure that I looked my best because I wanted to go out. My wife and I go out regularly and as I told her from the start, I never want to be an embarrassment when I go out. She critiques my style (and I hers) and we make sure we look our best (for each other mostly).
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
Hi Taylor, It's not that I don't think that I pass it is my wife's wish that I don't go out and that's fine with me.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
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I go out as I am. I figure, if it bothers people to see a man who fails to follow all the "man rules", it's their problem. So far, I've gotten no negative reactions -- in fact, less than I get from riding a bicycle or wearing a kilt.
I've never been able to get into the whole "passing" thing, anyway. It always comes across to me as XY-bearers (or however you define "men") who are afraid that someone is going to take their Man Card (or something somewhat more personal) away if they're caught in any way deviating from the John Wayne/Terminator/macho stud/dudebro standard, so they have to disguise it and skulk around after dark in fear that their unmanliness will get found out.
I say, to perdition with that! Most of the time, a man's unmanliness is the best part of him, anyway.
In my youth, people burned their draft cards to protest what they saw as an immoral war.
Well, I'm going to burn my Man Card in protest of what I see as the worship of an idiotic standard of men are supposed to be.
Unmanly -- and proud of it!
No. Passing (or not) may affect action (going out or not) but those less passable still have the desire.
Does passing influence my desire to be out in public, definitely not, but then I'm not dressing to be passable I'm dressing to be the person that I feel I am. Outside of work I'm dressed almost 100% of the time. Where ever I go, I try to dress appropriate so that I just appear as anyone else would. Am i passable or do I pass, I don't know, all I do know is that I've haven't heard any negative comments, or noticed any strange looks, but then I'm not going out of my way to catch any negativity. I guess what I'm trying to say is if someone has the desire to go out, passing/not passing shouldn't stop them, especially since what we see and what others see are totally different things.
The desire is there wether you pass or not. I think that is what we desire the most is to be all glammed up and dressed. The attention and looks from people don't hurt either!
I am 5'8"150 lb and I pass or blend in fairly well most of the time , A least since I stopped going out dressed like a hooker lol. But i have often been mistake as a girl in guy mode not sure why, I figure its the long hair
When I am read it usually my voice that gives me away. But I stopped worrying about passing a few years ago. I pick my outing carefully. I have no problem going to the mall but I try to go on a week day when it's a little slower and there aren't 1000 high school kids around. I just use common sense. I do get a lot of attention from guys but I wear a woman's engagement and wedding ring set that keeps most at bay or is a great way to politely end the conversation if one try's to hit on me. But at the end of the day all I'm hoping for is that no one is rude to me regardless is I pass or not.
Thanks for all the honest and informative posts, gals! I definitely appreciated all the POVs, which were very helpful and raised some new questions. One new question is around the idea of whether we should care if our dressing makes other, less open minded folks feel uncomfortable. Some seem to think that we should just be ourselves and let the chips fall where they may. Others, perhaps, are more careful when it comes to being out and about in their community.
if I'm going to go out then I better be shaved(face/sometimes legs) and the outfits are somewhat wild and egdy just to be memorable and enjoy what I love wearing. If I look in the mirror and feel extremely satisfied or think of being passable then it makes my desire to go out even more intense.
I don't dress to impress, I dress to outdress
If someones sees me and right off thinks female thats fine with me.If upon closer scrutiny they see I am not female thats fine too.
If I take time to put a few hours into my make up and really blend it all passing is easier.
Most of the time I go for light make up and head out the door.If I pass fine if I don't thats just fine too.
I would reverse the OP question and say that because of wanting or having to be out in public, it leads me to put in a conscious effort to my presentation, although the goal is not exactly to pass as I'm not sure I fully grasp that concept.
Like Tracii said, if I am perceived as female fine, if not fine as well. But its even finer when I get treated nicely even when I have obviously not been perceived as a female.
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