Not sure where to go from here

[Rachael Leigh]

Had a long conversation with the wife last night about my dressing and I told her about this place. I told her how I felt about this place and just wanting let my light shine here for my faith in God. She just didn't want to hear anything about it and felt this was not the place to be for me. So I told her I would be willing to remove my clothes and take them away and no longer come here. So I took my pictures down and began to remove myself. This has been difficult for me as many here know about when it comes to your SO who does not accept. I've made a few friends here and not sure how often I will be around. So thanks to all here who have been so kind to me. I may visit once in a while but may stay away. Who knows though maybe a new picture in a week or so. Lol I will never understand why this is a part of me but I will always have a connection to all of you that I will never be able to explain.

[Barbra P]

I suspect that I am older than you (a lot older – heck I suspect I have been married longer than you are old). I suspect you had very good intentions when you said “I would be willing to remove my clothes and take them away” and as many on here can attest, good intentions are not enough. I suspect that most of us here have purged at some time or other with intentions that we would never again dress. Only to find ourselves once again enveloped in the pink fog. I know it has happened to me more than once.

I’ve discussed my dressing with my personal Physician, a Counselor, and my Therapist. Medical science doesn’t understand why we have a desire to dress, nor does medical science have a cure. My Wife is understanding if not supportive and I can dress around the house – provided I don’t carry it to extremes (once a week seems to be it). My Therapist has helped me to accept that cross dressing will always be a part of my life and while I may try to repress Barbra, she will always be there.

I suspect that you already know this because toward the end of your post you wrote that you may be back here and that new pictures may be in the offing. Well I suspect that is true, but good luck to you.

[Beverley Sims]

Lee,
We all have to try something to see what works sometimes.
All the best.

[samanthasolo]

Hey Lee, hang in there. It is not easy and understand that as long as it took you to find a comfort level with yourself and accept yourself for who you are you must have patience with your wife. Accepting or not you have to allow her to digest you and all that comes with you at her pace. You cannot be down on yourself about the situation, but do commend yourself that you are being open and honest about yourself, your feelings, and this site. I hope time will provide a happy medium for the both of you. Best of luck Hon!

[Kate Simmons]

I know it's a partnership but ask yourself, and be honest: "Just what do I want?"

[Veronica497]

I think it is very sad that you feel you have to leave and put this part of you away for the sake of others. It sounds as if it was more of a one sided conversation as she did not want to hear what you had to say or about how you felt. Perhaps it is too difficult for her right now and maybe she will be more accepting in time. Has she known long? If not I can personally attest that it can be a very scary and confusing time trying to figure out what it all means about not only the cder but yourself and the relationship you are in as well. When I was first told it took me an entire year to find out where my comfort level was with knowing about my husbands cding. I was full of questions and ups and downs and my mind felt a bit like it was on the spin cycle constantly over this part of my husbands life. Early on I found that at times I didn't want to always talk to him about it, I wanted to avoid that this part of him even existed. I would be accepting and carefree about it one minute then when my insecurities would set in I would close myself off from the matter completely. Be patient with her and accepting of your true self. My prayers and heart are with you and I hope you are able to return soon and with your wife by your side as well.

[linda allen]

You told your wife you would no longer come to this forum and then you came here to tell us about it? That's not being honest with her. I'm not saying you should give up dressing or crossdressing forums, but you shouldn't make commitments to your wife that you can't or don't intend to keep. The two of you need to communicate and come to an understanding. It doesn't have to be a permanent understanding but you should live up to your end of it.

[MMollyB88]

So does she just care about you visiting this forum or does she care about your "crossdressing" in general? I am guessing the latter, but I am just making sure. Either way, I am confident you will figure out what to do for what is truly best for you! I wish you the best and I am sending you good energy and vibes your way!

[Rachael Leigh]

Thanks all for your responses, it's a very difficult situation. My wife has been aware since before we got married but had only been slightly accepting but mostly because of my own selfishness and other issues it's just never been a great situation. I've been up an down with what do I do and what do I want. I am comfortable with who I am. I know I'm a man and love being one but yet I ever so love the female styles and enjoy how they look on me. I'm not that interested in passing or all of that but enjoy makeup but it's not something I have to do to dress. I know my wife is prob never goin to understand we both are strong in our faith but at times we differ in how we see things in scripture. I'm not going to blame any if this on that I have to make choices and in reality she must come first so I need to figure out the balance in all of this.

One thing about today we went out looking for new flooring I decided that Im going to underdressed. So off we went me in my cute panties. So I guess that says a lot huh

[NathalieX66]

I might think that a counselor that specializes in relationships, and topics like this. Having input from someone like a professional might help. Sounds like you both need to find closure to an existing predicament/situation. Where to next?

[rocketscientist]

Does your wife know and/or approve of your underdressing? Also, you speak of faith. Does your wife object for religious reasons? I see nothing but danger here. How can you deny a basic part of yourself? Is that even possible? There are countless numbers here and elsewhere that have discovered that they can't. What reasons does she give for her unacceptance? Does she think this site or crossdressing itself is evil? Just trying to understand a bit more of your situation.

[KristyE]

Lee, The two of you should go to a marriage counseler, life is always about balance and honesty. Im just starting down these roads and getting help saved my marriage and gained me tolerance if not acceptance. Your in my prayers. Love, Kristy

[Kandy Barr]

Lee, follow your heart....be true to your own self and others. This means if you find yourself miserable because you are suppressing a part of you, you'll not be very good company to those you love. I think being gut level honest with your wife is necessary, if you tell her you'll stop and then don't you're just digging a deeper hole and creating a wider gap between you and her. She needs to know your honest feelings about this and perhaps you can work out a compromise from there. Wish you the best!

[Marcelle]

Hi Lee,

I agree with Kandy and others on this. I applaud your determination to abide by your wife's wishes and give this up (at least publically). However, you have to be true to yourself. I repressed and hid for years and did a great job hiding my pain, frustration and depression. Eventually it catches up and may manifest itself in other ways (anger, spite, deep depression). These things will put more strain on your marriage than CDing ever will.

I would discuss the possibility of talking to a marriage counsellor and see what comes of that. You are already underdressing and while I am not sure if that is something your wife agreed to, if it isn't, it speaks volumes as to how long you can maintain a "don't do it anymore" stance.

Hugs and good luck.

Isha

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Lee, Give some thought about putting your things into storage instead of purging.
and see where this leads .

[Ddannie]

Lee,
My wife is also very uncomfortable with my CDing for a variety of reasons. I have decided that my relationship with her is a higher priority to me than dressing. I am still a crossdresser and not dressing will not change that but it will give me a better opportunity to build a stronger relationship with my wife. Unconditional acceptance is what I think I am looking for in life relationships. I am hoping if I can do a better job of giving that to my wife (including accepting she is uncomfortable with my crossdressing) there is hope. I hope you find what you are searching for.
Danielle

[Daphne Renee]

This is a tough one. I cant tell you what to do. There is an old saying to thine own self be true. You likely wont truely be able to completely stop dressing. You may be able to stop temporally but like most of us you will likely slowly start back. You have to make your own decision but this is something to keep in mind. You might also consider couples counseling if she is willing.