The Way The Girl Me Works

[MMollyB88]

I only have a few posts here, but if any of you have read my posts, you will see I often talk about my female "persona". Although my female self is always with me to a certain degree, there is a definite difference in my male self and female self. It is like a switch gets turned on and off. I am by no means a "manly man" by any sense. I am pretty androgynous in the sense of the word. My voice is not deep, I have long hair, my male clothes are androgenous, etc. But as soon as I feel my female side telling me she is coming out a change starts. It seems to switch over in my ritual of putting my underwear on first. As soon as the bra straps hook up and I look in the mirror to get ready to do my make-up, I become Molly. My speech changes, the way I walk changes, the magazines I read change, the shows and movies I watch change, the things I talk about with my GF change, etc. Even though some of things, and more which I have not mentioned,(you all will get to know me better as I post more, obviously ) will crossover in male mode, they come out in full force when I am in my female persona. Sometimes it feels like I am acting, I guess due to being in male mode more, even though I feel as if this is the real me and things are "flowing" better than ever. I truly become a female. Some female spirit takes over in me and it is wonderful. When this "spirit" has fully taken I over I never want it to "leave", which is the way I'm sure most of you feel. Is this how most of you experience your crossdressing? I guess to me it is WAY MORE than just "crossdressing". I also have to be completely in female mode in the physical sense, meaning I have to be clean shaven and most of the time have at least foundation on. How do you all experience your "crossdressing", in the general sense of the word? Are you like me and fully become your female persona? Do you even consider it to be a persona/or have personas?(I do even though I also consider it the real me, maybe I should just consider it the real me and when I am in male mode consider this my male persona lol). Sometimes it also can be somewhat confusing to integrate back into my male self, do any of you experience this? Even though I am 24 years old it is interesting to note that I still am learning so much about my self, or selves lol. Maybe I will integrate into a more "whole" me in the years to come, even though I like the "persona" way of experiencing and looking at it.

[Beverley Sims]

Molly,
I used to get very engrossed in my female persona when dressing.
It has faded with age.

[MMollyB88]

Molly,
I used to get very engrossed in my female persona when dressing.
It has faded with age.

Aww I am sorry to hear that, or read that rather. Or is that a positive thing for you at this time in your life?

[Kate Simmons]

It used to be that way with me Hon but I have since accepted all of my feelings and taken ownership of them under one aegis or umbrella and I've become what I call a "full spectrum" person. That being the case my energies are additive rather than subtractive and they work with each other not against each other. It's just easier that way. Each mode has it's own particular charm in any case. Enjoy being yourself my friend.

[MMollyB88]

It used to be that way with me Hon but I have since accepted all of my feelings and taken ownership of them under one aegis or umbrella and I've become what I call a "full spectrum" person. That being the case my energies are additive rather than subtractive and they work with each other not against each other. It's just easier that way. Each mode has it's own particular charm in any case. Enjoy being yourself my friend.

I somewhat want to progress to be full spectrum, but I quite enjoy the "shock" or "rush" of feeling like a girl again...if that makes any sense. But I also never want to leave my girl self most of the time. paradox lol.

[Lexi Moralas]

Hi Molly , I think I am a lot like you. I feel like there are 2 me 's
The male me and the female me. Totally separate and that's the way I like it .
When my brain gos in to girl mode every thing changes and I feel totally female. But in male mode there isn't a hint of girl.
I like them separate I think it's a lot less confusing , for me at least

[Zylia]

I truly become a female.

C'mon, a woman, not a female

It seems kind of unhealthy that your taste in movies, TV shows, magazines, et cetera changes along with your wardrobe, but I guess you actually always like that stuff and you only restrain those feelings and/or pretend you don't like it when you're in 'guy mode' or something. I mean, our whole life, us men are told we can't play with barbies or read beauty magazines, so when we finally can because we're wearing a skirt anyway, it feels liberating.

I'm quite skeptical about the whole multiple identity/personality thing. As for myself, I have one identity and part of that identity is that I occasionally (try to) present myself as someone of the opposite sex. My female persona is just her taste in fashion.

[MMollyB88]

C'mon, a woman, not a female

It seems kind of unhealthy that your taste in movies, TV shows, magazines, et cetera changes along with your wardrobe, but I guess you actually always like that stuff and you only restrain those feelings and/or pretend you don't like it when you're in 'guy mode' or something. I mean, our whole life, us men are told we can't play with barbies or read beauty magazines, so when we finally can because we're wearing a skirt anyway, it feels liberating.

I'm quite skeptical about the whole multiple identity/personality thing. As for myself, I have one identity and part of that identity is that I occasionally (try to) present myself as someone of the opposite sex. My female persona is just her taste in fashion.

Lol maybe I have over emphazised the persona thing. I also watch the same things whether or not in any mode, just more when I am a girl I guess. I guess the persona deal has come from having to hide this side from others all my life. When I dress up, my feminine characteristics come out a lot more is simply what I am trying to say. It is not like I have multiple identities/personalities in as in multiple personality disorder, etc., lol. I am pretty much the same person, just a lot more feminine in what I call "girl mode". I could see how you could get confused though and see it as unhealthy. Ahh it is hard to explain haha.

[Julie Gaum]

Molly at 24 has a long road ahead with many branches available to travel. She questions where Molly is headed and we, as spectators, know less. At some point in the future when and if the attraction to "female" and not just the appearance becomes overwhelming --- suggest Molly finds a competent gender therapist to help sort out where she is really heading. There is no right or wrong direction but each of us should try to find the "way" for us.
Came across an astute verse by Lao Tzu today where the "anxious" state appears to be the one Molly is in:
"If you are depressed you are living in the past; if you are anxious you are living in the future; if you are at peace you are living in the present." We should all consider where we are at any given time --- helps.
Julie

[AmyGaleRT]

I seem to have something of a distinct persona as Amy, too, Molly. One of the biggest differences is in musical tastes; my male self likes symphonic metal and music from the 70's and 80's, while Amy favors really girly 90's and 2000's pop. I also shift to Amy-voice when dressed almost without thinking about it.

- Amy

[MMollyB88]

I do not feel as if I am confused or anxious! I love the boy me and I love the girl me! There are certain characteristics that crossover to both. All I was saying is that when my female spirit decides to come out, I obviously get more feminine than when I am a guy. Who knows what will happen in the future, but I believe I will continue enjoy being both my boy self and girl self! Best of both worlds

In the most simple terms - I am an androgynous guy that likes to be a girl every now and then. When I am a girl things like my voice, the way I walk/move, etc. change. I may listen to certain bands and artists more when I am a girl, but that does not mean I DON'T like them when I am my boy self. That is what I meant about the music that I listen to, the shows I watch, magazines I read, etc "changing". And for the future, meaning if I will become a girl 24/7 or if I become a girl more or less, we will see what happens For now I am happy with myself and for the most part understand myself.

edit: When I am in this forum I will always be posting as Molly FYI

[paulaloha]

Hi Molly!

It's great to hear your point of view on this because it matches up fairly well with my view. I am often totally happy being a guy, but I do love letting the girl come out as well. Lately the girl has been wanting to come out a lot more often. So I'm currently trying to evaluate my life and see how all of this will play out.

Are you currently out to any of your family or friends? How often does Molly get to be around other people? Also you mentioned you talk about different things with your girlfriend as Molly, does your girlfriend know about Molly?

[Marcelle]

Hi Molly,

When I read your post I believe (IMHO) you don't really see yourself as two distinct personas but more so how you express yourself will be flavoured by which way you present (male or female). I think for most of us it is the same. When I present boy, I am all boy (no under dressing, light make-up, girly voice or mannerisms). When en femme (public or private) I present as well as I can (voice and mannerisms).

My likes and dislikes don't change with my presentation although I do feel a bit more centered and calm when I am Isha but not as confident as I am when I am male me. The interesting thing is as the two blend/integrate I am finding myself more calm in male mode and more confident in en femme. I think you are just finding balance IMO

Hugs

Isha

[esther22]

this is how I feel also, Esther