Where do YOU draw the line?

[Brooklyn]

Some of us underdress. Some dress fully, but only at home. Some step out, but only to support group meetings or safe places. Others may go out almost anywhere, but stop at permanent physical changes. Some pierce their ears, some get electrolysis, and a few of us may decide eventually to step into womanhood as much as medical practice can permit. These are just examples.

Do you have a boundary, and has it moved over time? Have your SO, job, family, and other circumstances set the boundary for you? Given the opportunity, would you take it further? Or, do you feel that you have reached a point of balance? If you are at some point of stasis, how did you reach it?

Personally, I draw the line at HRT and dressing in front of certain family members. Although I probably could take things further, I feel like I've reached more unity with my femme side since becoming more open about being trans, meeting others like me, and immersing myself in beauty school, where being different is perfectly normal.

Thanks for any insights or stories,
Ashley

[AllieSF]

I was going to say that I do not draw a line but I do. It is drawn around my male friends, family and acquaintances. Otherwise, I am letting myself grow as best possible with no external nor internal interferences. Hopefully, it will work for me. I shall modify that line when and if necessary, and hopefully with little internal struggles over it.

[Rachel Morley]

I would describe myself as a "somewhat serious crossdresser" ... by that I mean one that is quite feminine in the way I dress in boy mode and has changed some things about myself that are quasi semi-permanent like ear piercing, face and body laser hair removal, eyebrow shaping, etc. So I guess my drawing the line is rather like yours in that I don't think I want to go as far as HRT and I have not told my parents (who live a long ways away) or my co-workers, but the rest of my immediate family, like my wife and step son and people that affect my everyday life (outside of work), they already know.

[Rachael Leigh]

My line drawing has changed overtime. I would use to never think about going to a store and buy panties or bras without buying a cover item. Now it's like no big deal. I only use to shave a few winter months and never wear shorts in public with smooth legs. Now who cares is my attitude. So yeah I guess as I get older I'm just like does it really make that much difference.
Now I still would not go in public enfem but what's funny I have worn girls shorts and tops while walking in the park but not enfem so not sure what that says. I also don't care about trying on ladies clothes at stores anymore I would never have done that years ago.

[Calbab]

Well Ashley, that line seems to get moved around an awful lot! At least it has in my particular case... I lived alone for a few years.. As one member of this forum said in a different thread, I "had a spoil of riches" when it came to my opportunities to dress and GO OUTSIDE THE HOUSE.. I should have had the courage to do so... But now, being a husband and father makes it very difficult to even take part in it.. I don't regret starting a family, but I wonder if I had been 'bold and daring enough' to go out partially, or even fully dressed ten years ago, if I would have created a MONSTER, or satisfied the need to a point where I wouldn't have to do it anymore... I think you and I know the real answer to that question, but it is still a rather intriguing one to ask

[ReineD]

My SO has long hair, long finger nails, shaves all over all the time, plucks her eyebrows, has pierced ears, and has had laser beard removal. She goes out in public everywhere that he goes in guy mode, but in the next town over. She does not want her work associates to know, nor her family, nor some of our more conservative friends. I also do not want our community members to know, nor my sons. Anyway, she has reached her point of balance and she also has no interest in HRT.

I dare say that if other members of this forum had had the life that my SO had, most would be in the same spot. My SO has never been constrained by a non-supportive partner, her family lives in a different state, she has never had children, and other than the town that we live in now, she has always lived in medium to large cities.

What I'm saying is that I believe that most CDers will go as far as they can, given their life circumstances. Even if they don't think so ahead of time.

[Eryn]

Reine, as usual, hits the nail on the head!

My line is drawn at actions that would harm my wife, my children, and my commitment to support them. I don't go out close to home and don't share my CDing with anyone in my local circle of friends. My adult daughters know, but we chose not to tell them until they had moved away to college, as keeping my secret from local friends would have been stressful to them. I live in California, so I am protected by fairly strong TG rights laws if I encounter problems with my employers, but I don't intend to become a test case. It's more prudent to be conservative and enjoy what I can when I can.

[sandra-leigh]

From the time that I started thinking that maybe my cross-dressing was about more than just the clothes, I have not set any boundaries beyond which I have told myself that I will not cross. I have, though, had comfort levels around what I have been willing to do at any particular time.

At the moment it is difficult for me to picture having SRS; I see some benefits, but at the moment they do not feel worth the pain and maintenance effort. But I do not draw a line at SRS: I am quite clear to myself mentally that potentially I might want it at some point, when circumstances change. Likewise it seems unlikely to me that my primary sexual orientation would change to be focused on male partners: I just like women too much for that possibility to feel realistic. But I leave it open.

There are some things that I would like to go further on, with a legal name change being my first priority. There is at least one thing I would like to do but I need to prioritize it against breaking up my relationship, which is something I do not rule out.

[Jenniferpl]

Violating the trust of my accepting wife. This includes nothing in front of the kids, going out in public and bottom line doing anything that would embarrass her.

[Zooey_91]

I'll only draw the line after I physically become woman, I'll hopefully be starting HRT soon.

[Beverley Sims]

I reached a balance a long time ago I have acceptance from my wife and go out dressed when I am away from home turf.
When traveling I will dress 24/7 and act discreetly.
Meet others for coffee or attend meetings and gatherings.
Gave a talk once to a group. Talk about an ego boost.
No pushing the public boundaries if not necessary and the same with political comment and local laws.
Better to live to fight another day than spend free nights as a guest of a local prison organisation or in the case of the UK, "Her Majesty's Government"

[Erica Marie]

I am not one to rock boats, so for me family and work kinda put a stop to any real physical changes. You could say I am still in the closet, just that my closet door only opens in other cities. Family and friends do not know but I am starting to venture out.
I think if I knew about the support from forums like this when I was back in my teens and coming out of high school I may have taken a different life path. But as time goes things fall into place, they may not always be the right place or the most perfect place but it still is how it is. So now I make the best of my situation.

[Calbab]

Yes, Erica... I also wonder about a 'different path' my life could have taken if I knew then what I know now.. As a "freshly-minted" forty-three year old, I'm a little more likely to take chances.. Even if I'm only going out dressed from 'the neck down', that is much more than I would have dreamed of doing when I had a complete wardrobe, and the freedom of being a single man! (maybe TG)

Maybe I would have been terminated from my current job and homeless at the age of thirty-three, though... And "hitch-hiking cross country to San Francisco" looking like Marilyn Monroe

[EllenJo]

Great question Ashley. I have an accepting wife but she does have a few boundries which match my own restrictions pretty well. I am strictly a crossdresser, no HRT or SRS in my future, just not my thing. My wife is the only one that knows and after many years of DADT is fine with me dressing at home. I have underdressed for years and she was fine with that and so was I, but eventually something changed and I needed to do moreand by that time she was ready to accept more. She still does not wish to see me in full dress wig and make up but any clothes I wish to wear are fine with her. No where near passable so really have no desire to go out in public. Most of the time I enjoy dressing around the house whenever I feel like it which is almost everyday. I have no problem shopping in drab and trying on items at the store. I don't care if the SA knows that I am buying for myself but this came about after many years of being nervous and making up ridiculous cover stories that no one believed. I have thought about joining a group but there are not any close to where I live so maybe after retirement if the opportunity arises. I am in a good place and feel very balanced at this point in life, we will just have to see what the future brings.
Hugs
Ellen Jo

[kimdl93]

I probably wouldn't consider surgery,and I don't anticipate HRT. although I'm out to quite a few people there are still family members that I wouldn't dress around.

[CarlaWestin]

Ahh, yes. The line that always beckons to be moved. My line is permanently fixed at anything that would affect income or family. Although the company I work for has a rigid gender tolerance policy and my family would accept me as me, no matter how I desire to present, I simply operate more efficiently and productively in male mode. At this point, I'm pretty good at it but, I'm getting really good at female, too. I'm always looking for the adventure of moving the line. Higher heels, more crowded venues, spending more time out fully dressed. My desire for after I'm retired is pierced ears and shaped eyebrows. Of course there's the fantasy line moves. Permanent make-up, implants, etc... I don't see that happening ever but, it's fun to fantasize.

[I Am Paula]

It was only about 2 years ago that I labelled myself a crossdresser. Circumstances allowed me to go full time, I guess making me a really gung ho crossdresser. If asked, I had no plans for transitition or HRT. Line drawn in sand.

2013, I started HRT, but no plans for any surgery other than breast enhancement... Line nudged a bit.

Later in 2013, Lasering facial hair, booked boob job, contacted Dr. Brassard about SRS... Line obliterated.

[Laura912]

Reading the answers poses a question. First, our line (spouse and me) is not to create exposures that would compromise our relationships with friends and families. The question is, is the flexibility of the line inversely proportional to the age of the dresser? It seems from the above answers, that the older the dresser, the more fixed the line is.

[Tina_gm]

My personal lines are nothing permanent. no laser, or boob jobs. no hrt or any other surgery. As far as telling people, anyone who I would consider to take the news very hard, or have a difficult impact because of, except for my wife. So other than her, that means just about everyone in my circle of friends, work and family. If at some point I feel any of them would be ok with it, I may tell someone else. I would also have to feel 100% confident that anyone else I would tell would be able to keep it to themselves.

[daarleane]

Reading the answers poses a question. First, our line is not to create exposures that would compromise our relationships with friends and families. The question is, is the flexibility of the line inversely proportional to the age of the dresser? It seems from the above answers, that the older the dresser, the more fixed the line is.

"Tain"t necessarily so", to me the older I became the more freedom I enjoy. My children are grown and I have retired. My SO know of course, so the only thing that really limits me is me. Your are correct of course, that family and friends create responsibility"s that must be met regardless of age.

[Kate Simmons]

Since I am in touch with myself and all of my feelings, there is no clear "line" drawn in the sand. Things change all of the time and nothing is out of the realm of possibility. It all goes according to my choice, however and I and I alone am responsible for my actions.

[Lexi Moralas]

I fully dress and will go just about anywhere so long as there is no possibility of being seen by some one who knows my male persona. My boy and girl sides are very separate. I draw the line at anything that might bleed one side in to the other.

[Karren H]

Lucky for me I can't draw......

[daviolin]

I have come to the conclusion that I am just a clothes horse to the max. I don't go out anymore in public. I got burned out on it. It was to much of a hassle. I like staying home and just playing in my clothes, doing fashion shows and photoshoots. Also the wife prefers I do it this way. She thinks its safer. And shes right. Just give me a closet full of girly clothes a mirror and a camera and I will be happy. Daviolin

[Stephanie47]

Jennifer's response covers my attitude. The only clarification I would make is the word "accepting." Accepting does not necessarily mean "participating." My wife for forty plus years accepts the fact that I cross dress, although she has not interest in participating. If participating makes her uncomfortable, then so be it!

Violating the trust of my accepting wife. This includes nothing in front of the kids, going out in public and bottom line doing anything that would embarrass her.

I am a retiree. My wife works, so I do get ample time, like today, to be Stephanie. I limit my cross dressing to the home. I have ventured out in the evening for strolls in a residential neighborhood. I found it rather boring. I would find walking with no purpose in drab to be boring too!

If my wife were to pass on to the next level, then I would probably dress 24/7 with some exceptions. I do not pass and never will. Being married I have sufficient interaction with humanity right now. f I did not have her, then I maybe would seek out similar thinking cross dressers for some social interaction. Right now I am content where I am in life.