Why being outed is so scary

[Briana90802]

What are we afraid of? Really? What makes the prospect of having our friends and family find out so terrorizing? Is it just embarrassment? Or are we afraid of what people will think of us? Even though those things in the long run don't really matter.

[Beverley Sims]

It is embarrassment as to what people will perceive as to what you may be.

[CDPheobe]

Some situations can make it scary. Mine is different. I wear my shorts and shave my legs now. My kids( both girls) notice my legs and just say they are smoother than theirs. Lol. Both my kids saw a pic of me and my wife with me en fem so I can't say scary anymore. I'm more open to say a skirt or dress will look good on me. My wife and kids joke about my cding a lot when we see something related to it. I'm very comfy wearing girly things just around the house like tight spandex excersize pants.

[Kate Simmons]

Some may feel it will affect how others look at them and perhaps affect their livelihood and employment and ability to provide for their family.I'm past that so don't have to be concerned with it.

[Carla Stevens]

For me it's the fear of loosing those around me that I care for. People are often afraid of what they don't understand & will reject you & this is something that bothers me.

[GaleWarning]

Cross dressing teachers are misunderstood.

[cupcake]

There is way to much of an unknown, at least for me anyway. Will you be accepted, rejected? Or even if you're out and minding your own business will you be accosted by some bigoted jerks? The unknown is a scary thing. And I don't have enough knowledge to shift it from unknown to calculated risk.

[linda allen]

We are afraid of losing friends and family, losing our jobs or chances of advancing in our jobs.

There are two worlds here, the real one we live in and interact with real people in, and the Internet world where all our contacts are with "virtual" people.

In the real world world, crossdressers are often viewed as perverts or worse. In the Internet world, pretty much anything is OK somewhere.

[Rachael Leigh]

I think it has a lot to do with rejection, I know it does for me, I've had a lot of that in life and to just open this up for all to see well I would be a mess. It's difficult enough when your SO is not that understanding even if she knows so no I would not care to be outed unless I chose to do it.

[kimdl93]

It's more the fear of outright rejection than simple embarrassment. Some rightly fear the loss of affection, a marriage or a job, as Linda and others have observed. All devastating possibilities.

[Erica Marie]

I think mainly we worry about what people will think of us.
Pervert
Gay
Drag queen

Instead if they take the time to get to know us and what we go through to be who we are inside, they may think different. But to many people judge the book by its cover.

[Kelli Ca]

Hi Briana, great topic, ill really have to think on it

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I think some of it has to do with the mind set some of the Gen X and older members still have and possibly younger members to, me included. Back before the days of the "World Wide Web/Information Super Highway", you essentially thought you were the only that was TG, outside of really bad presentations in the media (Jerry Springer, COPS, Silence of the Lambs etc.) As a result a lot of people basically evolved throughout their life with philosophy of staying in the closet at all cost, try to be normal and hope you will change, and never let anyone find out or else. (Insert your worse case scenario here-divorce, job loss, family disowning you, etc.). Even to this day it still affects me somewhat, although I am no longer nowhere near as terrified of being outted as I used to be. Example's being no longer traveling 200 plus miles to go shopping, shopping by myself, no longer making excuses for why I shave, buy women's clothes, make up, wigs etc. I think future generations of TG will not be quite as scared of being outted anymore because at least they no they are not the only one, in most cases parents being more supportive or at least open minded and not taking the standard BOYS DO NOT WEAR GIRLS CLOTHES EVER, EVER, EVER!!!!; Mindset.

[Lynn Marie]

What are we afraid of? Really? What makes the prospect of having our friends and family find out so terrorizing? Is it just embarrassment? Or are we afraid of what people will think of us? Even though those things in the long run don't really matter.

Maybe you're too young to be aware of the fact that being outed could cost you your marriage, family, career, and whole bunches of your friends. Maybe those things "don't really matter".

[Nikki A.]

Reality, the possible lost of advancement in my career or possible loss of my job.
In my imagination, the loss of those that are close to me. Although those that I have opened up to have all been OK and accepting.

[reb.femme]

One CD near me, had a window broken by kids and as my brother quite happily stated and I paraphrase, "what did he f...ing expect, he's a f...ing tranny". Nice!

So not always just a stare to be worried about, physical harm is a very real and ever present worry. Plus, why should a wife, kids, family suffer because of our selfish desire to be out. Maybe selfish is a harsh word, but utilised more for the sake of emphasis.

Rebecca

[franlee]

The loses for the individual can be very heavy such as, friends, family and even occupations, but the pain and ridicule those people in your life will face due to your decision and life style is very real. There is more to the consequences then we can plan for because each situation is inundated with variables. Being outed for most of us would be a relief if it were that simple.

[Violet-13]

If my father found out, he would probity disown me and think it was his fault

[Rogina B]

On the other hand,when people around you learn that the real you is a bit different than they thought,then perhaps a reality check occurs for the positive! Those that REALLY care for you continue,and those that don't go away.And that opens the door to making new friends as the real you..

[Eryn]

The unfortunate fact is that just about any cretin can make a blatant anti-TG statement and few will call them on it. This is the mindset of our society. In this climate I'm hardly anxious to be outed to people who still equate transgenderism with perversion. While I am somewhat protected by legislation, there are some who would take it as their mission to skirt the laws in order to do me harm.

[katssun]

Because you never really know how someone will react until it is too late to take it back.

It's a strange thing, you think you know someone, you think they'll be accepting of it...but they're not.

[Pandys]

Living in a small town being outed would mean a complete change of life. If my dressing was more important than my job, home and current life, than it would be no big deal. I enjoy dressing sometimes but I do not want to disrupt the rest of my life for it (at least for now). I am not "trapped in a man's body" so for me the cost far outweighs any possible advantages.
I am not by any means trying to take anything away those of you who are brave enough to be out there and are not concerned how others think about them.
In a perfect word nobody would care, In my world it does mater. I will continue to go to unusual lengths to buy things without outing myself.
I guess it boils down to every thing has a price, it is up to each of us to decide whether or not we want to pay it.

[Briana90802]

So what I'm hearing is basically we fear losing things? Losing loved ones?

[Jenniferathome]

We're human beings. We're social animals. In the most fundamental sense we want a harmonic society. Even those at the fringes are part of groups (sub-societies) that are harmonic. It's just human nature.

[Denise Johnson]

I think the fear of losing things, people and such And the always present fear of bodily harm.