I think Amy Lynn is right. Her words to you when she found them (post #8) tell me she has known for some time. I think she may even have thought things through by now. Talk to her. You may be pleasantly surprised. I hope so!
I think Amy Lynn is right. Her words to you when she found them (post #8) tell me she has known for some time. I think she may even have thought things through by now. Talk to her. You may be pleasantly surprised. I hope so!
I would suggest that you should take the burden off of her and choose a time when you can tell her about your desire to CD, and allow for a lengthy discussion in which you are both honest about your feelings and needs, and can listen to each other with an open understanding of each others viewpoints. Good luck!
Di
I hope you have the chance to open up to your wife. As I said in my previous post several weeks ago...I have been dressing more and more femme of late, and my wife has been aware, (I openly wear women's things at home, my panties etc. are in the laundry, etc. etc). The subject never came up so I just assume she was OK with it all. Then out of the blue one day, she asked me if I wanted a sex change..... we both wish now we had talked about it. We are slowly working through it though...so hand in there
It had been my experience (with women that is) that they will chew on the issue at hand until they've come up with an attack plan. Once she's got what she wants to say all figured out, (and she's thoroughly teed right off) she'll give it to you with both boots and you'll have nowhere to run.
Either approach now with caution OR prepare for the coming storm.
Have the talk pronto even if you are scared don't act like it you are the man remember.She married a man act like one.
Lay it all on the table but include her feelings in the matter don't have it be all your feelings.
There is some good advice in the previous posts so use what you can to work in your situation.
Good luck.
I think that you should approach her very gently, and ask her if she has any questions for you. If she says "no" just reassure her that she can bring it up at any time, and you will answer honestly. Apologize to her for lying and hiding your other side, and then just leave it alone if she isn't ready. If she is, try not to be defensive and be prepared for the regular questions that come when we are found out...
Have to agree with most . . . from what I read, the cat is out of the bag as she found your stuff. Plan the talk sooner than later as waiting will only make it more difficult to take the plunge and tell her. I would prepare for the conversation to go in one or two directions (good or bad). However, the fact that she found your stuff and has not asked you to leave is a positive sign that she would like to discuss it more . . . so I would discuss it.
Hugs
Isha
Now is the best time to come clean, and get that part out of the closet.
Now that she has found your stuff, I'm sure she has many questions and it will come up.
You should prepare your story and have a sit down chat some evening soon.
Bobbi
Aint nothin gonna happen that aint supposed too!
It really sounds like you are between a rock and a hard place now you are going have to talk to her.
Having my ears triple pierced is AWESOME, ~~......
I can explain it to you, But I can't comprehend it for you !
If at first you don't succeed, Then Skydiving isn't for you.
Be careful what you wish for, Once you ring a bell , you just can't Un-Ring it !! !!
Most people don’t understand crossdressing and that’s understandable because there isn’t a lot of valid information readily available, it isn’t a topic most people have ever discussed, probably even thought of. Heck, we don’t even understand crossdressing.
Gay characters have become commonplace in movies and on TV shows, both in sitcoms and dramatic shows, but that’s not true for crossdressers. Gays are a lot more accepted now then decades past partly due to the public exposure in movies and on TV. Nothing scary or threatening about Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler Ferguson in “Modern Family”, just two funny guys you probably wouldn’t mind living next door. The same cannot be said for crossdressers. Men dressed as women are usually portrayed for comic relief and they are not dressed as women because they want to be. Or, they are drag queens and Hollywood invariably casts Drag Queens as being gay and not just gay but flaming gay..
The first question most people ask when they find out you crossdress is “are you gay?” That seems to be a widely held belief, if you like wearing women’s clothes you must be gay. The next question seems to be “do you want to become a woman?” Well if you like women’s clothes and you are not gay then you must want to be a woman, right? I think men in particular have a difficult time understanding why a man would want to dress in women’s clothes and present as a woman.; women maybe not so much – provided it is not there husband doing the dressing.
Azan the fact that she brought you the clothes you had somewhat hidden in the spare room and told you to put then somewhere else (rather than asking what the h_ll are these?) might be a good sign. We, and that includes you, don’t have any idea of how long she has known the clothes were in the closet. She may not have just found them, she may have found some time ago and has been waiting for you to say something, and finally got tired of waiting. Her presenting you with the clothes may be her way of forcing you to confront the issue.
I agree with many of the others who have replied, you need to talk with your Wife. You know your wife best, but even you don’t know what she is thinking about you right now. Is my husband gay? Has my husband had affairs with other men? Does the man I married have plans on becoming my lesbian spouse or my best girl friend?
You are afraid that if you tell your new wife of two years that you crossdress she may leave you. That may be the outcome whether you talk with her or not and I suspect you have a much better chance of remaining married if you sit down and discuss this. Right now you have no idea of what thoughts are churning in your Wife’s mind and many of those thoughts may be based on misinformation.
Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your Wife, be perfectly honest and answer all of her questions, of which I’m sure she has many. Assure her that your crossdressing does not detract from your love for her, that you are not gay (provided you really are not gay) and that you do not want to change into a woman (again provided that is the truth). You may have to explain to her, if she wants you to stop dressing, that the current medical and psychiatric view is that you probably won’t be able to stop for any prolonged period of time, i.e. there is no known “cure”. With some luck on your part and understanding, compassion, and love on your wife’s part you may come out of this a lot better off than you were. She may even come to like Azan and the she and Azan may spend many pleasant hours together.
Babs
You stated how lost you feel. I am willing to bet your wife feels lost as well. The sooner the better to begin clearing the air and finding out where all of this will go from here. There are no guarantees, and hopefully the best will work out for you. What I can all but guarantee you is that should your wife begin to accept this, if there is any further hiding or you with hold any about the Cding, she will A. eventually find out or figure it out. And B. will cause even more damage along with that of the discovery she made.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
well we talked and apparently it doesnt matter cause in her words " your obviously not gay and stringing me along cause i have known for a while but its something you are going to have to do in YOUR private time not OUR private time" and i can accept that its better than what i thought
It's a start. This does not mean you stop talking about it. Make a point a asking regularly if she has questions.
Sounds like the diolog is open now so I would take it slow but she may need sometime to get her thoughts together. You need to figure out for you what you want as well. I've been with my wife for 32 years and she has know since we got married. She has never really been part of it and it's worked pretty good but it's not always roses but then that's most marriages. Good luck
I think this was her problem wondering if i was gay or bi or what ever she thought and as others in the tread had said im beginning to think she did know but didnt know how to approach it. eaither way she reasoned out that A im not gay when have sex (not to brag lol) alot but she still doesnt understand it but understands that it either relaxes me or makes me happy. so she doesnt want to see it but will accept it and ill take that for now.
ps i bought a french maid outfit for halloween right before we found this out and i still went and she still went as the doctor as we planned and didnt seem to mind
[quote]
ost people don’t understand crossdressing and that’s understandable because there isn’t a lot of valid information readily available, it isn’t a topic most people have ever discussed, probably even thought of. Heck, we don’t even understand crossdressing.
Gay characters have become commonplace in movies and on TV shows, both in sitcoms and dramatic shows, but that’s not true for crossdressers. Gays are a lot more accepted now then decades past partly due to the public exposure in movies and on TV. Nothing scary or threatening about Eric Stonestreet and Jesse Tyler Ferguson in “Modern Family”, just two funny guys you probably wouldn’t mind living next door. The same cannot be said for crossdressers. Men dressed as women are usually portrayed for comic relief and they are not dressed as women because they want to be. Or, they are drag queens and Hollywood invariably casts Drag Queens as being gay and not just gay but flaming gay..
The first question most people ask when they find out you crossdress is “are you gay?” That seems to be a widely held belief, if you like wearing women’s clothes you must be gay. The next question seems to be “do you want to become a woman?” Well if you like women’s clothes and you are not gay then you must want to be a woman, right? I think men in particular have a difficult time understanding why a man would want to dress in women’s clothes and present as a woman.; women maybe not so much – provided it is not there husband doing the dressing.
Azan the fact that she brought you the clothes you had somewhat hidden in the spare room and told you to put then somewhere else (rather than asking what the h_ll are these?) might be a good sign. We, and that includes you, don’t have any idea of how long she has known the clothes were in the closet. She may not have just found them, she may have found some time ago and has been waiting for you to say something, and finally got tired of waiting. Her presenting you with the clothes may be her way of forcing you to confront the issue.
I agree with many of the others who have replied, you need to talk with your Wife. You know your wife best, but even you don’t know what she is thinking about you right now. Is my husband gay? Has my husband had affairs with other men? Does the man I married have plans on becoming my lesbian spouse or my best girl friend?
You are afraid that if you tell your new wife of two years that you crossdress she may leave you. That may be the outcome whether you talk with her or not and I suspect you have a much better chance of remaining married if you sit down and discuss this. Right now you have no idea of what thoughts are churning in your Wife’s mind and many of those thoughts may be based on misinformation.
Sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your Wife, be perfectly honest and answer all of her questions, of which I’m sure she has many. Assure her that your crossdressing does not detract from your love for her, that you are not gay (provided you really are not gay) and that you do not want to change into a woman (again provided that is the truth). You may have to explain to her, if she wants you to stop dressing, that the current medical and psychiatric view is that you probably won’t be able to stop for any prolonged period of time, i.e. there is no known “cure”. With some luck on your part and understanding, compassion, and love on your wife’s part you may come out of this a lot better off than you were. She may even come to like Azan and the she and Azan may spend many pleasant hours together. [end quote]
apparently my html sucks lol sorry
Last edited by cdazan; 10-31-2013 at 11:11 PM.
That's cool, what funny is one of the 3 or 4 times my wife see me dressed I too was a French maid at a party we went too. I had such fun doing it too
Cdazan, the "doesn't matter" probably means it does matter to her. She doesn't sound happy about it at all.
My impression is she has drawn a line in the sand. It is not a good idea to cross it until you've had a lot more discussion between the two of you and then only by agreement.
Congrats on having The Talk. She may warm up a little on it, but don't bet the farm on it. And never assume anything. Talk to her about how she felt about you in a French Maid outfit, and ask for honesty.
i ageee with you and im not pressing the matter at this point nor am i wandering around the house dressed. like i said though i do believe she has know for a bit and has brought it up this way but still doesnt know what to do about it. From the conversation i had and from what i understand she doenst seems to care so long as its not affecting our social life ( I dont go out dressed any ways) and that shes just doesnt understand if its a sexual thing comfort thing or deep seeated childhood issue ( which i dont know either) but its nice at this point that i can bring it up and have some one here to talk to about it. i think her biggest problem was that she thought i was gay. ( which im not )
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