Counseling

[Debra Russell]

Is it just me ? or does anyone feel this way - ...counseling, I don't need no counseling! counseling is for those other people who are scared / mixed up / confused at what I am or who I am . There is a lot of stuff that bothers people but does not concern them - nosey, meddling, do good'ers that ought to mind their own business and have a little more forethought than what the problem with all "those" people - counseling should be for them --- can't we all just get along!

...................................Debra

..........sorry for the rant

[Shelly Preston]

Counselling is useful but its not for everyone.

I have never felt the need for it, but it does work for some.

[mikiSJ]

It worked for me and I wasn't scared/mixed up/confused. You may want to re-write your rant so it makes a bit more sense.

[Jaylyn]

Hey I'm married and my wife can tell me in a heart beat what's wrong with me...... Really she is my counselor. I also am her counselor. We can tell each other if something is bothering us or what's wrong and we provide a caring shoulder to cry on and helpful words. At times I wonder though if a counselor would have been cheaper... Really we all have problems in life. I have found that it's how we ourselves perceive the problem. Some have learned to laugh at our selves and work on what is bothering us and others would rather pay someone to work their problems out for them. Unless the problem deep inside is really a bad one( such as depression, suicidal tendencies or life threatening) then figure out your own solution. It will make ya tougher in the long run. I'm with you Debra and the rant is a good one. We all should just man/ gal up and fix ourselves. Every one should heed what I used to tell my students. If it isn't yours don't touch it and if it isn't your affair don't get involved unless you can help with a loving heart and attitude.

[Stephanie47]

I am going to make the assumption the discussion concern counseling for cross dressing. Decades ago I still fell into that pit of self loathing, total confusion, etc for desiring to wear women's clothing. The closest I ever got to counseling was to pull a name out of the telephone book and call her. I discuss my issue with her for a long time. I really did not get the courage to schedule an appointment.

Over the years I came to realize there were multiple issues to discuss or at least realize their presence. First, I had to deal with my cross dressing, and, secondly, there is the perception and beliefs of my wife. Forget those around us who are not part of my cross dressing world.

I "cured" myself. I realize I am doing something I need to do and enjoy. I also came to the realization my wife does not accept my cross dressing. If I were to go to counseling, it would be to have an open discussion concerning her revulsion of it.

If you want to go to cross dressing to gain insight of your cross dressing and accepting it, fine. If you are going to go to counseling to break you of cross dressing, then forget it. Accept who you are. But, also accept there are many people who will not accept you.

[paulinescotlandcd]

I think it is more of a USA type thing, not heard of many CD people over her in sunny old Scotland going down this route.

[Maria 60]

I think before the internet days when I believed I was the only man wearing women's clothing I would have needed it, but I don't see nothing wrong with counselling, talking to someone can't hurt. I feel when I told my wife about my dressing and she told me there was nothing wrong with me and that I am not hurting anybody and not to fool myself everyone has some form of skeleton hanging in there closet. If you feel you need it then do what feels best for you.

[AllieSF]

I don't understand your rant. If you don't want it, then don't get it, but please do not let your issues flow over to negatively impact those around you and with whom you come into contact. If you don't need it, then why do it? If you can quickly and successfully resolve your issues, then do it. But, if you need it because you have been unsuccessful in trying to resolve the issues yourself or in other ways, then you or they should get it.

It does work most of the time and can really help people to deal with some major issues that can negatively affect themselves and those around them, whether it be family or co-workers. The problem with going into counseling with a negative attitude is that the person is basically sabotaging their own opportunity to get a handle on whatever issue is bothering them. So, instead of directly dealing with their issues, they put their head in the sand, scream that it doesn't work and is not for them, and then continue with those issues continuing to suffer themselves and very probably hurting those around them.

Counseling can help with precisely what you want. It can help people get along better. A healthy mind promotes healthy relationships.

[reb.femme]

Paulinescotlandcd and AllieSF hit the nail for me.

As a 'very' grand generalisation, the UK'ers (my own word) tend not to seek assistance but conversely, many do. I think this side of the pond, we keep our own counsel and don't share our problems. A problem shared is a problem doubled etc etc . The US seems more open to sharing souls, at least that's the way I see it. So before anyone jumps on me, I refer you to the 'very' grand generalisation statement.

I prefer my own thoughts and solutions, for others, counselling is a natural course. Each to their own I say. What's got your back up Debra?

Rebecca

[Cynthia Anne]

I feel that I could go either way on this subject! However if I was to say that I don't need counseling then a good counselor would be able to prove that I do need it just by my statement! So I say; some do, some don't!

[ArleneRaquel]

I know that its not for me. Best Wishes to all !

[Ressie]

I don't know if counseling would be good for me or not. I've had depression on and off, but I don't think it's clinical depression. My ex wife made me go to a counselor over 10 years ago. What I got out of it was that she was screwed up, not me. My depression at that time was mostly over the bad relationship with her and money problems. Being alone isn't all that bad. Sure is a lot more peaceful around here.

[Shirley Anne]

As a another UK girl i dont feel the need for counselling ,Im quite happy with what I do. In the Uk people are ussually referred to counsellors by there doctor, if I needed a counsellor thats my sisters occupation and she certainly doesnt need to know about this side of me.

[MatildaJ.]

My ex wife made me go to a counselor over 10 years ago. What I got out of it was that she was screwed up, not me.

LOL, sounds like my husband M. When he was a teen, his mom made him go see a counselor. The counselor agreed with M that his mom was all messed up. She asked M what they had talked about, and M reported the conversation, and then his mom said "I'm not paying him to agree with YOU" and that was the end of the counseling sessions.

[Beverley Sims]

Debra,
Most of us are fortunate insomuch that we handle crises without help.
These days there is a turn towards counseling as some can not handle the stresses of life.
I see where you are coming from and I agree the advice from my mind helps me get by.
I see counseling as a big money pit.
Others view it differently.
I was the crutch for a couple undergoing transition years ago.
Before psychiatrists were familiar with gender issues.

[Sally Martin]

Counseling is fine if it serves a purpose. For me, I went because my wife was having problems with my crossdressing and really wanted me to go so I went. It turned out great. I found out that I didn't have mental issues and my wife became more accepting. It only took 8 or 10 sessions. After the first couple of sessions we talked mostly about my wife's non crossdressing issues and how I should cope with them and generally shot the breeze.

[ShriekCassandra]

I've got plenty of personal issues I could do with speaking to a shrink about but my transvestism isn't one of 'em. In fact I'd say it's the main factor that has helped me become much happier and outgoing as a whole in the past few months since I started.

[MysticLady]

Who needs stinking counseling. JK. I know that some folks just need to talk things through w/ someone w/ unbiased opinion and there's nothing wrong w/ that. Problem is, if you feel alright like me and you have the ol lady nagging you to death to talk to one, is somewhat irritating.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Unless one is going to have SRS, therapy is not required. Why the anger at an option that might help others who might need it?

[Beverley Sims]

I think it is more of a USA type thing, not heard of many CD people over her in sunny old Scotland going down this route.

Sunny Old Scotland?
You need Counseling.

[sometimes_miss]

My ex was of the opinion that everyone should be in therapy. I was of the opposite, feeling that with rare exception, most people deal with their problems adequately. Somewhere in the middle is the truth. AFA crossdressing is concerned, well if you are happy with your life and being a crossdresser doesn't seem to be a problem, then therapy is probably not for you. OTOH, if you are generally unhappy most of the time, they you probably need someone to talk to, whether that is a professional therapist or just a friend that is familiar with your problems.

[Debra Russell]

Sorry if my thread was confusing..it just seems as though counseling is suggested to be the answer to most problems concerning our individual eccentricities (crossdressing) although a lot of very good advice is gleaned from all of those who offer, personally I feel as though for us counseling is just an expensive way to express our frustration - surely there is an easier less costly way (unless you figure all that pretty stuff in your closet) to ease frustration - I just wish all those in opposition could understand.. ..........................Debra...ok rant over I'am good

[Karen__Starr]

My perspective on counseling is (at least for me) for SRS approval. Both of my therapist agree that I was in short of sound mind and ready to transition. The PHD told me there are many who need much much more than them writing a letter after counseling, many times they needed to reject them for SRS and instead provide mental health care.

[AllieSF]

Hi Debra,

Think of how a thread works on a support Forum. Someone expresses frustrations, lack of understanding, confusion and a lot of other personal issues that they are trying to come to grips with. A lot of people will offer recommendations or observations based on their own personal experiences as to how they have dealt with issues, similar or not, and maybe their own process may work for the OP. Sometimes the OP may reply further clarifying their issues with that clarification generating more suggestions, including why not try a counselor, therapist, or whatever, someone trained to listen and help their patients to come to grips with their issues. These are suggestions as to how the OP may try to deal with those personal problems. They are not orders, or do my way or the highway. However, when one sees continual whining threads, oh woe is me threads, the reading members here who sometimes have a much better third party view of the issue than one with the issue, may say that the OP really needs to talk with a qualified third party to help them. I know that I recommend counseling when one seems lost and not able to handle sometimes for me very simple issues. That to me signifies maybe that person's problems are deeper that the one being discussed in the thread.

Everybody handles things differently. Some have a lot of successes and seem to live a happier life while others much less success and are continually battling internal demons or whatever. Those with less success sometimes need some guidance to increase their own success rate. I will readily agree that counseling does not work for everyone. The task of the OP is to make sure what they are asking is clear, clarifying when needed based on responses to their posts and then decide which if any responses may help then, and then more importantly, try them out to see what happens. Asking the same questions, only stated a little differently, many times over and over to the same audience sends up a flag to those who notice that this person, either likes to whine all the time or needs some serious professional help. One other obligation of the OP, is to realize that on a Forum like this one they will receive a lot of varied response, some good and some useless. If the OP can't put up with some if the responses (i.e. ignore that which bothers them and move on to the next response), then maybe they need to ask their questions some place else.

My response here, in my opinion, applies to specific issues raised on this site, as well as, other issues non "T" related.

[kimdl93]

I benefitted a great deal from counseling during a time when I was suffering tremendous emotional distress....a divorce, being outed by my ex....I was sure my life was over. Therapy didn't make me "happy", rather it helped me accept ad deal with reality in a constructive manner. If you feel fine, no, you don't need therapy, but if you are hurting emotionally it can be life saving.