Why??

[Ms. Babs]

Now I understand why Helen tells me "I do not know."

Babs

[VeronicaBea]

I remember going through the lingerie sections of the Sears and JC Penny's catalogs as a kid. I would fantasizing more about what it felt like to wear those panties, bras, teddies, garter belts, and stockings than I would fantasize about being with the models. As a 13 year old it was so much easier to "borrow" my mom's clothes to fulfill my fantasies of what the clothes felt like than it was fulfill the fantasy to score with a model.

[Christen]

Ah, the eternal question! I remember being very jealous of girls way before I ever slipped on a girls cardigan at 6 years old. I think I craved the softness girls had, the affection girls got. I don't recall my sisters getting more affection, attention than me, but I did think I wanted to be like them, or all girls really. I still get a feeling of being cossetted when I dress up.
Maybe the hardwired at birth theory is right, don't know, haven't met anyone who's really been able to explain.
Head hurting!

Christen x

[Truth]

I would say it's the way our brains are wired.

[Giselle(Oshawa)]

somehow ended up in my parents bedroom when I was alone around age 11 or 12
tried on my mom's bra, girdle and nylons and for the first time felt sexual arousal
I am certain my mother suspected something with run's in her nylon's etc but
she never confronted me(always wonder what would have happened if she did?)
stopped once I entered high school and was dormant for a long time.
of course many years later it came back strong and 3 years ago I came out to
my wife and that's a story for another time

[Lucy Lou]

I have to agree with an earlier post. I started putting on panties and stockings in puberty for sexual gratification and just carried on. It was a long time before I put make up on and bought a wig and shoes etc. I just got to the stage where I wanted more and stockings and panties was not enough. There was a mental battle going on for ages until I finally plucked up the courage to get some make up on and do the whole thing.

One of my biggest fears for so long was the fear of being found out. I had fought it for years and used to purge a lot, which I must say, I have finally sorted out a couple of years ago. The truth really for me is that I feel so 'right' dressed as a woman and adore the whole dressing up and make up process. I know there are many here and elsewhere that look convincing, which I know I don't but when I am fully dressed and made up and sitting in my lounge in soft lighting looking in the mirror I think I look Ok, and feel brilliant and just keep saying to myself that I never want to stop because I love it so much and it makes me feel truly real.

Why do we do it? Answer, because I/we: love it, need it, feel right doing it, feel happy doing it, feel a bit naughty doing it, feel excited doing it, feel sexually aroused doing it, have to, want to, or just because we can, so why not.

Lucy Lou xx

[Erica Anne]

Synesthesia? perhaps, in my case I was born premature in the mid 60's. There was nothing that would fit me but doll dresses. I often wondered why I could never find my baby pictures, always thought they were all of my older sister. That may explain why I do it, but does not explain why others do. Considering historic attire, boys and girls wore dresses long ago, boys would undergo a right of passage called getting breeched. That in itself did not lead to cross dressing at an older age. I always thought the phenomena was associated with androgen exposer during the pregnancy that resulted in behavior later on in life. Sure, I want to be a girl, but yet I am physically and sexually attracted to them at the same time. I may buy the dopamine theory but not sure if I could buy into the synaptogenesis theory of learning behavior by synaptic pruning. If not most of my life I was taught it was wrong, not just by parent conditioning but also by society and peers. In other words, is there to be an understanding of this behavior to offer a cure? At times I may have seen it as a curse, but many more times I embrace it and would not want a cure. Since man does not fully understand how the brain really works, how it can recover from injury and why there is a large part of the brain that is not in use, how could one really understand the nature of cross dressing or gender disorders of any type. Sure there may be some that have been exposed to a catalyst but that may not be true to all. Besides that, the brain is not the only organ that stores memory. There have been recent discoveries that other organs posses similar ganglion structure as found in the brain tissue. (they knew of this decades ago but recent theory is that organs may posses the potential to store memory, this may support why some who have received organs from transplants and have some memories that are not their own, not sure I buy that either but.... enough said already). I do not want to understand why, I would rather enjoy the end result.

[MsVal]

As one that has come to the realization later in life that he is a crossdresser, I have been pondering the questions: Why? and Why now? This is what I've been able to dredge up from the muck at the bottom of my brain.

Like most other guys, I liked looking at the girls. I believe that's pretty common. What was probably a little uncommon was my appreciation of their grace, clothing, hair style, and scent. I would secretly wish that I could see, think, and speak as a woman.

Men's clothing, in my opinion is boring. Year after year, the stores have the same spring clothes in the men's section. Khakis and pull over shirts. Solids or stripes, primary colors, take it or leave it. A watch and a chain are all they can offer for jewelry. I have a fondness for Hawaiian shirts because they are the closest socially acceptable thing to a colorful floral blouse.

The heroes and role models of my day were cowboys, soldiers, detectives; rough talking, hard living, and fiercely independent. They were often covered with sweat, dust or blood. Their faces were tanned and their wrinkles were their combat ribbons of life. These were "Real Men".

There was no way that I could be a "Real Man". I wasn't big enough, coordinated enough, or brave enough to keep up with the guys. I have no interest in sports and aside from some physical attributes, have little in common with them. I hung around with a few other geeks and built my hotrods, but my best relations were with the girls. At a table of guys and gals, I felt more comfortable with and had more fun with them than the guys. On my most recent work assignment I replaced a woman in what had been a six woman team. It was great sharing stories of our families' new babies, weddings, illnesses, and challenges.

I am certain that I do not want to live as a woman, but I am also certain that there is "something" very natural about presenting as a woman. The texture, the lightness, the colors of the clothing; the variety of hair styles, shoes, make up, and jewelry, and of course the scent.

I've never fully dressed, but I've never been to an exotic island retreat either. As one may have a dream about one day going to the island, I have the dream of "being" that woman, if only for a little while.

Best wishes
MsVal

[sara70morgan]

MsVal,
So much is so true. Anyway, I started with just finding my sisters panties. After that is was a sexual thing. I loved my girlfriends panties, and I lost a long time GF after being discovered. I love to dress in femme, and it is not for sexual pleasure, most of the time. I just have accepted this for what it is, and I am just happy to have found others that are talking about it as well.
Sara

[Annie M]

I'll go with hard wired, always felt female and mens cloths felt awkward. I have warn panties for years and bras as I developed breasts. Just felt right to me, hard wired.

[Julia Red]

My wild guess is that I wanted a girlfriend but was too young and didn't know how to get one, so I became my own girlfriend. But that would be the short story.

[Alice Joyce]

Is it OK to ask or at least get some advice. How did you develop breasts? I have no idea but wish to do so. Thanks Alice

[Tanya+]

i was rolled up in a rug when i was 4 or 5, craved/obsessed about restriction from then on. Was dressed in a dress by a girl my age when i was 5 or 6, soooo embarrassed.. fantasised about it afterwards. Maybe something about it being 'wrong' gave it more energy. In hindsight the energy seems sexual in nature, but i don't otherwise remember being sexually aware (though i fell in love at around the same time a 12 year crush). I used to pull my shorts up high and try and walk like a girl when none was looking. My friend had dress up box, i got to the point where i always put on a dress when i visited, and lipstick a couple of times. My friend stopped asking me around when i was about 11. I am very interested in the "why" of it all, but i like the person that it makes me.

[Sallee]

curiosity. What is it like on the other side. Why are womens under silky and mens thicker cotton. Do they feel different? Those might be the initial reasons or the excuse. Why do women dress that way? might be a good question too. I'll say genetic makeup cause us to want to cross the gender line. but every one is different

[TxCassie]

I don't know the "'why". I just know as long as I can remember, I would "dress". As a young boy, I would play with my sister's and mom's dresses when I grabbed a chance to be alone. I would play in the bathroom with my towel imagining I had on various length of skirts. Of course once I hit puberty, I dropped 'dressing' all together because I was growing big and stocky, not tall, but a genuine bulky type of guy, short, stout, muscled, barrel chested. Yet, the gurl in me never left. I never felt as masculine as I felt the other boys demonstrated. But when you have the body of a young teenage bull, it's easy to pass, to learn the basics of how to be a boy, though I never was a jock, or ladies' man, just a quiet, nice, sweet boy. And then there was the "gay" thing was blossoming, so for a long time, gender, masculinity, sexuality, was very confusing, frustrating, painful at times to live. As I resolved issue after issue, reading a lot material, learning from my peer group what seem to be the "accepted" way to be, I thought I figured it out. But of course, I didn't. With each movement to be "a man", the burning desire to reject that notion and be feminine grew like a searing heat in my chest so much that I remember always wanting to just burst out of my body and explode. I lived like that till I was about 45-47. It was not till then when I actually put on a pair of panties and remembered feeling, not kinky, not guilty, not naughty, but relief, comfort, self-aware. Yes, for a time, there was a sexual component but slowly that pass when one day, as I was underdressed, I realized, I was not sexually aroused, wearing my panties and bra, just seem right, ok, what I wear.

Now at 54, I am seeing a therapist to better understand my long suppressed feelings. I need to get them into a positive place where the manifestation of my feelings is expressed positively as well, i.e., sweet, nice, pretty clothes and SHOES, SHOES! SHOES! I never felt so much like a woman now than ever before and it's not just the clothes, the clothes only complete my being, my mental orientation, my self. Do I want to transition, I don't know, it certainly seems I am heading that direction. But I am so happy now, now that I know, accept, and can be. Not that I didn't grieve for the loss, but I grieve for his failure only, for the 'man" I really never was. He was a sweet guy, just not real. He helped me live, to get through life, to be a boy, and a man but his mission is over now. In that I grieve, but with all loss, beckoning is the future and I sense happiness there, so while I many not be walking into the light just yet, I do think I'll be walking into Catherine's or Lane Bryant's soon.

Cassie

[Tracy Hazel Lee]

It started for me when I tried on a pair of my moms shoes. Somewhere around 7 or 8. That broke the ice, so to speak. Then came pantyhose. For a long time afterwards, it was just single items... shoes, hose, bathing suits... But for whatever reason, I had a moustache for a LONG period in my life. So I never really tinkered with makeup until I decided to shave my face clean. And no surprise, it was for a Halloween party. I was 28, and none of my friends had ever seen me clean shaven. Imagine how blown away they were when I showed up at the party not only stubble free, but wearing makeup, hose, dress, wig and painted nails... I didn't look anywhere near as good as I can look now, but they were blown away nonetheless.

That night, I experienced the 'wig moment', the one that probably everybody here is familiar with. It's when everything is in place, clothes, makeup and jewelry. Then you put on the wig and gaze into the mirror that first time. Speechless. Almost teary eyed. It was right then and there, I knew that this was now part of me. I would never ignore these feelings again. And Tracy was born.

[Confucius]

There is a psychological and a biological answer to "Why?"

Psychologically, as a small child I believed that parents preferred girls, I believed that females were better persons than males, I also craved my mother's attention, and I believed that girls had it better in life than boys. Girls got all the attention from adults. Girls were praised for being pretty, and they got all the pretty things to wear. I grew up over-valuing the female, and thinking that being a boy was a handicap.

Biologically, during my early years of brain development (synaptogenesis and neural pruning) my brain became hard wired so that activity in one sensory pathway causes an automatic and involuntary response in a second sensory sensory pathway. So while the majority of males can cross-dress and feel nothing special, it is entirely different for us. For us, cross-dressing causes a secondary sensory response where our brain releases dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and a host of other neurotransmitters which produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, sexual gratification and bonding.

[ossian]

Oh I wish at times I didn't have to deal with this. Most of my friend would dump me if they knew. I would probably loose my minimum pay job. My brother would make fun of me. Ultimately I would be alone. My fear. But at the same time it has brought great contentment. I'm screwed. This has been going on for 40 years. Why wasn't I born a girl?

[kimberlybates]

I remember walking over to a wash basket that had some of my Aunt's clean laundry. I saw this long blue silky nightgown and wondered what it would feel like if I was to put it on. I took the nightgown into my room, removed my clothes and let the silky blue nightgown slide down over my body. The sex-citement was so lovely. I knew at that moment I was hooked.

[LoriFlores]

I remember my first time. I had always been enthralled with girls clothing and had wished that I could dress as a girl / be a girl. I had especially liked my sister's figure skating dresses and tights. One outfit I had especially been attracted to was her pink tutu. One day, when everyone was out of the house, it dawned on me that the tutu was available in my sister's bedroom closet. I ran upstairs and excitedly tried it on, it was wonderful. It was on that day that I understood the true nature on my being transgendered!!

[sanderlay]

The... Why... is a question I have asked and searched for in many places. The Nature versus Nurture debate continues with still no hard facts either way. So I have my theory...

Nurture Theory
Because I have been able to over come nurture related issues in my life and not cross-dressing I tend to disbelieve the nurture theories. They are interesting... but I don't think so.

Nature Theory

This idea makes more sense to me because it seams to always be tied to gender expression issues. Something in the brain of the person want to express a gender opposite of their birth sex at some point later in life. This condition can be very mild to very debilitating.

Applied to me - My theory

1) I believe because of hormones while I was in the womb the gender part of my brain was partially feminized. That set the stage for the desire of the feminine and masculine experience to be a part of my personality, my gender idenity.

2) As a child I grow up and learn about males and females. I was attracted to both feminine and masculine things, including clothing. But I'm also told by adults I'm male because of what is between your legs. Males don't do feminine things or wear feminine clothing. So my brain subconsciously calls me to the feminine clothes and tells me to wear them. You will feel feminine. I do and that message has never quit.

[Ume123]

Why? I put on the dress, the hose, the shooz... It feels awesome. We dress because we want to. Perhaps the feeling pulls and drags on us. But why do we get those pulsing feelings. I love all the posts. This is such a deep topic. So why not, Cyndi Lauper sang it better than I can express, Girls just want a have fun.

[Danielle_cder]

WHY??? probably because it rocks! its ultra unique, and I get to play around with my boob size

[sometimes_miss]

In other words, is there to be an understanding of this behavior to offer a cure?

Repeat after me: "there is no cure". At least, not yet. Our personalities are the result of not just out initial genetic predisposition, but all of our experiences too. There have been some CDs that got relief from their crossdressing desires temporarily through electro convulsive therapy, aka 'shock treatment'. But it appears that it may only work by destroying memories, and that as the connections in our brains heal from that shock, the memories and feelings gradually return. So unless you want to destroy your mind, that's no permanent solution. Also, you may very well be reduced to being incapable of supporting yourself, because those treatments don't selectively destroy only what you want them too. Sure, there are still people who get this treatment, but if you get to know more about it, you certainly won't want it.
The best that modern mental health can offer you, is an understanding about why you want to crossdress/feel as if you're a female, which will help you accept this life and deal with it a little better. And that can take years of weekly sessions to figure out, mainly because so many guys hide our experiences and feelings not just from the world, but from ourselves as well. It took me several decades to figure myself out, mostly because the psychologists I went to didn't know any more about gender identity problems than I did! I often wound up bring up subject matter that I had come across myself, which they had never heard of, essentially I was teaching them more than they were helping me.
The goal of western medicine's mental health industry IS NOT THAT YOU WILL BE HAPPY. No. All it is, is to help you become self sufficient and a functional, contributive member of society. Happiness is not in the picture. Western medicine goes to great lengths to avoid anyone becoming happy without working their asses off for it. Consider; the pharmaceutcal industry spent billions of dollars to figure out just how much of the active ingredient in marijuana you need to give senior citizens to get them to eat, without giving them any of the euphoric, happy feelings that usually go with it. THEY REMOVED THE HAPPY PART INTENTIONALLY! It's some distorted, evil puritanical belief that people must suffer in order to ever enjoy themselves.

[sara70morgan]

When I found out that there was some kind of special feeling down there one day when I was shimming up a clothesline pole, and I was very perplexed as to what that feeling was, which I loved of course. Then I realized that was my first orgasm, only without anything coming out. Then I masturbated in panties because first of all the silk felt great, and then I pretended that I was getting into another girls panties. Over time, I not only like the sexual stimulation, but I then started putting on more than just panties, I put on hose, a bra, a slip, a dress, etc. I have never put on heels, and I have only gone out to a drag bar once, and yes, I was not even close to passing. But now, sometimes I wish I were a girl all the time, and I dress not for sexual pleasure, but I dress because I want to be feminine.
Sara