I'm getting stressed and ready to burn everything

[Launa]

I don't get out all that much and tonight was one of those nights I was going to meet up with some local TG girls. I had everything planned out to get ready at home then get in the car and go to our event but my kid called and said I'm coming home now which wasn't planned. So I was 3/4 dressed and started getting stressed to finish and get out the door but there wasn't enough time so I cleaned up, put everything back in my gym bags, opened the garage door and pitched them hard into the walls then said to myself one day I'll die and not have to deal with this shit.
I don't wish to die but I hate this curse.

[Alice Torn]

I can empathize with feeling that I and my family are cursed.

[Lucy_Bella]

I feel the same way sometimes then I think about all of it..The valued time I should and need to spend with the kids/grand kids that I miss out on or have a attitude about missing my own planned time and they can sense that..

I've came to terms that family is by far more important than cding although I never tied the two together I finally realized how much I was missing out on..So I never plan anything to do with cding until I am sure I am free to do so and sometimes surprises happen that even change my free time but I no longer allow it to upset me because it isn't that important..

[Rachael Leigh]

I feel ya hon, it's like that for me every Friday when Im off and dressed most of the day only to take it all off before the wife gets home. Just one day I want to stay dress come to the door when she comes in and say hi honey

[Maria 60]

I feel for you and trust me I know what your going threw, it's so frustrating and just not fair. The Saturday after halloween I went out driving and my son was working until ten, as long as I can remember he has never got off work early. Well that night I was going home to spend a little more time dressed and get undressed at home. I was around the corner from home when I got the text that he got off early and was home. I had to turn around and find a place to undress and not to mention I had make up on. I was so angry I found a quit street and got out of the car and I was almost ripping my cloths off and throwing everything in the car, and when I got home I opened the garage and threw the bag of cloths against the wall. From blessing to curse in a matter of an hour. When I went in I didn't realize I didn't remove my pearl neckless but thank God my son doesn't notice anything. If your like me, we are not asking for much but a break now and then would be nice. Sorry for venting when you were venting just know what your going threw and I know how it is to look forward to something and it doesn't work out. Hope you get another chance soon.

[Erica Marie]

Whoa sweetie, kick back, take a deep breathe and let me reassure you that you are not alone. I have been dealing with this kinda thing for, ah well, forever. I got divorced over 14 yrs ago and thought at that time "great no more wife I can be me" nope, raised two kids and devoted most of my time to them. Well struggle through and my daughter graduates from high school and moves in by me, hmmm things got worse over night. No problem, dealt with that for two years till she left for college. Whew I thought, now is my chance. Wrong, I plan a get away overnight to meet a friend and she calls two days before and says she is coming home for the weekend, like really?? So please, do your best. In time Im sure things will get easier.

[alwayshave]

I have not seen my children in several years. My ex-wife has infected their minds that I am not a good person. It has nothing to do with my being CD. It was that I didn't want to be married to a women who did not love me. I would give up any amount of dressing to see my children and have a relationship with them. Don't look at what you have lost, an evening of dressing, but having a child and a relationship with them.

[mykell]

luana,
im new here and felt it was a curse until my first CD forum, my first friend, my first compliment, my first photo ever for my avatar, and someday i might have my first night out, but foremost since joining it is a blessing to share with the forum my true self, i hope better days are ahead for you and myself !! since joining have more patience with my 14 yr old son.

[Gillian Gigs]

If anything can go wrong...it will. Sorry to hear that your evening out was a no go. If your weather in southern Alberta is anything like what I am getting in central Alberta, it will not be long before winter cabin fever sets in. Take a deep breath and look toward the next opportunity, in the mean time use whatever chance you get to your advantage.

[LaraPeterson]

Hi Launa, let me give you my pennies worth. Over the years, I've purged more than a few times only to return to the fold disappointed that I had to start over each time. The circumstances of ridding yourself of everything may vary, but the feeling of being somehow femme will never go away. Rather than burn it, maybe you can put it away in the attic for awhile and let yourself cool off. Otherwise, you'll probably just waste a lot of money trying to get everything back in order. At least that's been my experience. And like alwayshave said, value your relationships above your habits. They are precious and irreplaceable.

[Rachelakld]

Sorry to hear it, I do have to occasionally disappear before friends that turn up, glad my family helps and warns me and I also have a barky dog who warns me.

[Requal Jo]

I know that feeling Launa. You have everything planned and ready then the unexpected happens. Just when you are about to enjoy yourself. So I just take Requal time when able.

[Marcelle]

Hi Launa,

I am very sorry to hear about your troubles. As my daughter is 28 and knows about Isha I don't have to deal with this sort of situation. Have you thought about taking time away from home (a hotel) and just spending time as Launa once and awhile? This may help to give you breathing space away from your family.

Hugs

Isha

[Cheryl T]

We've all felt that way at times I'm sure.
I was all dressed and ready to head out with my wife one Saturday when our nephew showed up unannounced. I had to hide in the bedroom while she entertained him for about an hour before he decided to go see some friends. I was ready to just chuck it too. I was also ready to just walk out of the room and say "hi, do you know me?" and get it all out in the open but then the wife would have killed me and it would be for naught anyway....lol.
Things get in the way and we just have to roll with it. Think of the times when all went well and you had a great time somewhere. Don't dwell on those bumps in the road.

[Jocelyn Quivers]

I can also sympathize to a degree. Yesterday was all planned out as far one of my pic taking marathons go. I did all of my pre pic taking rituals mainly consisting of overly excessive exercise just to shred a few pounds off, did make up, and got all dressed up. I was in my room just beginning to take a few pics, when all of a sudden a family member who does not know about "me", needed to wash clothes, which is in the room right beside where I was taking pics. This threw off my entire routine as the room I take pics in gets very warm, and my overall pic taking routine involves several locations til I find the one that works best for that particular outfit. Basically I was trapped in one room, which was becoming very warm, to the point my make up was melting, and as a result my pics looked like garbage. It was a let down spending 4-5 hours and getting only 4 pics that turned out even remotely ok, when I had spent the past couple of weeks planning and thinking about this photo shoot which was cut short. On a side note I suggested to my wife that I really should just come out the closet to her family, and deal with the consequences, as situations like this become very demoralizing.

[Launa]

Hi Launa,

I am very sorry to hear about your troubles. As my daughter is 28 and knows about Isha I don't have to deal with this sort of situation. Have you thought about taking time away from home (a hotel) and just spending time as Launa once and awhile? This may help to give you breathing space away from your family.

Hugs

Isha

Isha, I've been pondering coming out to the family and we've hinted around the subject on Halloween but my daughter said I'm not ready to see dad dressed as a girl. Also my wife has said she is a bit concerned if I come out that there might be a new brighter, shinier pink fog cloud surrounding me and thinks I might really put my foot on the gas and hit the nitrous switch!

I've done the hotel thing many times. Problem is I am a big girl and finding nice, classy clothes has been very expensive venture along with good wigs, jewelry, waxings etc....I just bought a 300.00 winter coat. So I'm into the thousands this year on my "outings" and now that I have everything I need want to learn to cut it back a bit.

Hi Launa, let me give you my pennies worth. Over the years, I've purged more than a few times only to return to the fold disappointed that I had to start over each time. The circumstances of ridding yourself of everything may vary, but the feeling of being somehow femme will never go away. Rather than burn it, maybe you can put it away in the attic for awhile and let yourself cool off. Otherwise, you'll probably just waste a lot of money trying to get everything back in order. At least that's been my experience. And like alwayshave said, value your relationships above your habits. They are precious and irreplaceable.

Yeah I can't burn any of it... I've got tooooo much $$$ in those bags and I need them because this feeling isn't going away.

If anything can go wrong...it will. Sorry to hear that your evening out was a no go. If your weather in southern Alberta is anything like what I am getting in central Alberta, it will not be long before winter cabin fever sets in. Take a deep breath and look toward the next opportunity, in the mean time use whatever chance you get to your advantage.

Gillian, I always try to have an edge on my dressing and yeah the weather is cold but 2 weeks ago I bought a beautiful winter coat so I'm ready for anything, especially when Winterfest happens in Edmonton!!!!!!!!!!! We had over a foot of snow 2 years ago, I was just starting out and only had heels to wear! They were filling up with snow going from the car into the bars. LOL

I have not seen my children in several years. My ex-wife has infected their minds that I am not a good person. It has nothing to do with my being CD. It was that I didn't want to be married to a women who did not love me. I would give up any amount of dressing to see my children and have a relationship with them. Don't look at what you have lost, an evening of dressing, but having a child and a relationship with them.

And this is what I need to remember.

Whoa sweetie, kick back, take a deep breathe and let me reassure you that you are not alone. In time Im sure things will get easier.

Yeah, they got easier after I shot gunned 2 beers right after I posted this and then I started to calm down.

From blessing to curse in a matter of an hour. Hope you get another chance soon.

Yep, I am going to dress up again today! However I want to go out to do a little shopping as well. I don't like just staying at home anymore. We'll see if I can do it.

I've came to terms that family is by far more important than cding although I never tied the two together I finally realized how much I was missing out on..So I never plan anything to do with cding until I am sure I am free to do so and sometimes surprises happen that even change my free time but I no longer allow it to upset me because it isn't that important..

Now I can think with a clearer head and this is so true. Family is more important than my quirk. Problem is I'm wondering if I'm a little more TG than just a part time CD which I thought I was for years... So I tend to go a little crazy about not getting out.

[Rogina B]

Get a grip!!! And get a hotel room when needing a launching pad for adventures...Don't wreck your stuff...Cut back on the clothing spending and direct that money toward the outings that you need for personal release...

[daviolin]

Sorry I'm not trying to mean or sarcastic. But I had to laugh at most the comments. Yes, I have fallen into many of the same situations as all you girls. And Yes it was very frustrating. But just learned to grin and bare it. Tomorrows another day. Daviolin

[Tina B.]

Been there and felt that! It passes, there are other days to play, and kids grow up move off and then you have ore time than you want. These days I would gladly put it all away to spend a day or two with my sons, those days don't happen often enough as they get busy living their lives and raising their kids.

[Rita C.]

Sorry to hear about your troubles. I know how you feel, but let me tell you, give it time things will get better. I went through the same thing as you are in my earlier years and as luck would have it all came together. there is no need in trying to stop what life brings, so don't give up. ( there is no way you can stop dressing if you did it will come back and bit you in ass and you will be right back at it.) Hang in there: Rita

[Karren H]

and now you know why I like to play ice hockey.... instead of throwing things and wanting to die.... I throw checks and make someone else feel like they are dying!.... Personally.... things happen... plans change.... I'd rather spend some quality time with one of my children than dress like a woman any day of the week..... lighten up.... don't be so selfish..... there is so much more to life than just this... imho...

[Marleena]

Cut back on the clothing spending and direct that money toward the outings that you need for personal release...

My mind must be in the gutter again.

[Karren H]

My mind must be in the gutter again.

Like we thought it ever left?

[Alice Torn]

Launa, Sorry. I did not word my reply well. I have had a few hellish days lately too, with my control freak older brother, and one with my therapist, and two weeks of misery working on my car, one which was during severe storms. The car still won't run right, and, i almost got run over by vehicles passing by. I put it in a shop, several days ago, but heard nothing yet. A song said "Mama said there'd be days like this." My family definitely has curses.

[Launa]

I'd rather spend some quality time with one of my children than dress like a woman any day of the week..... lighten up.... don't be so selfish.....

This is true about spending quality time, I agree. Kids still live at home so we are always together. I was just trying to bolt out of the house for the night and I only do it twice a month.

Is that selfish?

This curse is selfish!

Get a grip!!! And get a hotel room when needing a launching pad for adventures...Don't wreck your stuff...Cut back on the clothing spending and direct that money toward the outings that you need for personal release...

Rogina, I've followed you on this board for a while now. I think if most of us knew how to handle this side of our personalities when we were younger then we would have structured our lives differently and I probably would have tried to structure mine similar to the way you balance yours.

Cut back on the clothes spending you say.... Well I am going to because now I have just about everything I need. The clothes cost so much because when I go out in public then I need to be wearing outfits that are put together better than the GG's around me. There's nothing about me that helps me pass, blend or hide things. I look like a linebacker in a dress....
So if I'm seen a dude in a dress which I am then I need to look my best for that particular occasion. As for last night we were all going to meet at a "regular sports bar", not a gay bar or gay venue and this is unchartered territory for me. So I needed to look as classy as I could be without overdressing and that just costs $.
I was trying to cut back on the dam hotel bills!

Also when I first started coming out of the closet a couple years back you said on one of my threads, " now go live your life."
See the monster you helped create?