Double Life

[JuliaC]

One of my main concerns with being a crossdresser is this double life...its like i have two sides to my personality and im not really sure how to handle it...

en femme: love makeup, pretty clothes, being bisexual, want to shop

as a guy: love admiring hot woman, love sports, love hanging out with my male friends, want to have a wife and kids at some point, really want a gf right now

I am just not sure how to integrate it all. I love being a guy and all the stuff in my life as a guy is more important to me than crossdressing. But I get strong urges to do all of these girly things. I can't let then affect my guy life though. It sucks having to keep them separate but it causes so much stress!!!!

[Marcelle]

Hi Julia,

I ran into a similar struggle at the beginning (which was not that long ago). The thing to remember is that there really are not two personalities only one "you". You have two ways of expressing yourself "en femme" and "en boy". Some will choose to integrate both halves and spend some time in one gender or the other doing things more prevalent to the gender of choice (e.g., wearing pretty clothes and make-up en femme). Others will choose to live one gender over the other. I have slowly integrated and while I find I do a predominant amount of my old male things "en boy" some of the things I liked to do as a male are done en femme as well. This is me integrating two ways of expressing myself.

Hugs

Isha

[Madeline80]

Seems like sometimes the two sides can compete for attention. And when the female is around a little more than usual, the guy stuff suffers. You know, things like work that needs to be done on the car or the house for example. Try to keep them from arguing and realize that together they make the whole person that you are.

[Pandys]

In the short time I have been here, I have made great strides in understanding my own feelings. This is the best place to "figure things out". lots of great advise.

[Alice Torn]

Sounds familiar. 59, still hoping for a compatible girlfriend, while living a double life, like you.

[windycissy]

I love living two lives. For me, there's no blurring of the two - I never underdress in lingerie when I'm a guy, for example - and I could never give up being a man, which makes the transition to woman more of a hassle, but it's much more exciting, like I'm some kind of double agent moving back and forth across the gender frontier.

[Suzanne F]

I struggle to keep a balance myself. I find myself more and more wanting to be my girl self. I am not sure how to make it all work. I just keep trying to be a good person every day. I want to be a good husband and father. I hate that being Suzanne conflicts with those things since I feel right when I present as Suzanne. I guess I am saying I understand your conflict.
Hugs
Suzanne

[Rachelakld]

for me, I consider it 2 personalities for the simple reason, while the 2 personalities co-operate to create a seemingly single personality to the outside world, if the girl does not get out to dressup, shop etc often enough, she creates mental stress in the boyside.
Also when the girl is out with the skinbag, the boy personallity just watches and relaxes, way better than when your a passanger in a car.
Girl likes chick flicks, boy hates chick flicks,
girl is extrovert boy is introvert

My wife and kids often detect the mood change before I do, and tell me it's time to let the girl out.

When I was young, I thought it was just a kinky phase, but as I age, the girl personality gets stronger, then I notice how many older males CD and wonder if they did CD as often, in younger life.

[Iris_Luna]

I'm just in the same situation... I never taught about this but now my life is 50% of each side. Hard to mantain a balance.

[JuliaC]

Thanks for all the replies so far. As much as I want to keep them completly seperate there are a few things that make that hard like shaving body hair, wanting to not have to be so secretive, wanting to find a girl who is okay with it, etc...

[Julie Gaum]

Rachel wonders whether "older CDs did it as much when they were younger". Although I plan to do an OP entitled "Fleeting Windows" very soon --- we must first define "older". I would consider older as being born before the mid 1950s (For me the mid-1920s). Why? In those years the media focused on a French transitioned actress, Coccinelle, and the American Christine
Joorgensen --- cross dressing was very far into the closet for we were sure that we were some sort of perverts alone in the universe. I would guess that, during those years, CDing was practiced, as I did, in private or by underdressing at the workplace. Though others, like myself, probably came out to wives --- so little was known that such information was dismissed as a fleeting quirk. After the advent of the Internet early groups like Tri-Ess and one in NSW, Australia, brought mostly heterosexual CDs together in a common bond (early 1970s). As far as I know there is no information available of CDs being out in public --- a few movies and finally TV featured comedians who cross dressed for laughs. I recall going to a New Orleans drag-queen show in the 1940s and at Mardi Gras but "out" dressing was very limited to public scrutiny.
Retail chains didn't have policies accepting CDs as a source of revenue and since there, previously, were no Internet resouces for puchasing clothes, makeup, etc. that certainly limited CD activity. Sorry if it has taken so long to answer your question but you can readily see that it was a far different world.
Julie

[Rachelakld]

Hi Julie G,
older to me doesn't really mean a date, but more about life experiances.

Apart from social pressure, when it comes to balance, could your early years be considered more boyish personality and interests and maturing to more womanly personality?

At 20 I wanted 98% boy time and 2% girl time
At 47 I want 60% boy time and 40% girl time (when my week gets to 90/10, I get moody and wife sends me out for more girl time)

[linda allen]

It all sounds fine except the being bisexual when dressed part. Strapping on a bra and a pair of boobs doesn't change your sexual orientation. If you dress as a woman and have sex with a guy, you'll still be bisexual (or gay) the next morning as you put on your business suit.

Dressing as a female doesn't change who you are inside and it doesn't change the life experiences that make you who you are. Most of us manage dressing and a more normal male life without seeing it as a double life.

[Beverley Sims]

Julia,
We all lead a double life, whether we are out or not.

[Lynn Marie]

Leading two lives is great fun, but it gets vastly more complicated with work and family responsibilities. If I had to go back to that, I'd give up the sport and build model airplanes!

[Krissyrotogirl]

I struggle to keep a balance myself. I find myself more and more wanting to be my girl self. I am not sure how to make it all work. I just keep trying to be a good person every day. I want to be a good husband and father. I hate that being Suzanne conflicts with those things since I feel right when I present as Suzanne. I guess I am saying I understand your conflict.
Hugs
Suzanne

Suzanne, I feel exactly the same way. I have a wife and two year old son and dread the day that he is aware Dad is wearing Mommy clothes. That means all the clothes back in the box and I am back in hiding(I recently came out to my SO). I have gotten use to being able to walk around the house dressed however I feel.

[KayleeTaylor]

I use to be the same way. I thought I only liked boys enfemme, the music that I would listen to, movies that I would watch, shopping etc, I thought that was just the girl side of me. It has caused me a tremendous amount of stress over the years until I came to the realization that I liked that stuff no matter how I dressed. I wanted to be happy, I didn't want to keep the female side of me locked away anymore, she needed to be as free as the guy was. But there are no two sides, just me, just as there is only you, Julia. I can't hide anymore, just as you or anyone else shouldn't have to either. Let those feelings out, explore your female side no matter how you are dressed, see if you truly like it. When you get a girlfriend, let Julia out, let her be known right away or very soon after you start dating. If you keep yourself split between 2 sides, if you keep your female side locked away, you will never be happy.

[suchacutie]

My wife once described my situation as "two applications running on the same database. " Our gender'apps' have a common source of information but the execution is markedly different. It's just who we are and eventually it will become commonly accepted as a norm.

[sweetshauna]

Sorry, but if you're bi-sexual while dressed enfemme, you're bi when you're in male mode. As for the occasional "pink" urges, they will get stronger and more frequent the more the femme side is suppressed.
as the double life you talk about. It's a single life twisted around itself, that will straighten itself out as you learn to embrace it, and figure out your end goal.
when it comes to a gr/wife, honesty is the best policy. sure, some will reject & turn away from you. But finding one who accepts Julia is well worth the search and wait.
I wish you the best of luck, and years of happiness being Julia.

[adrienner99]

While there are exceptions, I think most CDs live an impossible balancing act. I would love to "come out" but will not risk the hurt it might cause my family, nor the very real possibility I'd lose my job. So, I am not free to be who I am...maybe it's what I am choosing, but I don't think we have much of a choice. You can be your femme self here, and that absolutely helps. I remember when there was no Internet or sites like this....now just browse the web to see HOW MANY of us there are...THANK YOU FOR THIS WEBSITE!

[Maria 60]

You haven't seen anything yet. I will only speak for myself. The only thing I think about starting on a Monday morning is checking the kids schedule and seeing when I could get a few hours. I alter my male plans to get a few hours to dress. God knows life would be better without the dressing but it's in my blood and have to deal with it. You could stop if you want (good luck with that) or just don't look to much into it and enjoy it for what it is.

[Sharon B.]

I think if I could redo my life, I would spend more of it as a woman. I would have buckle down and study so that I could have a office employment instead of working outside in the construction trades. Have been trying to do the manly things but longing for the feminine items all of my life. Close to sixty now and often wonder what my life would have been like if I would have accepted my feminine self way back then.

[Raychel]

Hello Julia,

I had all the same issues when I was younger.
Once I decided to stop trying so hard, and just be me.
I met my now wife of 20+ years, we certainly have had our ups and downs.
but we have a good life together.

Just enjoy life, be yourself, when the time is right, that special person will come along
and love you for the person you are. No worries, No secrets,

[Lisa X]

I had some opportunities to be Lisa for a few days and it was a lot of fun. However, every time I was happy to switch back to my male role. I truly enjoy my life as a male and being a husband, father and the various roles I have as a male. Like everyone has mentioned on this thread, it is all about finding the balance that works for you and I would add enjoy all that life has to offer.

Lisa,