Disclosing that you crossdress on an internet dating website

[maya1love]

Hi folks:

I am just wondering, for those of you who have dated through the internet using a male profile, do you disclose that you dress in your personal ad?

Now, I'm not talking about crossdresser dating sites, nor am I speaking of sexual partner sites. I mean -- if you are seeking a long term relationship and you put up a profile, do you disclose?

I would love to hear stories from what worked and what didn't work!

[Kate Simmons]

That is not something I would advertise on the Internet even if I'm open with it. That's something that has to be disclosed one on one as far as I'm concerned.

[MichelleinEugene]

Seems like 3rd date material to me. But hey, if you do put it on the profile you're likely to find someone (well actually likely maybe isn't the word) who is ok or even into CD'ers.

[Shanine]

I would not. This is something I would share after many dates with a person, after I have got to know them beyond a bunch of selfies and random moral multiple choice questions about whether I like green tea or earl grey. I am probably just delaying the inevitable, but I just don't feel it should be out there straight out of the gate.

[Tracii G]

Several years back I was posting on a dating site and mentioned I was TG.Even had pics of me in both modes.
I got quite a few responses from both women and men and dated both from that site.
One lady I dated for about a year said it was the fact I was open and honest about who I was that she found interesting.
My advice is let it be known from the beginning that you are TG or a CD that just likes to dress.
That way no surprises down the road.

[daviolin]

Tracii, You hit the nail on the head girl. I think it should be right up front. Because it is an inner you, that will never go away. So she might as well know, right off the git go. Daviolin

[Lorileah]

If dressing is an important part of your life, you should be upfront and honest. It should be presented LONG before you get to the point of intimacy. So if you sleep with someone on the first date typically, you should tell before that.

I will stay with my position that if you keep it secret, you are wasting the other person's time and life by allowing them to believe that things are as they are not.

[maya1love]

Thanks so much for the replies so far. Please remember that the question is whether it should be disclosed in a personal ad, not when in a relationship it should be disclosed.

[Rachelakld]

Some things are better left to do in person, once the relationship starts to develop a serious tone (not something I want to shout to the world, nor do I mention on internet who I shagged and when and how, or how many teeth I have etc) .

I told her about my hobby and showed her my collection on about the 12th date, she played dressup with my stuff and after lots of laughter, we ended up in bed

[AllieSF]

Maya, another thing to consider is how out about this you are? Once out on a public dating site with both male and female pics, or just male pics with some type of statement regarding this personal activity of yours, you are basically out to everyone. All you need is one person who knows another person who may know you to start the ball rolling. If you are totally out and do not fear any repercussions, then I think from a practical viewpoint you will have greater success by putting that in your profile. You will attract people who may be or are tolerant and maybe even accepting of this activity. If not, then you will eventually need, or at least should, reveal this important part of who you are to a prospective long term partner.

[JennyLynn]

Well, I have never gone to a dating site, as I choose to get to know others who like to explore their feminine side here. That being said, I would really appreciate getting to know a local CD friend that would like a good homecooked meal, wine, and maybe trying on outfits for the fun of it. It's tough where I live... upstate NY, but a girl can dream!

[dusktreader]

When I've used social dating sites recently, I've been completely up front about being a crossdresser. I wasn't looking for someone who was just 'ok' with me dressing. I wanted to find someone who was interested in that aspect of myself. How you go about pursuing love really depends on what you are looking for. If you are looking for someone who is just tolerant, maybe it is ok to keep it a secret for a while. However, my time was precious, and I didn't want to burn up a few weeks of dating and hopes only to find out my femme side was a deal-breaker. You may not find as many interested people, but at least theres a better chance that the people that you will find will be open and welcoming to all parts of you.

Having a partner that loves the feminine side of you and wants to participate is so wonderful! I will never again look for someone who I just hope will be 'ok' with me en-femme.

[maya1love]

dusktreader, I love your response!! Can you share more about how you found love online?

[Veronnie2]

One of the tributes to my femme side is my honesty as to who and what I am. My name on sites has been non-descript, but if the contact is a person of interest I do tell them up front as to what my life style is. I found that by being open and to the point, some men and women have been interested. I currently have three men who I have dated and been intimate with for over the last 4 years. One has become widowed, and two have wives who are not in the best of health. The wives know of me and have been ok with their hubbies seeing me as a woman. I have also two GG ladies that I have gone out with and also been intimate with for the last 4 years also. My widowed man, and one of the women have expressed a desire for us to live together permanently in a LTR. I have not decided as of yet if I would do this, as I do have my kids and grand children to consider. So with that said, I feel that being honest and forthright in what you say to a possible date is very important. It has worked for me very well, and has made me a very happy gurl. Veronnie2 AKA Veronnica

[dusktreader]

dusktreader, I love your response!! Can you share more about how you found love online?

Well, I had a relationship about 1 1/2 years ago with a woman that I met on OKCupid. I listed as a Male seeking Female, but in my profile very clearly stated that I was a crossdresser and included some pictures of myself dressed. We dated for a while and it was nice, but things just didn't work out. It was still a lot of fun to date a girl that was into my gender fluidity, and we played dress up and even went out dressed up some.

My current relationship just turned 1 year old and is really, really good. We met in person, not on the internet. However, I was very quick to tell her about my feminine side. That's important to me. Getting it out there right away. Rejection is way easier if you haven't formed any attachment yet. My girlfriend is not just accepting of my gender fluidity, she loves it, and that makes me a very happy girl!

[Alice Torn]

I put it in my Plenty of Fish ad, but got no replies at all. Even without mentioning dressing, I only have about one reply a year. I am on a senior dating site, and have not mentioned dressing yet. I get a few more replies on that one, but they are all looking for well off guys, and i am low income.I may try it there.

[linda allen]

If you don't mind outing yourself, go ahead and publish your crossdressing on a dating site. Remember, you have no control over what happens to your information once you post it. It could get back to your family, friends, or place of employment.

[Pandys]

I posted an add on Craig's list stating I was a pt CD looking for someone to chat, friend LTR or whatever. I had one serious response, we talked by phone for hours and have meet once. She is great and I have high hopes. Time will tell.
It was very nice to get the dressing out of the way, we haven't talked much about it but at least she knows , and seems more interested in getting to know me.

I will let you know.

[Beverley Sims]

If you have the ability to remain anonymous, you can bare your soul on the internet.
If you want relationships do not do it.

[chelyann]

if you OK with the world finding out go for it

[JennyLynn]

I think after reading the posts, and considering all the options, that it's probably not the smartest or safest... or for that matter, the most honest way to go. After all, I'm not looking for the type of relationship that dating sites offer. I'm comfortable being married to my wife and intend on staying married. I guess it was just a thought for meeting another CD that I could be friends with. It's so much more complicated than that, but I won't get into details. But, in general, it's probably best for me to just keep keeping on here at this site and if I ever find someone who wants to do a once a year get together for a nice weekend getaway at a quiet resort...well that would be nice. Familiarity and friendship takes time. We all have time!
Jenny

[sexyjean88]

I would not, especially if its not her thing. Maybe if she brings it up, perhaps...

[Janet Bern]

I have put myself on a few sites as a male and have my female picture
So far no takers... lol

[Asche]

I've been wondering about this myself.

I'm perhaps in a different position from most people here, in that I don't present as a woman, and I dress pretty much all the time except at work. So I would feel like I was misrepresenting myself if I showed up to a first date in male drag.

I'm not quite ready to start dating yet; I've been mostly just doing stuff that throws me together with other people (contra dancing, church, chorus, etc.), but haven't met anyone yet, so I think at some point I'm going to have to suck it up and try some dating sites.

[Wildaboutheels]

For some, this CDing thing IS a "hobby" more or less which means no reason to mention it at all. For others [like yourself after looking at your pics] it would be a big fat LIE not to mention it. IMO, your best bet would be one of the "specialized" sites.

Regardless of disclosure, any MALE on any site, especially the free ones, better be ready for a marathon.