Purging, aging, distorted body image, and other stuff

[joanne_mi]

Hello all. I've recently begun dressing again after a 6 year hiatus. The time gap was related to entering a new relationship with a person that I didn't trust totally, and being burned on that one before, I never told her. She's the type of person that was capable of vindication if hurt, and I didn't want any part of that. So anyway, After that extended time frame, I could no longer bear the lack of dressing, so I let her go. Was that wrong of me? Probably, but I did what I felt I had to do. I've entered into a new relationship with an old friend who knew about all this for years, so that's not an issue at all. She's completely cool with all of it. So, over the last several months I've spent hundreds of dollars re-populating my closet (all the while still wanting to kick myself for the items I let go of). When I had everything, I finally got the chance to dress again. Found out pretty quickly that I'm rusty as hell with makeup, but got through it. Tossed my new wig on (which I'm not completely thrilled with, but my old ones, which I did keep from my purge, look like fuzzy dead animals now) glanced in the mirror and thought, "there she is!". My joy was short lived though, as after looking a bit more closely, came to some conclusion in my head that I looked MUCH older, and quite a bit fatter. I felt like a shadow of myself from only 6 short years ago. I'm not going to purge again, but I'm still more than slightly sad over my deteriorating appearance while dressed. What can I do to improve my self-image and feel better about all this? I've seen tons of girls on here whom are a bit older and still look fabulous. So, any advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm attaching a before and after (actual time span I believe is like 8 years between the 2 pics). Thanks in advance, and love you all.

[Beverley Sims]

Joanne,
I am pleased you are finding happiness now.
Deteriorating image....
Yep I am a little saddened by it but I think of all the fun I had while I had the looks.
Do not get despondent, just keep working on it.

[Nadine Spirit]

One thing I did recently was to go and get a makeover done at Urban Decay. Part of this was that in the last few years I have developed several new wrinkles that just a few short years ago I could swear were never there. Whenever I would apply the foundation I was using, it just my wrinkles that much more noticeable. When I went to UD I informed the sales associate why I was there and what I was wanting out of the experience. She helped me out, did an excellent makeover, and I got some new products that worked so much better for me. I think it erased about 5-10 years from the look I was doing.

My other advice, staying in shape, and spanx!

[Jenniferathome]

... The time gap was related to entering a new relationship with a person that I didn't trust totally, ... She's the type of person that was capable of vindication if hurt ....

Wow, this comment stuns me. Why even start if you know you can't trust your partner? Much better for you to be out of that. And remember, 8 years is a lifetime in fashion. You'd have tossed it all anyway!

[Michelle (Oz)]

I often see young females and wish I was like them ... two wishes actually 'young' and 'female'.

I stopped dressing for 4 years and put on 65lb. Back into dressing was the incentive I needed to lose the weight. Makeup is very kind to age as are blond wigs, colour in clothes and younger style. Of course then you'll be thought of as a cougar. Rather that than look old though. Many happy returns!!

[Adriana Moretti]

joanne sounds like you are me are in the same boat...I am dealing with some of these issues myself after my recent purge. I have decided to get the makeup & body right this time around first before i even attempt to put on a dress again...If you are worried about body image I would recommend working on that...Last month I started a routine in the gym and went on a diet. I also include an ab workout, aqua fitness and some serious back stretching that balerinas and gymnists do.I can see results already but still have more to go to get back to my original shape. Hit the treadmill in the morning for 20 mins before you eat anything, you will be running on bodyfat. If its muscle you need to lose...go for 45-60 minutes and ease up the protien intake. Diet hard...go vegan or vegatarian ...you will feel better and have more energy. I have been bouncing off the walls with energy for the past 2 weeks. I am also documenting my entire process this time into a helpful blog

[AllieSF]

Hi Joanne, I wouldn't worry about your previous relationship experience. If anything, I would look at all the positive aspects of it and try to figure out why it worked then and not now (in the looks and personal reaction to those looks side). Your comment about going into a relationship without 100% trust is not uncommon at all. You may have had some side doubts but needed more time with her to see if your doubts would be confirmed or hopefully not. Also you could replace the word "trust" with "not sure how she would handle finding out about your CDing side". It sounds better and may just be as accurate. She might have been your ideal mate in the looks and maybe in most other areas and you just couldn't help yourself falling hopelessly in love/like or lust as anyone else. You did not say that you married her, so no big deal as you figured out your feelings about her, while at the same time she was doing the same thing about you. Your final decision was that it would not work out and you left based on that, which is only natural.

Now, why do you look different from your earlier picture. Obviously, it was taken several years ago when you were, also obvious, that many years younger. The wig in the picture, at least color wise to me, looks like a very natural and it complimented the younger and thinner face. Yes, you also appear a little heavier now, but not over weight and that could be caused by the poses, angles and lighting of the two pictures. Both outfits look conservative, but the light gray jacket helps break up the monotonous black outfit in your today picture. I.e. The color combinations in the before make you look younger than in the today picture.

Recommendations? Try adding some colors, lose weight if you want to, if not learn to dress for that, again i.e. let the clothes help hide it somewhat and also compliment the rest of the package. All black is a fine look and can really look young cool and sexy, or sedate, traditional and even frumpy. Therefore, add some colors and, yes, white is a color. You still have a great natural smile, what most people see first, a more than pleasant and cute face. So, use what you have and what you can buy to make yourself look and feel younger. It definitely will work for you. And, based on my advanced years you look very young to me.

[Bria]

joanne, I think you look great in your photo, very nice smile. I think your inner person is shining thru, don't worry about the age, its only a number. I have to count past 70 these days, but still feel like I'm about 40. Just keep on smiling girl!! Hugs, Bria

[gennee]

Joanne, age shouldn't ever diminish the joy of living. Cutting out negative people and things is part of being the person that desire to be. I'm 65 and have never been happier in my life.

[Danielle Gee]

joanne, I think you look great in your photo, very nice smile. I think your inner person is shining thru, don't worry about the age, its only a number. I have to count past 70 these days, but still feel like I'm about 40. Just keep on smiling girl!! Hugs, Bria

Joanne: I agree with Bria, You photos look great!

[ArleneRaquel]

Joanie,
It's great to see you back at the Forum. Lovely as ever, I adore your choice of eyewar & outfit. Best Wishes & Love with Hugs !

[kimdl93]

Don't be too hard on yourself. We all are getting older. Granted, you looked great eight years ago, but you still look good. A little practice and you'll look great again! Not the same but lovely in a marginally more mature way!

[Debb]

I dunno, I think you look great in both photos ... blonde or brunette, you are very pretty. Cute, even.

Hey, we all age .. can I guess at the two ages represented in your photos? I'd guess 29 and since you say eight years, 37. Am I close?

[joanne_mi]

Wow, this comment stuns me. Why even start if you know you can't trust your partner? Much better for you to be out of that. And remember, 8 years is a lifetime in fashion. You'd have tossed it all anyway!

I suppose I had many reasons for getting involved with her. Not the least of which being she was extremely normal, to the point of being boring. And I thought that's what I needed. It was foolish and a waste of time.

[joanne_mi]

Joanie,
It's great to see you back at the Forum. Lovely as ever, I adore your choice of eyewar & outfit. Best Wishes & Love with Hugs !

Thank you dear. It's good to be back. I still miss the not needing glasses thing too. Another thing with aging I guess.

[joanne_mi]

I dunno, I think you look great in both photos ... blonde or brunette, you are very pretty. Cute, even.

Hey, we all age .. can I guess at the two ages represented in your photos? I'd guess 29 and since you say eight years, 37. Am I close?

36 and 44 actually. Thank you though, you're my new best friend!!

[joanne_mi]

Thank you all for the kind words and suggestions. Adriana, I've considered a vegan diet like you've suggested, I'm not sure I have the discipline though. I have been watching my calorie intake though. I weighed about 155 in the earlier pic. I got up to 205 this January. I'm done to 178 now, so it's better, but still have a way to go. Thanks so much for the encouragement!

[Lexi Moralas]

We all age Hun, and we all stress over it. But what you should focus on is you look damn good then and now !

[Karren H]

Just because you look older doesn't mean you don't look good.... imho....

[daviolin]

Joanne, I know were your coming from. I feel the same way. Although I haven't purged and hung up my high heels at any time. I do see the aging process taking over. I have learned to dress my age. I know, it sounds frumpy. It really isn't. I've learned to work with what I am and what I have. I am very comfortable in where I am. Oh, by the way. You look very nice in both of you pic's. Keep your girl on. Daviolin

[melanie206]

This thread was just what I needed. I started the day feeling old and sorry for my self. Onward and upward!
Melanie