Want to Rate Your Guilt and Fear?

[LelaK]

Did you ever, or do you still, have a lot, or some, or no guilt about CDing? (P.S., Vanessa mentioned shame. I meant to say guilt or shame. I think they're about the same thing.)

Same question regarding fear of getting caught.

On a scale from 0-10, with 0 meaning none and 10 meaning max, what are your current and past levels of guilt and fear about CDing?

Luckily, unlike some of you other gals, I don't think I've ever felt guilt about CDing, but I had a little fear of getting caught.

Although I never felt guilty about CDing, I did feel ashamed of crying until I was about 6. I remember crying a lot from age 5 or so till age 6 I think. My folks apparently criticized my constant crying, so I felt guilty when I did it. When I was finally able to control it at about age 6, I felt proud for a while, and relieved that I could control it. But in my early adulthood at least I decided there's nothing wrong with crying, so I stopped suppressing it and I think that was a healthy decision.

My Ratings

Past guilt about CDing: 0; Present guilt: 0; Past fear of getting caught: 3; Present fear: 1.

If you like, please talk about where your guilt and fear came from a little too.

(By the way, Vanessa et al, I don't feel that I've ever felt guilt or shame for CDing, which is why I'm curious how others acquired either of those feelings.)

[Tracii G]

Past guilt 0.
Present guilt 0.
Past fear 6 approx.
Present fear 1. one daughter would be fine the other would hate me.

[Vanessa5]

Past guilt 8
Present guilt 1 maybe 2
Past fear 10
Present fear 1

I am going to add shame to my ratings because I think at some point we all have it with this hobby of ours
Past shame 10
present shame 0

[LelaK]

Oh, and I wanted to mention an experience of almost getting caught. Actually it happened twice, when I was about 10 and again about 14. When I was about 10 Mom found my sister's dress rolled up in my bed one day and my explanation was that I just wanted to see how long it would take her to notice the dress missing. I came up with that purely ad lib.

At about 14 I was exhausted from working or something (on the farm) late one evening and went past my folks, who were in the living room watching tv, and on into my sisters' bedroom to lay down on their bed to rest a while. After a few minutes I was rested, but then I got the bright idea to go into their closet and try something on of theirs. I had my pants and shirt off and was wearing a dress or something in the closet, then I heard Dad say to Mom, I wonder where L... is, or what L... is doing. So I hurriedly took off the dress and pulled my pants up. By then Dad arrived and turned on the light and he saw me standing in the closet buckling my pants with my shirt still off. Oddly, he then left right away and never said a word. I don't think he even told Mom how he saw me. So I was relieved to find that my authoritarian Dad had some tolerance. But I never tried anything like that again.

I suppose in both of those situations my fear of getting caught probably jumped up to at least 7 or 8 on the scale, but each time probably for less than a minute.

[thisgal16]

Past guilt 0
Present guilt 0
Past fear 10
Present fear still 10.

Even though I am completely out to my wife and she is supportive the fear of being caught by anyone else is through the roof all the time.
As far as shame i would say past or present I go through periods of time where I have tons of shame and other periods of time where there is absolutely no shame.

[erica12b]

Past guilt 10. (Whats wrong with me)
Guilt now 2 to 6 every so often (if i was not a cd how would my life be)
Past fear. 10
Fear now 5 to 7 cant let it run my life any more

Hope of exceptance down to 3 now that ill find a gf that will except me
Reality check. Up to 8 now. ill be alone the rest of my life

[Gypsy Sam]

Past guilt 10
present guilt 9
past fear 10
present fear 9

Wife has used fear and guilt in regards to this topic upon occasion. Female associates express negative feelings and disgust without knowledge I am a participant. Male associates enjoy the opportunity to ridicule. Heterosexuality rules the world make no mistake.

[KayleeTaylor]

Past (younger than 20) guilt: 0. I was enjoying life happy and carefree
Past (younger than 20) fear: 2. Still had confidence issues, but mostly overcame them because of my supporting roommates

Not so distant past (about 20 y.o. to 30 y.o.) guilt: 7. I was in the Army and tried to fit in with the guys and I felt ashamed of who I was(am)
Not so distant past (about 20 y.o. to 30 y.o.) fear: 10 I had no support for about 8 of those 10 years, and with the macho attitude of my Army buddies basically put me into hiding. I got so depressed during that time of my life because I wasn't myself, I closed myself off from the world.

Present guilt: 0. I am out of the Army and I have been breaking down all the walls I put up around myself.
Present fear: 2. After my rollercoaster of a life so far, I have accepted who I am and I haven't been more happy I have no fear and no regrets for what I did or didn't do in my 20's

[Kyle]

Past guilt about CDing: 10; Present guilt: 0; Past fear of getting caught: 10; Present fear: 3.

[vikki2020]

Nice "Barometer"!
Past Guilt:--6
Present Guilt--0
Past Fear--10
Present Fear--0
I actually go into neighborhood stores now, hoping to "run into" someone I know---I want the word to spread! The snow-ball has started to roll downhill, in that regard, and the conversation has got a bit of a start. I think the dam is about to break------finally!

[Candice Mae]

Past guilt 7, Had a hard time accepting that I'm not a man, after being raised to be one.
Present guilt 0 I like who I am
Past fear 9 Not sure who I was and did not want everything to be revealed until I was ready.
Present fear 2 I am proud of who I am, but still want to reveal my self on my terms

[AmyGaleRT]

Past guilt: 6, especially when I felt I had to conceal it from everyone, especially Sabrina.
Present guilt: 0. I know exactly who and what I am now, and I am perfectly fine with it.
Past fear: 10. I was so far down in the closet that "up" was for astronomers...
Present fear: 2. I no longer have any fear of going out as Amy, but I still don't want to completely reveal my nature to everyone.

- Amy

[Jaylyn]

Past guilt---0 mom started my dressing at birth actually. I started playing in her makeup early in life also.
Teenager guilt----5 I knew I was doing something different but it started being a sexual release thing also....
Twenty till now ---- back at 0 I feel it is my life and if I enjoy the feelings I have wearing the clothes I will. ...
I did take a break in there for a few years raising kids.
Getting caught by others... 9-10 Would be embarrassed because every one of my
kids and friends think I'm a macho man.
Wife knowing----- 0 she knows and approves
The older I get though the less I am caring what anyone else thinks but I guess just thinking of what others would think scares me still. I really want to take it to my grave but have fantasy's of being out on the town with a group of CD's having fun in a club. Probably won't ever happen though.

[GretchenJ]

Past guilt: 10
Present guilt: 7 if I knew that I could just tell my wife with no repercussions and everything would be the same it would be 4
Past fear: 5 Only dressed at home, little chance of getting caught
Present fear: 8 Now that I have gone out a very few times, the fear has ramped up somewhat

[docrobbysherry]

Guilt/Shame- Before coming out online here 6 years ago-8 or 9
After coming out here 6 years ago----------------------6 or 7
Now--------------------------------------------------3 or 4

Fear of being caught at home- Before this year---------8 or 9
After telling my daughters this year--------------------0 or 1

Fear of being caught out dressed-Before 6 years ago----10
Now---------------------------------------------------5

[hazelm]

Guilt, 0. I am perfectly comfortable with who I am and what I do.
Fear, 10. I've heard extremely bigoted things from people I know. I'm pretty sure these people aren't nice enough to overcome their prejudices. Else they would have done so already.

[Beverley Sims]

Lela,
Past and present guilt about Cross Dressing: 0; Past fear of getting caught: 3; Present fear: 2.

When away on holidays, absolutely zero.

[Karen kc]

Past guilt: 9
Present guilt: 1
Past fear: 9
present fear: 10

My wife supports me but I"m afraid of the ramifacations on her and Ithink my 3 kids would disown me. My neighbors,even though good people, worry more about what others are doing more than themselves

[SamGreen]

Past guilt: 9
Present guilt: 7
Past fear: 7
present fear: 10

Too much more at risk now, with a young family and us being involved with the community more. It appears the younger crowds seem to be more tolerant, however I don't think the over 40 group has such mind sets.

There is also my little offspring. I'm not sure what they'd say.


My wife knows since we've been dating but it's more a dadt.

Hrumph.

[Marcelle]

Hi Lelak,

Past guilt - 0
Present guilt - 0
Past fear - 10
Present fear - 0

Hugs

Isha

[Anneliese]

Past Guilt - 0

Present guilt - 0

Past fear - 8 (average)

Current fear - 5 (average of zero for close friends and most family and 10 for everyone else, who I know I shouldn't give a damn about)

[kimdl93]

I won't bother rating past guilt...or fear. Which point in time...on an infinite range? Besides, my memory, like everyone's is a construct vaguely resembling reality at any given moment.

Present guilt...0

present fear...2-3. Not so much of being outed...just wariness of the brutish behavior possible in redneck areas.