When I was younger and still living at home I came out to my mom. She used to tell me I had lost my mind for doing this and had no common sense or sense of decency, appropriateness or reality. She tried to make me feel stupid for doing it. There are times when that frame of thought rears it's ugly head. This past weekend, I seemed to have some kind of religious conversion on NY eve and I started to get these kinds of feelings again. Questions, comments, observations welcome.
Yeah, sometimes.
I think we all get that way one time or another. That is why many of purge and buy and purge and buy again cycle. Dont feel guilty or stupid about who you are, embrace it. "no common sense or sense of decency, appropriateness or reality" that phrase is like the pot calling the kettle black. We just do something that is less that acceptable to society and we have to get past that. It is ok for people to have tattoos all over there body or 100 different piercings all over their face and people dont give them a second look and go on with life but 20 years or so they were in hidding as well. Us crossdressers need to let the world know we are not freaks, we dont bite and we are not perverts. The folks who deal with us in public places, Lane Bryant, regional department stores, Victoria's Secrets, Torrid (a place I have had excellent service from), etc, know that we are normal people too, we just need to show the world that as well and let them know that we have common sense and sense of decency, appropriateness or reality. If we hold our heads up, wear our skirts and bras and panties and dont look back, society will accept us well as they do purple hair goth rockers.
I used to get these feelings before I accepted myself and that the thing that I do (crossdressing) while not main stream is nothing to be ashamed of. I dress in womens' clothing - so what - nobody died.Originally Posted by kwebb
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The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I deal with these same feelings frequently. I've been dressing intermittently for about 30 years or more. I think I started experimenting when I was in high school and have off an on since then. My wife caught me en femme several years ago so I had laid off dressing. Have had several contentious discussions regarding this. As others have said, I've purged and started over several times. With recent TV shows, I am not sure whether it has helped me feel more comfortable or not.
Bottom line, I am still dealing with all this as well. Hopefully others have more insight into these feelings. Just realize that you aren't alone.
Sarah
Gosh, tell me about it. If only I could of been this accepting of myself when I was younger....what a great time I would of had. Ah well I guess I should just be grateful that I can accept my self now.
Btw Jan, I love your bigger profile pic - looking really good.
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The River City Gems - Northern California's largest and most active crossdressing & transgender support group!
I'm not sure I ever felt foolish or stupid, or at least not too much so. I was just continually confused as to why I had this need in the first place.
I was certainly the only boy I had ever heard of who wished he was a girl, and felt that way for several years until I found a book on a drugstore paperback rack, written by a person who expressed herself in just the terms I had been feeling.
Y'know, not really. I mean, I can see where it would be a legitimate question and all, and looking closely at any of my pics, all you really see is a guy in a dress....but I still don't feel foolish, guilty, stupid, or anything of that sort. I just feel.....correct.
Any money found in the laundry is MINE!
"This is no social crisis....this is me having fun!"
www.flickr.com/photos/tgmarla/
NO! I have never felt this way and of course I have never come out to any of my family and never will. Only my ex-wife and a few very close friends know and they are the type of people who are sympathetic. Organised Religions are man made and have a lot of cultural baggage, much of it to do with breeding more little followers, so anything that goes against that idea such as Contraception, Abortion, Same Sex Relationships, and Cross Dressing is condemned. Although I believe in God I don't need Churches which can only harm you if you believe in their power to do so.
I am what I am and as I have told GFs and my ex-wife, you take me as I am, if you don't like that, go away. I don't buy into "Guilt Trips" and would advise others not to get on THAT bus either!
Last edited by Helen MC; 01-03-2006 at 12:46 AM.
[SIZE="5"]Helen[/SIZE]
Do you ever feel stupid for wearing male clothes? How could you feel stupid for dressing up the same way 50% of the population dresses? CDers are just as mainstream as anyone else, its just that people want to project their own prejudices onto us.
I have never felt stupid even when my mother caught me one day. I knew she could not understand why I dressed so I never listened to anything she said. She had quite a few other prejudices along racial and religious grounds and I never listened to them either.
If you still have feelings of being stupid then that suggests to me that you have not fully accepted what you are. If you did then you would feel special not stupid. Crossdressing is a gift not a burden
Beautifully put Helana!
I feel that too many CDs and TVs harbour some sort of residual "Guilt Trip". Hence the prevalence of "purging" (something I have never done. The only occasions I have thrown panties or any other female clothing in the trash has been if they are worn out, for example the sewn on elastic of modern briefs has washed out and lost its tension, or they have become too small for me to wear).
We should take a lead from the Homosexual and Lesbian communities who are certainly not shameful or apologetic about themselves, far from it!
I started to crossdress in my early teens having been sexually aroused by panties for a while before that but only plucking up the courage to try on a pair of my sister's knickers when I was 12. Remember that this was the mid 1960s and in those days sexual knowledge was nothing like as widespread as it is today and magazines such as "Forum" were still a few years in the future and like many CDs when they begin I felt I was the only boy who wore girls' knickers! However I read a reply in the Problems Page of one of my Mother's Magazines( Evelyn Home in "Woman" I think) where a woman had written that she had caught her husband wearing a pair of her knickers. The reply was quite sympathetic for those days and from this I both learned the word "Transvestite" and that there were other boys and men who wore female underwear and other clothing just like me.
I made a point of reading all I could about Transvestism, not as easy then as it is now, there was no Internet and a lot of the medical books etc were condemnatory, as this was about 1966 and in the UK Homosexuals were still imprisoned then.
Apart from practicing great "security" and I was never caught at home or in school although I had a couple of close shaves which I have mentioned on another post, I also made a decision that people if they did find out would have to take me as I am, being happy crossdressing and that I would NOT change for anyone be they family or friends. With any girlfriends I had after leaving the family home and moving away to a home of my own in another town many miles away I told them of my CD activities as soon as the relationship got to the physical stage. A couple broke it off, another two were relaxed about it and we broke up for other reasons not sexual ones. When I got married I was equally up front and my ex-wife didn't worry about my CD side and we shared some items, especially panties, as we were the same size . We divorced for other non -sexual reasons and are still quite friendly.
So my advice to any TV or CD with self doubts are to sing that old song "I am what I am" and throw your scruples in the trash can, NOT your panties and skirts! You are you and you do not have to apologise to others or justify yourself in any way. Enjoy Life, you only get one shot at it as far as I can see.
[SIZE="5"]Helen[/SIZE]
I don't feel stupid dressing like a girl. I feel alive and happy and beautiful and proud of myself when I put on a dress.
I hate the fact that sometimes we have to hide it because people see us as weird or perverted, but I also feel sorry for them. If they can't see all the beauty, and wonder in the fact that everybody on earth is different and needs to express themselves in different ways, then that's their problem, they need get over it. Let them go about there boring lives conforming to other peoples idea of how to behave. I'm going to go on doing my thing and hope you all will too.
This subject has been on my mind alot lately! My ex-wife told me as recently as a couple of years ago ~ (we've been divorced for over fifteen years now) that she always said that I didn't have any common sense.
Me? I suppose you could say that I'm somewhat of an intellectual ~ I prefer scholar. I read alot and own ALOT of books ~ and I do mean alot ~ and hardly any of them are fictional. They cover a variety of subjects ~ from archelology, science, religion, history, mathmatics, physics, anthropology, politics. Magazines that I subscribe to are National Geographic, Poplular Science, Discover, etc. I'm a college graduate with a degree in finance, retired U S Marine, and currently work in a lab ~ yet ~ I don't posses any common sense?:mad: Hmmmmmmmmmmmm! Go figure?
No common sense ~ its been my common sense and street smarts that have allowed me to survive thus far to date, staying six or eight moves ahead of those that wanted to throw me under the bus ~ just to see the look on my face.
Guilt? Now that's a horse of a different color! Because of my crossdressing, I've suffered through a tremendous amount of guilt ~ and to keep the military from finding out about my crossdressing while going through my divorce ~ I pratically gave away the farm and everything that goes with it ~ to prevent it from becoming an issue. I've also crawled inside of a bottle, for many a year ~ not so much of my crossdressing, but because I felt that somehow I had let my children and my family down.
its taken me over fifteen years to come to the realization that crossdressing or not ~ she STILL would have divorced me ~ because of the job that I had that require so much of my time, effort and energy ~ that I had very little left to give~ That + the fact that when all was said and done ~ she was pretty basic, pretty simplistic ~ as are a lot of people ~ if not most!
Not to insult anyone nor make anyone mad ~ but these so called evanligical Christians ~ and other fanatical relilgious types ~ just blow me away! The become so enraptured with it all to the extent that it and it alone IS and becomes they're lives! Then they run around judging everyone else ~ comdeming everyone else for not believing as they do, being and living as they do, for not "walking THEIR walk!" "Talking THEIR talk!"
Me? I don't judge anybody! "But, by the Grace of Almight God ~ there go I!"
And, I don't hate anybody ~ just because they're who they happen to be! I may not approve of them ~ their choices ~ their lifestyle and may choose to associate with them for one reason or the other ~ but I don't hate them nor dislike them.
I've now come to the point in my life ~ to where I'm just not "getting on the bus!"
There are all kinds of people in this world, and they've all got different things that "flip their triggers and float their boats" which aren't necessarly the same thing as my own.
There's a lot of people out there that insist that the way that they live their lives is the only way, and the right way!
I guess that the reason it takes some of us SO long to find self acceptance! We've got to de-program and de-brief all of that crap that was put in our heads from an early age. About what's wrong, and what's right!
I laugh to myself when I hear someone say, "Well! I just wasn't raised that way!" WHAT? You're not capable of forming your own independent thoughts, conclusions, and opinions.
It also cracks me up when people say, "Well, its says in the Bible!" Which Bible? The KJV? The Mormon? The Catholic Bible? The Greek Orthodox Bible? The Russian Orthodox Bible? The "Bible" has been so mis-interpeted and corupted over the last 2000 years that's its un-real! The KJV really did a slaughter job on it.
People are so IGNORANT! My last name is a variation of a name that appears in the KJV ~ and people ask me if I'm Jewish? No! My last name is English ~ and to be proper about it is actually Anglo~Saxon, and has Gemanic, Scotish and Irish versions of it! Its a very old and acient name. I promise you ~ Jesus name in Hebrew was not Jesus. Jesus' name in Aramic WAS not Jesus!
But, people buy off on this at face value! Primarly because they've had it pumped into their heads from the day they could understand whatever language they were taught!
A lot of the self doubt and guilt comes from outside sources about what a man is, what masculinity is, what being a woman is, and what being feminine is! I caught a lot of flak back in the 70's because in high school I took two years of typing ~ (Thank God I did! ~ definately one of the smartest things I ever did!) I was one of only two other guys that took typing in high school! Hey! Its where the girls were!
Its taken me a lot of years to accept being transgendered ~ to accept being a crossdresser. And, I've accepted the fact that I'm may prefectally well end up being single and alone for all the remaining days of my life! So be it!
I've spent the better part of my life trying to serve and make other people happy ~ and the simple fact of the matter is that I've got more good days behind me than I've got ahead of me!
You know what~! I'm through with the self doubt! I'm through with the self flagulation! I'm through with the guilt! I'm through with beating myself up over being who and what I am!
The simple truth of the matter is, is that there are a lot of simple minded, one dimensional people running around out here in the world! Who, while not being transgenederded ~ are obsessively - compulsively obssessed with alot of things such as gambling, sports, NASCAR, deer hunting, sex, religion, ~ the list is endless.
The simple truth of the matter is, "Quit beating yourself up, quit flagulating yourself! There ARE more than plenty of people out there waiting outside your frontdoor ~ just waiting to do the job for you ~ JUST to see the look on your face! And, for no other reason!
The simple fact of the matter is ~ that most people don't care what you do or wear! They're too wrapped up in the day to day to care! To think about it! They're worried about keeping their jobs, staying employed, paying their bills, keeping a roof over their heads, braces for little Johnny, health problems, their spouse running around on them, leaving them, spending too much money, trying to keep them happy!
Crossdressing? There's really nothing wrong with it! Its not hurting anything, nor anyone! The world isn't going to come to an end, just because you're a man and you wear women's clothes! It doesn't make you less of a man! You think so? The thing about talking "smack" to a crossdresser or a gay man is that, THEY'RE still a man, and it would be really embarrssing to have someone wearing a dress with red painted nails kick your butt all over the parking lot! Don't think for a moment that they can't, won't and will, if the occassion arises! Crossdressers may dress like a woman ~ but they don't necessarly fight like one! Bring it on!
The fact of the matter is ~ there are a lot of crossdressers that are trained, skilled former, current, and reitred military, law enforcement officers. etc. Trust me! You don't want any part of this old gal ~ you just don't!
All children posses the potential to be a disappointment to their parents ~just as all parents posses the potential to be a disappointment to their children! Just as all husband's posses the potential to be a disappointment to their wives, ~ all wives posses the potential to be a disappointment to their husbands! End game is that we're NEVER good enough to ourselves ~ nor to anyone else!
I've gotten off of that bus ~ I'm not getting back on it! Me? I'm living for myself now ~ no one else! I did the best I could to and for my parents, my family, my children, my country. I was the best father, husband, son, that I knew had to be and could be at the time ~ in the end ~ it probally wasn't enough for any of them!
But, I know this ~ and I know it well! I did and gave my best at the time ~and I gave them ALL the best years of my life! I have no guitl about that!
I've suffered and scarificed all of my life ~ but now its time for me, and for what I want and NEED in my life, and I'm through making apoligies about that!
Well said Dana! Carry on the good work.
I don't argue with a gal who keeps a .45 handy on her garter belt.
As our hearts are held captive and snared to a persona to we disire,many a mirror are a bit too truthfull, resulting in unfavourable feelings,giving our ability to feel confident in who we are a bit of a nudge.
I feel stupid,is too strong a portrayal,more likely self-doubt and frustration.
Remember though,to be able to question,is an enquiring mind,unlike the boofheads that mock us.
So be like me,get a mirror that LIES....and as you drift through you're daily monotonous duties,twinkle as though you don't bloody care.
fal xx
Count me in too Dana,
i won't take a backward step either,you in the states and me in oz,we'll humble them over two continents.
fal[fired up]
As per usual, outside forces have got me 2nd guessing the whole thing. And I almost hate to bring religion up here, afraid it could somehow 'poison' the board, but its really one of my major issues. I'll say one more thing about it and then leave it alone. Everyone always says, well God did not take it from me and I prayed for him to remove it. Could it possibly be not about God taking it away ,or taking away the urges for me. Or should I think the other way around. For instance, not Him doing it for me(taking away the urge) but me doing it for him ( stopping the behaviour).
When I am in church I sometimes get the feeling, its just like any other thing that might be considered to be unholy, like drunkeness, lust ,etc. That I need to somehow change.
People whom have no understanding of this, think it can be put away, sort of like, well, if I know chocolate makes me gain weight, then I will simply stop eating so much of it. Ie, if I know CDing causes me these feelings of guilt and shame, then I should simply stop doing it. Easier said than done, but sometimes these things require a fight, some effort.
Will I ever just accept this part of me w/o the shame or embarassment, I dunno.
Well said Rosemary, I couldn't have put it any better myself.I don't feel stupid dressing like a girl. I feel alive and happy and beautiful and proud of myself when I put on a dress.
I hate the fact that sometimes we have to hide it because people see us as weird or perverted, but I also feel sorry for them. If they can't see all the beauty, and wonder in the fact that everybody on earth is different and needs to express themselves in different ways, then that's their problem, they need get over it. Let them go about there boring lives conforming to other peoples idea of how to behave. I'm going to go on doing my thing and hope you all will too.
Gemma xx
I wouldn't say I feel "foolish" or "stupid" for enjoying crossdressing but I still occasionally catch myself feeling somewhat embarrassed about my crossdressing even though I am basically at peace with who I am and my wife is totally accepting of my crossdressing. I never got caught crossdressing when I was younger and my parents, at least my Dad, never had a clue I was doing it the whole time I was living with him but I always lived in mortal terror of him or my mom finding out, although in hindsight, I doubt that anything awful would've happened if they found out. I guess I am still struggling to feel comfortable being a bit "different" than most guys (not that I want to be like most guys). That being said, I definitely enjoy my crossdressing, especially when I can be fully enfemme, and will NEVER give it up again!
Sometimes I feel foolish. Thats usually a result of knowing (or thinking) what people would say or think if they saw me dressed up. In other words, its a result of societies view of crossdressers.
When I am not thinking about that, or if I just say "screw it, it doesn't hurt anyone" then I am at ease and comfortable.
yes for shure when i did not understand this whole thing and tryed to repress this and hide it but out of nowere there i would be all dressed up i would feel like just so at ease and then it would be omg what the hell am i doing ??? back to "him" mode doing something crazey just to show my selfe i was ok ....
Not now that I know it's for ME!! Great responses girls all of them. Dana absolutely Great, good to see you all Cranked up. You Go Girl, what more can anyone say.
Nope I dont feel foolish or stupid. I just wont tell my mom about cding I know how she would feel if I told her.
It is possible to allow CDing and circumstances to lead us into lives of isolation and depression. That is stupid. So I guess I could react to the problem by turning my back on my femininity, but to me that would be foolish.
I choose instead to strive for balance, and to always be pushing the envelope a little bit seeking opportunities for expression and acceptance, perhaps even intimacy. Yes, I hide my dressing et al from many people, but only because I know they couldn't handle it well. But with anyone whom I know "gets it", I don't feel the least bit ashamed or foolish or stupid. I like this aspect of me.
Thankyou so much GemmaWell said Rosemary, I couldn't have put it any better myself.
Gemma xx
It's lovely to see so much positive thought here from everyone. I know it gives me wonderful encouragement to carry on dressing and be my whole self.
Hugs
Mary
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