I told my SO pretty much at the beginning of our relationship - it seemed the only, honest way. We've been married for several years since and it feels good that I haven't misled her. I can understand how difficult it is to bring the subject up though.
I told my wife about a year before we were married and her immediate reaction was that I could keep my fem stuff but she didn't want to see me in it. Never pushed the issue with her, kept it out of sight for a long time. About 4 years ago I found an opening to talk about it and found that without any encouragement from me or anyone else, she had come to accept it, and has been cool with it ever since.
within 4-6 months. been smooth sailing ever since.
I told my ex about it in the early days of dating, she was very accepting even during our marriage, buying me several dresses and lingerie. Then 26 years after we got married, she said she wanted a divorce due in part to my dressing. Found another woman, again told her early in our dating, a year later she told me it was over. That was 8 years ago, no one since. So much for being honest upfront. Now at 56 I have given up on finding someone and live alone, no dating.
I told my wife a few weeks after we started dating, while I was single I was able to dress as often as I wanted and I wasn't able to those first few weeks. Since telling her I have come to understand myself better And dress more than I ever thought I would.
My CD SO told me before we even met. I had time to do my own research and asked a lot of questions. I highly recommend this course of action, even if it results in a "thanks but no thanks". What would you prefer, a polite brush off now, or a freak out later?
Susan GG
I told my SO right from the get go about my hobby, 2nd - 3rd week of dating.
Problem is its not a hobby anymore!
Took me over 20 years before I told my wife. I didn't tell her because I couldn't explain it at all. Finding this forum and realizing I wasn't alone, helped me to talk with her about it and why it took me so long. We are still together, and our relationship is stronger than ever. If I knew then what I know now, I would have told her along time ago though..
One month shy of the 4 year anniversary of our first date. Don't wait if it is at all possible to tell your SO if you haven't. It will cause a lot of hard feeling. Think 3rd date material.
We'd been together for several years when I told my fiancee. I did so because I thought we were going to be forced to get married soon, and she needed to know before that happened. Based on her reaction, both she and I are agreed that I should have spoken up a lot sooner!
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
20 years. Wish I had come clean long before that.
I told my ex girlfriend about 3 months into dating that I was a crossdresser. She freaked, told me she wasn't a lesbian and asked me never to do it again. 5 months later we broke up. I have been single ever since.
Finally decided on a name! Lindsey
"Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure."
J.K. Rowling
I told my wife on about the second or third date. That was 34 years ago and we are still married.
Stephanie
30 plus years.
[SIGPIC]http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/image.php?type=sigpic&userid=82706&dateline=137762 0356[/SIGPIC]Linda
Told my wife while we were still dating about crossdressing. About ten years in I told her about gender issues, and growing GD. Last April I told her that I was seeing Doctors and therapist about HRT, and possible transition. July 12 started HRT. She knows all about my plans to transition.
We're still married. It has NOT been a piece of cake.
For those that told after years into the marriage (Jenniferathome 20+, and others) and had a good outcome but regret not telling sooner, there may be an assumption that the results would have been the same. It may have been, but maybe not. Maybe it took as long as it took for it to feel like "now's the time, before now it wasn't". Revelations may not survive a young unstable marriage but may survive a more mature and stable one. Who's to say? Don't we all wish we knew then what we know now? Tell your wife 35 years ago "I'm going to put water in a plastic bottle and sell it for a dollar. We're going to be rich". "You're NUTS!"
p.s. I'm not implying that all young marriages are unstable.
We had been together for 4 years as boyfriend and girlfriend.
We were about to get engaged but I had never told her that I was a cross dresser (sound familiar!).
I was completely afraid to share my secret but knew that she should know before we got married.
She was definitely shocked, asked me to quit, learned more about it, become somewhat interested and supportive.
As the years have passed, my passion for cross dressing has substantially increased but my wife doesn't know about what an essential part of my life this all is.
Will have to tell again someday, just now sure when or how...
I was about a year or so before I told my girlfriend, now wife. She wasn't thrilled about it, couldn't believe it, asked if I was gay, etc. Trouble came after marriage when she realized it was more than a lark.
Eight years in and I still haven't told her. Very much doubt I will now. At one stage I thought she might suspect it. Now I don't know. Trouble was that I figured out I was TG before I met her. When we first started dating it was a non issue as I expected to be dropped anytime and I was just enjoying being with someone for a change. But the relationship developed, one thing led to another and somehow the subject never came up even though she has referred to me as 'a bit of a woman' and told me that at one stage she actually wondered if I was gay during the early stages of our dating.
Now I don't know where I stand. What do I tell her? I don't even crossdress that much anymore. Do I tell her I'm TG but don't intend to transition?
Maybe as the judgemental types who like to pontificate on the subject I am deceiving her. Or am I protecting her?
I don't know.
Good point Nicole. And it could go the other way too. Some marriages become unstable much later on. Long time dressers that sense this should probably keep their dressing a secret for life!
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
I told my wife on the night that I asked her to marry me. It was the hardest thing that I had ever done.
She just said one word......So.
We will celebrate our 23 anniversary right before Christmas.
My wife found out after we had been married about three years, we had gone out off and onfor about five years prior to marriage. A lot of the time we were going out I wasn't dressing a lot, deep into denial and trying to be macho. I got caught and so dumped almost all my stuff trying to keep the peace. A few years later I was working out of town and she hadn't move yet and I had gotten some things I was keeping where I lived. She came and surprised me one weekend and found the stuff in my drawers. She asked me if it was mine of it there was something else I needed to tell her. I told her it was and she just said ok. Then about a month later she was there and asked to see me in something. She has since then at times been really into with me while at other times she doesn't seem to like it.
If I had it to do over again, if I had known then what I know now, I would have talked to her about it long before I did. I can see the value in being open and honest about but I kept trying to stop doing it and at times hated myself for doing it. So how could I have told her what I couldn't explain or at times live with myself.
"It takes all kinds of kinds" Miranda Lambert
Now some point a finger and let ignorance linger
If they'd look in the mirror they'd find.
That ever since the beginning to keep the world spinning
It takes all kinds of kinds.
My wife and I discovered Tina together, so she knew as soon as I did. We had been married 32 years at that point.
Three months after we got married. We had been together about 3 1/2 years. It had taken me that long to figure it out myself and coming out to her as a C/D and bisexual was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. We have been married now for 3 1/2 years and it may have taken a while but she accepts me now for the last two years or so and has been so supportive the entire time. I'm lucky.
unfortunately it was over 25 years. Perhaps if it was soon she might be more accepting by now
Posting Permissions
