Adoring Women

[littleronidude]

So I'm 24 and have been dressing forever it seems. Even when I've tried to hide this part of me it always comes back. Growing up I always fantasized about what it would be like to be a woman. When I see a good looking girl I start to think to myself how amazing would it be to be in her shoes and be so beautiful. I envy their clothes they wear and the heals and make up they get to put on. Now that I've been on my own for 5 years now and moved to California, my dressing has really become part of who I am, and I've told several people about it which I thought I never would. I'm really starting to actually consider transitioning because of how truly happy I am when I'm in girl mode and a lot of people have told me they've never seen me as happy as I am when I'm dressed. This is something that's been on my mind for a long time now and I'm at a crossroads where I feel its now or never but I feel so lost. Is it weird that I absolutely love and adore women so much that I want to be one as well? I dream about who I could become if I could gain enough courage to finally just come out to everyone and begin this process while I'm still young. Sorry if this just sounds like I'm venting...

[Gretchen_To_Be]

Not weird at all. This is how I've always felt. But by now my die is cast; I have a wonderful wife and great kids. My wife is super gorgeous and dresses the way I would like to, so I can live vicariously through her. Plus she shares in my CD adventures sometimes, so for me it's enough. But like you I adore women and femininity.

If you are going to do something, do it now. I'm 46. If the internet had existed when I was your age, with all the info, resources and role models, I wonder what I would have done.

[Erica Marie]

Not weird at all.

If you are going to do something, do it now. I'm 46. If the internet had existed when I was your age, with all the info, resources and role models, I wonder what I would have done.

I am kind of in the same situation. If I only knew of the resources available to me when I was young I would have done things all different.
My advice is to seek out a good gender counselor, and find out your options.

[Beverley Sims]

You sound quite normal to me and your feelings are not unusual at all.

[Kate Simmons]

Strange as it may seem, we are all exactly who we are supposed to be.

[Katey888]

Life can be so confusing and conflicting sometimes... I think Erica's is good advice; a well qualified gender counsellor would be a good place to start. And do spend some time digging into this forum - there are bound to be threads and conversations that will help a bit. Many of us have a similar adoration for women, don't think of it as weird...
Katey x

[Debra Russell]

Think about who you are now and who you will be at age 60 - imagine it - and life as either M or FM it will get you closer to the reality you want to expierence - a lot to think about.................................Debra

[kimdl93]

I think you need to reevaluate your motivations. The keyword may be "fantasized". Loving and adoring women quite likely is not the motivation for wanting to be one. That is a romanticized notion. Is "being a woman" a substitute for being with a woman? If so, you've created an idealized notion of womanhood and need to learn what women really are and are not... not the airbrushed and photoshopped version of women pushed by media. I mean women who get up, get dressed cope with life's realities...including the false images of femininity.

If you really think that you may be transsexual, ask yourself "do you need to live as a woman" or more concretely do you feel that you ARE a woman? If the answer is anything less than unequivocal, then you have some more thinking to do. And if you really think this may be that path you want to take, first get yourself to a competent gender therapist.

Yes, you're still young. And you have plenty of time to work through your notions about your gender.

[Cheryl T]

It's not weird, but I'd be careful about where you take this if you progress to transitioning because you "absolutely love and adore women so much that I want to be one as well".
Those of us who transition don't do so because of admiration of women, but because we feel inside we are women.

[Eryn]

Roni, you are in a great place. If I had been more aware at your age my life might have been different, but things weren't as accommodating in the '70s.

You have the gift of freedom to explore yourself and you are in a great environment to do so. Just remember that it is what you want that counts, not what others want. Take the path that is right for you and if it turns out not to be the right one, switch!

[Valarie]

Like others have said reaching out to a gender councilor would be good. We all love feminine things, that's why we are here lol. Like you I have always envied women, and I told my wife and therapist if I had the choice I would have been born female. You have to do what you feel is best for your happiness. I see that you joined in 2010, don't be a stranger were all here for support and help

[PaulaQ]

Those of us who transition don't do so because of admiration of women, but because we feel inside we are women.

I would amplify this a little bit for you Roni. I'm transitioning now not because I knew I'd be happier as a woman - I've always known that. I'm transitioning because I finally reached a point where my life was so miserable, and so not worth living that I spent my spare time planning boating "accidents" for myself, and other suicidal thoughts. And while I don't recommend waiting until you reach such desperate straits, I will say that transition is hard, and it really needs to be "worth it" to you before you proceed. Nobody but you and a therapist can figure out whether or not you've reached that point. (At least until you get to the fairly obvious "transition or die" point, as I did.)

I'd also recommend, as have others, that you find a gender therapist as soon as you can, if you really feel as you say, and come to understand your gender as soon as you can. Because if you do decide to transition, you are at an age where you can realistically live most of your life as a woman, and very possibly have a pretty normal and authentic life, but as a woman, as it should have been all along. At my age, this mostly isn't in the cards for me. I plan to have an awesome life as a woman - but it will look almost NOTHING like the lives of women I've always dreamed of being. I'm OK with that.

[LaraPeterson]

Roni, I'd say go for it if you can. You've been given a lot of good advice in this dozen replies. But, ultimately, it's a choice you have to make from inside yourself. If you feel deeply that you are a woman in a man's body, seek out the help that is available, evaluate and re-evaluate over and over, then decide. Just remember, once you go down that path of transition, there IS a point of no return.