Rhonda, So happy for you, you found a place of happiness. Go on and live your life and be fabulous!
Love KristyE
Rhonda, So happy for you, you found a place of happiness. Go on and live your life and be fabulous!
Love KristyE
Rhonda Jean..welcome back, and WONDERFUL NEWS to find yourself. Happy New Year!
Great original and follow up posts, Rhonda. I'm very happy for you that you allowed yourself to discover who you are and live it. With regard to the "GG worry that he's really gay" I think that's an initial question and it's answered after doing some reading and asking questions of your SO. What I see more on this forum and others is that cross dressing is a gateway to gender change, not sexual preference change. That is of course not a given at all, just happens more often.
Anyway, Rhonda I wish you happiness in your continuing journey and hope you keep an open mind to all of the paths that are open to you.
Susan GG
Rhonda, I'm so glad you are back with us. And now I get to publicly thank you for your many words of support last spring when I was getting my hair cut. I really appreciated it.
And of course I'm glad that you are finding happiness on this new and exciting path you are on. A couple points...
1) I echo what has been said, that your story is simply that...yours. It doesn't mean that anyone else is more or less likely to find their sexuality on a slippery slope towards being gay just because of the clothes one wears. That is an important message for the SO's who are trying to get their heads around this whole world of ours.
2) Paula, I totally get where you are coming from. I think what's throwing people off is that usually you get the fantasy element when people here talk of their sexual preference, ie - "I'm not into men but when I'm dressed and with my woman, we're simply lesbians". These comments often get called out because on face value, it's somewhat ludicrous. Especially when it's all about the clothes for some, the clothing you wear does not define...or even re-define, a person's sexuality.
I think Rhonda's answer is very accurate given her situation. You, as a woman in transition, can just as easily address your sexuality from a slightly different angle and that is just as valid of a description. It just shows how the lines between gender and sexuality can blur and I think both of you are very honest and realistic in how you approach this.
Again Rhonda, welcome back. I hope tonight is as wonderful of an experience as you are anticipating.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
Glad you are back to Rhonda, your story that is pretty cool.
Labels require such intricate dissection. It really doesn't matter. But, I'll expand on this a bit just as a point of interest.Originally Posted by PaulaQ
Am I then gay if I'm in a relationship with someone who has a penis? I'm transsexual, and I'm, unfortunately still, a woman with a penis. I know that if I were to try to date girls, I'd either meet them in a lesbian bar, or look to another trans woman. If I'm dating another trans woman, it's very possible we'd both have penises. (At least until I get that corrected for myself.)
What's being full time have to do with it? I mean, I am, and I'm on HRT and am actively transitioning, but:
- the state still says I'm a dude.
- me, and everybody else that likes me, says I'm a chick
- my wife most decidedly doesn't think I'm a dude anymore. Otherwise, she could probably stand to look at me.
Falling in the TG spectrum kind of makes these gender relative labels not very useful for us, in my opinion. For example, if you both declare "I dress as a woman, but I still mostly identify as male", then sure, you could consider yourself gay. But what if one of you then decides "I'm a woman, I'll transition." Are you both still gay, or are you straight now? Nothing has actually changed physically - just one of you said something different. What if then you both decide to ultimately transition did you just go, as a couple from gay -> straight -> lesbian?
I don't think those labels make a particle of sense, that's all I'm saying.
But if you are happy in your relationship with another CD, then I guess I don't much care about the label as much as I care that you are happy. And I am happy for you. Many of us on the TG spectrum find relationships with another TG person.
For what it's worth, if someone insists on a sexual orientation label for myself, I answer that "I am a queer woman." I mean - I like guys, but have never been with one. I am not very interested in women, but have been with lots of them. If that isn't "queer", then I don't guess I know what is!
People have assumed certain things about me for my whole life just because of the way I look (I'm talking about when I'm not en femme). It bothered me when I was younger, but it usually wasn't worth the effort to correct them. I guess I could have worn a sign that said, "I know I kinda look like a girl, but I'm not gay", but, really, what difference would it make.
So now I am what people have always thought I was. There's something freeing about that, and I embrace it! Besides that, it's completely and accurately descriptive about certain things. For instance, if I say I'm digging the whole "gay sex" thing (and I REALLY am!), everybody on this board knows what I'm talking about. No ambiguity, no "I like this but I don't like that". That gets the point across with no further explanation. Like heterosexuality, though, gay isn't without distinction. I don't like big, hairy, masculine men, but I don't think it's necessary to clarify my personal preferences, just like it wasn't necessary to declare my preferences in women when I was straight.
Admittedly, our experience with going out as a gay (not cross dressed) couple is limited. Here again, just because of the way we look I think people pretty immediately identify us as a gay couple. (Side note: People are SO nice to us!) I can see in their mind this big flash that says "GAY!". That's OK! It would be very tedious to go into a 15 minute explanation into why we're not really gay because we both feel like we're girls on the inside, blah, blah, blah. Please. I don't think I'd be any more gay if my boyfriend has a mustache.
I know I'm just in a different kind of pink fog right now, but aren't those pink fogs awesome!
Hugs,
Rhonda
Rhonda what a nice story with a nice ending. I've always thought myself to be heterosexual too though have dressed since I was a child. This changed several years ago and though still married I'm without question bisexual and if single I rather think I'd be gay. Like you not into the muscle boys or over the top fems but want a nice man to treat like the woman I want to be or another gurl like myself who we can share dressing, shopping and a nice time in bed... Good for you gurl!
PaulaQ - Are you trying to tell us one size doesn't fit all? Well, you're absolutely right. What your mindset is can be totally different but still 100% right.
Rhonda - Congrats to you for entering a new chapter in your life. It sounds like you have found someone that you can share a journey with. Finding yourself and being comfortable in your skin is an awesome thing. I share this same comfort level with you but I am not gay, I am bi, which is just another size, right? Enjoy your times together, I hope you both find long term happiness. Have a great 2014 & so on.
I never new how masculine I was until I tried to be a woman
Rhonda, I enjoyed your writing style, you said it all without being vulgar and the fact that you are so tactful and respectful of the SO that are involved in this forum speaks volumes about your character.
You sound very happy and as someone who understands the difficulty of going through life trying to find yourself I am very happy you finally did. You know that saying... There is always a woman behind every great man? Well in my case there is (no pun intended) I have found and accepted myself with the help of my spouse. It sounds like you have too, regardless of your sexual orientation happy IS happy, and I am happy you found someone who makes you happy and who is helping you discover yourself. I hope you both enjoy your New Year and the best of luck.
Hey Rhonda. This is a great and informative post. I'm glad your happy and I'm sorry you had to go through a breakup. My finance just joined this site so I am glad that you spoke to the GG's here too. Hopefully this question isn't to blunt, but did you or your ex blame your ex for starting the experiment? Or is there any sort of regret for experimenting?
Congratulations Rhonda.
I'm on my own learning curve and understand much of what you say. There is a moment when you stop trying to be, what ever the perceived person you think you are meant to be.
Then it becomes so much easier as you just think. "Hey this is me, I like what I like!"
I wouldn't even bother with the gay label, you are happy and don't need to explain yourself to anyone. All the best, I hope it works out well for you.
So happy you have found where you are meant to be, Rhonda! Congratulations to you and your partner!!
And thank to all of you thinking of us GGs that go into mental overdrive!! Always good to remember that we are all individuals and each relationship is it's own being.
Happy new year!!
A couple of points of clarification...
Tonight is just symbolic. The sexual aspect has been going on for a while. The "relationship" part is new, and a surprise to both of us.
To the genetic girls... THIS IS NOT A CONFIRMATION OF YOUR FEARS AND SUSPICIONS!!! It's just me.
Take it from someone who's been ALL the way around the block... Some of the finest, most dedicated and loyal husbands wear dresses!!
There are "girls" on here (and elsewhere) who are just drop dead gorgeous! The bodies, the hair, the makeup, the heels, the nails... OMG! Yes, boyfriend material to me, but they're not sexually interested in me, or any other tranny, or any male. They're interested in YOU! Dedicated, loyal, giving, and totally in love... with YOU! Trust me. Sara Jessica is the poster girl for this, in my opinion. If there's a crossdresser you'd want your daughter to marry, it's Sara.
My observation is that most gay men are very masculine. The tranny chasers are typically respectable-looking married men.
So, before you go off thinking that your crossdressing hubby is one mani-pedi away from gay, think again. Judge him for who his is apart from the clothes. Not that every man who knows how to blend eyeshadow is God's gift, but it doesn't mean he's not.
Stepping down from my soapbox.
Rhonda
Last edited by Rhonda Jean; 12-31-2013 at 11:23 AM.
@Rhonda - thanks for saying some more. I respect you, your reasoning, and how you feel about this. And yeah, once you stop giving a damn what "society thinks ", it really is liberating!
I think symbols are important. For me, tonight will mark the the first new year I've had living as a woman.
@EllieOPKS - I agree that one size does not fit all! But really what I was pushing for was an answer from the heart , not the head, and I got that . I think the logic of the "normal" world doesn't work well for us , and in its failure, all we can really do is follow our hearts!
I am just so pleased for you and wish you the very best. I understand how you feel and it is amazing.
Gay or strait doesn't matter ,, You just found someone to go through the struggle of life with that knows up close an personal what it is to be you EVERYDAY good or bad .
As far as the plumbing sure it feels good but so did the other back in the day . You just found out that there is more than one way to get off like most others think .
Hell who wants to row the boat alone ,, Many hands make light work !! I guess you have to forget everything you thought you knew about sex an sexual realtionships an had to start all over again your way !! Enjoy yourself ,,Remember we only get one shot ,, So make it a good one ...
Glad you have found some happiness Rhonda. It's always good to remember love isn't about sex or gender, its about people who care about each other and share enough together to make them special to each other.
hugs rita
Dressing is not a choice.
Its a passion.
Hi Rhonda,
Thanks for sharing your story - it's great to hear about happy relationships. Just wanted to add my perspective that I would much rather my husband turned out to be gay than transsexual. I think our kids appreciate having a male father figure, and I think they would have a harder time with the adjustment if he becomes a woman, especially if she then tells them that the father they knew up to that point didn't really exist. I think everyone in his life would have an easier time dealing with him dating men than with him becoming a woman.
That said, I know that it's not up to him to decide what he is. So we'll just have to wait and see.
You make some interesting points Jess, particularly about it being perceived as easier if your husband ended up being gay rather than a transsexual. It reminds me of something my wife said...and I've heard it shared by others as well, that she would almost rather hear that I was having an affair than to deal with a TS spouse. It is a sad but telling commentary on the enormity of what we bring to the table when in a relationship.
I'm going to have to think really hard to remember if anyone has ever paid me a nicer compliment. So rather than think so much on this New Years Eve, I'm just going to smile for the rest of the year (and into next) at being on the receiving end of such a sweet sentiment.
Like a corpse deep in the earth I'm so alone, restless thoughts torment my soul, as fears they lay confirmed, but my life has always been this way - Virginia Astley, "Some Small Hope" (1986)
Sunlight falls, my wings open wide. There's a beauty here I cannot deny - David Sylvian, "Orpheus" (1987)
Rhonda isn't a lesbian because she still dresses as and is a male. TSs may become lesbians if they stay with women through transition, but sorry and man who dresses and has no aspirations to become female will not be lesbian but heterosexual. Rhonda is a man who dresses who is in a relationship with a man, so as she states she is gay. She likes sex with men over sex with women. Seems easy enough to me.Or maybe she is a bisexual who prefers men?
Congrats Rhonda, I am happy you have found happiness and peace of mind. You know it doesn't matter who you love but that you love and are loved. Look at the spirit of the person you are with not the shell. Which is one way of saying to the GGs here that when your SO does that, you won't have to worry they are anything but your partner.
The earth is the mother of all people and all people should have equal rights upon it.
Chief Joseph
Nez Perce
“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.” - Fred Rogers,
Welcome back Rhonda and congratulations! I wish you all the best as you continue down this wonderful road of self-discovery; I hope it is every bit as rewarding as can be!
Hugs,
Jen
Congrats Rhonda! give this relationship a try and see how it goes!
Rhonda, I'm happy for you.
Personally, I am confused about my gender. I've been hetero my whole life, with no gay sexual experiences, so far anyway. However, I have always gone through long periods of voluntary celibacy, including currently. I still like women, but I'm curious about men...especially men who are like me. I too have no interest in a manly man. Unless the perfect woman literally falls into my lap, and, since I'm not looking, I don't see ever being in a standard hetero relationship again. Been there, done that. Soon I will be sixty, and as each day passes, I think to myself, "Should I take the leap?" with a feminine man/CD/transsexual and see whether it feels right. It may, it may not. Who knows?
I'm happy that you're happy. I believe to be happy with others, you must be happy with your self. Good luck!-JJ
Rhonda I may be a little out of my depth here but on UK tv two English guys were featured on a program about ladyboys in Thailand, both were engaged to ladyboys and both claimed they weren't gay. What came across to me was the girls ticked all the right visual boxes perfect makeup,good boobs great legs, they were a perfect girls. The two guys picked up on that and became totally blind to their gender so in their eyes they aren't gay. I had thread with Isha, somewhere along the line her 28 year old daughter was mentioned, I thought she looks good to have a daughter of that age then my brain said , Hold on you have a son and daughter in their thirties, we'll be talking about stretch marks next. I think our brain can make a fool of us but hopefully not a fool to other people. I'm new here I hope it doesn't show too much .TERESA
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