It's been almost 3 years since I posted on the forum. It was an abrupt departure, not that many would care or notice. For those of you who did, I'm sorry. I just had to get some distance. I was too far out for my own good, and I had to rein it in.
In that time away, I've changed. Three years ago I had a GG girlfriend and was wavering on whether or not to marry her. We're still very good friends. Without her I don't think I would have ever found the courage. Might not have ever even had the inclination. Lots of things going on there, but this isn't an autobiography.
I've missed interacting on the forum. I'll begin participating again now. One thing that's kept me from participating is that I know that wives and girlfriends come here looking for answers and insight. Some of them feel very lost and afraid. Probably their biggest fear is that their SO is gay, or will turn out to be. Nobody appointed me role model, though. Everyone and every relationship should be judged on it's own merits. Everyone is entitled to that.
Even as a lifelong crossdresser, I've also been a lifelong heterosexual. I had absolutely no homosexual tendencies, desires, or fantasies. That's the truth. It just wasn't there.
My GG girlfriend encouraged me to try sexual things that I'd never thought about trying before. Probably things we can't openly discuss on here, but you can easily imagine. Honestly, I didn't really even like it at first. I did it because it was something new and erotic, especially for her. It wasn't long, though, when I finally was able to relax about it, that I started to like it. Then I started to like it A LOT! And I became curious about the real thing.
I'm not attracted to masculine men. Bottom line, I need someone like me. When I first experimented, I thought it would be just that, an experiment. A bucket list kind of thing. Wasn't long before I knew it was more than that. I continued to tell myself that it was just sex, just for fun, that the relationship part of me was inclined toward women only.
What I found was a different kind of relationship. This is a relationship with someone who knows exactly what it's like to be the only skinny, long-haired boy in school. Someone who knows how scary it is to walk in to work wearing earrings for the first time. You get the drift. A real live person who's done the things I've done! Someone I don't have to hide from.
Midnight on New Year's Eve will be a watershed moment for me. It'll be our first together. I'm literally shivering from excitement as I type this. I feel like I've resolved something, yet I didn't know there was anything to resolve. I'm scared, too. Another secret to keep? I don't know where all this will go. For now, it's wonderful, and I'll take it for all it's worth. To be in a relationship with someone who loves and encourages the very things that others hated about me... that's a pretty cool thing! To have someone to so openly share with... That's pretty cool. More than pretty cool! To experience love and sex in a way that I never imagined I ever would... I can't express how wonderful and right that feels.
I don't hedge my bets and tell myself that because she looks like a woman that I'm still straight. I may technically be bi, I guess. That's an insignificant detail right now. Make no mistake about it...
I'm GAY! And it feels so good to finally say that!
Glad to be back!
Rhonda
Originally Posted by Desirae
) is contagious.