I go out often, but usually only with my wife. I find it's easier to blend in when I'm with her.
I go out often, but usually only with my wife. I find it's easier to blend in when I'm with her.
I go out a lot and never worry to much about what people think.
I feel if their first impression looking at you and seeing womens clothes,longer hair they will automatically think female.Then upon closer inspection may clock you but they probably won't care anyway.
Dress nicely as others do and not like a ho bag you should be fine.
Dress in a kinky outfit then be expecting looks,glares and laughter.
I go out with confidence when I have a definite mission to perform -- shopping, hair or nail appointments, a night on the town with friends -- but never just for the thrill of it (heck, I wouldn't do that in male mode, either). The sense of purpose helps overcome my natural nervousness and allows me to shrug off the occasional overheard comment or gender miscues. I'm out fully dressed a couple of times a week on average, and in mixed mode much more often than that (heels, nails, earrings, makeup, but mostly boy or unisex clothes).
- Diane
Dressed as a woman? No.
As in trying to "pass"? No.
Dressed VERY "wrong" according to most here.
2 or 3 times a week for 13 years. Just one of the perks of living in Florida where skin is almost always in, at least in central and south Florida.
NOT ONE bad experience.
BUT... I don't project an image of a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs [when I am out "dressed wrong"] AND I am always ready to deal with gaggles of teenaged girls. The key is simply to be ready for them because they are inevitable unless one restricts the places they go.
Hey there,
I have been out regularly for the past few months at various venues. I don't pass (in fact very few of us truly pass) but due to my height and frame, I can blend.
I have learned to accept that people will see a guy in women's clothing and just go with it. For the most part the stares are minimal (more curiosity than rude) and when I interact I try to be as friendly as possible. My voice is not bad but it is still evidently a guy. My one advice with voice . . . don't try and do the falsetto voice thing as it will sound like Mickey Mouse and draw unneeded attention. Just soften your voice and octave and a lot has to do with inflexion. Listen to how women talk, it is more melodic than guys as we tend to punch end things.
Blending for me is my main goal. Presentation is important but I have too many tells for that to be my primary weapon. I spend a lot of time watching how women move, walk, manage items and just interact. I wear clothing that blends and is age appropriate so I can slip below the radar and not draw too much attention. Should I get a stare, I just smile back and that normally ends the staring and people move on with their business. The best thing is to act confident, you are doing nothing wrong and you have as much right to be there as anyone. This really does make the world of difference in going out.
I still get nervous but as I force myself to interact with those around me and get used to different looks and stares, the fear is starting to dissipate.
Hugs
Isha
At first I was sooo nervous about going out. Then the more I did it the more at ease I was.
As for the stares, sure there are still people who look and leer, or giggle, but unlike when I first went out I'm not looking to see who's looking. I'm just going about my business and I don't see them anymore. My wife occasionally will ask "did you see that woman/man staring?"...and I tell her "no, I didn't".
If they want to spend their time watching me then that is up to them. I'm doing other things. If I'm shopping there are clothes and shoes and jewelry and such to occupy my attention. I don't need to be watching narrow minded people watching me.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
I go out routinely and despite being rather tall (6'2") and not petite (how's that for evading the issue) I still seldom get "noticed". But it may be because I am not looking to see if "I'm noticed". I've gotten to the point where I stop watching for reactions and just get on with life.
Remember always that you not only have the right to be an individual, you have an obligation to be one.
Eleanor Roosevelt
If you don't want to go out in public try driving at night....or a lonely road and get out
Ok Wildaboutheels, I am just dying to hear your comeback suggestions for teenage girls. I will need that ammunition some day! THX -Annie
The only times I went out with the intent of interacting with the public was on several Halloweens. I wore a tastefully dress, hosiery and heels, along with all the necessary undergarments. At that time I wore a blond wig which matched my natural hair. I had full makeup and nails done. I went into grocery stores and bought soda and a doughnut shop. The reaction was mixed. One half drunk guy laughed his head off. The clerk at the doughnut shop complimented my appearance. Other times I have gone out for a drive en femme with forays to mailboxes or library book return slots. Also, I took evening strolls just for the experience. I got my fill of adventure. I did it! I experienced the forbidden! Now I'm content to limit myself to my home and backyard. Peaceful and tranquility.
I go out regularly. Mostly to shop for clothes. It just feels right to go out and be "dressed" for trying on skirts and dresses. I made a deal with myself, to help control my pink fog, that I would not buy femme things unless I was dressed and could try on before I brought home. This has thankfully reduced my closet, although it still seems to be growing. I have had some stares, but for the most part nobody pays me any more attention than any other time.
i have gone out, i personally think i am constantly being read so its not something i care to do a lot. Not really my goal with dressing.
Since you are already going out "daily dressed as a woman", my answer is not geared toward helping you take those first steps, which are really many steps or maybe even miles that are already behind you.
How do you over come the fear of going out?
To me, based on your already somewhat extensive experience, it is probably all in your head. I think you just need to thicken your skin so that looks, stares, giggles and maybe even comments just bounce off or go unnoticed and can be totally ignored, or at least almost totally ignored. That also means more courage and a lot of self confidence about who you are and what you do. I always carry my real personality, me, with me and act like I always do in male mode. If I walk into a store, wine bar or restaurant, or theater or women's room, I walk in as if I belong there, I look people in the eyes, smile and talk to whoever is nearby as if nothing is different about me, regardless how they might actually see me, think about me or react to me.
One of the tricks or thought processes that I used when I first started going out was to tell myself that I probably will never see these complete strangers again, so why do I need to worry about what they think or how they react. That really did help a lot. Once I realized that I was having zero issues interfacing with complete strangers when out, my confidence level and self esteem, in the sense that I must be doing a pretty good job being me in women's clothing, a whole new world of great times and fun opened up to me.
You may need to find some thought processes of your own to help get you over the current fears. One thing that usually helps is repetition, i.e. keep going out as much as you can. Something you could try is to figure out what gives you the most fear and keep putting yourself in that situation to build up confidence in yourself to overcome that situation. You also could start with a minor fear and work your way up to the bigger ones. However, pro-actively dealing with an issue seems to help many people to make that issue a non-issue. Good luck and congratulations for already being "out" there. I wish more were like you, because by just stepping out of your own front door you probably overcame your biggest fear of all.
I have been going out in public en femme for many years. I am not aware of any instance where I was stared at. Of course, I have improved my presentation since my early outings. It did take a while for for me to no longer feel any fear. Repeated successes had a lot to do with that. Also, I am older and care less.
Hugs, Carole
Let me be the one to say No, I don't go out dressed. I've only done it once and it was OK but I don't feel compelled to do it.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
I have worn very slender womens jeans and pantyhose. Not very daring, but it is a start. A lot of under dressing and I need to get bolder!!!
I only go out en femme so no problems with that...just be confident in yourself and just pay attention to what the gg's are wearing and just do it!
Ms. G
Vegan runners are sexy!!!
I go out dressed every week or two. My not-so-scientific theory is that half the people that you think are staring at you really aren't. They could be looking almost anywhere but plenty of us have some feeling of guilt or something that makes us feel like there is a spotlight on us. Feel confident and go about your business. I've had dozens of sales clerks, wait staff, etc., deal with me directly where they can easily see I'm a dude in a dress. None have been critical or crude, and most call me mam. Final thought about people who do stare or even say something, take a lesson from the flight attendants that I have seen dealing with parents who have crying babies on a plane. The parents are obviously uncomfortable, and the attendants will ask, "Do you know any of the people sitting around here?" Of course the answer is "no". So the attendant will assure them, "And, you'll never see them again. Don't worry about what they think."
Cheers. Enjoy your outings.
Julia.
Thank you for the encouraging words,
Rebecca
Last edited by Lorileah; 01-03-2014 at 06:35 PM. Reason: no need to quote post above yours
Similarly, I've only 'stealth dressed' outside of a few parties years ago. I'm on the 'way to freaking tall side' for most womens jeans, but do enjoy going out with panties, and leggings. Also, with the cold weather I like wearing a bra as it's easy to cover/reveal as much as you'd like due to the heavier coats needed in this weather.Originally Posted by Rebecca W.
I got out all the time... being read doesn't upset me.. I except it if I am and just smile and go on. I dress fem sometimes with bra and forms other times without. I love being able to be me.. I love the look on someone's face when their mind has the question..."was that a guy?" but they are not sure. I was in walmart the other day.. not really trying to pass but I had just got my hair done, was dressed fem.. and had on lite makeup. A girl their not only thought I was a female but she thought I was a woman she knew... I loved it.
Fear, what fear? The only way you can be intimidated by stares, gawks, sneers, or anything else you find negative or threatening to yourself is if YOU allow it to happen. If you are comfortable enough to go out dressed, you ought to "girl up" and be prepared to face the consequences. And, by the way, I like to believe the whistles and clearing throats are all because they find me irresistible!
Sometimes, the fear of the fear of being insulted, stared at or just the rude remarks can prevent you from even trying to go out dressed.
I have delt with so many comments and reactions over the many years of dressing that is has become, just a part of my life to deal with it. I had a pedicure and the room full of women just stared at me the entire time, not a word was said. I suppose that my choice in a bright pink polish, intrigued them.
We all have a life to live, it just might not be what people expect or accept, too bad!
Yea, what she said.... You beat me to it! If I feel someone has read me and is attempting to be snarky, I just make like a deaf horse with blinders on.
March 2009 was the first time I ventured out in public........to a coffee shop. That went so well that I progressed to the biggest shopping mall in my district in June of that year. I was an absolute head case with nervous energy, but it was something I just had to do. Sure, I got some looks and double takes but you know what......nothing remotely bad happened, in fact I ended up pretty much at ease after half an hour or so of just wandering around.
I had such a good time that I did it again a week or so later. The fear returned (although not as bad as the first time), but I bit the bullet and ventured further, actually going into dress shops and chatting with SA's, which was quite the buzz I can tell you.
After a few times out, the fear was completely replaced with contentment and satisfaction. Any looks, double takes or stares I got were met with a big smile which either got people looking away in a hurry or smiling back.
Confidence is a wonderful thing
Tash
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