How do I describe myself?

[(Sara)]

I've been thinking so much about this recently about if I'm transgender, but I don't know if its quite right to say that, I see myself as a free person who wants to enjoy the best of being a man, and also the best of being a woman. I wouldn't say I dislike it when I'm being a man, its useful and many things are easy to do in such attire, but I have since a young age fantasised about being a woman - I used to have dreams a lot as a boy where I'd change inside of some whimsical machine. So you can see my conflict, I like being dressed as a man, I like being dressed as woman.

If I lived in an ideal world, I'd love just to be able to go from one to another depending on the type of day, or how I feel etc. I feel great when I'm in a sharp suit, I feel great when I'm in a dress with tights, bra and knickers, sometimes I don't feel like being in guy attire, likewise I don't always fancy wearing any girl attire. I don't take on another personality or gender role when dressed, I'm just me either way. I can't imagine myself taking the plunge to become a woman, as I like the idea of being a man as much as i like the idea of being a woman, I couldn't pick one.

Though I am biologically male, I don't feel that I am in the male box with my male friends, also I feel I'm not in the female box with my female friends. I take from both boxes and use what I think is nice. The gender boxes are fixed in mainstream society, I believe gender boxes are nonsense, a penis doest not maketh a man, nor vagina maketh a woman (disregarding the obvious reproductive necessities of biological man/woman). I believe gender identity (regardless of biology) is decided when a man knows he is a man, and a woman knows she is a woman and when a person knows he/she is gender alloy.

I haven't quite found a term to describe where I am at, but I never felt comfortable with transgender, not because of the word as such - but I don't feel the meaning is me.

[Katey888]

Sara - that's an interesting and honest description and I think I subscribe to many (if not all) of your feelings. You've summarised that all really well - although it scares me a bit to think about what that means for me... (my problem - have to deal with that myself..)

So how about pangender: something of everything...?

Katey x

[Jaylyn]

I feel like I enjoy playing the female role from time to time also. I like you also enjoy my man role. I love wearing my wranglers and boots when on the farm and then enjoy wearing my heels and hose at the house and being the female. Maybe this is what I am a Cross dresser. I do however mix the two from time to time if it's cold outside and I have to do some work at the farm I will underdress as hose are very good heat retainers under some good overhauls. Yep thank you I am a Cross-dresser. I maybe fit in your into your spectrum sometimes at the high end and sometimes at the other end. Pan gender is ok I could live with that if I must have a gender title, but I still like cross dressing....

[Marcelle]

Hi Sara,

For someone who doesn't know how to describe herself . . . you did a good job. I wouldn't get too hung up on labels. There are plenty of older threads which have beat this horse across the finish line way too many times. For myself, I prefer to describe me as "me". I am who I am whether I am presenting female or male. I am the same person, the shell just changes. I have the same likes, same dislikes, same friends and same vices. You are right gender boxes are societal and the sooner we accept that and step out of them the easier it is to be just who we were born to be.

Hugs

Isha

[Christy Stevens]

I can relate to this a lot. When you were describing yourself, it almost sounded like an entry from my journal. Thanks for sharing darling!

[kimdl93]

The term transgender is not either/or. The term implies a blending of genders and can easily accommodate the range of preferences and inclinations you've ascribed to yourself. You may be confusing the term with transsexual, which in common usage refers to those individuals who feel strongly that they are female, irrespective of their biological.

Don't feel bad about confusing the terms...it's a common mistake. And don't feel bad about being characterized as transgendered. It quite literally recognizes that there are more than two gender options.

[bridget thronton]

Pangender or polygender sound good - but I do not think labels are all that helpful to me (I do not find the transfer label offensive - when applied to me)

[Stephanie Julianna]

I guess that I would have to say that I'm transgendered by all the new characteristics that have been added over the years. Originally it meant those that crossed the line leaving their old gender behind. We are definitely on the fence. As far as I am concerned the best label that describes where I am is just, "ME".

[Tina B.]

Well you sound transgendered to me, but if that label doesn't suit you, how about Gender Queer, that's been around for awhile.
Cross dresser comes to mind also. How about Transgenderest? Or as some from your side of the pond call it, how about a bloke in a dress?
Wasn't it one of your famous writers that once said "What's in a name, doesn't a rose by any other name smell so sweet" or something like that. It's not important what you call yourself, it's what you know about yourself, and your doing just fine from the sounds of it.

[Beverley Sims]

Sara,
There seems to be a divided opinion here too.
Honestly, I would try not to worry about it, if it is causing you grief see a therapist for advice..

[JamieTG]

How about "gender fluid"?

[Cheryl T]

Why do you need a term to describe yourself? Can't you just be YOU??

[Sissy_Michelle]

I agree with Katey, and isha, very accurate description for someone that is looking for a "Label". Why on Earth would you "Want" a label? No one that I knows likes the labels that others have come up with for them. If you really need to have a label go see a mental healthcare professional they get paid to give you a very good label.

[Lorileah]

it took 5 days but the label threads are back.

You are you, nothing more nothing less

[Talisker]

Sara - your description is a lot like me.
Seems good you at least know what you like.
I try not to worry about how to describe myself - just enjoy shopping in both departments.

[LaraPeterson]

How about biologically, socially, & thoughtfully screwed up? That's how I used to describe myself. Until one day, when I looked in the mirror, I decided to just be me. The more of me that comes out, the more the world accepts me. Some of them never will and that's OK, too. Maybe that's what you are really struggling with--how do OTHERS view me/you? A penis does make a man and a vagina does make a woman (biologically), but there is so, so much more to us than biology, isn't there?

BTW, if you let yourself get boxed in, the only person who'll suffer is you. I applaud you for letting yourself blur the lines. Do it, enjoy it, and don't give much thought to what someone else thinks about it. It's your life, live it.

[Roli F]

I as a crossdresser of some 38 years, love being both genders. but liking females in both gender presentations.
Maybe Transbian fits me best if I had to choose a label, but that I am, therefore I exist, in two outward forms

[(Sara)]

Firstly, thanks you all for the replies and shows of support, I do appreciate you all! :3 Just to clarify, I can live comfortably without being "labelled". However, I am labelled by others whether it matters to me or not, I'd rather have a say in how I am perceived - in an ideal world I wouldn't need to but we all know we aren't.

I'm not an individualist, I won't put my fingers in my ears and say I'm all that matters. When people say I'm transgender, it can mean different things to different people it doesn't accurately describe me, it is a unspecific term (It also leads people out of the know to assume you want hormones, breasts and a sex change etc. in my opinion). If people are to label, I want at least to be labelled correctly.. after all its my life and image, I want people to understand precisely where I am at.

What is pangender? I've never heard of that before.

[CarlaWestin]

Non-Martian (pending verification) universal clothing experience explorer, coloring outside of the gender lines with all 64 crayolas.

Genderfluid works for me. Now, where's that cool machine you were talking about?

[NikiMichelle]

I interpret transgender as a continuum from male to female or visa versa. I do not feel there is a break in that continuum splitting male away from female. A simple example of how I see the continuum is that there are manly men, feminine men, masculine women and girly girls...pardon the exact terms used but you should get what I mean. I feel that as a CD I am afforded the fortune of sliding back and forth along the continuum while those knowing me would only see me in the area of manly man...I struggled for a very long time with being a CD but I have come to embrace it and have fun bouncing along the gender high wire!

I also would add that while I wish I had been born female I do not want to become one...and I enjoy doing male things but love CD'ing too!

[chessdragon]

I'm similar enough to you to identify with how you feel; personally, while there are times where I enjoy being a girl, there are also times when I enjoy my male gender. Gender roles, sexuality, gender identity... we all dwell on our identity at some point. Without getting too complicated, the term my friend came up with which I use unofficially is "gender fluid" - male or female, depending on the day.

[susan54]

If you have to have labels, how about 'gender tourist'. The only thing I envy about women is their clothes. If I go to France and act like I'm French I love it if people think I am. I speak like I am French, eat the local food, speak like the French, smell like the French, use french body language, and love it if anyone assumes I am French, but at no stage do I want to live permanently in France or become a French citizen or even identify with them. It is just fun. So gender tourist it is.

[ReineD]

"Gender Fluid" is a pretty accurate description of who you are. I dare say that the bulk of the members in this section of the forum are also gender fluid.

Other labels that people like to use all mean the same thing: Gender Fluid. These other labels are bigender, dualgender, pangender, transgender, gender non-conforming, gender-variant, and there are more that I can't think of right now.

People who are not Gender Fluid identify and present solidly as either men or women. This is what is considered the Gender Binary.

[Valarie]

I discussed this with my therapist once, (she's great and always has fabulous shoes) like she told me, "does a label really matter?" Yes and no. No a label does not matter for many of us, we see ourselves as we want to whether it is; transgender, pangender, a-gendered, Bi-gendered or whatever in between. As an anthropology student I would say yes it does matter for one to have the need to have a label because that is human nature. We categorize everything even down to technology, apple v. windows for example. We have an inherent need to group people, and to distinguish the difference between others; even if it is for a good reason.

So I say if you want a label go for it, explore the meanings and terms and see what is best for you. Not everyone is educated on the different terms, that is why there can be confusion from the general public towards us or any other culture. Because we are a culture we have our own terms and unspoken rules, that is why there is division on what term best fits individuals.

Personally I say to some people I am transgender, if I know they have an understanding of what it means, and that it can mean different things. With others I say I am Bi-gender or gender fluid because I see myself as a mix of both and feel comfortable at times moving between both genders. But a lot of times I'm like screw it I am me and that is all that I need to be.

[Brooklyn]

No matter if you label yourself crossdresser, transvestite, gender-queer, intergender, 3rd gender, drag queen, drag king, eunuch, bigender, dual-gender, pangender, intersex person, two spirit, FtM or MtF transsexual, hirja, gender-fluid, gender-variant, gender non-conforming, agender, or androgynous person: Anyone who challenges or crosses over their society's traditional gender roles or expression is Transgender. However you want to break it down beyond that is up to you.