Not sure where I am heading and who I am !

[Nirali]

So, like most people people I am starting a new chapter in my life which involves moving out, new job etc. I am going to confess and I have crossdressed in the past as early as 7 years, then I had a regular period between 10-12 years, regularly at 15 to include lipstick and make up and last time I dressed was 17. These were all my older sister's dresses, heels and hoses, etc. Of course once I was dressed up I could only wish being a girl and being whisked away by some guy ! I often looked at myself and I am blessed with a plenty of curves

It's almost a decade since I actually have worn any lady wear and I have had mild thoughts between now and then. However, it seems that the thoughts seem to be creeping regularly and the sites such as flickr and the forum persuade me to purchase my own clothes. A few days ago, I made an order for a dress, hose and heels from one site (sale items) and decided to cancel my order shortly afterwards.

I was hoping that the thoughts of wanting to crossdresser would fade and disappear permanently but they haven't ! Please could you provide advice in how I can 'remove' these thoughts. It's so difficult to sometimes see a dress which would make me look great and ignore it.

[Marcelle]

Sweetie . . . I am afraid you answered your own question by your own long history of CDing . . . you can't remove these thoughts any more than you can remove the desire/need to eat or drink. They are part of you. What you can do is make sense of them, come to terms with them and integrate them into your life.

Hugs

Isha

[Suzanne F]

I feel the same as Isha. If you totally suppress these thoughts they will come out sideways. Deal with these desires and make some peace with them. Maybe underdressing will give you the security you need. It sounds like you are in our 20s. Don't wait to deal with this like I did. Maybe you should talk to a therapist in order to make sense of these thoughts?
Hugs
Suzanne

[Tina B.]

Only one sure way Guaranteed to work. It's called a lobotomy, very painful, and permanent, but effective.
I have stopped dressing a few times in my 70 years and as you can tell by my presents here, I'm still at it.
Like you I started young, around 6 for me, stopped and started dressing many times after that. When life and loves found me fulfilled and happy, I've gone years with out dressing, and hardly a thought about it. But always at some point, the need to dress comes back, each time seemingly stronger than the last time. Then for me life becomes miserable, I get depressed, filled with an inter rage, that seems to come from nowhere, and strikes out at anyone around me. I find myself to be someone I just don't like to be around, so why would anyone else.
So like most, at some point, I give up fighting against it, put on a dress, and I instantly become a better person. Can't explain it, but it's true, I become a better person. Friendlier, happy go lucky, caring, and just an all around better person to be around.
Wish I could help you find that magic solution your looking for, a lot of us would love to share it with you, but even the medical profession has admitted, we aren't sick so there is no cure.
The heart wants what the heart wants, so the rest of the body might as well just go along, it makes life so much easier.

[Stephanie Julianna]

My heart goes out to you because you haven't figured it out yet that you can never remove these desires. The fact is that there is nothing bad about wanting to wear stylish clothes that make you feel good. The way we dress for the day expresses how we are feeling that day. Unfortunately, only women seem to have this privilege. No one here can tell you why we as a group have this extra need to feel beautiful and yes "girly". I'm assuming that the majority of men don't really care about clothes that much unless it's manly. BUT we do care and society, as increasingly openned minded at it is getting, still thinks it is some kind of perversion. It's not. God, how I wish the Puritans had stayed in Europe. Now the Europeans are more accepting of us than our own. You need to find a place for this in your life because I'm telling you it will never go away. I started dressing at 5 years old and will be 65 in Feb. and my need to dress is as strong as ever. And for all the heartache I would not want to be anyone else. If you are in a relationship make sure she knows. That's a must. We are all here for you. God Bless, Steph

[Katey888]

Hi Nirali,
I think we all have these uncertainties from time to time - but perhaps to answer your question (because you have asked how you can 'remove' these thoughts...) - treat it as you would any other expensive pursuit. There are folk who collect very expensive things obsessively: art; vehicles; records (yes, the vinyl type) - anything. I am sure there are people whose lives have been ruined as effectively by investing too much in antique books (say) as by CDing. If you are able to come to terms with the feelings - and the 10 year period of self-imposed denial seems to confirm you can - then just do this as something personal and private for your own satisfaction.
But don't think the feelings will ever completely go - I doubt they will... just try for a balance.
Good luck!
Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

Personally if you enjoy it, indulge yourself privately and do not include others.
talk about it here and air your problems, others may have more timely advice for you.
You are not being deceitful, nor should you be ashamed of what you are doing or what your preferences are.
I say this because you are not going to remove the thoughts and if you can afford it buy that dress.
Do not obsess about it too much and see how you get on.

[Angie G]

Your thoughts aren't going anywere. So just go with hun you will be a lot happyer. I been in and out of it when I was going with my wife I didn't dress for over a year. After we got married it came back. almost 8 years ago with the help of my wife I dress 5 days a week and some time on the weekends I wear lady's pajamas. You could be doing worse things with your life hun.Hang here we can get you on the high road.
Angie

[kimdl93]

I have to say, this is an odd place to seek advice on how to avoid thoughts of CDing

[LaraPeterson]

Kim, that's exactly what I was thinking. Maybe that's the problem. . .thinking. Nirali, your course of action is always going to come from your thoughts. Isha told you well, as did others, you can't escape them. And Tina probably gave you the only surefire way to get past the thoughts, although I'm not sure if you were only left with your brainstem it would work.

Life would likely be easier for you if you could suppress this; problem is--life was never meant to be easy. Some call crossdressing a fetish, others call it a hobby. For many, it is a passion. I would just ask you this: where is your HEART in the matter?

[vikki2020]

The quicker that you can come to accept that this is who you are the better. Doesn't mean that you should start hormones tomorrow, but, just try to be at peace with it. Hopefully, with time, you will see that it's nothing to feel bad about, and maybe, you can get to feel how special it is. Go at your own pace, and ask for help, when you need it. This isn't going anywhere, so, love yourself! Good luck, Nirali!

[NathalieX66]

Nirali, you are a product of what your mind and imagination creates. That is who you are.

I was once you, and I thought I could "remove" this aspect of me, only to find myself more bottled up than ever. It's a common narrative amongst crossdressers. The guilt/shame/denial/lies routine. Unless this is something you lose interest in, it will never go away.

Me, I love womens' clothes, and I hope I don't ever stop. Because if I did, then I'd realize I'm actually dead.

[Talisker]

Nirali,

I suspect that anyone who has successfully managed to stop crossdressing is also going to stop looking at sites like this so they cant tell you how they did it (if they even exist).
As others have said try to get a balance and dont beat yourself up for wanting to wear a dress. Its not even illegal !

[chessdragon]

For some people, the thoughts do fade and never come back. For others, they never do, and they embrace it as a part of their every day lives. And then on the spectrum in between, for many of us our desire to crossdress comes and goes; it can lie dormant for awhile, and then come back, and go away again, and come back again.

If you know that the urge comes and goes, maybe you should keep it private. I don't think you can simply rid yourself of the desire to crossdress; you want what you want. But even if you could, I wouldn't. Like the others have said, the more important thing to do is learn that crossdressing isn't something to be ashamed of.

[Rachelakld]

While I find the older I get, the less energy I chose to use to "rid myself of these thought", instead I've been enjoying these thoughts for last few decades.
I suppose CBT or hypnotherapy could be a method, I personally prefer using my energy and time for fun.
Another idea would be to let your wife control the credit card