giving up crossdressing\purging

[Tina B.]

I've had three times in my life I've purged, once when I got out of school, and went in to the service, When I got married the first time, when I got divorced from the first wife. And the last time was when I got married the second time. a few years into the marriage, I realized all of my depression, and repressed anger, was caused by my need to dress, and it was only getting worse.
I went to the wife and told her all about me, and how it wasn't about her, I'd been doing it since I was a little kid, and it was why I was so unhappy. I fully expected her to go running from the room and from my life, but instead, she embraced it, maybe it was the answer to her question about why I was so unhappy, and it turned out it wasn't her, I'm not sure. But that very day we went shopping and started me on to what has become a thrift shop of clothes stored all over the house, unfortunately I never had much luck in thrift stores so it was all bought retail. As much as I've always wished I hadn't been born a CD, I've learned to live with it quite comfortably and have never thought about giving it up again, I can't live my life without Tina, and find any sort of happiness, so why would I ever purge again, and deny half of me.

[CD Husband]

I purged once, when I moved into my wife's home. Everything, into 2 large trash bags, into an anonymous dumpster. Things I had owned for years, tossed out in a mad moment of "What the hell do I do with all this stuff?". It did not last long. About 3 months later I found myself going through her drawers looking for something to wear. Finally I gave up and went to walmart, bought a lipstick, slip, stockings and was headed to the checkout when I saw the longline bra and had to have it.

[Kristina_nolagirl]

I have the opposite problem - I hold stuff for too long! There are some things I bought when I first started fully dressing around 16-17 that I still have in my closet and don't wear but will not throw away for nostalgic reasons. But throwing away perfectly good girly things - no way. If your a size 10-12 let me know when you purge and I'll give you my address!

I do sometimes whine and tell my wife I'm going to quit if I don't like the way something looks on me. She then verbally slaps me and tells me "welcome to the life of a woman"

To all people who say they are going to quit I wish you well, but the odds are defiantly against you. I feel like most people try to "quit" because of their perception that is pleases other people- no thanks!

[Confucius]

Yes, cross-dressing is a part of who we are, and so is purging. Yes, cross-dressing makes me happy, and at times it makes me ashamed. There have been times when I wished I could take a magic pill to cure me of cross-dressing. I've tried to cure myself of cross-dressing, and I've been amazed on how difficult this is. I believe that some people have actually been cured of their cross-dressing urges, but this is very, very, very rare. It seems to require reprogramming the neural connections of your brain. It requires you to permanently treasure the virtues of being a man, above your values of the feminine. Most cross-dressers see females as having more advantages than males.

Here is one of the better links to a person (Thorin) who is trying to quit cross-dressing. He is a pastor (yes, a man of the cloth in more ways than one), and he has plenty of motivation to quit cross-dressing. http://healingcd.wordpress.com/

[Wildaboutheels]

I have no earthly idea where you would be reading such nonsense? CLEARLY, if one takes the time to READ the responses here, at THIS very Forum, some are [or more correctly WERE] born into the wrong body. Many of those ladies have gone to great time, expense and effort/surgery/hormones and I can't even imagine some of the rest to correct their outside appearance to their inside. [brain] Others live their lives pretty much as women except for their jobs where they are "just one of the guys". But for most it is just a part time thing. M A N Y other CDing sites back this up.

Passing has NOTHING to do with "dressing" for probably 95% of the CDers on the planet. I can't speak for other CDers but I have NEVER purged. Why on earth would I - I have never felt any shame or guilt. I think it is pretty nifty what my MALE brain allows me to do, and I believe FEmales clearly got the short end of the stick in this "area".

MOST MEN are not going to be "cured" from what Evolution has worked [likely hundreds of thousands of years] to achieve. It's just that simple.

[Ilsa]

I did my share of purging, but in the end it didn't bother me too much because I always donated my clothes to the Salvation Army or Rescue Mission. Besides, styles change all the time and it's good to make a change now and then. Psychologically it didn't bother me too much because I always accepted who I am and knew I'd be back. Also, expenses didn't bother me that much either because I knew I could always go to the Salvation Army Store to find some nice clothing at a cheap price.

[Anna H]

I've never purged. I always liked my "gift"...even when I thought
I was the only one.

I've lost stuff in moving, but I won't ever willingly trash my stuff.
I know that sooner or later, I'll want it again....and it's been long
periods of time between, but I'm always glad I have it.

Stuff like some of mine is now selling on ebay as Vintage! But
that's always a good reason to 'update' something that actually
matters...(besides java/flash/etc...)

- Kate

[Patty-Fay]

hi i need to stop it is damageing my marrige i havent purged yet im waiting on a referal to see a theripst at the minite to see what thay say i should have come clean to wife before marrage and kids but glad i dident because i probly would not have a wife and kids if i did and thay are more importent to me than dressing but im not looking forward to purgeing

The decision is yours to make, and we can all respect and support your decision. Do keep in mind that purging will not erase your desires or change who you are, so if you continue to be drawn to things feminine (as I expect you will), don't beat yourself up over it.

You say you aren't looking forward to purging...is there any possibility you could put your things away where they won't be discovered? e.g. I have my stuff in the attic of our house, which is a place my wife never goes. Realistically, there is pretty good chance you will regret the purge someday.

[Chickhe]

I seem to have this been there done that attitude. Once I have done it, I can usually look back and be satisfied with the memories without having to repeat it again. Other times, I remind myself about something new that I want to try and then I get involved again... purging was way back when I was ashamed, but since accepting it and letting myself be free to explore I have no reason to get rid of anything.

[Vanessa Rose]

Does anyone know a CD that purged and never started again...? Sure some have disappeared but does one person know a person that they could definitively say they stopped CDing?

Honestly there must be cases as why would people stop CD'ing and continue to post in a CD forum, but certainly many of you likely go out and have friends that have tried...

In all my years, I can't name one case where purging was successful. I must be wrong, but do any of you know one for sure..

hmm...just thinking outloud...

Vanny

[Jessica1983]

hi patty-fay i think it would be to tempting if i kept them would have to be away from home i have a a apointment now to see someone that can help i will be hard but i have to try

[Billiejosehine]

hi i need to stop it is damageing my marrige i havent purged yet im waiting on a referal to see a theripst at the minite to see what thay say i should have come clean to wife before marrage and kids but glad i dident because i probly would not have a wife and kids if i did and thay are more importent to me than dressing but im not looking forward to purgeing

I have been where you are...When I first met my wife I never did share that part of myself with her because I was in denial, could not accept that part of myself, and I thought if I did what was expected as a man marriage, family, good job, a home things would just go away. No matter how I tried to suppress this part of myself, it kept coming back like someone that keeps knocking at the door till you answer. Sometimes the knock was louder and harder then others. As time went on, I had several slip ups that put a wedge between me and the SO damaging the relationship. I reached a point where I am going through a divorce and accepting that I am a TS and beginning transition. In our arguments she is angry because I never gave her a chance to choose if she wanted to be in this relationship, even if I was in denial I still knew and should have said something. Looking back if I did I probably would have not had my children and gotten married. While my children are important and they come first, I can't also deny any part of myself. It is not healthy, your not being honest with who you are, and you must love and accept that part of yourself. What is your SO's view on CDing? How is it damaging your marriage? If you are going to purge, make sure you put your stuff away somewhere instead of getting rid of them or throwing them away.

[mmandy31]

I have purged try giving up cross dressing for the last 30 years and plus I don't think I am passable and I just can not do it.

[anonymousinmaryland]

Whatever you decide, do NOT purge.
The need to crossdress will return.

[Claire Cook]

I've gone through several long periods when I did not dress, but it was always in the back of my mind. Like many of you, I've accepted who I am and would not think of going back. I firmly believe that this is part of me and that I was probably born this way.

In terms of "purging": what girl doesn't go through her wardrobe and get rid of the old stuff?

[nacracat]

yep, it costs a fortune but a good excuse to buy new clothes WHEN you come back to it. I have decided I am what I am so to hell with it. Life is too short, I can say that because I have been there several times.

[linny_aggy]

not much left to say after reading what so many have already mentioned... yes one gets into that feeling off and on.. i for one have given up thinking..tho' i do care what the society or environment merits...lemme tell u, a CD like me will never be outta it..temporarily perhaps yes, but soon we get back into it sooner or later in some form or the other !!

[sometimes_miss]

It's true the harsh reality sometimes can make us come to the logical decision to purge and get on with an atypical male life. Crossdressing is part of us we can't turn it off forever. Even if you don't dress anymore you'll always wish you could and end up being unhappy for it. It's like Brett favre trying to retire.

I'm one of those who are currently 'on the wagon'. While I'm much more comfortable when I can just dress up as a girl (I always feel like I'm 'acting' the part of a normal male), crossdressing is simply not conducive to having a relationship with a woman; for 15 years I tried to be honest about it, yet found virtually no women interested in crossdressers. Even here, the number of men with mates who like crossdressing is very few indeed by percentage, with just as few barely tolerating it, often with eventual disastrous results when those women decide they simply cannot put up with it anymore. So right now, I'm dealing with it the only way I know how; I take my clue from the addicts who go to their meetings. Yes, I'm a crossdresser, but I will not crossdress today. Some days are much harder than others, but I'm doing better this way than trying to avoid the subject entirely. And I will probably never tell another woman that I'm a crossdresser; it's simply relationship suicide as far as I can see.

Edit: I've purged a few times. Not this time. I put my girl stuff in storage in a place that's only open normal daytime hours. It prevents me from going on wild purchasing sprees when the urge to dress up gets really bad, because I know my girl stuff is just a short drive away, I just have to wait until business hours the next day to get to it. and by then, I usually 'came to my senses' and manage to avoid going there to get my pretty things. For another day. One day at a time, one day at a time.......

[bimini1]

I guess you can approach it like a 12 step program. I haven't purged since the 90s but can tell you some ridiculous purge stories from down thru the years. I remember once throwing some stockings in a dumpster at this shopping center miles from home. Only to be back at the dumpster the very next day digging thru trash because I was afraid to go to a store and buy a new pair. This kind of living led me into the drug scence, since I could not put CD away let me escape from reality by seeing if I could literally smoke up Mexico.
These were extremely dark times. I still am not in full self acceptance of this but don't think another purge will occur. I have so many nice things now. I woke up one morning several years ago and wanted no more dope. Can't explain why it was that simple or easy. Only way I will stop CD is if I have that kind of experience with it, some kind of instant awakening.
Only reason I toil over it is society conditioning. Guilt.

[Christen]

We pretty much all have the same story. I've purged probably four times, maybe five. All for various reasons, but usually with the promise to at least myself that this will be the end of it, no more of this silly dressing up. Hmmm ... in my late fifties I really understand the desire to crossdress isn't going to go away. I just have to manage it as well as I can. I'm not going to purge again, it's just too expensive.

[Vanessa5]

I have had the forced purge. Before I was married my future wife found my stash and forcefully told me to get rid of it. It kept coming back. About 4 years ago I came out to my wife. We went to therapy as a couple then I went on my own. The one thing that I have figured out, and I told my wife, is that this is part of me and I can't give it up.

[Alexaduggal]

I have purged a few times and each time is so heartbreaking. I wish I won't ever do it again, but I think I may.

[trishacd]

Once your a cd ,its no different then being a vampire, it will never stop!

[Marcy]

I've thought about purging several times, when I've about got caught (I'm not out to my wife or family) or when I do it so much that I think I can't hide my mannerisms when not dressed. But then I realize that I really enjoy dressing so why would I want to totally stop. At these times, I store my girlie stuff in boxes out of the way but easily reachable for quick sessions when needed. The fact that my girlie stuff is so close helps me control my impulses to dress. Sometimes just wearing panties and a bra with forms around the house for a few hours with shoes on but all else guy clothes is enough to satisfy my desires. Other times, it full dressing and make-up, wig, and my stuff is close enough for that, too.

For me, I don't think my desire to CD will ever go away, and I'm enjoying discovering how I can satisfy my CD desires in various ways, while keeping my secret from my family, which I know isn't honest but this works for me at this time. If I purged, it would be a short time before I'd be rebuying all the same stuff, and that is expensive and wasteful.

Marcy

[k lynn]

I am mainly a under dresser yes I have purged twice in the past I have finally relized dressing is part of me and I am happy now no more stress from under dressing