Why do we desire to go out in public?

[natcrys]

As with pretty much all of these questions and answers... this is how it feels for me.. I know most of my CD-ing friends in real life agree with me, but the world is bigger than that.

With that disclaimer out of the way: why the desire to go out? For me, after taking the umpteenth bunch of photos with a tripod and the self-timer.. I got bored being indoors! While I'm huge geek (love to read, play videogames, etc.) for which I usually stay inside, I love doing stuff outside the house. I love to go shopping, I love to go to movies, love to go to restaurants and bars and have beers or cocktails. Why wouldn't I also want to do that while being dressed up?

My brother and some of my male friends (most of them dress like slobs though.. ) put on a nice suit if we're going out to dinner, my female friends put on make-up and wear dresses. I like to wear dresses.. so why wouldn't I sometimes wear them while going out?

I admit there are/were other reasons as well... it's also exciting, I get compliments, "can I get away with it?". Like mentioned above.. it's also about validation. For me, it's not just about wearing the clothes, but also feeling free to express myself in whatever way I feel at the moment.

Mind you, I'm 36.. and I feel completely comfortable in my male body (though I hate hair.. so I'm having that permanently removed).. don't want to transition or anything. However, when I dress.. I do want to present myself as what I think is a good looking woman. So yes, breast forms, the occasional corset and hip padding will be there when I go out in the world.

I'm sorry if this sounded a bit rant-ish.. but I sometimes get a bit miffed when we get into the whole "no true Scotsman" thing about crossdressing. Everyone's situation and desires are different.

[KaceyR]

I kind of skimmed over responses..some may duplicate.

For myself it's a bit more.

In drab, my male self is a wallflower. Doesn't talk much. Doesn't express as much. I sit back and analyze. I don't "experience". (as seen in several posts I guess )
Kacey is my outlet for that. (well to a degree anyways). Kacey is my second half, some of which I wish I could get my drab side doing more often. I knew from the start that I would be wanting to get out and to let Kacey explore a bit.
It's kind of equal to the feeling that I sure wouldn't (obviously) want to be locked up in jail.
Yet if I didn't go out, Kacey would be the side that is "locked up".. (a better jail, but still a jail-the apartment).
And that would feed back to regular life too...to always feel like a part of me is locked.
Because I try to have Kacey be a bit of the person I'm not.. if I kept Kacey at home then it'd just be like sitting spinning wheels. No overall advancement. Then it'd seem to me that the fun would wear down more, and in the end Kacey would be just a female duplicate of myself.

While I know others may not really be wallflowers,etc like my situation, that's _my_ take on it.

Now as far as going the full works with forms,etc...that's asthetics. And comfort. And feeling. Myself, I didn't feel as 'girly' until I had the weight-a-hangin' and especially with their realistic shape (get the point(s)? ). Without the boobs I don't feel complete. If I didn't have something up there, no female clothing would look right on me. And no amount of makeup would really work as well. Makeup completes the look..but doesn't affect the 'passability' as much to me.

Continuing with that.. 'passability'. I go out to "experience". I don't want to necessarily experience tons of long duration stares while people try to make sense of what they're looking at. Without the boobs I can guarantee I'd have had all 4 people in the nail salon staring frequently while I was there. (none of the 4 even knew till it was told and that was even with my main voice..I didn't 'try' feminize it much-they just thought I smoked). Who knows how many would have stared while at Target or while I sat in the restaurant. But because there was plenty of feminine cues (makeup,hair,boobs) most won't outright stare. Some might look and wonder.. if they're _really_ observant. And that's fine. But for the ones that aren't or are too self absorbed, then what I've done is enough. I know I've done all I can to minimize the uncomfortable side and that's about it. Now the Kacey side thinks "let 'em stare anyways" but I'd rather they'd be staring at how awesome I look than how strange

So now i can be out, feel feminine, and experience life that way without much of the added negative side. And that's a good thing

I agree others situations may be different, especially with added external influences (wife,family,etc) are present. My situation's lucky in a way-no wife,no partner, no kids,+ the 1 or 2 friends that may have issues and work are kept out of it. So I'm free to fully explore in,out and about both drab and Kacey to the fullest.

[ArleneRaquel]

I just adore to show my female side as often and to as many as possible. I love living as a woman.

[kendra_gurl]

It's called VANITY "In conventional parlance, vanity is the excessive belief in one's own abilities or attractiveness to others."

Yes we want to validate if we are attractive to others, Not necessarily to interact with them or to attract anyone too us directly but just to see if by even the slightest of looks or nods from others we can assure ourselves that we appear as good to others as we do to ourselves.

How we dress while out determines the extent of just how Vain we are. Blending in or streetwalker its still our own vanity we are expressing.

Michelle:
Ask your girlfriend to really think about how she feels when she really decks herself out and thinks she looks great. How does she feel when she knows others are secretly checking her out? How it boost her ego? Can she understand that so many men never experience that feeling.

Ellie : Wow I don't understand your logic. Look at your own photos. Are you saying as feminine as you look in your dress, lingerie, hose, makeup and wig that you are not wearing a bra? If so is it a padded bra to help give some shape? have you no interest at all in knowing what the weight and bounce of wearing breast forms would feel like? Have you never worn a tight skirt that would benefit a lot if your had a little padding in the hips and butt?

As for those who do go out looking for men all I can say is there are lots of Bi CD's of which I am not one but I know better than to group anyone that seeks to go out and be seen as going out just to hook up with men.

[Tina_gm]

My response is going to be quite different. I do not go out, and do not have the desire to. IF.... I could do a transformation that was 100% bulletproof and no one would know, I would likely change my mind about this. But as most here will get clocked, and there have been numerous posts and threads about what happens, both good and bad when you do, personally, I do not want any part of this. It is a personal choice, and I respect those who do go out and enjoy themselves for the good things that happen and roll with the not so good things that happen.

For me, even the good things, people respecting you, helping you etc etc, but still, I am a man presenting as a woman, and if I were to work hard enough at it, I might pass without close scrutiny, but doubtful that I would survive a close inspection. I just do not want to be a man presenting as a woman. I wouldn't want to be "different" Personally, I dress for comfort, its fun, I like the physical sensations of wearing women's clothes, I connect to my inner femininity. I guess I just do not have the need to take that out in public and face being different, even for the good things that happen, let alone the not so good things that happen. It is all just personal for me, I am very much a live and let live girl inside.

[JennyLynn]

My thoughts on this, for what they're worth, is that I think we want the world to know that we are pretty, we are feminine and we just want to be accepted for who we know we are inside. We are men....all day....every day. We want to have the same freedom and acceptance to be the women that we feel and know we are inside. I only go out during the dark hours, but so get a thrill out of thinking someone will see me. We are such curious creatures, aren't we?

[Stephanie Julianna]

What a hard question Michelle. I read a few of the rep[lies but didn't want to read too many to cloud a true answer from me. I have to agree with Adriana. I love the ability to socialize as my complete self. I am very outgoing as a man. Sometimes too much. As Steph, l listen to others more, take in my surroundings, chat with salesgirls, shop, and enjoy intimate meals while chatting with friends. Recently I met two CDers from this site on two seperate days. They opted for drab while I went en femme. All I can say is that we had really lovely afternoons and very nice lunches. The fact that neither waiter or waitress ever questioned my gender just added to the experience. Passing in public is a kind of validation that this person inside you can be accepted by the public. It does help me accept myself. That's what works for me. I adore women and my effort to pass is a tribute and outward expression of my admiration.

[njcddresser]

If I can only choose two, the first would be my bra and forms. The second would be my make up bag. If I'm on a deserted island, I guess going commando isn't an issue

[Kristy 56]

I guess for me it's just the fact that Kristy has spent almost her whole life trapped inside. When I can go out she becomes alive . Sad to think that our other side is usually hidden away in our closets.

[Stephanie47]

Michelle, back to your original question. It seems many have digressed from your question. First, dealing with your S/O. I suspect she does not want to go out in public with you because she fears two things (1) you will be identified and reap the negativity associated with cross dressing, and (2) she will be identified in some manner negatively. I've mentioned in comments before that many women will question why another woman would associate with a man who cross dresses. Frankly, going out for a drive is a very tame experience as long as you do not have a wreck or a plane falls on you or the car engine blows up or a deer smacks into you or.............. It is the fear of the unknown. To minimize some of these possibilities, namely a police officer pulling you over for a defective taillight, let her drive. If you are a passable as you say, then suggest she drive to an area that does not have a lot of foot traffic and stroll together.

As to why we would go out in public. I guess it's like the child who is told not to cross the street. The spectre of something wonderful, forbidding, etc is on the other side. The child wants to experience it, but, there may be a cost associated with it. Mom may find out and beat my ass. Or the cross dresser thinks a neighbor, the parish priest, etal may encounter you.

But, how do I minimize the fear of discovery. If it was just the clothes, then, sure forget the breast forms and wig and makeup. But, alas, many of us look into the mirror and declare, "Heck I look like a guy in a dress!" How do I change that image. Well, it's a wig, makeup, enhanced chest with a bra and forms or water balloons or tissue paper. Now, I have convinced myself that it's OK to wear those fun clothes because I look like a woman. At least in my mind I look like a woman. If I'm lucky I will not be chased by neighbors with pitch forks.

But, I have wanted to go out en femme. And, I did. I crossed the street to the other side. The wind blew up from the floor boards of my car and caressed my stockinged legs. I parked the car. I heard the sound of my clicking heels. Heck, a guy even honked his horn and voiced approval. It was dark! I was blond at the time. I went out because i wanted to see how it felt to walk down the street. I have no desire to mix with the public and risk the hoards with pitchforks. Maybe I would end up like Lynn Marie and have like minded friends. Right now, no. And unlike Marie Lynn I do model aircraft and military vehicle, but, not en femme. I would have some reason to mix my pleasures with my cross dressing, other than to say I went to the other side of the street.

I personally choose not to "Enter the Twilight Zone!" Your S/O is fearful of the unknown as many of us are too.

Good luck, offer to her some low keyed experience.

[Ellie52]

Ellie : Wow I don't understand your logic. Look at your own photos. Are you saying as feminine as you look in your dress, lingerie, hose, makeup and wig that you are not wearing a bra? If so is it a padded bra to help give some shape? have you no interest at all in knowing what the weight and bounce of wearing breast forms would feel like? Have you never worn a tight skirt that would benefit a lot if your had a little padding in the hips and butt?

Firstly Kendra, yes I am wearing a bra in the photo's but not breast forms. I don't own, and never will own breast forms. I cant see the point of them. My wife gave me one of her bra's with Water/gell type pads in it and I use this to get shape that is all. I am not trying to be a woman and I have no desire to be a woman or to have or feel the weight of breast forms. I have short skirts but again its all about the feel of the clothes, not trying to be a replication of a female.
Clothes are only the outer appearance. We are always male underneath. Whether its the shape of your shoulders, your hands (always a give away), the facial hair the adams apple you cannot be 100% woman so I cannot see the argument in validation. Validation is in the mind of the CDer herself - not anyone else.
I am happy to sit at home with only a skirt on - no wig or bra or anything. I thought this was crossdressing. Not trying to convince the general public I am a woman.
If you stood on a street and asked 50 people to come and give you an HONEST answer on how you look would you accept the answer if it was negative or just say that the 50 people were wrong? We have to understand we are fringe dwellers but have every right to wear what we want when we want. It doesn't mean its acceptable in other peoples eyes.
Just look at how many CDs get divorced after telling their SO their desire to dress. It is not readily acceptable, but this doesn't mean you cant do it if you enjoy it.
Again - this is my opinion only and I realize what I am stating goes against a lot of what people hold dear, but I am trying to understand where I fit in the crossdressing scale.
I do dress at home with a wig and makeup and like the look of what I see in the mirror. But it is only a reflection of the outer skin. If I take off the wig I am back to me unlike a true GG who is always what she sees in the mirror.
Please dont take offence at anything I have written, but please help me understand...Ellie
Michelle - we seem to have gone off topic so I apologize for hijacking your thread.

[Ressie]

We? Is there an assumption that all CDs have a desire to dress in public? This is a recurring topic that makes me feel like I'm in the minority here. But if I did have the desire a wig and forms would be part of it. It's too easy for a man to look ridiculous in women's clothes.

[marsha leanne]

my take is a bit different. currently i do not go out and in fact am pretty much a homebody. however, there is very unique time stamp a few years ago where i did go out, several times all in the space of a couple of weeks. It was both an amazing chapter and had both extreme highs and heart wrenching pain of being clocked. (and not so much being clocked but how it was handled)
when i feel a bit more comfortable here i will share those thoughts and that week as i kept a journal dring those times. There are times the tug of 'outside' is very strong, if for no other reason to see if i can, or more importantly, to see if Marsha can. She is still slowly becoming her own person, and I am content to give all the time she needs.

[Nadine Spirit]

Lots of good thoughts.

This was also kind of a sticking point between my wife and I as well. She just could not wrap her head around why I would possibly want to go out in public. The only response I could give her was because I was totally afraid to do so. I am all about facing down my irrational fears, thus she knew I was set and it was going to happen. And it did and continues to. Now it's just about getting out and having fun!

I will say it has made me question my own personal status as only a cross dresser. And those thoughts have made me realize while I will never transition, as I do not think I am actually a woman, I realize now I am not just a male. I am comfortable existing somewhere in-between. I get to experience life as a man all the time and now I get to experience some of my life, if not as a woman, at least dressed as one. Gosh I just don't know if that makes any sense. Hmmm......

[Linda-x]

I wish I had a definitive answer, but I don't. At a young age when fantasizing about dressing as a girl, it almost always played out with being in public. Well one morning, over 20 years later, I woke up with an unstoppable compulsion to not only fully dress and present as a female, but to also to go out. I spent that week in frantic excitement buying a wig, breast forms, heels, cloths, bra, make-up, and learning how to put it all together, like a science project! Later that week, I put myself together, and went downtown Seattle, just like in my earlier fantasies.The first night I just walked around, but two nights later I went to a bar that had a drag show going on. Even when I dress, and try to stay at home, I have this strong desire to go out, like a caged animal! Well, I guess that is just the way I am wired, ( or was re-wired). LOL.

[Samantha_Smile]

I want to go out.
But I want to go out to do normal stuff, get the supermarket shopping looking nice but not have people take issue with it.
I'd like to go trying clothes on en femme, but I don't want anyone to bat an eyelid.
At my height, doing this will unlikely ever happen, and if I had to speak to anyone, well then its curtains for me.
Im more of a dreamer on this one. I'll dream that the world suddenly accepts CDing to be as normal an activity as cycling.
People look at the nutter in the lycra one piece, fighting their way through traffic, but nobody hurls abuse (unless it's deserved)

In reality, going out will probably be a lifelong limitation of the LGBT bars and clubs. I'll settle for that I guess.

[Sarah2770]

No one should hide. Women shouldn't feel pressured to look a certain way and neither should men. Giving in to social pressure is never going to inspire change. I know it's not easy, but who cares what other people think? When I go out people constantly are judging me. For my hair, my clothes, what I drive. That's what some people do, they judge. But it shouldn't matter. Everyone has a beauty inside them unlike any one else. Wear it with pride.
(I should mention I'm a straight woman in a relationship with a CD)
If you want to keep your CD life to yourself and vail it from friends and family, take a mini rd trip and go somewhere no one knows you. Go shopping, get your nails done, do whatever. You'll never see those people again. I'm a strong believer of living life to the fullest and no one should ever be afraid to do so.

Good luck to all the beauties here!! Be happy and stay positive. This world will change, be the change you want to see!!

[kendra_gurl]

Just because a CD enjoys trying to be as passable or as feminine looking as possible in public in no way makes her believe or think she is female.

Come on we all know what we are. We just enjoy the extent of the way we dress in differing degrees. Some of us do not want to be noticed while others enjoy the reactions from those who do notice us.

That does not make one right or the other one wrong

[grace7777]

When I first started dressing en femme. I was happy to do it behind closed doors, but that just does not cut it anymore. Also, now when I go out in public I want to do things that a gg would actually do. I like the idea of being out in public and presenting myself as a woman. It is a great feeling when I am called ma'am or someone compliments me on my dress or shoes.

My goal is to now outside of work to present myself as a girl in public as much as possible. I cannot say I totally pass but am working on getting better at my presentation each time I go out. At one time I never considered transitioning or hrt but now I find that I am at least giving it some consideration.

[Melissa xox]

Thank you Sarah!

[Tracii G]

Well put Sarah I agree.

[SatinSarah]

I guess the answer is simple for me. Although I have only braved walking my neighbourhood about 3-4 times over the last 20 years it was a natural conclusion to the process of dressing. When I spend an hour getting dressed and have taken all the photos I don't want to feel constricted to home. I have seen so many girls here who have enjoyed their trips to the mall that I feel the need to complete the process and join others outside. I want to pass of course but I also learned that even if you don't - so what? I have seen a few other TVs across London when out in drab and realise that nobody else has even noticed them. So I have thought what the heck! Even if I am read nobody is going to do anything. I dress for my own desires but feel I should be able to relax in girl mode at home and at the shops...

[MsVal]

Beneath it all we're mostly a bunch of guys and most guys can relate to cars so I will use the analogy of an old car.
A fellow may find a beat up old car that appeals to him on one level or another and he will begin to fix it up. The car may sit in the garage for years while he tinkers with one thing or another. The personal enjoyment of getting away into the garage for a couple hours of tinkering satisfies his urges and that's okay.
Some guys want to work on the car with the intent of taking it out on the road for short trips or local parking lot showings, weather permitting. They will get it painted a fancy color, replace the dull pitted chrome, and put on new tires with shiny new wheels. While they are proud of the work they have done, they are also quite aware of the many things that still must be done before it can pass for 'new'. Other guys want to go all the way. They want to have a showpiece that will get the approval and admiration of even the most critical observer.

[jessw]

I think the greatest feeling when I first started going out in public was knowing I could be the person I wanted to be and still live my life as normal. Of course there were some social challenges that I did have to face and those were scary and still are today. I think facing the challenges and overcoming them not only makes us stronger as people, but it also makes us appreciate our selves more for knowing we have that strength. For me facing that fear and living how I want to live has made me happier than ever!

[Karmen]

Because it's exciting, I guess. Being dressed at home is cool, but a bit boring. I don't even bother putting makeup on when I'm at home, unless I'm trying new style of makeup or learning how to do it better. I usually just wear something comfortable at home if I don't expect any visitors. When I'm at home during the day I mostly wear normal male clothes and put on only panties, pantyhose and high heels, because it's very practical in case of unexpected visitors and I need a quick change to male appearance.