Confused with Wife

[Glenda58]

Last month she fond me stash of panties and some other things. Had me get rid of them ( which I didn't just moved to a new place). At Xmas I bought her some PJs from VS. After see them see tells me I can't go there without her. Yesterday she tells the PJs are to big and has to return them. On Fri I'm going to be with my grandkids near the mall where VS is. She tells me to return her PJs for a smaller size and buy her a sports bra while I'm there and don't buy anything for me. I told her while I'm there I'm going to look at things. She said OK but don't buy.

I don't know what's going on with her. She won't talk to me about this. Just goes off into her room.

Last year we went on a day trip to the other side of the state. We were shopping for her when it started raining hard. She bought a rain coat for her self then grab one for me it was a womens and had me try it on then bought for me.
She been doing things like this since we got married.

I just don't know what to do. Any ideas?

[Julie Gaum]

Glenda, there is much to do here. Obviously you've been with the Forum for awhile but my guess is only recently married. So before we get into the great need for communication before matters start to boil over on both sides tell us a little about your relationship and the circumstances involving your initial decision to start hiding both your stash and your inclinations to CD.
This information will provide your sisters here with a foundation to begin the building process.
Good luck
Julie

[Glenda58]

Julie, I told about my CDing before we got married she said she didn't want to see it but was OK with it at the time. Told her I've been doing this since I was 11. It stopped for a few years when I was a teenager chasing girls. After my marriage I started wearing my wife's cloths at times. The kids were born and I stopped again. Then one Halloween party at my house the had a idea to dress me as the hostess with all the makeup and wigs and heels with help of the neighbor lady. I haven't stopped since I fond out that I like dressing up. That was in the 80s before the internet. My second wife didn't understand why I like dressing but she got sick before we could work things out and die. Made me promise to tell anyone I was going to marry about my CDing before. And that's where I'm now with a wife who knows but doesn't except who I am.

[Julie Gaum]

Thanks Glenda, so you have faced these problems before but had, for different reasons, never reached a satisfactory relationship. Assuming too that children are no longer an issue. I'm sure in your long assocition with this Forum you have read the many approaches to develop a step by step line of communication. You also know that it takes patience to assure that a spouse absorbs and accepts before taking another step forward. You will find that the major reasons for not accepting are not having been willing to learn what their partner requires to be happy --- basic ignorance of the subject; early family upbringing and/or religious
"teachings" are often a hurdle that needs removing. So read the stickies and set up your first uninterupted meeting. Good luck
Julie
PS In the event other members don't assist please PM me

[Jodi]

Glenda, What makes you think it is possible to figure out a woman's thoughts and actions? They were put on this earth to keep men confused.

Jodi

[NickiStoner]

Glenda, this is coming from someone who has never had a male friend, and knows a lot about women, she isn't okay with it. Take a step back and think what it's like to be in her shoes. She doesn't understand why you CD, and she never will. She's probably confused, mad, sad, and she doesn't know what to do about it because you're her husband. When she married you she probably though it would be something you infrequently did, and is now shocked that you had all of that stuff that she didn't even know about. What you guys should do is sit down and talk about it. Ask her how she really feels about it. You know when you're afraid to talk to someone about something because you don't know how they'll react, well she might be afraid to talk to you about it because she thinks if she brings it up to you that she doesn't like it, that it would hurt your feelings. So you should take the first step towards getting you two on the same page with your CD. Tell her that it's for fun, that you don't plan to leave her for a man or anything, i'm sure that would put her mind at ease.

[Karren H]

We tried to talk you out getting married but would you listen? Noooo.... lol

[Beverley Sims]

Glenda,
I strongly support Julie's and Vicki's advice with my suggestion og going slower here.
It might help to show that you are appearing to play the game and see how reactions go over the next twelve months.

[Kate Simmons]

The one who figures out women will get the grand prize Hon. They are the most mysterious wonderful kind of people I know.

[Roli F]

I don't always understand the female half of my brain, and Its me all along. so what chance has any male of understanding.

[JennyLynn]

If I had to take a stab at this one, it would be this. She loves you and wants to support you, but she's worried about what it would lead to. She bought you the raincoat, because she didn't want you to get wet and figured a womans raincoat is okay. It's not too "out there". She has a reserved support of your CD'ing. Take her lead. Talk, but don't push. You two will come to an understanding someday. She will understand you, but you will never understand her!!! Good luck! Where's ISHA when you need her????

[Marcelle]

Hi Glenda,

I do have a question " How long has your wife known about your dressing?" Is this relatively new to her or has she known for some time? The reason I ask is that from your avatar I see you fully "en femme" and I am wondering if she has seen you completely dressed. It could be that "fully en femme" is a bridge too far for her if this I new and as Jenny said, the raincoat is just a coat and may seem safe but still showing a modicum of support on her part. If this is new (or old) for that part, my advice is to have an up front talk with her . . . what she can and cannot accept. This way you don't have to guess and you can slowly work towards an accord on dressing.

Hugs

Isha

[GinAnn]

Dear Glenda,

My wife had all the clues before we were married but I wasn't clear until years later - she has stated that my coming out explains a lot. With her own denial it has been a very tough acceptance but I often think the best thing I've ever done to garnering her acceptance of "Gin" is to make it clear that this part of me has found a way to survive my entire life no matter how many times I've tried to push "Gin" deep into a closet. I explained to my sweety that I could hide Gin but that I would be going into hiding with her, meaning that as long as I denied Gin's existence, I would be perpetuating a lie and I had done that for far too long in our relationship. I wanted to be a "complete" open book to her.

Of course reluctance has followed but she has become much more supportive as she realizes just how much more she's enjoying her time with Gin's alter ego. He's far more sensitive than he's ever been in a totally cool and awesome way that she remembers from his earlier years when they were simply dating. She now better understands "how" the package fits together. Does she really appreciate and fully accept Gin? Appreciate? No, hasn't absorbed that depth yet <grin> - Fully Accept? Yes as she better understands the drive.

My two cents? Your wife has to understand that your life being enhanced by the part-time dressed Glenda will enhance your drab time which is what "she" wants. Yes, Glenda is "always" present, but Glenda getting to express her gentler more feminine side should make her male counterpart much more loving and attentive to her needs.

As I don't know you and your wife I can't give you a script to follow, simply that you will have to lovingly convey that Glenda is not "who" you are, simply a part of your overall makeup (no pun intended - smile).

Gin

[lingerieLiz]

Well, She may not have a problem with the functionality items such as the raincoat. Many women wear men's things that are more functional than women's and think nothing of it. Some here consider that crossdressing, but most women don't.

[Jessicajane]

good luck with the wife thing you'll need it...!!...there seems to be three camps...those that quick accept and embrace ...lucky you if that happens, seen it happen prob only 10% of time..then there are those who shut down completely and walk out the door of your life either quickly or after a drawn out disintergration of ther relationship or the third type who you have to slowly coax, often kicking and screaming to the door of acceptance / tolerance however you wish to call it...this I reckon is the most common and is my situation last two years have been up and down ...with some real downs that came close to the edge, but given time things have improved massively ...and recernt months have seen advances I never would believe possible, just take things slowly, dont try and push too far in one go and listen / observe the sign that tell you if she is getting overwhelmed and you will suprise yourself in the ground you can make up...over time and with gentle but open communication .

[Chickhe]

She has this image of you as her guy... She wants to feel like she is the sexy one and wants to think you are thinking of her when you are buying her things. In a way, its like she doesn't want to compete with you and she wants to maintain the prince charming image.

[Glenda58]

Isha

I told her 6yrs ago before we got married. So she knew before she said I DO. I tried to talk to her this weekend. She told to grow up that men don't dress in womens cloths then stopped talking to me all night. Yesterday she gave one of her long sleeve tees and a sweat shirt that was female in color and fit. But didn't say a thing. I'm going slow with her trying not to push.

Sat. I had the day to myself because she was going to a party on the other side of the county and wouldn't be back for 5 or 6 hrs. So I got dressed thinking I would have most of the day. She calls me tells she is mad at someone and is coming home. She could have came home without calling but I think she knows that I'm get dressed and doesn't want to see it so she warns me she coming. She calls me when she out before she comes home since we been married. Once told she could eye makeup on me when she gone home told to wash my face but she wasn't mad.

So I don't know want to do with her.

[vallerie lacy]

I have to agree with those in favor of a honest to goodness discussion. If you can't sit down and discuss things in a rational way, what does the future hold? I hope you can work things out.

[kendra_gurl]

Glenda your wife knows and also knows you will never stop. She would rather you stop but loves you enough to allow you privacy. She does not want to participate or see Glenda but would rather give you her old clothing rather than know you spend money on new ones. VS is expensive and it sounds like telling you not to by anything else while there may have just been because of the cost.

Your best bet would be to accept what limitations you have and live accordingly or start looking for wife # 4

[ChristinaK]

Hi Glenda. I have a very similar problem in that my wife was more accepting in the past, letting me dress in nightgowns for bed and even sex a few times. One day she just threw away all my clothes and laid down the law. Now she let's me wear panties and womens PJ's, but that's it. She knows which drawers to stay out of as well, so she is not grossed out. I think some women understand it's who we are and have done it our entire lives and will not quit, but they just can't stand the thought of their manly man like that. So, they want to allow us some freedom, but sometimes it gets to them. For me, I'm settling for a semi DADT relationship, try to respect her feelings, but sincerely wish she were more open to it. After all, I have no desire to see her with a shaved head, whiskers, sweat shirt, men's jeans and tighty whities. But, if she had to do it, I would try to respect her privacy, but not want to hang around her like that. I feel for the wives, it has to be difficult for most. I have pushed the envelope and she has caught me, but most of the time gives me a hard time, then recovers pretty quickly. Good luck dear, it takes patience by both people as well as compromise, which it seems like she is trying to do, but it is hard for her.

[docrobbysherry]

I think 2 things:

#1. You're over reacting, not her. She's a woman. She has emotions and feelings we can NEVER understand. U must go at whatever speed she allows. If in doubt? ASK HER!

#2. If u get "caught" CDing without her knowing, u will be "in the wrong". She told u to throw away the panties. U didn't. When she finds out, she may not react rite then, but women NEVER forget! u WILL pay for misleading her.

U need to STOP trying to fool her. Sit down. Discuss this issue completely. Hammer out rules u can live with. That allow u to dress at certain times and for u to let her know. This hiding and sneaking crap DOESN'T WORK in the long run!

[Gabbagrl]

Maybe she can handle the dresses but not the panties. As a GG, I'm concerned my man is sexier than me. Ask her to pick something out that she is ok with. Or if she really doesn't want to be apart of it, ask her how you can still be you to the point that she can be ok with it. Just find out what part of CD bothers her. But still think its rude that she made you throw it away. VS is expensive I would have just kept it for myself if I was her lol. But I'm cheap haha. Don't forget marriage is about understanding and compromise.