CDing, emotions and traits - ALL RESPONSES WELCOME, GGs INCLUDED

[Marcelle]

Hi all,

Disclaimer:
I do realize that it is more geared toward those of us who are CD and that my observations may not extend to our sisters in the TS side of the house. However, I do welcome all thoughts.

I just responded to a thread about how we feel when dressed. More specifically the OP was asking do we feel more stereotypically feminine in our emotions and feelings (e.g., more sentimental) when dressed. This has been a recurring theme in a lot of posts so it got me thinking while out on my morning run . . . Are we inclined to express more stereotypical feminine emotions/feelings when dressed that we don't when "en boy"?

As you can see, I use the term "stereotypical" to describe these traits because I believe in my heart of hearts, that is what they are. Being sentimental, demonstrating empathy, caring, nurturing and emotional responses (e.g., crying) are part of the human condition not just women. However, societal constraints (and it is changing) have dictated that "boys don't cry" and showing emotion/empathy is a sign of weakness. So I would never agree that only women can demonstrate these traits . . . a lot of men I know do but, a large percentage choose not to.

I have read a lot of posts where gals here state that when dressed they are more emotional, nurturing, caring but not so much in guy mode. Added to this, when they can finally dress they are more at peace with themselves . . . can finally be themselves and are relaxed. I agree as I am no stranger to this feeling. However, I will posit that it is possible that we are feeling stressed when not dressed because we sometimes choose to hide those stereotypical feminine traits away (e.g., take on the tough guy persona when "en boy") for fear of having to hand in our man card. The inability to express who we truly our (i.e., the full range of human emotion) may be the catalyst of our own emotional stress when not dressed. Don't get me wrong, I don't believe it is that simple as there are other things at play depending on where you are in your life (e.g., guilt, fear, etc.) but it is possible that if you revert back to "manly man" persona when not dressed this could be a cause of your anxiety when not dressed.

So what does dressing do for us . . . Well, if we believe that these traits are truly in the feminine domain then when dressed, regardless of level of dress (e.g. fully, under dress, etc.), then you may feel free to express those human emotions/traits which are already resident in you. I don't believe they magically appear just because we are dressed, we are just allowing ourselves the freedom to express them openly.

So . . . as I explore this part of me, I have allowed "boy me" to express these human emotions/traits and have found that I am more at peace with myself "en boy" much as I am "en girl". Now don't get me wrong, I still have the urge to dress and it relaxes me (feels right) but that is for a different reason which I won't go into in this thread (have to have something to write about later ). The interesting thing I find though, when I first started expressing this full range of emotion/traits "en boy", I almost felt like I was cheating on my guy side and other guys would call me on it . . . know what . . . hasn't happened yet.

Hugs

Isha

[Madilyn A.]

Isha, I believe your observations are spot on. Most males possess the same emotions, but repress them as that is the way society has taught them to act. We, who CD, are generally more in touch with these emotions typically at an early age. Nature or nuture ? So, I believe our emotional transition when we dress is minimal at best. I don't feel anymore in touch with my emotions in fem mode than I do in drab.

[Tina955]

Isha, I think you hit the nail on the head. Very well put and totally agree.
Dressing let's us step out of that male facade for a while. If having emotions such as empathy,caring and nurturing are supposed to be female traits, then with the exception of psychopaths and sociopaths, all men were born in the wrong body.
Just my point of view.

Tina

[Kate Simmons]

As I've said many times in the past, I've used CDing(more or less unknowingly) as a vehicle to get in touch with all of my feelings, including deep ones which is what I really believe drives it. By CDing we "allow" ourselves to be more caring and empathetic. There is great strength in those quualities which previously many of us missed or hid due to being "in boy" as you say and trying to "fit in". There is no shame in wanting to be ourselves and those who have taken the courage to learn who they really are greatly value this. This is a human adventure and embracing who we are goes a long way towards fulfilling that. The bottom line for myself is that who we are is more important than what we are.

[Ellie52]

Ish - I agree with Madilyn. I have no temperamental, emotional or sexual differences between being dressed in either a dress or jeans.. I have mentioned many times that I don't seem to conform to the standard CD profile though. Once dressed I get bored after 2-3 hours and like getting back into my male clothes, No enjoyment in going outside and tend to feel totally silly if I try to effect a female persona. So you can probably discount my opinion.
I dont cry in male mode (not for 50 yrs anyway) and Ellie has never cried in my presence...Ellie

[Talisker]

Like a few others said I dont really change.
For me i do feel that dressing relieves stress, however this relief comes not from being in touch with 'female' emotions which are 'denied' in male mode but from release from everyday concerns etc as you leave them behind whilst pretending to be someone else. For this reason i am interested in trying cosplay or historical renactment to see if it has the same effect. I suspect it will and as a bonus is more socially acceptable

Many folks feels they are discovering their true selves rather than pretending to be someone else but the net result of stress relief is the same.

It is very hard to make generalisations since most people extrapolate their own experience onto others.

Ellie52 - I think there are many like you so wouldnt discount your opinion.

[Caden Lane]

I'm not sure ifits a by product of the dressing. I think its as the OP suggested an innate internal characteristic derived from what we repress. Being more in touch with our femme aspe t, we of course are more in touch with our emotions. My entire life I've been emotional. I cry, when happy or sad. En drab or en femme. I express myself deeper and more emotionally. Its just a side benefit of being in touch with our entire being psyche,and id.

[kimdl93]

One possible explanation of the reportedly heightened emotions may simply be the power of suggestion. If one believes that being more emotional is somehow more feminine, then they may convince themselves that thy are more emotional when en femme.

[Angela Campbell]

Perhaps there is a permission given to yourself to break down the walls a male life can build, even if just a little and for a short time.

[Jaylyn]

Maybe to really seek the answer to these thought provoking questions Isha I believe one must look at the history of man. If one believes in the creation of God (going back a long time here) then when God breathed life into Adam the first male was formed. Then he realized that man needed a helper, thus came Eve. They were both naked and God said it was good. What? Do you realize that if man had never been lead astray by women that there is a possibility that we would all still be naked today and it would be accepted and good? Yep that would be the case. I bet if we all were naked then there might not be much difference in the feelings one feels wether male or female. We also have to remember Gods first commandment was for them to procreate. Ummm so if say every thing stopped there we already have two sets of feelings the female would be changing as she progressed in pregnancy and the male would have to progress in being a provider. I'm fine with that cause clothes would not be making us feel any different from the females only maybe the outside gathering of food and child birthing might be the differences. Now proceed to to when Eve tempted Adam to eat of that forbidden fruit wow did things change. They tried hiding their bodies by wearing leaf's Do you think they started wearing the same type leaf's ? Ummmm couldn't tell ya but bet those leaf's gradually even to today's times have made the difference in determining our culture. Add with this God stated giving women pain in child birth and stated putting heavier jobs on mans shoulders to provide for his families. Now jump forward through out all those years of evolving into the people we are today ( and once again if one reads in the Bible Man still has the basic same job as Adam. And Females still have the basic same job as Eve but where did the male ego's come in such as having to be so manly. Or when did the females have to be so dainty? We evolved into this from the beginning, but here's the Kickker if you study the New Testament men and women should be feeling the same way about emotions such as love, sex, kindness, caring, nurturing, showing empathy and it even tells us not to be anxious ( anxiety), even to be at be peace with ourselves and not to worry about tomorrow. Wow am I describing what we sometimes feel when we dress. Yes I am and we should be feeling these wether dressed or not, wether naked or not, and even also when wearing our rough and ugly man cloths. Our society dictates what we let it make us feel. Every thing from advertisements to Super Bowls tell us how manly the males should be. We can't show emotions in man clothes, we can't show weakness in man clothes, we can't cry in man clothes, and etc. I believe that our creator loves us and expects us to show what he tells us in any type clothing we choose to wear. Dang old Eve though if Adam had not gotten weak kneed we could all still be NAKKID.... and then we men could actually cry and let our mascara run down our cheeks and no one would think anything about it. Ummmm just saying.

[Gigi9]

From my point of view I'm more or less the same emotionally etc either dressed or not. I do enjoy dressing up and trying to look pretty though with my build it is a little difficult.
Isha thanks for starting this thread

[UNDERDRESSER]

Isha, while not everyone feels that way, I have said before, that I believe it's behind a lot of CDers actions.

"So, I'm not allowed to behave that way as a man? Fine, I'll be a woman then." I'm not saying this is a conscious decision you understand.

I will posit that it is possible that we are feeling stressed when not dressed because we sometimes choose to hide those stereotypical feminine traits away (e.g., take on the tough guy persona when "en boy") for fear of having to hand in our man card.

Isha

"I don't need no steenkin' man card"

Nope, don't need one anymore. I am man, one who cries at soppy movies sometimes, isn't afraid to cuddle my cat in public, makes silly faces and plays with little kids, the whole nine yards. A complete person in other words.

[Gillian Gigs]

Dressing let's us step out of that male facade for a while. If having emotions such as empathy,caring and nurturing are supposed to be female traits, Tina

This may be a very large factor, dressing allows us to step out from behind the male facade.

Most males possess the same emotions, but repress them as that is the way society has taught them to act.

We all, both male and female share the same emotions, but as males we for the most part are taught to repress many of our emotions. I still remember being told that boys don't cry, boys don't show their emotions. Yet, some emotions it seemed were ok to show, like bitterness, wrath, anger, brawling, slander, and malice. These emotions showed that you were a tough guy and that anyone had better not mess with you. It was ok for the "weaker" sex to show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control, after all they were the weaker ones who needed the tough guy to protect them. Sarcasm intended.

I look at the history of man and how many have not being able to cope with, or handle traumatic issues, could this be the result of his emotions being handcuffed as a small child. Lets face it, many of us were taught to punch the wall, or get aggressive on the sports field, so to speak, as children to release the stress, but what about those who have been through violent overload situations? If Cding helps you cope and get through the day, then so what, you got through the day! If it takes Cding to get in touch with all of the emotional ranges within you, then so what, do it before something bursts. There has to be something fundamentally wrong with a culture that says bottle up those emotions, don't show those emotions, then we wonder why someone takes out a gun and starts shooting! As water flows down hill towards the lowest spot, our emotions need to flow also. If we dam up the emotions it is only a matter of time before something bursts. It will take breaking stereotypes to change our culture, if Cding is one of the tools needed to help with the breaking, then so be it. We need to see changes in how everyone expresses their emotions and all need to have a full range of emotions too.

[Rachael Leigh]

I had some thoughts on this the other night and for me I do have a bit of a change in my emotions and stress when dressed. Yesterday for instance I was just really in a bad mood couldn't put my finger on it and when I went to the store a guy cut me off for a parking space and I was really upset, I got home and I decided I want to go put on a skirt and top and just sit down and watch some tv, wow I could feel the anger and stress go away. Now I have always had a change of emotions when dressed and yesterday really confirmed it for me, I don't get it I thought it would be interesting if they could do a study with men who cross dress vs men who don't.
Hook them up to a brain wave machine or whatever can track changes in emotion and start by the guys en drab watching or readying something stressful.
Next time do the same thing and allow them to dress up in their girls clothes and do the same thing and see if something changes in their stress level and emotions.
Now in order to get a good reading you have to get a control group of non cross dressers and do the same thing. These guys have to be willing to dress up as women in the second part of the test but maybe you don't tell them that to get a better reading.
So anyway just some random thoughts.
Leigh

[Lorileah]

You will, feel the way you expect to feel, so if you expect you will be more nurturing...then you will be. Even hormones have not changed me that much (as many here will tell you after I moderate their threads)

[reb.femme]

........ Being sentimental, demonstrating empathy, caring, nurturing and emotional responses (e.g., crying) are part of the human condition not just women. However, societal constraints (and it is changing) have dictated that "boys don't cry" and showing emotion/empathy is a sign of weakness. So I would never agree that only women can demonstrate these traits . . . a lot of men I know do but, a large percentage choose not to.........

I can cry for Britain when required and I've always been prone to wet eye syndrome since I can remember. I can also show a lot of empathy, but the harsher side of me says that has to be justifiable empathy and not just me being a sopping wet, bleeding heart liberal. Apologies if that comment upsets anyone but that's my take. This behaviour is in both modes, which is tragic when wearing mascara.

My dad was old school, dry eyed and a miserable ****** (insert word of choice), so if I'm nothing like him there, I'll consider it an improvement.

Rebecca

[mariehart]

As a TS. I sometimes wondered why I wore female clothing at all. If I'm the same person either way then why would I need to wear feminine clothes. After all if a woman throws on a man's top and trousers. She doesn't start to repress her emotions and develop a sudden interest in beer and football or some other stereotypical male activity.

I concluded that the reason is simple. As a man I repress myself emotionally, work against my nature. The only time I allow my true self to show through is when I'm with someone who knows about me whether I'm dressed or not and when I present as a woman. You see at that point there's no point in hiding it. If someone walks into the room and sees me as a woman. There's nowhere to hide and no point in pretending.

Now I know that's different to a CD who knows he's male but gets something from dressing as a woman. I think as humans we are too caught up in the male female divide. There isn't that much of a difference between us and in truth it's the men who are most repressed emotionally. Women tend to be repressed in other ways, their role in society being the most obvious even if that's changing.

Men have never being liberated from society's expectations about their behaviour. As any woman will tell you that the man they know in private is quite different to the man the public knows. Women of course are as much to blame because they expect their man to behave in a stereotypical masculine way. Which isn't to say that all men are repressed emotionally. Many if not most are quite happy with the way things are. But others are not and those men repress their emotions in order to conform to society's and their woman's expectations. This can lead to depression, again a shameful thing for many men, drinking, suicide and crossdressing. I leave you to decide which is the better reaction.

So crossdressing can be an outlet, a way of relaxing. Stepping outside yourself. I think actors find a similar catharsis. The become someone else for a while. I found it myself when thrust into small roles as an extra on TV and movies. When I had to run away from someone shooting at me. I felt fear. When the car I was in passed a group of jeering policemen. I hated them on every take! Wearing costumes helps as well. It's a well know fact that dressing in a certain way, a uniform or some such does allow people to take on the role in their mind.

Now I do think crossdressing is different, probably a deeper need is expressed when you crossdress. Talisker mentioned historical re-enactment but I think unless you dress as a historical woman. The effect will be less.

The simple fact that crossdressing is still something of a taboo and indeed a reason for many divorces implies something deeper than mere costume wearing. After all how many divorces are caused because the husband dresses as a Confederate soldier every weekend? Unless of course he insists on refighting Gettysburg in the back yard on their anniversary.

I wonder though if crossdressing became socially acceptable. Would there be more or less of it? Interesting thought!

[Jaymees22]

Isha, I do remember being somewhat emotional as a child and had a hard time fitting in with the guys. I remember one weird scene when our neighbors showed us a large fish they had caught, they had it in a little bit of water in their bathtub. I got so upset I had to run home and cry, I think I was around eleven. I also find myself crying at movies that don't faze my wife at all. So either I'm more of a girl than I realize or a very sensitive guy.

Also when I'm dressed all my stress seems to disappear. Even when I don't really feel stressed and I get dressed a wonderful calm comes over me. Hugs Jaymee

[CynthiaD]

When I was in high school I made a decision to give up all the girl stuff and be just like the other boys. (I had been dressing up in my mother's clothes and wanting to be a girl ever since I could remember.) I succeeded in becoming a real macho-man, but it was all pretense. I was very careful not to express my emotions openly -- other than anger of course. It's ok for guys to get mad. Although I got along fine, I think that a lot of people could sense that there was something phoney about me. Since accepting this part of myself, I'm no longer worried about showing my true emotions, and my rapport with others has improved by leaps and bounds. Dressing doesn't change my emotions, but it makes it vastly easier to express the emotions I do have, no matter how I am dressed.

[Tina_gm]

Isha, some good observations. IMO, there is a certain expectation about emotions and how guys either do not have as much (not true) or that they deny and repress their emotions (somewhat true) but also more like that they show them somewhat differently, sometimes. I also think that what some may be experiencing, this higher feeling of calm or whatever is due to being able to dress, rather than wearing a dress, if that makes sense. For anyone who is a golfer, and lives in northern climates and has a few months off at least. Those 1st couple of rounds in the spring, its just a great feeling. Little bothers us, we look forward to it, we feel good, the bad shots don't bother us as much. The birds are singing, the grass smells wonderful. We have been kept away from doing something we love to do. Now after a period of time we are doing it. (ok, this is how I feel, but I imagine others feel similar for whatever it is they like to do but cannot always or often do. Dressing can be a similar thing. Hey, I am more calm and more sympathetic and nicer, friendlier etc etc. I think that is a result of doing something that you cannot always do and like to do. I rarely come back from a round of golf in a bad mood.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I'm the same sentimental person, boy or girl. I'm a crier. I cried at all my kids weddings, family funerals, Hallmark commercials, and for the deaths and heartache for the families when some of my patients die. My kids used to love to set me up by renting movies they knew were tear jerkers. When some of my co-workers ask me if I'm O.K. my standard reply is "No, I'm always like this." Luckily the profession I am in allows me lots of latitude and I can just be me. When my wife and I saw The King and I on Broadway years ago I cried like a baby when the king died at the end. My wife, as always was floored by my behavior and said, "You could not have been surprised by that. He's been doing that for thirty years." My response, "But he did it so well." with a tear stained smile. However, I have driven nails through my hands and sliced off pieces of my fingers with my radial arm and table saws and never shead a tear. It's just who I am.

[Katey888]

Isha - I think there are some accurate perspectives there - and obviously you are speaking strongly from your heart and your experience. For me, and I've thought long on this before answering, I don't believe there are any significant differences when dressed, but some of that may be down to motivation again, and why we do it. It would be interesting to see the age profile here - because I definitely feel that I've become more empathic as I've got older and (hopefully) wiser, and my recent experiences (the usual and exceptional tragedies of life) seem to amplify the feelings more than when I was younger - but a lot of that is sentiment with age.
We shouldn't underestimate the impact of media (film, TV and print) and societal norms on what is and is not acceptable or even desirable behaviour for males. The shift in norms has been huge over the past 40-60 years, Could you imagine Bogart crying in Casablanca; or Eastwood in his early films; yet Denzel Washington cries buckets in most of his films (someone can go check that, I'm taking a guess.. ) - my point is, this degree of expression has become more accepted, if not fully. I'm not sure that we're not just another subset representing that general trend.
I'd agree I'm more relaxed when dressed (particularly if I know I'm not due any UPS deliveries!) but I think that's escapism - it's using dressing as transportation as well as transformation to another zone - and that probably is a kind of solitary (for me) cosplay thing. But then isn't so much of life a façade that we project for our environment and role? I know I had that in business - it was a different me to home me. Katey's hopefully a softer aspect of that central personality - it'd just be nice for her to broadcast to a wider audience sometimes.

Thoughtful post - : - time to just be...

Katey x

[ReineD]

So what does dressing do for us . . . Well, if we believe that these traits are truly in the feminine domain then when dressed, regardless of level of dress (e.g. fully, under dress, etc.), then you may feel free to express those human emotions/traits which are already resident in you. I don't believe they magically appear just because we are dressed, we are just allowing ourselves the freedom to express them openly.

I agree with this and I'd like to take it one step further. I suggest that many CDers are privately even more stereotypically male (stoic?) in guy mode than are non-CDing men, and they become this way due to a strong desire to mask anything that might have others guess their hidden desires to express femininity.

Although men in general do not allow themselves to cry in public or in front of their peers (I don't allow myself to cry in front of strangers either), they do allow themselves to show their softer emotions in front of their partners or loved ones (or people they trust). At least this has been my experience with non-CDing men. Whereas perhaps CDers don't easily do this, not even with loved ones and they use the clothes as some sort of pressure valve?

Does any of this make sense?

[Hell on Heels]

Thanks Isha for exploring my post a bit further, I wanted to respond to my OP but something unexpectedly came up. When I had time to read the replies it felt like I would have been digging up the past.
What I was feeling was exactly what you described as empathy, I have always put other peoples needs in front of my own, but when my CD'ing urge hit again, this time it coincided with what seemed to be even stronger empathy. Strangely enough my level of CD'ing has gone up also. By that I mean I'm putting more effort into it, trying to be as passable as possible. I am happy to hear that others have had similar experiences.
Much love,
Kristyn

[GretchenJ]

I suggest that many CDers are privately even more stereotypically male (stoic?) in guy mode than are non-CDing men, and they become this way due to a strong desire to mask anything that might have others guess their hidden desires to express femininity.

Whereas perhaps CDers don't easily do this, not even with loved ones and they use the clothes as some sort of pressure valve?

Does any of this make sense?

Yes it does. I feel that I have the same basic traits presenting as a male or female, when I am Gretchen, those traits not deemed manly per se , but which I still possess and exhibit are amplified, and I feel an emotional level set that puts me at an inner peace. I don't mean to get all Zen on all of you, but I am struggling to find the exact words that describe this feeling