So... Just how straight of a guy are you??

[Ceera]

For most of my life I considered myself to be 'bi-curious, but functionally straight'.

My dad was homophobic, to the point where he could hardly say the word 'homosexual', and couldn't discuss sex matters at all with me. Mom said dad had a bad experience as a child with a 'Baptist preacher' that affected his ability to discuss sex stuff, but no one gave me any details. Heck, for all I know maybe dad had a gay experience that embarrassed the hell out of him when he was a teen! Or maybe that preacher just drilled it into him that being Gay was horrible and a sin. Dad wasn't particularly religious, and didn't rant against gays. He just couldn't discuss sexuality issues at all. All I knew in my teens was that there was no way I could tell either of them that their only son had just had his first experience with someone else giving him sexual gratification, and that it had been another guy! I had pretty mixed feelings about it myself, and tried to ignore that one night as a one-off experience. Never got intimate with that guy again.

As I grew up, I did the expected thing and only dated girls, and only offered platonic friendship to other males. Yet I still found myself looking at some men with the same longing that I had for women - thinking that a guy was hot and sexy. And I did allow one other guy to pleasure me, one night. Then later, when I was in the Navy and one of my Navy friends came out as gay and got a discharge for it, I almost confessed to him that I found him attractive, and wanted to try sex with him myself. But I didn't dare come out. I couldn't risk my family finding out.

I married a nice girl and had a straight, monogamous marriage for 30 years, and we raised a lovely daughter together. My wife knew I had bisexual leanings. So for that time, my physical activities were entirely straight, though I would, in private, occasionally enjoy some MM fantasies.

I developed a female on-line personna and did some adult roleplaying as Ceera, but kept a very clear division between what Ceera did on line and what my real life could include. I made it very clear to any of Ceera's on-line friends that I was married and monogamous in real life, and that any on-line roleplaying was only that, and that all I offered between us in the real world was a platonic friendship.

In the last few years of my marriage, after both of my parents had died, I started covertly wearing women's underwear. My wife and daughter eventually knew, and accepted it, though my wife was a bit uneasy about me doing it.

Now my wife has also died, and I am single again, with no one to be held accountable to for my pleasures but myself. I decided to come out to my daughter about being bi and liking the idea of fully cross dressing. My daughter is 18, and accepts my choices. She even helps me to shop for girl clothes!

Since last July, I've been going out en-femme to a nearby gay club, and have been open to whatever might happen. Last weekend, for the first time in my life, I accepted an offer to 'go someplace and make out' from a guy, and took him to my home and my bed. It was my first time having sex while en-femme with another male. I... liked it. Pretty much knew I would. I think I still prefer women, but I'd date a man just as readily, if I liked him. So now I consider myself fully bisexual, with a preference for female partners.

I doubt I could ever be satisfied with trying to be a girl full-time, or with only having a male lover. I enjoy mating with women as a male too much. But I'm pretty sure that from here on out, I'll be working both sides of the street with my relationships. Maybe I can find a nice couple who likes threesomes? Who knows...

[Lacyfem]

Tough question as started dressing at 10 and being gay or cross dressing was a no, no so I've always on the outside been straight. Now I know I'm very bi sexual and not gay as not attracted to men in particular but am attracted to other dressers though I have dressed and been with men who liked me fem and dressed. Men are OK but just not attracted to those really gay guys if you know what I mean! Sexually, a really nice penis does turn me on.

[phoebe61]

First of all im a transexual woman! not a guy.
to answer the question i started dressing as far as i can remember about 10,11 even though i thought it for many years i admited what i was about 10 years ago.
as to being attracted to guys i like guys and gals bi it depends on the person?

[Mink]

I guess the idea to me is MYTHS

Myth: All crossdressers are gay!

well no... "most are straight!"

Myth 2.0: most crossdressers are straight ... 100% straight... BEYOND STRAIGHT (not even 0.00001% attracted to males)

well uh... no

it appears that most CDers are bisexual or at least HETEROFLEXIBLE (which fits with that whole straight BUT thing that people have so much trouble with)

if a gal makes out with another gal at a college party and likes it is she instantly bi or can she be straight and experimenting / having fun?

who knows!

[heather ann martin]

Completely gay long before I knew what being gay was.

[DebbieL]

I found both men and women attractive. Liked David Cassidy of Partridge family and Davey Jones of the Monkeys. But I was also attracted to Anne Margaret and Joey Heatherton. I also had a think for Anne Francis in Honey West.

My romantic fantasies as a kid were of me as a girl being kissed by a girl. I wanted to be the submissive, the femme, but I wanted her to be a pretty too.

Attraction is a relative thing. If you had to choose between Ethel Merman toward the end and Justin Timberlake or Leonardo DeCaprio in their prime, most of us would choose the boy.

By sexual fantasies were almost always of me with another girl, usually both of us in skirt suits.

[Sarina Curtis]

I'd say I'm bi-curious but not straight up with a guy. I can honestly say I haven't seen a man who gave me the urge sexually. Having said that I'd be interested a TS/TG experience. Being with my wife negates the possibility entirely and that's ok with me because she's amazing.

[weyburn]

At one time it was women only for me and would not even accept/recognize the bi or gay lifestyle
Many years ago when I dressed it was purely a sexy thing for the bedroom with my wife
Years pass by and now don't dress directly for the bedroom but to publicly pass as a woman(mostly do on occaision don't usually if I have to talk)
Now men only as I just love to play the role of a woman
And I dress day and night now

[Janine cd]

I'm in agreement with Sheri and also JennyMarie. I love seeing a feminine form, but I'm also fascinated by the thought of having a man expressing his desire for me.

[Babbs]

it appears that most CDers are bisexual or at least HETEROFLEXIBLE

Mink, did you invent that word? I like it. I think a lot of CDer's are probably straight but in the same way that Clothes, make-up, heels, jewelry, nail polish etc., make them feel femme and fantastic, doing things that other women do probably makes them feel the same way. Shopping for clothes, watching "say yes to the dress", gossiping with other girls, having sex with a man, for example are all "womanly acts" that straight CDers may do or think about while en femme...Hence like you say they are hetero - flexible. But when it comes to their true sexual drive, they love WOMEN.

Obviously I am not a professional therapist and only offer an opinion based on my experience communicating with you girls on this site...hehehe

BTW Mink, how do I get to Portland from Boston? "Ya cah'nt get theya from hehya" lol

[rodiz72]

I have to say I'm not passable at all but dressing fem feels so good nd acting fem is awesome. I guess I'm bi but try to act manly lol but wen I get the urge I get all girly especially if he takes control. Don't get turned on by men but I do catch myself lookin at them up nd down wondering lol

[Judy]

I have to say that I fall into the Bi category. I love the female body for all of the softness and femininity that women have to offer. I also love the male body for what it has to offer as well. When put together (transexuals speaking) IMHO, you have the best of both!

[Jenniferathome]

I guess the idea to me is MYTHS

Myth: All crossdressers are gay!

well no...

Myth 2.0: most crossdressers are straight ...

it appears that most CDers are bisexual ...

who knows!

this thread will never end, sadly. But, as I do know, to answer your question/statement, allow me....

You are correct in your first assessment of the myth. In fact, few cross dressers are gay. This fact is clearly reflected on this forum. It makes perfect sense as gay men are attracted to men.

You are wrong in your second aeeseement. Most cross dressers ARE straight. This fact is also represented well on this forum.

You are also wrong in your statement that "most" cross dressers are bi. The correct answer is "some" cross dressers are bi. Your conclusion can not be reached based on the facts in evidence here or in science.

I hope this clarity helps you

[ophelia]

Totally straight, No interest at all in getting intimate with other males.

[Minerva Morgan]

A common statement by cross-dressers is, "I am only attracted to women but when I am 'dressed' [athenased] I think about sex with a man". To which the response is that they are homosexual and in denial to which the cross-dresser replies, "I am not!", to which the respondent claims that they must be bisexual.

I have written a longer post on sexual identity but have not posted it (it is very long). My response in another place to someone who posed a variation of the above conundrum may be a shorter means of introducing my concepts.

Minerva.

Hi, Vicki.

What is confusing is that most people conflate 'sex' with 'gender'. As a result they make conclusions based on false premises.

For example, nobody is heterosexual. Heterosexual supposedly means sexually aroused by or attracted to the opposite sex. First of all there is no 'opposite' sex. The sexes have more in common (two hands, teeth, hair, etc.) than they have differences. The differences are centred on one's role in reproduction and even there it is simply a matter of developing differently. Females develop ovaries and males (from the same, basic physiological elements) develop testes. To say that one is 'opposite' connotes a sense that one is better/worse, bad/good, right/wrong, etc. It is the 'other' sex and even then one has to remember that the sexes are equal and complimentary and not poles on some fictitious scale.

The second thing is that it is not the other person's sex that attracts you. Consider a so-called 'heterosexual' male. He sees a very lovely, young woman and is sexually attracted and aroused. But the woman is male. Not knowing that the woman is male, is he suddenly 'homosexual' (attracted to the same sex)? Of course not! If he learns that the woman is male and is still (not being a panic-stricken bigot) attracted, does this mean he has magically been transformed to a 'homosexual'? Again, of course not! That is because it was never the woman's sex that attracted him. It was her gender (femininity rather than femaleness).

If it was the other person's sex that attracted a person, then, by definition, they would be attracted to ALL persons of that sex. This is not true so it is not the other person's sex that attracts. Thus 'homosexual', 'heterosexual', 'bisexual', etc., cannot be applied to people to define their sexual orientation. They can be applied to various sexual situations. For example male-male intimacy IS homosexual (same-sex) coitus, but that does not mean that either or both persons ARE 'homosexual'. In fact, with a little thought, you may be able to consider situations where both participants are male and at least one is not 'homosexual'. So the commonly used terms are not only misleading they are meaningless.

I prefer the terms androphile, gynecophile, asexual, ambiphile and androgynophile to describe various sexual orientations. Androphile means attracted to masculinity or to men (not males necessarily as men is the gender and not the sex). Gynecophile is attracted to women (regardless of their sex). Asexual means not wanting to be sexual (possibly romantic). Ambiphile means attracted to either or any gender. Androgynophile is attracted to someone of a blended gender or who is essentially genderless (a whole other topic).

Some people try to equate, for example, androphile with homosexual but that is an error. Both males and females can be androphiles, and a androphilic female is not 'homosexual'. Basically, as far as sexual attraction goes, sex has nothing to do with it. It is all about gender.

Another factor is sexual identity. Most people think this means whether you think you are male or female, Regardless of what you 'think', you ARE male or female, and that's not going to change. Besides that's 'sex identity' and no matter how you identify, it's still not going to change. 'Sexual' has to do with coitus, intercourse, or whatever you want to call it. And, unless you are trying to make babies, sex (male-female) has nothing to do with it. Gender does.

Sexual Identity is how you see yourself in a sexual situation. There are basically three roles: passive-receptive (feminine), active-initiative (masculine) or co-operative masculine-masculine, feminine-feminine or a variety of other combinations (if one adds androgyny). Some people are gender variant. Most people are gender invariant. That is why most males prefer to be masculine, most females prefer to be feminine, etc. This is true with sexual identity as well. The gender variant, however, when masculine may prefer to be active-initiative and when feminine they may wish to be passive-receptive. A male, gender variant, gynecophile when feminine still likes women but can be, by her own femininity, aroused to want to be in a sexual situation with a male in a passive-receptive and feminine role. It is not the male's sex so much as the male's sexual apparatus. This is why a gender variant male can have a good sexual relationship with a male without any extensive romantic component. It's just sexual!

If you can remember that sex (male-female) and gender (androgynous, masculine and feminine) are completely different things, that sex does not really matter but gender does then the erroneous nature of a lot of terminology, the confusion those errors create and massive misunderstandings concerning them become clear.

So it is possible for a gender variant male to want to have, and to have, an intimate relationship with another male without either of them being 'gay'. As for your being attracted to women, if you see a really sexy cross-dresser and feel aroused, it is not because you are 'gay' but because you are a male gynecophile.

Minerva.

[AlanaG]

Minerva
A very interesting post. Thank you.

[lilly_may]

After almost 30 years after having my first boyfreind I fully accepted that I was gay. Another few years before I admited to my wife.

[GenderCurious Andrea]

I am bi curious but the funny part about this tread is differentiating what the baser attraction is due to the gender identity thing. I think the underlying question is do you find heterosexual sex attractive regardless of genetic gender identity or homosexual sex attractive regardless of genetic gender identity. Just because your watch straight porn doesn't mean your attraction is solely coming from the males perspective, no pun intended lol... I watch straight porn all the time but it doesn't mean I'm not fantasizing about what it might be like for the female... Just something to think about...

[tracigirl_tv]

...... Just because your watch straight porn doesn't mean your attraction is solely coming from the males perspective....

Andrea, good point. Like you, when I watch straight porn, I totally put myself in her position (pun intended). Total turn on!

Traci

[Lexi_83]

Minerva, I like your explanation of "Sexual Identity." That makes a lot of sense.

[AmandaM]

Minerva's post is interesting. But for some of us, when the fem clothes come off, it kills the sexual desire as we "become" men again. How does that play into it?

[thatotherguy]

I'm straight... I crossdress because I love the attention that I get. I have zero interest in other men or crossdressers in a sexual or romantic way.

[belindaH]

Thanks Minerva.

That is a very wise way to look at the whole gay/straight thing.

[Rosaliy Lynne]

Very interesting post. Not sure about the testing or the validity of it but the one thing I can agree on, many of the homophobes are secretly very turned on by it.

As for me, I am bi. It was a shock to me when I discovered I wanted my then wife's bf nearly as much as I wanted her.
It took some years more before I actively tested the waters though and I have liked it both ways.

I much prefer women or fellow CD/TG girls but a good man, yes there are some, is a good find too. I relate as non-op transgender and live as Rosaliy 24/7, although I retained my male image for work up till I retired.

My realization finally gelled when I realized that, seeing images I had seen before, I had stopped thinking 'I would love to be doing that with her' and started thinking 'I would love to be her doing that.'

I used to think I was fairly straight even when I started dressing back in high school. I started later than some but I started because it was 'something I had to do.'

@Minerva Morgan - a good response and excellent presentation.

For my part, I always felt that if you like what you see when I am dressed as a woman, then *I* did a good job presenting myself to advantage. It has nothing whatever to do with you, but is all about me in that respect. Too many men seem to feel that if they are attracted to you as a woman, then find out you are not really, that it someone speaks poorly about themselves as men. WRONG. But I can't help how they think of themselves.

@jenniferathome - I agree, Jennifer. If you are interested in both sides you are interested all the time, not just when you are dressed.
I would agree that some of your 'personal' thoughts might depend on how you are dressed in a given situation but interest remains interest. I thought I was straight till I learned otherwise. Not complaining. Life is good and the loving is too, regardless of who I am loving.

[ChristyN246]

I'm mostly straight. I have almost no interest in men other than the junk. I've experimented with a friend in the past and never felt any physical or romantic attraction.