is NOT the question. Does anyone seriously think that ANYone they spill the beans to WON'T "share" the secret with others? Is anyone silly enough to think that wives/SOs aren't going to talk to their female friends?
Of course SOME need to tell and others SHOULD tell.
This is especially important for Newbies to keep in mind. Once the cat is out of the bag...
There's a good, old-fashioned word you don't hear a lot nowadays, in our world of risk, Wall St. wolves, he who dares... etc. - the word...
PRUDENCE
(And once a popular name)
It's my watchword at present...
Katey x
"Put some lipstick on - Perfume your neck and slip your high heels on
Rinse and curl your hair - Loosen your hips, and get a dress to wear" Stefani Germanotta
IMHO A SO who is mortified of what people would think of her isn't likely to tell anyone the same as many of our girls here are afraid to tell ANYone. But yes telling anyone else is really opening the closet door wide. Like the old saying goes " to keep a secret between 3 people you need to kill the other 2 people".
Love KristyE
Well, I'm certain my wife won't "spill the beans." She's more paranoid than I am about most of her acquaintances and co-workers finding out. Plus, I'm not that worried if she "spills the beans" to her older and closer friends. Unlike my friends who tend to be blue collar, over the hill jocks and connoisseurs of cheap beer, my wife's closest friends already lead less than traditional lifestyles. Plus, we have a history of alternate lifestyles which teaches, or more accurately forces people to respect the rights and privacy of others. Long term friendships cultivated by 'shared' secrets tend to be very trusting and compassionate.
On the other hand, There's always that chance...
I was going to be a Prudence. I *Love* the Siouxsie SiouxOriginally Posted by Katey888
There's a good, old-fashioned word you don't hear a lot nowadays, in our world of risk, Wall St. wolves, he who dares... etc. - the word...
PRUDENCE
(And once a popular name
It's my watchword at present...
Katey x
version....
www.youtube.com/watch?v=DwVURcWaFRM
(it seems to fit Nicely! into the CD world)
Katey-Kate! ♥♥ & xx
Hell no, Beatles version or bust.
I guess it's a risk/reward thing. Talking to strangers on the internet about your 'hobby' is pretty low-risk privacy-wise and may be very rewarding and helpful. When speaking of telling your SO, it may not be very rewarding, but the risks of not telling may be greater. It may be important for your SO's wellbeing to talk about it with other people. We are usually the ones creating this mess, so we have to deal with the consequences as well.
It's always a calculated risk when you tell someone.. and you should always keep it in the back in your mind that those person might disclose your secret.. on purpose or by accident. It happened to me.. when some friends told other friends. It was a big misunderstanding without bad intentions .. and in the end no harm was done. Nevertheless, it happened and it could've gone badly.
However, for me, the rewards far outweigh the risks.. not having to hide anything at home for my friends. To actually chat to my female friends about fashion. To have some of my female and male friends take my photos and videos. The mental rest this gave me the last 8 years.. it's priceless!
Know your friends.. and decide for yourself.
│ Fashion and science geek!│
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Hey Wild,
Good advice to all. While I don't agree everyone will rush out to tell others (some people believe it or not can keep a secret), this would be rare and situation specific. For example, if your SO is mortified about what you do and others finding out then she/he is less likely to tell friends "Oh guess what my husband/bf does . . . ". However other people, indeed all bets are off if they have no vested interest in keeping your secret or they are the kind of person who just has to tell someone.
I have come to lots of friends and work colleagues and I always preface my conversation with "I am going to tell you something about me which I am neither ashamed of nor do I care if people know. However, I would ask that you keep this to yourself as I prefer to be the person who tells others. If you feel the need to share this others then I cannot stop you but I would ask that you let me know so I know who knows".
Hugs
Isha
Hey when you post it here actually the secret is out of the bag. With all this stuff we hear about the government these days and hackers anything or club on the net is really not a safe place. Zylia mentions that talking to strangers on here about your secrets is pretty low risk. I would assume that also, as gals in trust I would hope we have enough sense to bring hurt to someone else even if we recognize someone on a site like this. It would devastate some, liberate some, and some would just be humbled and teased. There are two or three on here that I have actually become very good internet friends with. Some of the gals here from Texas and I e-mail and carry on very some great conversations with. I know that the emails. Could be by far more dangerous than a site such as this but I have a trust in the few I have grown to be friends with, at least a feeling of trust. Most security breeches are made when there's a profit to be made from them. I don't believe this to be the case here. I have learned so much from this site that I would hate to think that anyone on here would sell the other one out.... Relatives and usually those you know the best are usually the culprits of a leaky secret so the word Katey said a Prudence does come to mind when I'm dealing with close friends and especially family. ( wife is excluded here we know each other's deepest secrets and both know each could be totally ruined if either one of us said anything about them to anyone)
A secret is only a secret until you tell someone. When you tell someone, no matter who, it stops being a secret.
You can't stuff the cat back in the bag once you let it out, period!
Women talk. If they have one good friend, she will tell her sooner or later.
My wife knows, and encourages my CDing, and I know that she has told "our" secret to someone.
But I'm ok with that I guess. I just wish she would admit it, and tell me who she's told.
So I could utilize the added freedom.
I know that there are some that won't give away secrets, especially if they love you - it's just hard to know who will or won't, I guess.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC] My GG GF Julie and I send you all hugsI'm on the right in my avatar, Julie is on the left.
Wild you are 100% correct. Once you tell someone it's no longer a secret.Human nature the way it is,once the secret is out there,you've lost control of it.
I was pretty confident that my GF wouldn't talk, and I'm sure she didn't. The friends (landlords) upstairs.... fairly confident. The friend from work that saw me a few weeks ago?....I was working on the basis that it would, get back to others at work. <shrug> Haven't seen any signs of it so far though. I figured that when my GF's parents saw me, that it would be discussed with her Sister and family, not sure, it may or may not, but if so, it seems, (as I expected) that it's a non issue.
Really, as I'm not "dressing" as such (just wearing skirts) what I'm trying to do is build up courage to walk out in public and screw the negative comments.
"Normal is what you get when you average out the weirdness that everybody has." Quote from my SO
Normal is a setting on a washing machine, or another word for average.
The fact that I wear a skirt as a male should not be taken as a comment on what you do, or do not wear, or how you wear it.
I always tell them they can share my info with one other person, usually their SO. So far they have all been trustworthy......I think.
Sally
Yes, I am "silly enough" to know my wife wouldn't tell anyone unless she talked to me first. Not because she is embaressed about me, but because that is how we relate.
Well I told my wife Thirty some odd years ago, and I've never had any reason to believe she has ever told anyone. Of course if she told some one I don't know, I wouldn't hear about it, so why worry about it.
She fully supports me in my cross dressing, but for me it's personal, and I keep it at home.
Magic is the art of changing consciousness at will.
My wife wouldn't tell anyone either. I trust her the absolute full 100%
If i couldn't, we sure wouldn't have been together for 25 years.
One of my sisters kept "my secret" until I told another sister 3 years later. A couple of conversations between them later on? Of course.
Did they talk to their friends about their brother dressing in their clothes? No.
Of course this was when I was of Jr./Sr. school age.
I would assume that people would talk.
The SO might confide to her best-ever-bff. The bff might say something to her husband.
Friends might pass it on. Everyone of course uses the "don't tell anyone else!" disclaimer.
If the kids suspect, they would probably blurt something out to the grandparents / inlaws.
The inlaws sure as hell would spread it to the rest of the family.
Neighbors... ha ha, just lol. Same for 'trusted coworkers.'
etc etc
If I share it with someone in real life, I would have to be prepared to have it come back to anyone. That's the pragmatic view, if you will.
"Your hands are cold but your lips are warm..."
My wife told everyone in town. I knew this was a probable outcome. I warned her - didn't matter. She's a naive fool and didn't understand that EVERYONE would gossip, and that she'd be tarred by my trans weirdness as well. We lived in a small rural town, and gossip is a primary pastime there.
I think many women realize that their spouse reflects on them, and thus would keep quiet. Indeed I think the same type of fear and shame that plagues so many of us also plagues our spouses once we are out to them.
Wives or SOs passing on info depends on how close the relationship is.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
I know my wife has told some of her friends about me it just means i don't have to hide who i am when they come over. one thing eveyone should remember a secret is only secret for so long as time goes on someone will figure out the secret
Wives and GFs are good at keeping secrets. That's right, they won't divulge to you who they told about your CDing. Oh my, I'm so cynical sometimes.
"You're the only one to see the changes you take yourself through", Stevie Wonder
My wife knows and has for years, i dont think she would ever share it as she wouldnt want others to know. She has known for years and to my knowledge never said a word, and she has told that she never would.
I think the way the secret spreads is analogous to the branches of a tree. It starts with a single point of origin (my wife in this instance) who needed to share the burden of the secret. Accepting that this could/would spread, I said it was OK to tell her sister, with whom she is very close. Who the SIL may have told since then, is anyone's guess. Those outside of the family will obviously find this too juicy an event to keep to themselves I'm sure.
I have recently told my three sons. Two to my knowledge, have told their SO's and who they will have told is again anyone's guess. However, I considered these possibilities before hand, so will face the music however such music may emerge. Any fall out will be on a societal level and not one that could cause me to lose my job.
Rebecca
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