A bit morbid

[Patty F]

My dad died in a car crash when I was 4 years old. I have always thought I was missing something. I have since visited his grave 3 times dressed. Each time I sit on the ground next to the head stone, I pull the long grass from round the stone and make it look as good as possible. I talk with him and ask what he thinks of me as a person and who I am. I don't know if he would approve or understand. I always wonder if I would be different if he were around. It is quite a walk from the car to the grave site and I don't know if anyone has seen me or not but I don't really care if they did. Sorry for this just missing my dad.

[Jenessa]

Sorry for your loss, I lost my dad 11 years ago and stop by his grave to talk as well, sometimes dressed. He is a couple hours away so I don't get there as often as I would like.

[MsVal]

It doesn't take but a moment of extacy to become a father. Whether natural or adopted, being a "dad" takes a whole lot more. As a dad, myself, I am aware of my children's shortcomings, but also the things that make me the proudest fellow I know. I'm sure your dad, though he only held you for a the briefest of time, is the proudest fellow he knows.

[Kate Simmons]

Patty, trust me when I tell you, your Dad loves you for who you are. When you visit the site he is always there with you.

[Hell on Heels]

Your dad lives on through you, and your memories of him. He's always with you. Have a chat with him anytime, and when you do, tell him I said hello.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Vanessa Rose]

I agree with hell on wheels...

I believe if you believe in the afterlife, hell, heaven, one must think that in those worlds, if your love one is there, then all the sterotypes and life's hate and foolishness is not important. why would it be, it is a place that you work to go to for the faithful at least.

That said, they love you unconditionally. They are proud of you. They want you happy right...? YES!

So sorry for your loss...tear

Vanny

[Raychel]

I cant even imagine how that must feel,
but your father would certainly be proud of you, Proud of your accomplishments, proud
of the person you have become.

My mother told me that every time you think of a lost love one, they are looking over you.
God I miss her, and I know when she is looking over me.


Sorry for your loss.

[Patty F]

Thanks for all the wonderful response, I know many of you have lost loved ones also and know the feeling of loss.
My love to all of you.
Patty

[heatherdress]

Patty, trust me when I tell you, your Dad loves you for who you are. When you visit the site he is always there with you.

I agree with Kate. You are who you are, who you should be, who your father is proud of - exactly the person you are. It is great that you feel connected to him and share your crossdressing. I believe he would only have good feelings about you.

[Jilmac]

My wife knew of my dressing but never approved while she was alive. I visit her grave dressed now and hope her spirit will understand that it's a part of who I am.

[Alice Torn]

Patty, I am near Rockford Illinois. This may be hard for you to understand or take. I sympathize with the loss of your dad. Many good dads seem to die young, i have noticed. My dad is a young 93, in a week. But, he had no business being married, and especially fathering sons, who he resented all my life, yet demands loyalty. I have friends whose dads died when they were little boys. It is hard to tell them, that i would rather be in their osition, as my father was, and still is an immature self absorbed cowboy tyrant, who was jealous of his sons, and cruel to my mom, who died 17 months ago with Alz.I sabotaged my successes, because i did not want him to be more jealous. He, today believes he has never done anything wrong to my mom, or us. Sadly, he will be strong enough to leave the nursing home, and go home, and expects me, my brother, and sister, all older singles, to care for him. Your, and some other guys i know lost their dads young, and it is sad, because they were likely much better men, and grown ups. My dad never matured, has always been a self pitying martyr, thinking he has had the worst life and family of anyone, It never stops. He never wanted me to have my own hobbies, sports, or interests different than his. He is STILL trying to make me into his sick image. Some of us, with terrible tyrant fathers, would love to have seen them die young, or divorced. There was never smiling or love in my home. My psychopath dad, may well live to 100, doctor says. Like that old saying, "only the good die young."

[DorothyElizabeth]

@ Patty and Alice - When I read stories like these, I realize how truly lucky I am. My dad died in 2003, when I was 59, and I still miss him. BUt I was lucky, because for the last twenty years of his life, he and I were best friends. We used to spend hours on the phone, and often got drunk together - he on his end, and I on mine - each of us finding our way to the bottom of a bottle of Dewers or Tullamore Dew. MY wife said we were cute when we got drunk together on the phone, like a couple of kids. I still talk to dad often. I didn't discover I liked dressing until several years after he died, but I'm sure that while he probably would not have been happy about it, he would have tried to understand and I know he would not have judged me for it. My father was the least judgmental person I have ever known. (When I was A kid, I sometimes wished he'd be a little more judgmental, because I was looking for answers. Maybe though, it is better that I found them for myself.)

But Patty, I don't think anyone would ever fault you for still talking to your dad. And Alice - I don't think anyone would ever fault you for feeling as you do. My heart goes out to you both.

[Patty F]

Alice, I'm sorry you didn't have a good relationship with your father, my father in-law is much the same. He would love to have me call him dad but that will never happen.
I feel for you girl.
Patty

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Visitation en femme appears to be good therapy for you.

[Patty F]

Thanks Dorothy, cherish the memories.

[Patty F]

I guess it is good therapy Melissa, one of the few times I go out and I don't care who might see me. I have Grand parents, uncles, aunts, cousins all right there in the same area and they all get to see me for what I really am.

[Beverley Sims]

Patty,
I don't know if you were close to him but he is giving you support now.
Keep weeding the grave site, I am sure he appreciates your attention.

[Tracii G]

Lost my Mom at 19 and my Dad at 26 and yes I miss them both.
My Mom's grave is here in town but my Dad died in Spain and had his ashes strewn about somewhere.
I have been to my Mom's grave dressed a few times and I hope she saw me as her Daughter because she wanted one so bad but had 4 boys.

[donnalee]

The commandments say to honor one's parents. You don't have to love them; you don't even have to like them, but you should honor them. About the best thing I learned from what religious training I received as a child.