Hi all,
I have the day off today and thought I would post another musing of my mind for discussion and comment. I know . . . oh, oh here she goes again. Sorry, I will try to be brief . . . Okay, that never happens but I'll try my best.
I have noticed that a lot of new posts have centered around the question "Why do we do what we do?" Now I realize this question is more pertinent to CDers and that our sisters who tend to lean more toward the TS spectrum know why they prefer to be a woman. So while this is a community wide discussion topic, I realize it speaks more to CDers but I do welcome all thoughts and comments.
When I finally admitted that I am a guy who likes to dress on occasion as a woman, I asked myself the same question "Why?" I mean there is no benefit to be had. I can dress in my guy clothes, go out, interact and live my life, earn money, have friends and so on. So why should I want to do this? Well the number one answer I decided upon early in my journey was "it feels good" plain and simple. However, this question still creeps into my mind "Why?" I was discussing this with my therapist and she reflected back (as all therapists are apt to do in an attempt to make you work for your answers) "Why is it important that you know?" . So I gave here my best reflective face (I have gotten really good at this face) and shot back "Because sometimes I just need to know to understand myself" Now her reflective face is far more impressive than mine and she also employs the timed silence as if I am suppose to say something else. She then replied "Isn't better to accept you are who you are, embrace it and live your life rather than trying to figure out the why. Do you try to figure out why you like certain kinds of food, why you prefer certain kinds of music or why you are heterosexual? So why try to figure out why you are CD? You are who you are, so love yourself for that and move on"
Wow . . . seemed kind of harsh . . . the therapeutic version of "build a bridge and get over it". So I left a little ticked off with no real answer to my question. Don't get me wrong I am at a good place with who I am but I was hoping for at least a little insight. So I did as I normally do in these cases . . . ruminate until I realized she was right. I have spent an inordinate amount of energy dissecting this thing we do (nature vs. nurture, labels, etc.) to no avail. It was not until I just accepted that I am who I am that I found inner peace.
So my musing is this . . . (finally you are saying ) There are lots of gals on this site who are at peace with who they are and this includes not only those who are public but those who are closeted or in a DADT relationship. Do you think by giving up the quest to the Holy Grail "Why" and accepting and loving yourself for who you are that it has helped bring you peace? For those who still struggle with figuring out "why", do you find any sense in this assumption?
The reason I ask is that a lot of new gals show up here and always ask the "why question" in hopes an answer will bring peace of mind. IMHO, I really don't think it will as it seems to be a red herring because there doesn't appear to be one answer. Perhaps my therapist was right, accept your self, love yourself and move on. Now don't get me wrong I do not live in a Pollyanna existence where just saying "I love myself" will open the gate to Narnia and all will be right. This takes introspection and work but it seems like a sound path to follow don't you think?
I will leave you with a quote from Buddha which kind of resonates here:
You must love yourself before you love another. By accepting yourself and fully being what you are, your simple presence can make others happy. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love & affection.
Hugs
Isha