Came out to my Dad & Brother

[AmandaJ]

Recent happenings in my life have brought me to the point of finally telling them. The idea of telling them scared me to death and it took me a long time to build up enough confidence to do so.

There is a yin and yang to these confessions.

First, my Dad.

He surprised me. I honestly did not expect his reaction. I sat down with him and had a long conversation about not just my CDing, but a lot of issues with our relationship. To my surprise, he was non-judgmental and accepting. Though, not enthusiastic. He even said something like "just don't come around her dressed like a woman". Which I'm fine with, I didn't intend to share this side of me with him like that. I only wanted him to know and accept it, without negativity. This has breathed new life into my relationship with him as we would often go days, even weeks without even speaking to each other. I'm sure we will have to continue working on things, but at least it's finally off my chest.

My Brother.

He has completely written me off as far as I can tell. I, unfortunately, had to tell him in writing. I approached him to try and get together to discuss some other things and was planning to tell him about my CDing as well. But he immediately retreated from discussion and so I played my hand and laid all my cards on the table. He didn't respond (I know he read it), and has actually even gone as far as to unfriend and block me on facebook. He and I have never been close and he's even lived quite far away for a long period of time and only recently moved back to the same area. The thing is though, that I'm not the only one he's pushed away in our family, so I don't think this is entirely because of the things I confessed to him. He's in a very unhappy and lonely place in his life right now. I may try to confront him in person to talk to him, but honestly I'm scared it might turn physical.

Anyway, despite all this, I look at the whole situation and see a huge achievement and that's what I'm focusing on. I know my brother will have to seek within himself and learn to be happy on his own, then maybe he'll come around.

LEVEL UP

[(Sara)]

That is a very brave thing you did to be as open as you have been. That is a character defining moment for you, the courage it takes is immense as you are well aware. As well as that, it is a step towards the future you are creating, good job!

The reactions are clearly not the most accepting, but I see you are staying strong and you seem to have that self-confidence already there to guard against it. There is good news with your father, I hope some time soon your brother will solve his internal problems too. Keep on living the life Amanda, you are on the right path.

Best wishes to you and your family!

Sara

[Vanessa Rose]

Amanda

Brave steps by a beautiful sister. Congrats

Vanny

[Keri L]

Dear Amanda,

I am happy that your father has been able to at least accept the idea, even if he is not ready to see you en femme. Very brave, indeed!

Nice to step out in to the light of self acceptance a bit more.

Best,
Cate

[Rachael Leigh]

Telling family can be the most difficult part of this, it's bad enough we struggle than to come clean with our own family.
I told mine years ago when my wife and I were having a difficult time. They all just kinda blew it off and just never ever discussed it again. I'm good with that but it's still not easy.

[Jilmac]

Well Amanda, I too have had rejection from my family but not over my dressing, there were other issues. For those who rejected me, I consider it their loss and not mine as I reached out to them first.

[BLUE ORCHID]

H Amanda, You just never know how people are going to react I'm very happy for you about your father.

[Shellycd12]

I agree that was very brave.
It is great to get things off your chest.
It may take time but hopefully your brother will come around and it does not turn physical.
Congrats on doing this.

Shelly

[Emjay]

Congratulations on telling some of your family. I'm also glad to hear that your Dad's reaction went well and that you were hopefully able to work on other things between the two of you. Sorry to hear about your brother though, perhaps you're right in that he has his own issues in life to deal with. I'm hoping for you that he will come around!

Your story is encouraging to me as lately I have this *intense* feeling that I need to tell family about myself as well. Thank you for sharing!

[MsVal]

I guess that's one of the good news/bad news stories:

As a father, I can understand your father's position. He has had a couple more decades of life experiences than your brother. In addition to his his life's many successes and pleasures he's probably had a few cases of really significant disappointments and losses. Those life experiences tend to put lesser things into perspective; a perspective that your brother may not have for another couple decades.

As for approaching your brother, kindly ask yourself "Why is it important to me?" Whatever the answer, consider that the next move is his. Your brother may reply some day, I am sure you will accept his attitudes and beliefs as you would like him to accept yours.

You've done the right and honorable thing by making a full disclosure. I believe that now it is time for you to move on with your life.

Best wishes

[Beverley Sims]

Amanda,
I think you have had a good outcome.
Your brother is the one who will miss out later in life by putting barriers up everywhere.

[reb.femme]

Hi Amanda,

It's a big leap of faith that we take in telling our close family members and as shown, it doesn't always go as we would like. So glad that your dad has effectively taken it in his stride and saddened that your brother has rejected you. All power to you though for the leap that you took.

My eldest son actually texted me last night, after two weeks of silence since my big reveal. My other two sons were fine. Hopefully, in time, your brother might find it within himself to accept you as you are, but it doesn't seem likely from your account.

Rebecca

[Katey888]

Great news Amanda - courageous and positive of you and it sounds like your dad has responded to that. While we might continue to be surprised by parents, I always get the feeling they are rarely surprised by offspring - it's just part of life.
It's a shame about your brother- but probably not unusual. You've approached this whole thing very maturely and honestly and his response is anything but. Ultimately he has to live his life and you, yours. Give him time - he may just need that.

But you should celebrate this achievement - it's worth it and you deserve it!

Katey x

[Caden Lane]

My father would never understand...and my brother far too homophobic to even concider telling them.

[JenniferYager]

Amanda, you're braver than I am. I would never tell my dad or brothers.

[kimdl93]

I'm impressed with how well your handled this. It's a big step with some uncertainty, but you knew the risks, accepted them and got about as good a result as you could have expected. Your dad showed some character and a real measure of love. He is a good man.

Sorry about your brother...he obviously has problems that you can't fix. Just leave the door open for him...someday he may come home.

[Michelle V]

Great story, it is great to share with the forum how some people can get to that place where you are willing to make real changes in their lives. To come out to the men in your life must have been very hard. Congratulations and keep being true to yourself.

[Sabrina133]

Hi AManda,

First off... a big hug to you. What you did was very brave. I dtold my dad -- it took over a year for him to fully accept me. Now he does and in Jun, will be walking me down the isle. It takes time for parents and siblings to understand and come to their own acceptance. Hank in there....

As for your brother ---- also know what you mean. While my older sister has fully accepted, my younger sister has not. We are estranged. Sad but a fact of life.

hugs to you for coming out...i know its not easy.

[Pretty Nails]

I am very happy for you. I am glad that you are moving forward in a life that will bring you more happiness. I feel your struggle as I am doing this same thing now.

It would be great to get an update and see how you are progressing.

Take care and stay strong.