After being out on my own for a week now, it seems that life has thrown another curveball into the mix. You see, for this past week I have been able to not stress in being myself and enjoy the freedom of being completely en femme when at home. I have been taking the steps and the ball rolling to begin my transition. This has brought on a sense of anticipation and excitement. My immediate family knows and I have begun telling certain people about myself. This has been liberating and I have been getting a lot of support thus far. Which helped me in feeling I am doing what is right. The only hang up I now have is that there are these three girls that all of sudden popped into my life.
One of the girls I met a year ago when I went to an out patient program for mental health issues in LA. We talked a lot and I knew she liked me and I had some feeling towards her. But I ended up coming back to my family to try and make things worked and I stopped talking to her. Recently she said she misses me, wishes I was down in LA, and that she wants to know me more.
The second girl I also met when we got hired for an at home business selling products. We did talk a lot and she knew about my possible divorce a year ago. I ended up stop talking to her when I left for LA. I ran into her the other day at the gas station of all places and first asked be if I was divorced, introduced me to her daughter that with her, said we should hangout, gave me her number, then hugged me good bye.
The third girl is a friend I dated in high school and have known her 20 years. I still to this day have feelings for her and I had a couple opportunities to get back together, but never made the move. At the current moment she is going through a similar divorce with a person who has been abusive to her and her children. She has children the same age as mine, she's the same age, lives about an hour away, and has been in the abusive relationship about the same amount of time I have been married. Since she found out that i am going through a divorce she has been talking to me a lot.
Even though I know that want to transition and feel more comfortable presenting as a women, I get doubts and I question myself if I'm making the right choice in transitioning. I don't know if I'm relying on false hope of being with somebody as a man. Am I still so emotional and these will just be rebound relationships and I'll just be back to struggling to be my true self. None of these girls know about me CD'ing and that I'm transitioning for that matter. I don't want to string them along, but I don't want to loose those relationships either and I'm stuck in being able to tell them for fear of rejection. But I know I need to bring up this subject.