Well, I was wrong...

[GeminaRenee]

In my estimation, your biggest issue was not recognizing the fact that you are in fact "normal". Every human being is completely 100% unique in what they value, how they act, how they dress etc. In my mind, being yourself is normal. The hard part is accepting and loving yourself when you assume other won't for one reason or another.

Yeah, that's the thing. I mean, I know - and really, I've known for a long time, but I sometimes choose to forget it - that normal isn't really anything at all. But when I purge, I usually find myself longing for an easier way to walk through life. So I seek that elusive, subjective standard that doesn't really exist, rather than just accepting that who I am is what's normal for me. That's why I like that quote so much that I led off with.

As for repurchasing clothes, I would encourage you to check out your local thrift stores. I find amazing clothes there for great prices- you just have to look! If your scared to run I to someone you know...just go to the next town over!

Oh yeah, I know. I always utilize the thrift store approach. I've already picked up a few cute pieces in the past few weeks. Mainly the problem is that t-store shopping takes time, which is in short supply with my present school schedule. And, I'm not worried in the slightest about seeing people I know. I learned to shop without shame some time ago.


And thanks to everyone for the kind replies. (:

[TessInJxn]

Oh, and don't purge. It costs a bomb.

I've done it many times. And, boy howdy, does it burn when you have to rebut everything. The only upside is that it is kind of a nuclear version of cleaning out your closet. I've found that my style has evolved over the years from just wearing things I thought fit, could quickly and hopefully inconspicuously buy, to more thoughtful ensembles. My current closet is far, FAR better than my first one was.

Welcome back to being you, though! ;-)

[UNDERDRESSER]

Work was the least of my problems as they were the ones who suggested coming in wearing a skirt. With a TS boss, 2 Lesbian work-mates, a gal who we shall call a "free-spirit" and an outside sales guy that we rarely saw it wasn't a problem. It was work that "pushed" (ok...it didn't take much) me into a dress for "Girls-day Fridays" (another story but I don't want to hijack the thread!)

Oh yeah, my employers and co-workers aren’t the problem (for the most part) it's the fact that I will interact with 200 plus members of the public in a day.

[Kristy 56]

Welcome back Kali ! I'm back not too long myself after the dreaded purge.

[CynthiaD]

I've said this before, but it's worth saying again.

Crossdressing is normal.

Being transgendered is normal.

Living your whole life pretending to be something you're not, that's weird.

Oh, and welcome home.

CK

[kimdl93]

I hope it's the last repeat for you as well. You've lost nothing other than some clothes and a few months. Chalk it up to experience.

[MissTee]

I remember a Vampire mini-series on TV a while back where they thought they had found a cure for Vampireism. Turns out the cure was only temporary and ends in a very abrupt way -- like one minute you're strolling in the sunshine and then suddenly, "poof", you burst into flames.

Reminded me of the many times I've quit only to come back. I've since learned to accept me as I am and my spouse helps with her love and support. Welcome back, KaliBrooke!

[JenniferYager]

Good to have you back And slowly rebuild from Goodwill...I did the same thing after my last purge, and it wasn't nearly as expensive the second time around.

[sometimes_miss]

Well, Kali, I'll add my song to the welcome back. I never left here, because I know the possibility of never doing it again is so remote, so why not avail myself of the support. I'm in the middle of a 'purge'; not of the stuff, just the activity. If and when it ends (before I drop dead), I'll just accept it, and move on again. After all, it's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up.

[Erica2Sweet]

“... I knew right then and there that I was fooling myself to think that I could just deny the reality of who I am, and what I want. And that was pretty much that...

This can be such a difficult lesson to learn, but in sharing your story with others, maybe you will have prevented someone else from having to go through this themselves.

Sometimes we convince ourselves we're special and life's rules and lessons don't apply, and then we read this and realize (hopefully) that it just doesn't work that way.

[Ms. Alexis]

Many Changes... That is what life is all about. The sad thing is far too many people go through their whole lives just trying to accept themselves - sometimes doing a good job of it and sometimes not so good a job. CD's "Purge", Real women do too. I'm blessed enough to have a wife who loves me for who I am... all of who I am including my feminine side - but still I get angry at who I am sometimes. But so does she and believe it or not it all boils down to the same reason- the feeling of not being good enough because "Society" says you have to be this way or that. The really hard part about it is that you can never really fully love someone else until you can love or at least be content with yourself. So don't let society dictate what is "Normal" because there is no such thing, and if all the freaks and fetishes came out at once you would find out that Normal is the minority. So be happy that you have the gift of being able to experience the world from the viewpoint of both genders.. I actually puts you ahead in life rather than behind.

[GeminaRenee]

Thanks, everyone.

Somewhere along the line, I came to realize that I need to learn to be happy in being myself before I can truly do justice to including someone else into the mix. I am lucky in that I haven't entangled myself in a situation thus far where I am absolutely forced to repress this side of me. And that's one point that's been driven home over and over and over again as I've browsed these forums. I still have a chance to live my life uncompromisingly in the fashion that my heart tells me I should. A dear friend of mine (who warmly embraces my femme self) told me once that she admired the fact that I have never really settled for less than what I am. And that's coming from someone who would be happiest in a relationship with a woman, but instead has married a man that can never really be enough for her. He's given her children that she loves very dearly. But I see that there will always be a part of her that aches for what she cannot have. I don't want to do that to myself. So I know in my heart of hearts that I must remain true to the person I am, even if it means a walk that gets lonely at times. After all, I'm only going to get to live this life once.