Busted.

[MsVal]

Before you have the talk with your mother, do your preparation. What are you going to say? What will she ask? What will you reply? Don't ask a question for which you don't already have an answer.

I suggest that you own the situation and define it. This will give you the opportunity to express it in terms that are favorable to you. This may be a lot harder to do than to say, she is your parent, after all, and some things are easier to say to friends than parents.

If you can, take the lead and put the burden of explanation on her. She found female clothing in your apartment while she was snooping. Then, having found those garments, she left without even discussing it with you. Is she ready to explain why she was snooping and why she refused to talk about it?

Stay focused. Stay on topic. Don't let the discussion wander into other, less favorable areas until you are comfortable with the answers to these questions. ("We can talk about that after I get answers to my questions.")

<sigh> Good luck.

Best wishes
MsVal

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Kaylyn, Mothers are just like wives , Some will accept and others will have nothing to do with it.
The ball is in her court now give her time to sort things out .

[mikiSJ]

Moral of the story: mothers believe they have the parental right (even when you are in your 50s) to go through your personal stuff. Either keep your mother away or lock up your stuff.

Or, you were secretly hoping she would find your stuff and not storm out of the apartment so you could begin the conversation you should have had a couple of years ago.

[heatherdress]

Tell her they belong to me.

[dominique]

Let her calm down then talk to her rationaly about it. My main concern is that she went into your private space, she had no right to do that with out your permission.

[Alice Torn]

I feel for you. Like was said, if your dad finds out, double jeopardy. I suspect my sister and mom found out, when i waw a teen, as they did not mention it, but tried to get me to a shrink.

[Kyle1105]

I talked to my parents about it but I keep that part separate from my home life. My parents understand and you can't force them to accept it. That comes with time.

[Annaliese]

Take some time and write a letter to her telling her everything, including the pain that all of us go through, she is your mother, she still love you.

[Patty-Fay]

You may be feeling bad about yourself because you have experienced your mother's disapproval. If that's it, try to remember that your mother is human, that she had an emotional reaction that reflects on her own personal prejudices, rather than on your worth, and also not on her overall feelings about you, her son.

I see two ways forward: 1) ignore it. If you don't mention it, then possibly she never will either. This could turn it into a DADT situation. 2) after careful planning, discuss it with her.

If you choose #2, bear in mind that she may get emotional again. You will have to remain calm, and tell her what you need to say. Be matter of fact, but remind her you love her, and that you value her. Let us know if you need help figuring out what to tell her.

[Nichola]

That's really tough, I feel for you. I hope you work things out although I do think it was very invasive of your mother to go through your things like that.
Fingers crossed for you for a good outcome.

[Rachell Carter]

Keep your chin up chuck things always happen for a reason xx

[pajeantv]

Good Luck, Just be glad its not your wife, or girlfriend, Mom's are rarely vindictive, they may blow up and not talk, but they don't usually fill in the whole world. My mother found me in a dress one time back in the early 70's, I got the worst ass wooping of my life. she grabbed my dads belt and beat me. so storming off mad isnt the worst thing to happen. Be honest with her, and hopefully she will at least return and talk to you.

[lovetobedani]

First of all, I think that since she wouldn't talk to you and stormed out makes me think that she over reacted. Second is that she's well out of line in disrespecting your privacy. She should not have gone through your things. I would wait a few weeks to talk to he but, I would wait for her to call you. She will and parents especially mothers love thier children unconditionally. It's rough for you now but time is a great healer. Try not to stress so much and all will work out.

[MonctonGirl]

Any good negotiator ( experienced divorce lawyer, the late President Kennedy , etc. )
would advise you to "do nothing - just wait for the other party to do something"

If that means you don't hear from her until after Christmas - so be it.

Why was she rooting through your room and invading your privacy?
Truly - she got what she deserved for her noseyness- the shock of her life.
At the moment she probably believes you are gay and she'll never have any
grandchildren ( true or not ) and it's probably on her mind 24/7. lol
Let her deal with it on her own until SHE contacts YOU.

Why?

If YOU call HER - you'll be apologizing - and then SHE has the power because you're admitting to FAULT.
If SHE calls - you first ask her to apologize for invading your privacy before you talk about anything else
and hang up if she refuses - and don't give me "you don't know my mother".

[bimini1]

She may have suspected something in the first place and tried to get to the bottom of it. You can't understand that parents want what they think is best for you until you become a parent yourself. Then you have a whole other perspective on things. For years my mom was a bane in my side over CD. She did not like it, accept nor support it. At almost 50 years old and completely immersed in it today, if she asked me about it, which she hasn't in about 10 years- I would probably lie and say I quit. Just to avoid the sure to be ensuing drama.
Our moms tend to have some power over some of us, and they can run some serious guilt trips on you. I know mine did. But she wanted what was best for her son and let's face it, she is probably right about the CD part in the end.

[mikiSJ]

MonctonGirl is right. DON'T NEGOTIATE AGAINST YOURSELF!

[Tracii G]

Now that I have thought about your situation I would pen a letter and say what you need to say.
Don't ask for her approval because you don't need it anyway.Let her know what she did was wrong.
Be firm in your letter discussing who you are and you still love her no matter how she feels about it.
Hand it to her personally and walk out the door.
The ball is in her court at that point and she can read the letter and think about what she did.That way the guilt is on her and not you because you were the one violated.
You did nothing wrong.

[suspender]

The first getting busted is always not-so-good. Time is what it takes and eventually they come around (to varying degrees). Every cloud has a silver lining, at least you do not have to hide you stuff away from her now. Your scenario reminded me of one of my first being outed experiences, although the relative was just holding one of breastform in their hand and asking lots of questions, which I thought was much easier to admit to than to come up with some lame excuse. That is now a distant history that the tide of time has eroded. Life is way to short and when you get the chance to have the discussion in a rational manner, inform her it is your way of expressing yourself. It does not change who you are.

[Jordan]

All I can say is best of luck to you and to let it go for a few days and than see if she brings it up and than settle down and talk about it. I would be a little upset that she went thru my stuff if I am living on my own