Are any alternative activities to CD effective in reducing dressing?

[ClosetED]

Lorileah makes some VERY valid points....I hate to see people go through life like that....you are here (on earth) for such a short time to begin with. Why be unhappy and uncomfortable .

I agree they are valid. But with 3 months short of 25 years married, the alternative is divorce based solely on this. Everyone around us think we are the perfect couple. Marriage is full of compromises - each couple needs to decide how much each needs to bend. With both of us passing 50, we do see more evidence the end is not very very far away. Both are getting more selfish in wanting to be happy. Yet my happiness in this is her unhappiness. So a compromise must be reached if we stay together.

[Julia Red]

I did several things to reduce my dressing because of my relationship, and they paid off.

I started by limiting the dressing to just once a week. I was dressing almost every day before it. The problem is that the need just don't go away, so I developed ways of getting in contact with my crossdressing without actually doing it. Here's what I've being doing:

- Taking A LOT of photos: everytime I dress I take lots of pictures, so I can look at them the days I can't dress. The high amount is important, because it will give you a lot to look at and choose from, what ones are best, what outfits worked and what ones didn't, and so on. You can browse them while en drab, getting in contact with your female side while at it.

- Playing videogames: I've always been a gamer, but there are a lot of games out there where you can be a female, and a lot of games with an emphasis on creating your own character and customizing. I started to prioritize that kind of game. That's a good way to be a woman without dressing and having fun at the same time. Some games have different outfits that you can try to match and create a good look, and even use that look as inspiration to your own CD sessions afterwards. You don't need to do that while dressed.

- Browsing girls' stuff on the internet: I do all my shopping online, so I love to do "window shopping" on the PC. There are many, many websites dedicated to that, and you can keep wishlists and go after sales, and even if you can't afford to buy everything you want (no one is), the act of browsing girls stuff and see what's going on in the fashion world is fun by itself and keeps you in touch of your feminine side. You don't need to do that while dressed also.

- Talking about it: I have a weekly session with a psychologist where I can talk about my CDing. Things I can't talk with normal people, I speak with her. I go en drab, but Julia is with me. I also talk about it with a female friend, altough it's hard to talk about girly stuff to her because she is a lesbian who don't use skirts or make-up, but it's good anyway. And now I've became part of this amazing forum so I can talk all the stuff I want.

Some of these things may be hard if you have a controlling wife who monitors everything you do, but it's worth trying, I assure you they work for me.

I don't think doing stuff unrelated to CDing works, because your mind will always wander in that direction, so I do the opposite, I keep contact with my CDing but without the dressing part. Nowadays I have it well under control and solved a lot of problems with my wife, and even increased the frequency of my sessions (now it's not only once a week).

[sanderlay]

In my life I found no cure for CDing, and I searched for over fifty years. You can throw yourself in to a male role and act. You might convince others that you are cured. But you are only hiding it and I became miserable hiding it.

For me it's a part of myself that can be pushed down for a time, or so I think. But like a volcano it will come out, erupt or show itself in other ways in my personality. I become moody, unhappy and generally feeling wrong unless I acknowledge both sides of myself.

And analogy to describe this is kind like like having two persons, one male the other female. I can stop acknowledging one side of myself. I put my male or female side in a box and lock them away in my mind. For a time it works but eventually one or the other keeps knocking... and knocking... and knocking till either he or she finds a way to be acknowledged.

One more hidden way that can help is under-dressing. Every morning my girl inside puts on her panties and bra and she is acknowledged for being part of me, part of the whole. Over the top would be his clothes and he is seen as a male.

But underneath it all are her clothes as a reminder that she has a say in this life. She will not be locked away only to be brought out for a few hours. She is in this body. It may look male and have the sex of a male but she is here. She wants her say on how I look and present.

Eventually she conveniences you to start adding more feminine clothes on the surface. That's where you may have to hold the line because she'll want more and more. It is a desire that never stops and keeps at you day after day after day till you give into it.

Those who don't feel this usually never seem to fully understand it. Even I struggle to understand why I do what I do sometimes. But I am convinced that it is a part of who I am and it by design by my creator.

Over time my girl inside has matured. She understands my budget and respects it. She has learned self control and has matured in her dressing. She buys practical clothes that fit properly that can be worn outside, most of the time.

However there is this string two piece bikini she just ordered...

[Tanya+]

Sanderlay and Julia speak right to my heart.

Repress it and it will gain power and lose reason. I have the luxury of choosing my addiction. Bondage, Porn, Second Life playing as a female, straight out Gaming, Xdressing all take the same kind of energy and time for me. Doing things that grow me spiritually make me less unhappy, less stressed and less inclined to lose myself in any of the above. I think the most honest word to use with Yourself and Your wife is "minimise". Who knows what that all look like? Put energy in to being your best self, share with her the difficulties just as part of your process, not to justify them. And 'minimise' out of love, or resentment will flourish.

So if there is something else that can grab you that isn't destructive or unacceptable, that is a little addictive, maybe that can take up some of the slack. Cross Fit seems like the most addictive form of exercise i've come across ever.

Whichever way You go, i think you should gently ask her to understand that it is more about keeping it under the radar than eradication and that you do this with love and effort, and will need her understanding when you misjudge.

Can i ask what her difficulty is with CDing?

[Princess Grandpa]

how about eating?? eat so much that you cant fit into your clothes anymore...problem solved.

This doesn't really help. You just wind up buying new clothes. Clothing for us fat girls costs more and there is far less cuteness!

I suppose if one were able to isolate why he dresses in women's clothing, one could address that and succeed in curtailing the dressing. Perhaps that is why so many of us have spent so much time trying to figure out the why. I have other activities. I own a home based business we run. We are on duty 24/7 (recently managed to arrange one full day off and one evening every week) I play video games, and I sail (not really, I just work on my boat in the hopes one day it will be in the water and I will be sailing again). Almost everything I do I become somewhat obsessed with. Still through it all the desire to dress remains.

I hope you and your wife can find a place of peace.

Hug
Rita

[Chickhe]

Try self acceptance and take a serious look at what life would be like if you could dress up 100% of the time. I found that having 100% freedom to do it gave me the chance do discover what it means to me... If you keep trying to suppress it, it will come back even stronger until you deal with it. Just dive in, do it, learn and have fun with it....it is only a problem if you make it one.

[Lainie]

... Ummm ...

If in fact there are people who used to cross dress and don't any more, they won't be here looking at this thread.

Unless they are transsexuals who used to cross dress when they were men, but now that they are women, don't.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I tried to stay in the closet for the last few years. I think this was my 10th trip there in 60 years. Anyway, I found the internet. thought that would help but after reading every story on fictionmania and visiting other sites that got sicker and sicker I realized that I was more to my own character if i went back to dressing a normal girl when I can. So the answer is "No." There is no alternative. If there was I think I would have found it after all these years. I just feel so complete when dressed and out.