Do you judge others?

[Erica Marie]

I was just kind of curious, and Im truly hoping not to offend anyone with this.

Do you judge other crossdressers on their choice of clothing and hair or make-up styles? I know in real life, to a point, we sometimes judge others by their appearance. But do you ever look at another cd, even if its some of the members here, and say WTF?

I know we all have our own style and reason or level of crossdressing. But should we really be judgemental? I guess for me at times I say "Why would she wear that", I think I do that because its not something I would ever wear. Do we look at a partial dresser and say they are just half way there? But are they if that is what makes them comfortable?

I know I am far from perfect, maybe this is just a rant against myself. But maybe its also a step towards every one accepting every one else for who they really are. Instead of judging maybe it would be great to learn more about that person?
Maybe "judge" is the wrong term, maybe I should say create an opinion.

[kimdl93]

Of course, there are many WTF moments. Sometimes I'm appalled by people's choices, but I keep those thoughts to myself.

[Kate Simmons]

Th "pot" does well not to call the "kettle" black my friend. I don't even judge the "people of Walmart" pictures and that does take a lot of effort. To each their own I figure.

[Brenda B]

I resist the urge to judge other CDs based on their appearance because I know it's all about how it makes us feel. For me, at least, it's a sense of joy to express my feminine side. So if I see someone else expressing that, regardless of what they look like, I say "good for you, go for it"!

[Marcelle]

Hi Erica,

I guess it would depend on the definition of "judging a person". IMHO if you look at someone and say . . . "Well that clothing sure looks silly and that must mean that person is silly" then you are judging them. However as most people are want to do when they see something that is not their thing and you say "Not my style but to each their own" then you are not judging merely making an honest appraisal of the situation. It is the same thing regardless of who you are looking at. I still don't get the young guys who wear their pants with the crotch hanging at their knees (would not do it myself) but I don't think any less of them. Besides it is hard to be judgemental of people at a bus stop when you are a guy wearing women's clothing.

We have all looked at someone at some point in our lives and thought "not my style" or even "really not a good look for her/him" . . . that is not being judgemental. If someone says "Oh no Isha not me", I'll call bul$%&% on that one. However when you begin painting that person with a broad brush of silly, weird, creepy or whatever now you are being judgemental.

Hugs

Isha

[Lynn Marie]

I make value judgments all the time. It's a completely automatic survival instinct. To me it seems that if I use those judgments to condemn and beat down others to elevate myself then I'm simply reacting to my own insecurity and lack of confidence. A pretty ugly condition indeed.

[Zylia]

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to look at pictures and NOT have an opinion on other people's outfits. There are some I like, there are a few I do not really like and there's a rare WTF moment every now and then, but that's just my opinion. We don't all have to like the same things to respect each other. Different strokes for different folks and all that. I will allow anyone to wear that leather miniskirt at age 56 if they allow me to have an opinion on it.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Erica, If I can't say something nice I don't say anything.

[Karren H]

I admit it... I judge everyone... I just don't verbalize it.... ok I don't verbalize it all the time...

[~Joanne~]

I'll be honest here because we are so against lying Though I FIRMLY believe that everyone has the right to do whatever it is they want to do in their one short life and one's happiness should be priority one, I have a lot of WTF moments. I have more of them in THIS section than I do when looking at pictures (though I have them there too, just not as often).

Part of the biggest problems we have in this world is from others thinking that other people should think like they do, act like they do, and believe in what they do and that just isn't my cup of tea. It's part of the reason a lot of us struggle to be who we are no matter where on that spectrum we realize we belong.

Like most, I keep it to myself for the most part , unless it's asked of me to give an opinion.

[biggirlsarah]

I suppose we all do to a degree, I am sure that most women look at what others are wearing all the time, and think my that looks really good or that combination goes really well together, or I wouldn't have put those shoes with that bag it really doesn't go, or even to coin the phrase OMG what are you thinking, but I wouldn't say it was being judgmental just having an opinion about what others are wearing. Just my thoughts.

[Launa]

Yes I do judge other CD's.

If I see a CD all made up with facial hair, hooker boots, fish nets, a cheap pink wig from the dollar store etc.... then I say to myself that's wrong and why would you do that? That's my opinion

[Shelly K]

I believe we all look at others photos and have those WTF moments. While everyone has the right to dress for their own pleasure, others have the right to their opinion of what they see. I often see posts where someone is in a strange contorted pose and think, “What makes them thing that is a flattering pose or clothing choice.
We all see photos and are asked our opinions all the time of hair and clothing and we all make our judgments. I often view these and think no that does not look good or that hair style, color is wrong but I keep that to myself and believe that it is up to the individual to make the decision on what they prefer. I believe that if we are asked for our opinion we should be honest if we think something does not look good but this is view as harsh or rude. The question should not be asked unless you can accept the true opinion of others. We can answer “I don’t think that is the best look for you”.
We have to remember that we all have our own distorted view of our choices and what we think looks good for us may not be so flattering or fit as well as we might think.

[Melissa73]

i wouldn't call it judging! but i admit, mentally i look at others outfits and either i like it or think they should wear something different. but on the otherhand, gg do that all the time to others, even sometimes verbalizing it! its called fashion



Melissa

[Adriana Moretti]

If I see a CD all made up with facial hair, hooker boots, fish nets, a cheap pink wig from the dollar store etc.... then I say to myself that's wrong and why would you do that? That's my opinion

me too...but I would never say it to them...no matter how much I would love to...I would never...well unless I had a few and was feeling frisky...then maybe.....but I WILL email a friend about it LOL. If you dont have anything nice to say....keep it moving...thats the phrase right??

[bridget thronton]

I do not offer opinions if I a not asked. I said before that I try to only look for the positive in a person's look. Just cuz it is not my style does not mean it another person should not wear it.

[Anna H]

Well, this place is an exception compared to many other CD places.

We communicate well and the tone is acceptance and support here.
So while there's always going to be the occasional WTF moment, it's
handled with politeness and good intentions.

I don't fear at all putting crappy pictures up. I 'WTF' myself often...
(what was I thinking at the time...LOL!)

It's not a fashion show here like other places. We're all real people
with different reasons for what we do and vastly different levels of
resources.

I appreciate the critiques and recommendations and opinions myself
and it's Great to have those dead-honest opinions. I know they're
well intended....which is more than I can say for some places...:P

I feel like ANY participation is better than none. So I'm always
very happy to see anyone post any picture they're comfortable with.
It's still a very scary thing for many of us....even years into it.

There's no feeling of competition, so it's easy to post "bad" pictures
and learn from them and be inspired by others and make whatever
"progress" means to each of us. The more of us participating, the more
will see that and come join in.

Kate's got plenty more WTF to come! Some days it works...and some
days it don't. Be gentle ladies! LOL!

♥

[Chari]

Not knowing where a person is on the gender scale, or what their personal issues are, it is not for me to judge them. I do look at their attire for ideas of new/different fashion trends, and if I would be comfortable/confident enough to wear something similar. Enjoy.

[Katey888]

Well we are all human, at the end of it all - and I wouldn't believe anyone who says that they don't want people to think well of them, whether that's about the way that they look or how they express themselves in other ways (and sometimes those two are interlinked...) and given that a lot of folk here have probably never revealed how they look to anyone other than via this forum (yes - that's me...) you can't really do that without expecting to be judged a bit, can you?

If I look at some of my own pics I have WTF-squared moments - what have I been thinking, seriously... but again, if you're not prepared for at least some gentle critique, don't post.

There's always a positive to be found somewhere... we all come here for support and we should all be prepared to offer the quid pro quo to that, which is a degree of unconditional support to our sisters here. The one exception would be when someone is actually preparing to brave the big wide world for real and they want to do that in a pink wig, etc. I think at that point we wouldn't be doing anyone any favours by just focusing on any positives without at least saying: "Are you sure you want to do that, dearie..?"

Katey x

[Beverley Sims]

Of course I am judgmental.
If I think someone is making a fool of themselves dressing to make a political statement or cause unnecessary grief to those around them.
If you are in a group and everyone is feeding off the extreme dresser then it is fun and I approve.

Some dress just to make a statement and it is not in keeping in the bounds of decorum.

[Angie G]

I think we all do at some time. I try not to but I do find myself doing it. For the most part I wish to live and let live the way one wishes
Angie

[MsVal]

Of course I judge people.

When a boy dresses like an inner city thug, my response is to judge that person as an inner city thug and treat him the way he apparently wants to be treated. It's a totally different treatment than the one that dresses in a suit and tie.

In the context of this forum, I may see a picture of someone dressed poorly (my judgement, my opinion, remember?) and have admittedly inconsistent responses:
1) I may say nothing at all. No hurt feelings, but no honesty and no growth.
2) I may find something that I can compliment. A little more honest, but not completely, and no growth.
3) I may point out the things I believe can be improved and provide solutions. Most honest, potential for growth, but least friendly.

My personal preference is to have my work critiqued honestly. Politely, but in the end, honestly.
What's yours?

Best wishes
MsVal

[Lynn Marie]

Of course I am judgmental.
Some dress just to make a statement and it is not in keeping in the bounds of decorum.

I just love it when you talk dirty Beverley.

[Tami]

You can't control what pops into your head, it's what you do with those thoughts that is important.

It's surely impossible to not think Wtf to yourself on occasions but that doesn't mean one goes and blurts that out.

I think it's important to understand that people have varied time and money to put into this and others feel exhilarated just by wearing a cheap pink wig and fishnets. WHATEVER FLOATS YOUR BOAT .

Here As in any walk of life everyone has their own sense of style.

Saying that, I am terrible at judging other peoples clothes in my head when I walk through the city particularly blokes.

[Debra Russell]

No I don't judge anyone just because they have bad taste, sense of style/just wrong or poor judgement....no not at all - never hear it from me..........................Debra