How far do you need to go?

[sanderlay]

Isha,

Thank you for a well written and thought out post on a very important subject.

How far did I need to go?

My decision to go was not an impulsive one by any means and was thought out for many months. The catalyst that stated me thinking was the passing of my parents. I felt I was now completely free to decide my own path and let go of the role I had played as their son without their influence, positive or negative.

Another factor was I'm semi-retired so facing employment discrimination would not be a deal breaker. And I spoke to other members of my larger family and they were supportive, as I know this might effect them to some small degree.

But with these issues out of the way I went out and faced my fears with a smile on my face. I have never looked back. I can say it's not for the faint of heart, especially when I don't "pass". I don't look like a man and I don't look like a woman. But a happy smile and a good attitude will go a long way toward acceptance.

I would not wish this life on anyone because it's not easy to be different and go against the stereo types of gender presentation. There might be unknown consequences that if I knew them might put me back in the closet and give me nightmares. But I also did not want to go to my grave having regrets. I want to live my life to the fullest.

So... for me... this is how far I needed to go... in my journey to be my true-self.

[Diane Edwards]

I have been more fortunate than most in regards to going out. That I have the appearance I do that let's me go out and about with little worry about being read is something I do not take for granted. I think I've had it so much easier than many of the other members here on these forums, and I thank my lucky stars that is so. But that does not mean I don't understand the trepidations, the dangers, and the stigma attached to being CD/TS/TG. I've known a number of others who haven't been that lucky and have paid the price in many ways, none of which I need to explain to anyone here.

[julia marie]

Another great post, Isha. I hope that when we share our experiences with going out (for me about once a week) that those who prefer to stay behind closed doors don't think that I, and others who share such experiences, are implying that everyone should go out. Each of us has to make our own decisions and find our own comfort levels. For those who haven't gone out but have expressed a desire to do so (usually saying they wish they had the courage) I would encourage them to try it. They might like it, and they probably will be surprised that the sky doesn't fall on them.
I haven't had any horrendous experiences in the outside world (the "worst" being two instances where women pointed and laughed). That's in being out and around thousands of people at this point.
As far as going out to make a point or further the cause of CD, that isn't on my agenda. If my presence out in public helps a cause that's a bonus for the CD community, but my thought process is more likely to be along the lines of whether I need to freshen up my makeup or if my thigh-highs aren't holding up.
Good discussion points in this thread, though. Thanks for bringing them up.

[Nadine Spirit]

All one can gather from my experiences is that it CAN be done. Never that it MUST be done. Everyone makes their own decision.

I totally agree with this statement.

I go out and I have been going out now for about 8 years and I have had maybe three or four somewhat negative experiences, which were only a few rude comments. And I only go where the muggles go. But from what some others have told me, I tend to blend well, so maybe for me the experiences are going to be different than from what others will. Who knows. I know when I look in the mirror, all I see is dude, no matter how I am dressed. And I think, if someone that looks as much like a dude as I do, can occasionally pass as a woman, then pretty much anyone could.

If you don't want to go out, then don't go out. I wanted to go out, even though it terrified me, and I figured it out, and I am happier because of it.

[paulaprimo]

i've often asked myself why i enjoy going out so much and can't really come up with a valid answer other than
i feel like i must. everytime i walk out of the front door i'm scared to death. i understand that i'm not fooling anyone
and people are probably laughing at me. but the drive for me to go out is so overwhelming that i feel that i must.
i can equate my feelings to the salmon swimming up stream to spawn and die or to the migratory birds that fly south for the winter.
they might not want to but there is something innate that drives them.
i've been going out for about a year and a half now and one of my first times out i was assaulted physically...and as ugly as that
situation got, it still didn't deter me from going out.
all i know is, that i enjoy going out and it makes me feel good even though i see no upside from it and i'm always scared to death.
i've re-read what i have just written and none of it makes any sense to me!!! hope you all understand what i mean...

[MissTee]

Good thread, Isha. I'm an "innie." Don't want or need to go out. Sometimes I think m-a-y-b-e I would, but I'm super happy with things they way they are.

[Sometimes Steffi]

While there are some who may not be ready to go out, and may feel forced into it by someone's adventures,
there are others who really want to go out, but need the advice and support of a trusted friend who has gone before them.

I've met more of the latter than the former, and I've had some great successes helping them with what they really wanted to do anyhow. And most of them are members here with whom I've communicated.

[Claire Cook]

Isha and everyone,

This is a wonderful thread. We have had many that dealt with the question of the "degree" (that's not the best term ... sounds more like my antiperspirant )..that we CD, and I think Isha's comes closest to the mark as I see it. Those of us who write about our out and about experiences are doing it to share and maybe to encourage others (and perhaps to brag a bit, but that's OK) -- but as everyone has said here we are all different, and for some of us just wearing panties in the closet is enough -- and that is fine! There is a convention in the LBGT community about the "rainbow spectrum" -- that applies to us as well. I hope that those of us who are deeply closeted enjoy these posts, and don't feel guilty if they do not go out in public.

For my part, Claire is part of me and if she brings a smile (or a snicker) to others, that helps to make my day.

[Marcelle]

Hi everyone,

Thanks very much for all your comments. Firstly I hope nobody got the impression I was saying "don't post your adventures on going out". On the contrary, I say the opposite. As Julie Marie indicated for every gal who is happy at home there are those who are ready to make the leap and encouragement through stories and chatting can help them do just that. My intent was just to point out that some threads can take on a life where it is implied that going out is the pinnacle of CDing and everyone should try it at least once. This could inadvertently force a gal out before she is truly ready. I agree with Jennifer's statement in that it "can" be done not it "must" be done. If you are ready then do so. If you need time to develop "TG Assault Troop battle armour" (aka thick skin) take that time, the world is not going anywhere. If you have not desire to go out that is cool too.

Funny timing for this post. I was sitting in Starbucks yesterday enjoying a coffee and reading my e-reader (I was "en femme"). Now I like to sit amongst the world and just be me from time to time . . . okay I went shopping as well. Anyway this Starbucks is beside a High School and sure enough when 3:30 PM hits it is wall to wall teens. I heard a few giggles and comments then some rude comments by young boys trying to show off to the girls. Yes it was directed at me as they did not hide the rudeness of their comments and the finger pointing was a dead give away. However, when I made eye contact (even "en femme" this gal can give a good "someone best shut up look" ) the giggles stopped. After that they all left and I went back to my e-reader and life went on.

Were those patrons sitting around me uncomfortable with my presence, I can say for sure one man was but I think that was because he checked me out when I sat down and when he got to the face . . . a big WTF expression came over him. . After that he avoided eye contact and even went so far as to move out of one the big comfy chairs to a hard backed chair away from me. The other patrons? I don't think they cared less one way or the other.

Point is some things are good, some not so good. You just have to be prepared for both experiences because they are all not so good.

Hugs

Isha