Well its over

[ChristinaK]

I'm very sorry to hear your bad news. It's a shame we're not more accepted by society and especially the person we love most. Good luck with the future.

[sherri]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.


Second, I guess you realize that the odds are high that you will be single for the rest of your life. And your ex will probably out you. Not saying that's the wrong choice, just be sure your eyes are wide open.

[TxCassie]

So sad and sorry to hear this news Gina. I know you can't stop dressing, nor should you. On the other hand, one must acknowledge the fact that there are no guarantees that another, especially a SO/Spouse will or can accept the reality. I'm sure this is revelation was the furthest from her imagination, though we all know there certainly other realities that could be so much worse. I've never been married, but I certainly can imagine the emotional toll this is taking on each of you after thirty years of marriage. Take things without haste but I'm afraid you will have to make some hard decisions seems quicker than not. Be strong honey.

Cassie

[MatildaJ.]

Being divorced means you've failed.

Just wanted to say that divorce doesn't have to be seen that way. When two young adults break-up, that's not a failure. It just means that they've changed and what they needed before is different from what they need now. The same is true with divorce. People change over time, and if they need something different now, that doesn't mean the marriage was a waste of time or a failure. It served its purpose, and has reached the end of its useful life-span.

Gina, sending you and your wife positive thoughts, in hopes that you can resolve your issues amicably after some time to adjust.

[Beverley Sims]

Gina,
It would be nice to stay in contact as friends, she may view you differently then.
Sorry about the outcome though.

[Davina4587]

Sorry to here your sad news

Daviva
X

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Gina, As a couple have already said get yourself a good lawyer.

[~Joanne~]

• Sometimes, women spouses act quicker after a decision is made to breakup and take the lead in capturing assets: bank accounts, investments and HOUSES.

That or it was pre planned and she waited for an excuse. I'm not saying "all women" by any means but I am sure there are plenty that do and finding out your CD, in their mind, is justification for doing so. Plus coming "out" probably isn't the greatest of ideas if you don't have a solid relationship to begin with.

[dana8656]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.

I'd have to agree with sherri, if you are going down the road of divorce, don't move out, in many states it's considered an admission of guilt and typically the courts favor the other (the one that doesn't move out). so by all means, stay, if she wants to move out, that's on her, but do consult a lawyer. do some research. me and the wife don't get along too well, I was thinking about moving out, after research, I'm staying, she can move out (but I don't think she is that stupid) so we are in stalemate.

if kids are involved. find a lawyer that is pro husband parent rights.

p.s. I am not a lawyer, nor do I pretend to be.

p.s.s. as far as I know, being a cross dresser is not grounds for divorce.

[Shadeauxmarie]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.


Second, I guess you realize that the odds are high that you will be single for the rest of your life. And your ex will probably out you. Not saying that's the wrong choice, just be sure your eyes are wide open.

My sentiments as well. Sorry this happened to you.

[Tinkerbell-GG]

First, my advice is don't move out until you've consulted a lawyer.

This seems a little mean. The wife is suffering anxiety about the CDing (I know what this feels like and it can really affect your health) and I'm guessing she didn't know this side of her H until now? I could be wrong, but if she didn't know before marriage I think she has every right to request that he be the one to leave as this is life-altering information she deserved to know about 30 years ago. The marriage was never on even ground. Not to mention she tried therapy but just couldn't get past this, which many women can't. I'd bet she's utterly heartbroken and doesn't deserve to lose her home on top of all this!

[Tracii G]

Sorry it turned out this way for you.

[Caden Lane]

Nobody deserves to loose their home. And both parties have rights, and neither party should be forced to compromise those rights to the benefit of the other until things have been equitably split. As was said earlier, in some states, the OP moving out can be construed as abandonment, or admission of guilt, or them giving up rights. The wife is not the only victim in this, nor the only one suffering anxiety or the ordeal of being heartbroken. It always saddens me when the vow of "...for Better or worse isn't adhered to." But it saddens me more when the victimization of one is deemed more important than the victimization of both.

[NathalieX66]

Hi Gina,
So sorry to hear this.
You have my support.
There are no easy answers in the transgender world.
Peace & love.....hope things get better.

[Alice B]

Also sorry to hear that a long marriage has ended, but you are still young and there is a lot of good times ahead. Keep your head high, nylons straight and strut your stuff.

[Eryn]

I'm sorry to hear about this. It is always sad to see a long-term partnership end over something that can be accommodated if both parties are willing to compromise.

Now to practicalities. You should not leave your home, period. It is yours and nobody, including your spouse, has the right to tell you to leave at this point. As others have said, the person who leaves will be painted as "abandoning" their spouse. Better to stay put and tell her that you are there for her and willing to work to make things work if your spouse is willing to make a reasonable compromise. If someone is going to abandon the relationship, let it be her.

[MatildaJ.]

It always saddens me when the vow of "...for Better or worse" isn't adhered to.

When people say "for better or for worse," do you think they mean "even if we make each other miserable"? I think they mean they will try to work together through the ordinary obstacles that life provides: difficult financial decisions; issues with one's children; ordinary health problems. But if they can't find a way to cope with the obstacle and live well together, I don't think the vow means they promise to stay together anyway, as miserable roommates.

[Rachel Morley]

I'm sorry Gina. Are you considering transition, or are you "just a crossdresser?"

This is (IMHO) the whole crux of the situation ... I do happen to believe there is a way back if you are a CDer. TS? .. err.. well that (statistically speaking) is another whole kettle of fish. Are you saying there is no compromise here? What about your history together? If you are TS then I agree with other others that have said that you should say your goodbyes and make your own way in life as the woman you should have been born as, but if you are a CDer then I would (if it were me) try to find some common ground where you can be a "part timer". Good luck.

[MsVal]

I echo the sentiments of the rest of the posters. This is a very trying time for you. All we can offer are words on a screen, but hopefully they provide emotional support you sorely need.

If living with a TG/TS upsets your wife to such a degree that she believes you two must part, I would think the onus is on her to remove herself from the situation. It seems to me that she, not you is the one that should leave.

Of course, there are probably a hundred other factors involved. Factors that we do not, and cannot know.

Best wishes
MsVal