Sharing your Knowledge CD with the newbies

[Briana90802]

I've always noticed that there is quite a range of ages here. The younger or less experienced CDers and the more seasoned CDers. (no disrespect intended)

So my question is for those who have been doing this for a while.

What is the ONE and most important piece of advice that you would give the newbies from your experiences as a CDer?

Thanks

BTW sorry about the title. Dyslexia. Should Read "sharing your CD knowledge with the Newbies"

[Adriana Moretti]

glad you started this....cause I have been thinking the SAME thing....my question is IS there younger gals here??...or dont they have a section for them that us older gals are not allowed in? Thanks to the internet...its a whole new world for them....however the relationship advice you gals all have is priceless. My advice being a single gal who NEVER offers relationship s/o advice would be practice & patience slow & steady wins the race....and its not a race either....LOL...hope that made sense ! oh...enjoy the journey and have fun with it.

[Michelle789]

I am a younger gal, although it depends on what you consider to be "young" and "old". I'm 33. I see plenty of people on this forum who are under 40 and plenty under 30 too.

[michellekhoo]

Best advice you could ever get is enjoy yourself, and dont be afraid to be who you are

[Mistyjo]

My advice is be honest and open with yourself and live life like there's no tomorrow

[ArleneRaquel]

Never, never trust a male who wants you as a CD friend. Check him out,viamany phone chats, when you meet him in person that meeting place must be a public place of your choosing. In a relations always tell the other party that you are CD. Be extra careful of your surroundings. I have be at this for over 50 years and I am living as a woman 24/7 for almost ten years. I am always around this site and I am always willing to be of help whereever i Can. Best Wishes to all !

[Eryn]

Best Advice: The world is not on a hunt for CDers and most muggles aren't even aware that CDers who blend into public exist. We are generally accepted in the presentation we show as long as we act as though we belong in that presentation.

[ArleneRaquel]

Eryn,
Great advice and very true. But we must IMO be on guard for the haters & bullys.

[Eryn]

But we must IMO be on guard for the haters & bullys.

I agree wholeheartedly. The point of this thread was to give a piece of advice and you had already covered this issue. My defense against this is to only go places where I feel comfortable. Like most GGs, I won't go anyplace where haters and bullies might actually feel as though they can get away with bothering me. I find it puzzling that some of us seem to actually like places where this danger exists.

[Joanne f]

Hello Briana,
times have changed so I have to answer this in a different way as to how things were years ago when maybe the answer would have been think very hard before you say anything as there was very little information to be had at that time for anyone close to you to understand what was going on let alone yourself .
Be true to yourself but at the same time respect others, it is always sensible to listen to advices but that does not mean that you have to take it , I have this thing in that if you ask 3 people the same thing and you get the same answer then that maybe the right answer , 3 different answers then forget it lol, ( I think my wife thinks I have gone senile when she hears me do that OK maybe I have lol) and it is always easier to start as you wish to go on than it is to leave it to later in my opinion .

[ArleneRaquel]

Thank you Eryn. I never go enfemme to places that might be hostile. My next door neighbor is a rayjing homophob and just living next door to this guy gives me the willies !

[sandra-leigh]

Adriana, there is a private forum for those up to age 30.

My first-best advice: You will probably never find out "why" you are a cross-dresser, so anguishing about "why" is not likely to do any good; be more concerned with what you are going to do now that you are what you are.

Even if you did figure out that (e.g.) "It is because your 2-year old sister dropped a Barbie in your crib", knowing that is unlikely to help now.

[Persephone]

So many things come to mind...

First would be to learn to be yourself, to be comfortable in your own presentation so that you live your life confidently in the gender of your choice.

Second would be to master the moves and all the details -- what clothing suits your style, what makeup works for you, etc. Someone in my life once taught me that you have to be Competent in order to be Confident and it is as true in your CD/TG/TS life as in any other aspect of your life.

Third would be to get past the guilt, the angst, and all of the negatives in your life; we share a special gift, not a curse, the gift of travelling beyond the prescribed roles that "muggles" spend their entire lives in. We have been granted special passports, diplomatic passports if you will, giving us freedom, we should enjoy every moment of the gift.

Fourth would be to avoid being CD/TG/TS -- no, I don't mean trying to give it up, I mean to avoid being caught up in perpetual T-ism. Be yourself, the woman or man you were intended to be, not some perpetual "pit polisher" wallowing in some sad state of being continually "trans." "Trans" implies a temporary state of motion from one place or one gender to another; no-one wants to spend their life between places, forever trapped on the subway, the plane, or the bus, and so "trans" should mean moving forward, not staying "trans."

Hugs,
Persephone.

[Wildaboutheels]

Don't let FIC [Forum Induced Courage] ruin your life and/or your SO's life.

[Babbs]

If you wear a wig, wear one with bangs, if you want to get close to passable. To me they look the most realistic because you can't always tell its not grown from your own scalp.

[sandra-leigh]

Second would be to master the moves and all the details

On the other hand, do not get too caught up on learning these things. Provided your clothing is not "indecent", then your larger concern should be whether you enjoy or get satisfaction out of wearing it. By my third time out in public, I wore something that I knew was "not my colour" and was likely to attract attention, something that I would never come close to "passing" with, and I didn't care that I looked like "a guy in an ugly skirt": I had fun.

If your purpose is to look "as much as possible" like a stereotypical GG, then, Sure, study what you have time for. But don't forget that the time you spend studying the details could instead be time you are out there dressing, probably imperfectly, but experiencing being dressed instead of just reading about it.

If you are at camp or at the beach and amateur "pick up volleyball" is happening, are you going to be spending your time watching playbacks of your games and practicing aiming and so on? Or are you going to run over and join in for the fun of it, knowing full well that chances are you will make mistakes?

I never studied movement or sitting or sneezing femininely or the like. I just went out and lived. All along I have been accepted by most people, and now I live that way full time. But I never tried to be "the perfect woman": I became a typically imperfect person, who happens to be female.

[Katey888]

Good question... and good responses... even if some went beyond the ONE that was asked for...

I think of answering this as if I were telling myself ... err.. hum.. years ago - what would I want to hear that would help? And it would be...

Embrace this part of you - do your best to integrate this with your life entire - accept that while it may appear strange to others, you should treat it as a gift and an insight that so few people experience in this world.

Celebrate it!

Katey x

[Kate Simmons]

What I repeat practically every day. Just always be yourself.

[Kate T]

Understand, and love, YOURSELF. Treat others, cis and noncis whatever, with the same love and respect you wish to be treated. Everything else will fall into place.

Oh right, thats just life advice. Then again thats all this is, just bits of life.

[stephNE]

It's tough to get down to only one, but....
Relax, be yourself, and enjoy being a CDer. Most of our worries are about people spotting us, and the truth is most people don't even see us or know.
The others have had some great responses too, such as be safe. There's no reason to put yourself in dangerous situations.

[Majella St Gerard]

Be confident

[samanthasolo]

Self acceptance is the key to happiness regardless of your choice to stay behind closed doors or venture out into the real world. If and when you decide to step out you already realized that this is about YOU DOING IT, it is not about what anyone else is going to think. Your confidence is not only the most important thing that is going to make you take that first step, but it is also the biggest factor that is going to provide you with a pleasant enjoyable experience. Dress appropriately for where it is you might go and wherever that may be, Just Act Natural!!! Be aware of your surroundings, relax, be comfortable, and don't concern yourself with fears of what others perceptions might be.

[Lynn Marie]

Make friends. It is good for the soul. This forum is a form of social gathering. So if you take this just one step further and cultivate real life friendships can you imagine how wonderful that would be? I like people and find them fascinating.

[Krisi]

There is no "ONE and most important piece of advice" that covers crossdressing any more than there is one piece of advice you would give a golfer, biker, singer, etc.

Not only are there several "degrees" of crossdressing, each of us lives in a unique situation as far as family, job, etc.

Having said that, I will contradict myself by saying this:

Learn all you can about crossdressing. Join and participate in forums, watch youtube videos, buy books, and most of all understand what you are doing and think about the possible consequences. Remember that what one or several people suggest may not apply to you.

[natcrys]

I would agree with Krisi that it's quite hard to just give one piece of advice and that would be the most important thing. And that is just not very practical,.. in this thread alone, I've seen some very useful and great tips and it would be quite foolish not to pay attention to any but one of them!

To stay in the theme of the thread though, I'd offer this.. accept yourself and get rid of the guilt (if there is any)!

There are many tutorials, videos, websites, blogs, etc. to help you achieve the look, mannerisms, fashion tips and all that good stuff. But learning and mastering it will go a hell of a lot quicker if you have accepted and embraced this unique and beautiful side of you!