Feeling embarassed by dressing in front of spouse

[vallerie lacy]

I can relate to feeling embarrassed by getting girlied up in front of my wife. After thinking about how silly it was to feel that way, I decided to make sure that she saw me getting dressed. I really enjoyed it. Did you ever think that if she was supportive of your dressing, than perhaps she might want to watch? Enjoy the opportunity that we who have supportive wives or girlfriends are so lucky to enjoy.

[LelaK]

Fear of Being/Seeming "Odd"
I suppose there may be several reasons we tend to get embarrassed. I've never had a spouse or live-in GF, but I've had embarrassment.

Think of "all" of the things that have ever embarrassed you. Looking odd tends to be embarrassing, until you get used to it, when it no longer seems odd. Why is it embarrassing to look odd? I think it's because we fear that we won't be accepted by loved ones. We fear rejection and abandonment. Even if we have adult reasoning that knows that's absurd, we often retain a childhood subconscious certainty that it's true (that we'll be rejected).

Shorts
When I was about 5 Mom tried to get me to wear shorts and short-sleeved shirts in the summer time, but I was self-conscious about my looks. I thought my arms and legs were skinny and ugly and maybe too white. I guess I felt I didn't measure up to my role models, my parents, who were good looking.

Glasses
I started wearing glasses when I was 11. I hated to have to wear them, but I got used to them quickly (maybe I felt that they made me less ugly) and I never let anyone see me without them for many years, because I thought I looked odd without them. One time in grade school I was with my class standing in a circle for choir practice. The frame of my glasses had a crack. I may have rubbed my nose, and then one of the glass lenses fell out of my glasses and made a loud enough thud on the wooden floor. I felt embarrassed, of course, then, without taking my glasses off, I picked up the lens and put it back in the frame. Somehow it stayed there. Then I acted as if nothing happened, my usual way of handling embarrassment.

Patches
Dad went to work every day, so my brother and I had to do chores each morning and evening feeding the livestock. We wore old clothes to do chores in, but one day I forgot to change my pants before going to school. They had one or two patches on the butt. Walking into school, I heard my neighbor classmate snickering to his friend. I quickly realized I was still wearing my work clothes and that's probably what he was snickering about. So for the rest of the day I tried to make sure no one could see my patch/es.

Identity
I think identity is especially an issue for crossdressers. Most of us long to be feminine, at least part time, but that's not how others identify us. We fear to reveal the identity we have of ourselves, because loved ones may reject us as strangers, unlovable. When we dress etc we can have somewhat of a new identity and some of our SOs can accept that; some can't. But while dressing maybe it's just the fear of looking odd and the subconscious fear again of rejection, despite our knowing that's generally ridiculous.

Compare how you look dressing to how you may look in other embarrassing circumstances. How would you feel if you found out there was something unflattering on your face in the presence of others. Such things can feel degrading. We can lose our favored identity in the minds of others.

[shawnsheila]

I would love to dress up in front of my wife but I dont think she is ready for that yet

[edith]

I have mixed feelings about dressing in front of my wife, and she has said she doesn't want to see me dressed. So it's a moot point for now. :-/

[ossian]

I also would like to be the dressing in front of the wife and have it over and done with, but I'm stuck. I'm ashamed. She says she accepts me as of right now. And I have memories of her not accepting me last summer. I'm cautious, I'm ashamed and yes I love my wife. I'm so screwed.