Inquiring Minds want to know / number 3

[jennCD]

1) NA - I do not dress fairly regularly, or even just regularly for that matter

2) NA - I have never dressed around my wife so I have no way of measuring how I treated her.

3) NA - I don't feel I'm unhappy about it

4) NA - My wife's tastes in fashion do not match mine.

5) It has been a few years since I dressed but I don't think I've ever seen a woman look back from a mirror, let alone a beautiful one.

6) I don't believe anyone is jealous of my appearance as I do not look gorgeous in any sense of the word.

7) If your husband's only answer is to purge, then let him. Eventually he will see that's not cost effective and maybe even suggest sharing the chores.

[Jillian Faith]

1) Not regular enough to experience that. I always ask first so as not to infringe on her time. If she says "no" there is a reason, going out, friends, whatever...
2) The same. I'm the same guy.
3) NA
4) Never done that. Never will. Silly.
5) Beautiful? No. I see a remarkably changed guy who might pass a glance test as a woman. I do think the female me is attractive but I can't be objective about the male me. It's just me.
6) No. That's a ridiculous notion. Women can't feel threatened by a man posing as a woman unless they are super insecure. Just makes no sense. We are not women and not better looking than our women.
7) Chores are chores and not tied to gender roles. Share the load is the only reasonable thing. A guy can mow the lawn in a skirt if necessary. Or, he can mow the lawn, take out the trash, fix the car and THEN dress. How do you get a man to leave the pink fog? Kick his ass and tell him x, y, or z is his JOB, regardless of dressing. A conversation about chores before dressing can be a good route too.

I'm fairly aligned with Jennifer on questions 1 - 4

5 When I look in the mirror I typically see a fairly attractive female, far from beautiful but average. When I look at pictures of myself in femme I sometimes see the proverbial "Dude in a dress".

6 With all due respect you're kidding right? Not sure how me dressing enfemme is going to intimidate any GG!

7 Again for the most part I agree with Jennifer maybe not cutting the grass in a skirt but if both SOs work chores should be shared

[Tanya+]

1 I underdress pretty discretely around my wife, she often feels me up to see what is going on under there. She hasn't asked but i like to give her something on the rare occasion she makes requests, so of course.

2 B (underdressed) i tend to be more sensual, and possibly because i am more aroused and grateful. So i am generally more attentive.

3 N/A

4 I wouldn't, but i wouldn't say no if it was an option, i think it boils down to standard guy's fantasy-lesbian experience. I wouldn't survive long if i treated my wife like a porn perfumer.

5 The trick is to not be too objective of course : )
I always see the same thing in the mirror, so it is the differences that stand out, and that is the feminine. The is also an aspect of acting, of inhabiting a new persona, i think some of it would have been cured by our generation having access to drama classes.(?)

6 It is probably nicer to think they are jealous rather than feeling pity? I also think that an aspect of ourselves that has been hidden/repressed failed to mature with our other traits, so some of us might be stuck in the bitchy teenage phase? More realistically i worry that my wife feels that i find her sexually inadequate, whereas this is just a personal quirk that awoke inside me when i was 4 or 5.

7 if he is behaving like that particular kind of child, then make girlie time a reward for ticking off the chores, with extra special acceptance for Little Miss Lazy. or if he has lucid adult intervals, sit down and write down lists of chores/responsibilities side by side and ask him what he thinks is Fair. Or see a gender counsellor and begin with your acceptance and then let the professional explain it .


The theme of this thread is the dramatic self-indulgence that seems apparent, and i feel this might be semi-reasonable when beginning to accept that girlie side of ourselves, BUT we need to grow up fast and be functional adults; we still need to be honourable people who hopefully meant our vows and respect our beautiful spouses. It can't be any nicer being taken for granted by a man just because he is wearing lippy.

[jjjjohanne]

1) I don't dress openly regularly. I underdress often. If my wife asked me not to dress, I probably would not dress. However, she never wants me to dress. If I had something that I wanted to go to and had plans, and then she asked me not to, I would be frustrated. Sometimes dressing is driven by sexual energies and aborting a plan would create similarly difficult to accept disappointment. But, I have never died from disappointment. She's worth it!

2) When I am dressed, I am normally not around my wife. When I am around her, I am normally wearing shorts and hose. I try to not make it offensive for her. If I am on the bed watching television, I will cover my legs, etc. An interested associated question is, "When you are dressed, how does your wife treat you differently?" My wife avoids hugging me where she can touch my hose waist band. She won't play footsie in bed while watching television, etc.

3) I love to dress, but I love my wife more. I would never want my dressing to damage our relationship.

4) I've never bought us matching panties, but I have thought it would be nice. I don't know if I am smart enough to put the feelings into words. It seems like it would be a secret, all-day long hug from her. It would be us doing something together akin to dancing. It would feel like love and acceptance. Perhaps it would feel naughty or kinky too. Perhaps it would be similar to whatever thrill a woman might get when she whispers to a man she is not wearing underwear.

5) I never consider myself a woman nor try to look like one. When I look in the mirror, I am looking for wrinkles, untucked garments, and whether I look bad. It is hard to find pretty clothes that fit me correctly because of my height.

6) I feel like a woman *should* never be jealous of me. I have been told by women that they were jealous of my legs. I have wondered how it makes overweight women feel when they see me in my outfits. I have skinny looking, man hips. My wife has occasionally commented on how she wishes she had my hips. I never want to make a woman feel bad about herself. It has worried me before that I might cause someone to say, "Even that man looks better than me." Again, I think an overweight woman is still prettier than me... but women don't always think like men, now do they.

7) Crossdressing seems to be inherently selfish. If he is not doing his part of the work, then he is being selfish. Yelling and nagging probably is not as motivating as asking. Perhaps asking, "I have a problem I need to have fixed. When you are dressed, you don't do work around the house. I need help getting this stuff done. Can I hire a hansome young man to help me out while you do your thing. (No wait, that's not what I should have typed.) How can we change things so that you can dress and everything still gets done with your help?" Engage his manly problem-solving side. That motivates a lot of men. Just venting frustrations to him might not trigger as useful of a response from him. Consider going to a marriage retreat with him. They address relationship frustrations at those things. This question says, "I have a communication problem in my marriage".

[Michelle Crossfire]

1. I don't dress regularly enough for this to be an issue. The only time this is even close to being a topic is going out. she still refuses to go out with me enfemme. Other than that, it is a non issue.

2. the same, she is my best friend

3. N/A

4. N/A

5. i think so, wife does not think so as much

6. I don't think GG's have anything to worry about with me

7. We work opposite schedules most of the time, so whoever does the necessary chores, does them. Certain things i do due to the nature of the chore (i.e. fixing things) and certain things she does because she is better at them than i am.

[StephanieDragg]

1 I am dressed in something feminine, or fully dressed every day, sometimes she just says "Really ? "
2 same but I act more feminine when fully dressed
3 been married 30 yrs for better or worse I love my family
4 no appeal to match with my wife, then I'd be in jeans and sweatshirts and tennis shoes and cotton panties
5 yes
6 while I am out I get a lot of nice comments from women, mostly comments regarding my outfits, heels, hair or my makeup, they are always very complimentary, I never felt any woman was jealous of me at all
7 I continue to do my manly chores around the house, work full time and have my own sm business, I keep the lawn cut, maintain the house and cars as needed, all that stuff gets done before I go out. I did take over the grocery shopping and whatever errands I can run also which I very much enjoy doing while dressed

[GingerLeigh]

1) I rarely dress. Only when my SO seems tolerant do I even bother.
2) I treat her the same. I don't want to push the envelope too much by behaving femme.
3) Not a DADT situation.
4) I look for things she'll like. That way it'll get more use.
5) I feel I look bad but feel good inside.
6) Threatened no. Not by me, never been outside the house.
7) I do everything I normally do including cleaning and cooking, general maintenance, cutting the lawn, car stuff. You know, the stereotypically guy things.

[Julia Red]

1) I dress regularly but only when she's at work, so she never meets Julia. She knows it, but never asks for me not to do it. If she did, I would need a good reason, otherwise I would be annoyed because it's not everyday I have the chance and I already respect her wish of no CDing when I'm with her. But if there was a good reason, I probably wouldn't mind.

2) I don't dress around my wife, but I treat my daughter the same when I'm dressed. I think she treats me better tough.

3) I stay because I love her, love my daughter and want to stay with them no matter what. Besides, I think that if she doesn't want a divorce that already shows she has some level of acceptance. Also, I have hopes that she one day understands it like I do and see I never mean any harm by doing it.

4) I like to emulate other women, so what better woman to emulate than my own wife? In my mind it shows I love the way she looks and want to look like that too.

5) Yes, definitely. And I think she keeps getting prettier as I'm learning to do a better makeup, getting better clothing etc.

6) My wife feels threatened about my feelings for Julia, but not about how I look when I'm dressed, as far as I know.

7) I share all chores with my wife. I really think it would be unfair letting her do all the work, because we both have jobs and need to be well rested. I don't agree with this black and white male/female role (if I did, I wouldn't be a crossdresser), so why would I put her in this situation just because she is a woman?

[Mistyjo]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day. I do dress regularly and my wife has asked me not to dress before and there always tomorrow

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

The same



3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

N/A

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

Yes when i am fully dressed and i look in the mirror i see Misty looking back


6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?


I don't think GG's fell threatened or jealous of how i look when fully dressed


7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?


Start asking him to do things for you when he is dressed ( ie. go get gas for the mower or go to the store and get some thing for dinner ect.) I do all the cooking and outside work we share doing laundry and house cleaning

[Krististeph]

1) She rarely asks, but if there is something going on and she want's to go out, I'm usually au fait with it.

2) I spend more leisure or quality time with her, as opposed to when we are housecleaning or doing repairs or work & school items from home. I'm almost always dressed when i do her fingers and toes.

3) If it were not for my wife, I would have transitioned most likely, so there is an element of regret, but that's life. No regrets mean no yearnings and no reaching beyond one's grasp. I dress more when she is not around- mostly because I am embarrased by a number of somewhat age inappropriate outfits i love to dress in for fun, as well as my other 'regular' girl stuff.

4) We only do it unisex-style, although i HAVE purchased a number of outfits similar to hers over the years.

5)

When you look in the mirror fully dressed, Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

Absolutely! Except for the beautiful part, and the woman thing too. The outfits look fair, (sz 14 is not svelte) and i'm a tad on the mesomorphic side. When I'm doing makeup with the lighted magnifying mirror- I think it is because of the close perspective- I actually like the image looking back at me. I think it is too big to get the whole effect at once, is why the up-close is more tolerable than the medium distance. Kind of quirky.


6) GGs never threatened by my feminine looks or charm, but perhaps my bravery that I can enjoy their realm despite the 'written invitation'.

7) Do tell him how you feel, but do not let it come across as anger or hurt (yet, at least). Explain you would hope to show him how it could be fun- a little housework in an outfit specifically for that- and then a reward of getting to change into something nicer when done. And it would also mimic the actions (medium tern) and manifestations of the classically perceived 'woman's world' so he could increase the breadth of his 'realistic female' feminine understanding.
Purchase the following as carrot:
a: French maid (or just plain maid) dress (decent quality- not cheap costume) include crinoline, heels/boots, gloves etc.
b: 50's era dress /shirt-dress. Purchase apron for it.

Or just dress him up cute or fetishistic, apply light to heavy-ish restraints and not let him loose or let him undress for a pre-agreed time. If you might get into that sort of thing or want to try it. :-)

-kristi

[SANDRA MICHELLE]

1) She never asked me to not dress, she's pretty cool so I do it as much as I want but I also know she would prefer me not to so I respect that as well.
2) I treat her the same, either way, she is my best friend.
3)Does not apply to us.
4)We have some matching clothes but only because we like some of the same things, she bought us matching nities several times, just in different colors.
5)In my mind's eye I see a beautiful young girl, in reality I see a man in a dress but that's OK for me.
6) Do I think GG's feel threatened? Hell no, you girls are the best and I only wish I could be more like you.
7) My wife say's I get all the fun and good things of being a woman and none of the bad stuff, she's right as always. I also have to do all the man stuff so we have a pretty good trade off. I did all the woman chores that she does when she was laid up with back problems, it was the worst 8 weeks of my life, didn't hardly ever dress because I had no energy left to do it, and yet I was doing the normal woman chores, go figure. Please don't judge, in our house we do the traditional husband / wife things that a family did 75 years ago, old fashioned I guess but that's why my wife says I get all the good and none of the bad.

[Samantha_Smile]

1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

Accept it. Try again another day.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?

I try to treat her the same, but she can be very guarded around me.


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

n/a

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

n/a - But I'm guessing that would appeal to those who see their wives as strong feminine influences.

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

Nope, but I try my best to get close to it.

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

Actually, despite your derisory wording on the issue, yeah, I do think that.
I think it's mostly down to the fact that GGs don't spend all of their time glammed up to the 9s where as TVs and CDs often will because they have limited time and want to look their best.

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

Have a rational discussion with him and put it to him that although he has a feminine side that he needs to express, he also has responsibilities that he needs to uphold.
So either mow the lawn en femme, or postpone dressing until it's done.
Easy.

[Allison Chaynes]

1. Annoyed, but it doesn't happen often, and when it does, I accept it and move on. I stick to the agreement we have, for the most part. I will wear women's clothing that can pass as masculine or androgynous at times.

2- the same, mostly. I do think I'm more willing to go the extra mile in bed though

3 n/a

4) I don't know, maybe it's a way of you accepting her for that part of who she is.

5) Not usually, but that's a self esteem thing I think.

6) Newbies mostly. I don't think anyone's threatened by me "looking better" as much as fear of losing her man.

7) I'd make him see a therapist to understand his impact on you by his actions. Clearly, he's just being selfish. I'm unemployed right now, and I do everything around the house. I expect the wife to occasionally help with a task or two maybe once a month. Our agreement has always been if one of us works, the other does most everything around the house. If we both do, we split it up accordingly. Neither of us has issues picking up the slack for the other if one of us is having a bad day, and it's been that way for the 12 years we've been married.

[MissTee]

1) Never been asked that, but have been asked, "Why aren't you dressed," or "When do I get to see Misty?" It's probably best to know that I dress around her but it's not like all the time. I also spend a significant amount of time in man mode. Knowing that, if I was dressed and she did ask I would be concerned at what's wrong.
2) The same
3) N/A
4) I don't do this often as we have different style tastes. When I do, it's because I find the item too cute not to share, but we usually do not wear them at the same time and be twins. I find that creepy, too.
5) Heck no. I don't spend a lot of time in front of the mirror checking myself out. I choose to dress and simply feel attractive. That's enough for me.
6) You're kidding, right?
7) Sorry, hon, but that's a cop out. Dressing hasn't made me sorry and lazy. I have accountabilities as a husband and I still choose to do all the guy stuff. I also help clean because I enjoy a tidy home, and I love to cook. I enjoy the experience of cooking and cleaning while dressed, but if I can't dress I still do the work. Sounds like he's using dressing as an excuse, which would in turn will have you come to resent dressing. I suggest you have a talk that focuses on responsibility and the need to jointly share in the work. Something along the lines of, "Look, I wouldn't care if you wanted to dress like a giraffe, but I need you to help out around here."

[AliyahS619]

1. Hasn't happened.
2. The same.
3. NA
4. I don't really see the appeal of matching either. Individuality is an important part of being a CD, so I'm not sure I understand wanting to match.
5. Yes! I definitely like the girl looking back at me!
6. I don't think they're jealous at all.
7. I feel more inclined to do certain chores when dressed. I would try to make him to do the more "girly" chores when dressed. Maybe, throw on a feminine apron or other "uniform" that's identified with both being a female and doing certain chores.

We once again have questions from our GGs.
We love all the input and we Thank You.
As always if a question does not apply just put n/a

Question
1)If you dress fairly regularly and your SO asks you not to dress that day how do you feel? Annoyed, angry, etc or just take it on the chin and think hey tomorrow is another day.

2)When you are dressed , do you treat your wife

a- the same
b- different and how?


3)Why do those of you who are unhappy with nonacceptance or DADT stay?

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes with your SO? My husband buys us matching panties and is always surprised to be reminded that I don't care to be "twins".

5)When you look in the mirror fully dressed,
Do you really see a beautiful woman looking back ?

6)Do you really think that GGs feel threatened and are jealous of how gorgeous you look, or is this the opinion of either newbies or a vocal few?

7) Both of us work and my chores were all the preparing all meals, home upkeep and laundry and husbands used to be car maintenance and lawn upkeep. Now that it is all girlie weekends everything is on me. Husbands version of a woman will not do cleaning and cooking so not an option. All I get is I am going to purge when I try to get him to look how unfair this is. Suggestions?

[LizGirl]

1) N/A
2) N/A
3) N/A
4) I find it a bit odd, to be honest – but no more so than couples who buy matching jackets or other more traditional clothing. Be your own person, regardless of your gender identity.
5) No, but I see someone who's putting the effort in, and can look at least reasonably cute when he puts his mind to it. That'll do me for now.
6) I'm pretty sure that they don't, and if they do, they really shouldn't.
7) If you're a man or a woman in a relationship, you should share the chores *all* of the time, regardless of whether one of you has a penchant for dressing as the opposite sex.

Just my 2¢

Liz x

[stacey.eyes]

1)How feel if asked NOT to dress? I accept it, because I value the times when I can and don't want to push past her comfort limits.

2)When dressed, how treat wife? I feel girly and happy and probably am a bit more agreeable, look for ways to reciprocate.

3)How respond to nonacceptance? N/A

4)What's the appeal of buying matching clothes? None whatsoever, we have different tastes and look good in different things.

5)What see in the mirror? Yes, a cute girl (maybe not "beautiful woman") looking back.

6)GGs feel threatened or jealous? No way, the farthest thing from my mind.

7)Division of labor by gender? I already do most of the cooking and still do all the "guy" things. Would do laundry, but she won't let me.