Mutual sharing sounds very good!Originally Posted by Skyeyes
But that's not the case OP is discussing, this is about OP only using SO's clothes.. and that could end in SO controlling when/if dressing happens.
Mutual sharing sounds very good!
But that's not the case OP is discussing, this is about OP only using SO's clothes.. and that could end in SO controlling when/if dressing happens.
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Our loved ones have very mixed reactions to the concept of sharing things. Some are really into it, to others it is anathema, and there are many views in between.
Mimi and I sometimes share each other's clothes and jewelery, but draw the line at underwear. We wear some of the same sizes but have different body types so our sharing is somewhat limited.
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
I'm torn two way on this. If it's a crutch for her to have enough initial control over the situation to give her time to process and become more comfortable with it moving forward it might be worth looking into. If that is the end state some of the warnings on control seem to gain more weight.
My wife has never been and likely never will be a big fan of it. There are a few things we share and some that were bought for that expressly. Our tastes are largely different and for the most part she is smaller than I am. The actual mechanics of just wearing hers would play a big part in how well that would work for me style aside. Is it free reign, are there specifics that would be off limits? Would you have to "ask" each time? Will she be comfortable with your wearing her things out assuming that you go out?
Perhaps the thing to do if you are interested is to box and store your things but not outright get rid of them while you sort out the specifics and come to an understanding you both can really live with.
Last edited by Jason+; 04-05-2014 at 04:48 PM. Reason: Question added.
"You are not an accident, nor are you malfunctioning. You are performing EXACTLY as coded." For many "Man in a Dress" is the worst atrocity commit-able; for me it's just reality. Click to Learn About Me. Click to Complain About Me! There is a fine line between brutal honesty and honest brutality. It is rarely in the same place for the sender and the receiver.
I had so much rather develop my own style
Jean Ann
We share whatever we can. Sometimes she buys a pair of shoes that are a touch too tight and she asks me to wear them a little to stretch them.
We share tops mostly as I wear a smaller skirt/slacks size, but we do also share stockings, bras, dresses at times and help each other with makeup.
Sharing is wonderful, but it's nice to have my own things that I don't have to ask to wear.
I don't wear women's clothes, I wear MY clothes !
My wife and I each have our own stuff. She'll occasionally borrow something of mine (with permission), and will hand me down things she no longer wears. Is it possible your SO is concerned about closet space? Or somebody wondering why there are two sets of women's clothes in your house? Or maybe she just doesn't care for your sense of style and is trying to find a diplomatic way to change it? If I were you, I would insist on having some of my own things, but say that you would welcome her opinion on what would look good on you. If she can be more specific about her concerns, hopefully the two of you can work together on a solution.
We share a lot of things. Tunics, skirts, sweaters and tops as well as some leggings and stockings. Then we drift apart on style. She doesn't like dresses and I do; I feel frill on some things is adorable and she feels it's goofy.. I like a bit of bling with my jeans; she prefers plain. Separate wardrobes have never really been an issue with us and we certainly don't mind sharing. BTW, I do 90% of the clothes shopping. Most of what she has I either bought on-line or coaxed her out to a good seasonal sale to shop in person.
As others have said, I would think your SO is looking to exert some influence on your dressing by her request. Not sure what influence that would be, but it does sound like she's erecting a boundary for some reason. Best thing to do is talk about it. I'd love to hear the response, too.
My wife and I are about the same size on the bottom and can share some skirts, shorts and Capri pants. Her legs are longer so sharing long pants are limited a little i.e. long pants she wears with flats I have to wear heels, pants she wears with heels are too long for me. We can share some dresses depending on the cut. I'm larger up top and typically take 1 size larger top so sharign tops is very limited. Shoes are a definite non starter.
I REALLY don't think that sharing her clothing or anything else is a good idea. Your personal taste in clothing and make0up may be totally opposed to her conception of what's good for her and not you and vice versa.
Molly
"To thine own self be true"
It is funny as it has taken my a couple days to think this over before I could reply.
This is my reply to the general question:
I did have a brief conversation with my gf about borrowing clothes. She was borrowing one of my fleece jackets (man's) because she had split coffee on hers and needed a light jacket to wear. I jokingly said "Yeah don't get use to borrowing my clothes". She then said "I am sure you would want to borrow my clothes." which I replied "Even if I could fit in them no I wouldn't. Those are yours. Now your shoes would be a totally different story." I went on to explain that the last thing I want to happen is I go to pick out an outfit but cant because she has borrowed something. She immediately got it and said "I never thought of that."
As to the OP's situation:
As others have mentioned this does not appear to be an altruistic gesture, this is more about her wanting control of the situation. I would not do it. I also would not consider moving in together. "She supports my dressing but is still far from comfortable with it." While that is positive it is far from positive for someone who is considering living together. Sure you might be able to make it work but you might not.
In answer to the OP's point, I agree too that this sounds like an attempt to gain some type of control over the dressing. If the SO doesn't give an explanation when asked, that suggests that either she doesn't know why herself, or that she does know and is ashamed of why. Talking sounds like the way forward to me in either case.
In general, I try to avoid treating my SO's stuff as my own, although she has made it clear that I should consider myself welcome to use much of it. This stems from past experience - borrowing the clothing of other females around me without their knowledge, dating from early puberty - this always felt like bad karma (but so irrestible in a world back then where I didn't dare possess my own female clothing for fear of... Well, fear mostly), but it took a long time to stop doing it - rather addictive behaviour. Tonight is something of an experiment - with her explicit permission, I'm currently wearing a pair of her leggings that I had rather fancied when she bought them. All very relaxed, but I still think I'll buy myself a similar pair rather than use hers again.
If you "accidentally" ripped or stretched a couple of her favorite garments, she might change her mind.
Hi Nicole, not sure if that's a reply to me or not...
If so, we're pretty similar sizes - in fact, I'm slightly smaller in most aspects. Not likely to stretch them. And too big in the feet to even think about wearing her shoes! Also highly respectful of her clothes, and unlikely to damage them - hence content of previous post.
But I suspect you were talking to someone else, and just happened to show up under my post?
We have our own stuff, but sometimes I'll buy something we both like, and she steals it. I usually stay out of her things since I'm larger and might stretch them. She likes to tell me if I buy something that fits her, it's hers.
Can't share with my wife, our sizes are too far apart. Would love to wear a pair of heels she has if I could fit into them though...
Tell her that she should get rid of her things and wear yours!.... most likely she's going to make you purge your stuff then forbid you to dress.... women always thing they can change men....
Personally I don't tough my wifes clothes... makeup... anything... besides the fact I'm smaller than she is... she has the worst taste in womens clothing! lol
My fiancee and I have different wardrobes, because we're mostly different sizes...but there are times she's insisted I wear something of hers, like a necklace or a hair clip. Also, recently, she borrowed one of my cardigans because it was a bit cold out. And, when she's donated some of her clothes in the past, she's let me look through the bags; I got a dress and some nice tops that way. And, when I got my ears pierced, I gave her all my old clip earrings (that weren't originally "converted" and that now I was converting back), because she doesn't have piercings herself.
- Amy
Amy Gale Ruth Bowersox (nee Tapie) - "Be who you are, and be it in style!"
Member, Board of Trustees, Gender Identity Center of Colorado
aka Amelia Storm - Ms. Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2018-2019, Miss Majestic Hearts of All Colorado 2015-2016
I've worn my wife's things from time to time in the past. She has worn mine also and confiscated a few things by having them altered to fit her. The bad part was that I wore one of her favorite dresses on a business trip years ago and ruined it. Dang she looked so cool in it and I quit wearing her clothes. Today there are some things that we wear of each others. More by mistake or convenience. We wear some of the same size tops and have some duplicates in them and a couple of jackets that match.
Katie, my reply was generally directed to the OP, but I agree with you that the insistence on wearing her clothes is a way to control (limit) his CDing. I've always been in the "get your own clothes" camp. Sharing hasn't been an issue with me since I was a teen, being the same size (shoes, too) as my older sister. My wife is rather petite - no way I could wear her clothes.
My suggestion about stretching/ripping was half serious, half tongue-in-cheek. I don't go for sabotage.
Maybe it's time they had a discussion - why he wants his own clothes and why she doesn't want him to.
p.s. I only refer to "him" for clarity when discussing couples. No disrespect intended.
mine is mine, hers is hers, since I m a lot larger than her. But she has worn a couple of lite weight sweaters of mine, and I didnt mind a bit!
Brittany - My wife and I would have no problems with sharing anything that fit. Though we often say we will borrow something of the others I don't know if we ever have. Oh I do occasionally borrow one of her belts.
But... I don't think your situation is really about borrowing each other's items. Her desire to have you only use her clothes is an indicator that there is a miscommunication between you two on what exactly cross dressing is for you. You are not talking about sharing each other's items, she is telling you to get rid of your stuff. Not a good start to a relationship IMO.
My wife wears quite a bit of my stuff over the last couple of years and I pretty much never get to wear any of it. Actually pretty dam bitter about it to tell the truth.
If you have your and she has her, then you have twice the clothes to share.
I know I'm coming at this from a different angle than most of you.
When I go out to an event, my wife is willing to open her closet and jewelry box to make me as pretty as possible. On the other end she has stolen/borrowed my things. (Hey Girl, I haven't seen that aqua skirt since it arrived in the mail!!!).
My wife is the exception, rather than the rule. If your partner isn't as accepting, I would think she would object to you using her stuff unless you had her permission first. If you get her 'buy in', even better. My wife *likes* me in pretty things.
- MM
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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My girl and I have strictly agreed to separate stuff!
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