Has this ever happened to others who go out dressed regularly?

[Suzanne F]

Isha
I think sharing about it takes the energy away from it. Obviously you don't need any advice form me, you will be out and about again soon. Of course I run into this infrequently. It can be unnerving. I try to take a deep breath. I remind myself those people cannot take away my joy of being out in the world as I always wanted to be! I was out for several hours yesterday and never felt any scorn. I need to be grateful for those times!
Hugs
Suzanne

[Lillyasia]

Isha,

I know that stare all too well. I get it in normal guy mode all the time. Sorry to hear you had to go through that.
There are all types of people out there and some just don't mix well. There are also a lot of mentally ill people out in the public. And then there are those tough guys out there who get off on picking on others who they percieve as weaker or smaller.

[Stephanie47]

Actually, you know where the guy stands, even though he made you feel uncomfortable. You should fear the people you don't know where they stand.

[Nikki Love]

Hello Isha,
Your note strikes a cord with me. I have never ventured out in public as a woman, and I am not sure if I ever want to do that. One of the reasons I slink away from public crossdressing is the very negative experience you describe. I enjoy dressing as a woman. The act of cd'ing at home gives me comfort for a multitude of reasons; but to go out in public strikes fear in my heart. I have analyzed this to some degree and I feel that if I could be 100% passible, I would go out often and enjoy the world as a female spirit. But I fear this is not my lot simply because I look and act too much like a man.
You seem to have the strength to say Fuk'em and move on. I don't have that temperament to do as I please and let the rest of the world suck on it.
As a male in public, I feel I have full control of most situations, and if I encounter an asshole, I can result to a number of tactics to deal with the situation. To imagine myself as a cd in similar situations I feel that my power has diminished, my options are limited, and I am vulnerable. These feelings give me fear, and now the pleasurable act of dressing like a woman gives me hives. I don't like hives.
I have thought about the options of going out in public in a group of like-minded people, and that may be okay, but also seems like hiding in the group to avoid direct contact. Then I hark back to safety, why go out in public for such a private matter. I am not sure where I personally stand on this topic, but I enjoy dissecting it. Thank you for your post. And hopefully for every scary encounter you have, a thousand wonderful encounters will follow.
Nikki

[Zylia]

I don't go out all that much basically because I'm not really interesting in involving the whole world in this little hobby of mine, but when I do go out, it's usually a string of panic attacks. I obviously do not have a skin as thick as you do

[trisha kobichenko]

hi, so sorry for your experience. I must say up front that you are much braver than I, who doesn't present as who I really am to the outside world...I still have a full beard, so even close to passing is not an option.

[trisha kobichenko]

Hi,
I read a lot of the responses to this thread. Some excellent advice as to how much weight should be ascribed to a situation like this...but can't help but think how serious this situation was given training you could apply to diffusing it if it had escalated. Maybe this jerk needed a lesson?

[KristyE]

Dear Isha,
I firmly believe in gut instinct. If you feel something is dangerous it is. You did the right thing. Please don't be disheartened, Knowing you through this forum is a pleasure and a honor. Keep up what and how you do for girls like me, hiding and scared.
Love KristyE

[Claire Cook]

Isha,


I honestly don't know what I'd do if that happened to me. It hasn't, so far. Maybe I've been lucky -- I get the usual stares, but eye contact and a smile usually suffices. I'm really sorry that a Yay-Hoo like that messed up your day -- at least you had the Ladies' room as a refuge. There are hateful bigots in this world, and I don't know what we can do about them. Maybe a big smile and an a wink???


So we look forward to hearing how that denim skirt fits -- I have two and I love them. And thanks again for all of your wonderful posts -- they really are an inspiration for us.

[anaissa]

Early on, when I was a much younger crossdresser, I did have a similar experience where I felt an older gentleman glaring at me in a most hateful way. It totally wrecked my confidence and ruined my evening. Although I didn't have an immediate panic or anxiety attack, I did get home and just started to shake from head to toe. Mind you, this was some years ago and there was a lot less open-mindedness back then. But I do remember having this realization that I might have been in some small danger. There are, after all, a lot of loose cannons out there. Fortunately, I outgrew my timidity and developed a fierce attitude whenever I was met with any hostility. Don't let a small-brained person get you down. You are gorgeous, hon.

[Marcelle]

Hi everyone,

Thanks very much for your kind comments and support. It was a bit of a let down and as I said in my thread I am more mad at myself than anything as I don't usually let this stuff get to me. Oh well I guess it is a learning experience. Still going to get my denim skirt though.

Hugs

Isha

[Raychel]

I never really get out like dressed, So of course I have never had the issue.
I am not sure what I would do in a situation like that, probably sit in the bathroom crying for a long time.
I don't know how I could go on.


But I would think that it would be mostly the older generation that is less accepting, Probably not much of a threat
and the will be pushing up daisies before long and then you can go out without the worry of death stares


The younger generation is much more accepting,


Just my thoughts, Which of course could be and probably are all wrong.

[mikiSJ]

I had my hair done and brows dyed last Wednesday (I was in Levis and a sweater and no one would think I was a girl!). My stylist is the sweetest and we both love to chat about me and where I am going. Having a full head of naturally platinum gray hair allows us to have fun. She spent a lot of time shaping and then did a blow out and it was really nice.

This is a very busy shop and at least 10 of the ciswomen who were there came over to say "WOW". I felt great!

As I was walking out the door, there was a guy, 30ish, scraggly hair and beard and he gave me that look of disgust that Isha saw. I simply walked as close as I could to him and politely said: 'Have a nice day!' You could see his ego immediately deflate and I got into my SUV and drove off knowing that my hair was 'FABULOUS'!

[Cheryl T]

I had a few of those looks when I first began going out. They were disheartening to say the least.
Now I realize that when that happens my best response is to just smile and continue on about my business. Let them stew in their awkward feelings, I'm happy being me and I'm not about to let them ruin that.

[Sophie Yang]

Hi Isha,

It has been awhile since I've been on. As usual you have another interesting thread. I have never had the hate filled look nor a panic attack that you described in your OP.

On one of my early adventures out I was going from San Francisco to the Oakland airport on BART to surprise my wife. BART is a high speed rail system that links the Bay Area together. When I got on, all the seats were taken and people were standing packed together. I don't remember if it was panic or surprise, but it felt like someone briefly rubbed their hand up my leg.

Another time while walking the streets of San Francisco, a mentally ill lady started ranting as I passed. I don't know if she was ranting about me or was just off in her own world and I happened to be passing through it at the time. I would not say it was panic, but an awareness that something was not right here.

For me anxiety creeps in when I potentially may run into someone I know who doesn't know or spot someone I know who doesn't know. With the snow finally melting, my basement apartment had water seeping in underneath the floor. The landlord dropped by and tore up the floor to dry the place out a couple of weeks ago. Last Tuesday I was getting ready to go out to the comedy club. I looked down at my phone and found a text message saying the contractor wanted to drop by that evening and drop off the flooring material in less than 30 minutes. That got my heart pounding. Nothing like a little extra pressure. I got dressed, put on my makeup, and was out the door in less than 30 minutes. Texted the landlord that I was out for the evening. Had dinner and drinks at the club. Fun times. Landlord has been in and out of my place on several occasions. Never had to explain a bathroom full of cosmetics and a closet full of clothes.

A couple of weeks ago, I was working on my computer at the local CO-OP. I packed up my computer and was heading off to use the restroom when I spotted a co-worker, he actually sits in the next cube, standing at one of the check-out stands next to the entrance to the bathrooms. Now he is a nice guy, but not one who I would feel comfortable knowing he knows. Now, again nothing like a little extra pressure. Decision time: Go to the restroom, wait until he leaves to use the restroom, go back and work, or leave the CO-OP. Well I had been there since about 7:00 AM and it was 2:00 PM'ish. I decided to go out the door opposite the restroom and take a walk. It was a nice day and ended up taking a nice walk after heading over to a local hotel and using their restroom. Actually heading off to the CO-OP after finishing this thread. Now I wonder if I will bump into him or anyone else I know there.

[alwayshave]

Isha, I have never gotten a hateful look from anyone for crossdressing that I know of. Though, I only go out at night to LGBT venues. However, my fiancee is black and we have gotten the worst looks, I mean just hateful, glaring I want you dead looks. We were once in a high end restaurant just outside Washington. This older couple starts glaring at us, I mean to the point where they were not in our line of sight but I could feel the glare on the back of my neck. I turn around and they are both looking at us with such disdain that I have never experienced in my life and when I made eye contact it got worse. At first it pissed me off, but my fiancee said just let it go, its their problem, not ours. She was right, it was their problem. How did our mere existence effect their life. I know that things like that still occur, but at this point, eight years later, I just let it go. I am extremely happy with her, love her and that's what I care about. To crossdressing you were out and happy expressing who you are, you weren't hurting anybody and that is what you should care about.

[Tracii G]

I have gotten those looks a few times but kept walking after the eye contact but kept an eye out to see if he followed me.
Seems once you are out of range they forget about you.
Sorry you had that experience Isha but you probably did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation.
There is always another day.

[Sarah Welch]

[QUOTE=sherri;3480670]I got a real stink eye once, from an older (but not elderly) woman while I was window shopping antique shops one afternoon. It was unnerving wondering if she was going to be confrontational, especially since her husband was with her, but I refused to be cowed. I just looked her right in the eye to show her I knew what was going on, then returned to what I was doing

LMAO...stink eye. I almost blew coffee outta my nose.

[MatildaJ.]

With homophobes it often turns out that the most vitriolic are secretly gay themselves. So maybe this jerk secretly wishes he could dress like you and hates that you're brave where he's too fearful.

[Laura Collette]

I just want to thank you brave ladies for going out to change the world step by step. Stay safe.

[Helen_Highwater]

Yes. the majority of the population does hate us or at least disapprove of us,

Although I only have limited opportunities to go out and I know if out in day light I will almost certainly get read, I feel in this day and age the majority of folks are almost ambivalent about seeing a man dressed. Yep I've had some hard, even hateful or disgusted looks but most if anything find it at worst an amusement in what for them might be otherwise a dull average day or are just nonplussed buy it. In just the same way as what are obviously 2 gay people walking down the street or sitting in a cafe goes almost totally unnoticed. People now, the majority, are generally accepting or tolerant.

There will always be those who will find reason to hate those that are different. We just need to be aware so as to stay safe.

[Debra Russell]

Blow'em a kiss and run like he!!...........................Debra

[mikiSJ]

Sophie, I have never been on Bart, but I always heard it was more polite that the NYC subway system. There you can get dry humped and nobody will care, even if you do!

As for the lady in SF; we have all been accosted by someone (M, F or TG) who is a bit off. I am mostly sure it wasn't you she was upset about and be glad all she did was make noise.

[shawnsheila]

I think we are cut from the same cloth, because I slowly progressed to going out, similar to you. Now I go out and try to inter act with as many people as possible though I still feel odd approaching a male store clerk. I have been very lucky not to get those hate filled stares, and I think I would have a similar reaction you did if so. We just have to watch ourselves from some of these ignorant/hate filled people and stay safe. Never stop dressing because some dummy thought he needed to ruin someone's day. The best way to combat those hate fille folks is to give them a pleasant smile back... kill hate with kindness

[kimdl93]

Nothing remotely like that has happened to me...yet. I suppose it's inevitable though.