Noticeable?

[RylieCD]

I had a similiar conversation with my therapist last week. For most (non-CD) clothes are jus clothes, something that must be put on to not expose oneself or to keep warm. The choice of clothing comes from societal expectations. For me wearing women's clothes is so much more, it is a statement to myself to say it is ok to be me. That being said, I do not want to be noticed, I try to underdress and wear a LARGE shit to cover up. But the fact I have on MY clothes on underneath brings a sense of serenity, calmness, comfort, that is to hard to explain.

[reb.femme]

............and wear a LARGE shit to cover up...............

I'm hoping this is a typo!

Going with the main flow, I want to just be seen as part of the crowd and no more. Female presentation is all I seek, although I have shocked once. Just surprised the guy I guess.


Rebecca

[sandra-leigh]

What's the point of dressing to "blend in" as a guy? You are going to get noticed as a guy anyhow, so why not dress snappy or oddly or flashy?

When I used to dress as a guy, unless there was a special occasion, I wanted to (A) dress for the weather; (B) be sure my naughty parts were covered up; (C) not look threatening; (D) "fit in" socio-economically to look like I belong; (E) be a little individualistic; (F) be reassuring enough for polite interactions; (G) be perceived as "open" enough for people to be willing to talk to. Basically, to be an "nice enough" person free to live my life without interference.

Now that I dress as the woman I am, my goals are pretty much the same, but with the addition of (H) being gendered as female more often; and (I) preferring that people and children don't point and stare and make rude remarks, having noticed me as being "out of place" and "unacceptable". The overall goal is still the same to be a "nice enough" person free to live my (female) live without interference.

Human perception goes through multiple stages. There are basic perceptual neurons that detect various kinds of shape and motion and do velocity sensing and basic trajectory deduction. There is a layer of neurons located quite near the optic nerve that does basic threat assessment, and only things that are judged as potential risks get passed along for a more thorough assessment. Which might involve automatic focusing and eye tracking while the brain does an unconscious profile ("is this branch going to clear my head?" "Is this a potential mate?"). Only what is passed on from there gets "thought about". Did you even notice what kind of shoes the people had on in the supermarket yesterday? Probably not, or at least not for many people.

When you thoroughly blend in, the lower level neurons filter you out (if you aren't on a collision course, etc.) You're just a person sitting / standing / walking on the other side of the road, minding your own business. The next level up is that eyes turn and scan you but the profile built up is one that is deemed to not be worth interrupting true thought. You can walk along the sidewalk and think about what you are going to order for lunch, "lost in thought" until (for example) a car starts driving into your path and you need to engage your conscious avoidance and planning.

In my life, I have reached the point where even though people are pretty likely to automatically gender my face as male, that even though I am a 6' 210 pounds person in a dress or skirt, that most often people don't even get to the "focused eyes" stage for me: I blend well enough to "pass" the low-level peripheral vision threat checks. Just like I did as a male.

When you are trans, to know that the majority of people literally do not notice anything "wrong" about you, to know you are "unremarkable", is really pretty powerful stuff. It is acceptance. Can you live your life as female? For me, in the broad strokes the answer is "Yes!". To be "just another woman" is a fundamental kind of transsexuality, not done for attention or for sex but just because you are female.

[Wildaboutheels]

It seems to me that "dressing to blend" is the Human equivalent of schooling fish.

"Safety" - whether the "danger" is real or not. It's a Human thing, nicely illustrated in almost every episode of NGC's Brain Games.

They were even astute enough to feature a few CDers in one episode...

[Tina_gm]

I think I get part of what Kate is saying here. Especially when there are threads and posts made where people will state they wore such and such and it was good that it went unnoticed. So what is the point of wearing women's clothing but done in a way where no one knew they were wearing women's clothing?? Likely it is an internal thing of comfort, but yet the person wearing clothing in stealth does not want to be noticed. I can get that. Why do we wear women's panties or other undergarments? No one notices that at all.... I can get why someone would wear women's clothing in stealth, for their own internal feelings. I do not dress in any stealth mode personally, but I can see why people do.

[Kate Simmons]

Good observation GM. Kind of what I was originally looking for.

[Deedee Skyblue]

Must be some kind of self satisfaction saying "I pulled it off" or "If they only knew".

See my signature. Yes, there is definitely a thrill in secretly getting away with something that is forbidden. It's probably left over from when I was a kid and NEVER got away with anything.

Deedee

[Anna H]

I can get why someone would wear women's clothing in stealth, for their own internal feelings. I do not dress in any stealth mode personally, but I can see why people do.

I just mentioned this same thing in another post...

I couldn't explain it in a million years why I feel so odd in mens
clothes. Totally out of place and character.

I dress only in women's clothes, but nobody could/would guess
that unless they inspected the labels in my clothes...(or swiped my
jeans!)

I'm a regular guy to them. Really regular...nothing out of the
ordinary. But I feel so much better and happier and "myself".

And of course that makes absolutely No sense at all. Clothes are clothes.
Until I wear something I don't like.

Try putting on one of those goofy-assed hats they have to wear
at some fast-food restaurants. Then walk around in public. It's just a hat,
but it may feel really weird. lol!

[julia marie]

I'll agree with everyone who says dressing to blend means that you don't want to stand out or draw attention to yourself by dressing what would be considered age/location/time of day or otherwise inappropriate by those around you. (No hard rules for that, but it's a judgment call). I will add that when I'm getting dressed to go out (usually day or early evening rather than party time), I usually wear what I think I would wear if I was a GG. That makes it easier for me.

[KimberlyJean]

I want to look like the other girls, thats what started this whole strange trip. I don't care to be noticed but it happens. Sometimes because they realize I am a man, sometimes because I am a 6' 1" amazonian blonde. I have experienced good and bad attention and I prefer just cruising without any at all. When I go out my goal is to just be one of the girls.

[Sophie Yang]

Samantha – is to blend simply not to be read
Jenniferathome - There is "noticed good" and "noticed bad.
Sarahsometimes: The last thing I need is some guy misreading me and getting upset.

Fundamentally, I think that most of us try to blend to not be read and just simply go about our business as Samantha said in her post. Those who are new to venturing out are usually very nervous and do not want to attract unnecessary bad attention to themselves as Jennifer posted. Some who venture out are uncomfortable engaging the public and others are not. Most of us do not want to be hit on by a guy as Sarah posted.

Last night I was out in a yellow V-neck top with a camisole underneath, jeans, tennis shoes and very light makeup at the mall. Most women there were similarly dressed or better dressed than I. I had a cup of decaf coffee and my lap top trying to find a wireless connection and a plug. I found multiple plugs but was not successful in getting a wireless connection.

I was packing up and heading back to Starbucks when an older Arab gentleman stopped by and started talking with me and eventually hitting on me and requesting my phone number, blah blah blah. I eventually took his number while on my computer, (did not pull out my phone), but told him I would not be calling. I did not feel threatened or uncomfortable, but not a conversation I really wanted to get into. I really had to get some work done.

Worked at Starbucks for about 1.5 hours and the started packing up. He comes strolling in and now wants to buy me a drink which I declined. He wanted to make sure I had his number so he asked the SA for a piece of paper. Not sure what she was thinking about the conversation happening in front of her. We chit chatted some more and he ordered an espresso with honey. (Never understand how people can drink coffee at night and can sleep.)

Left Starbucks while his drink was being made and took the skyway which connects to a hotel and stopped off at the restroom. When I came out he was in the skyway heading to his apartment. We talked some more and now he wants to have dinner, (declined), and for me to call him that night. Again, I assured him that I would not be calling. He guessed I was 35, told him 56. Turns out he is 55 and a little out of shape. How about visit him in Dubai? Really! Told him I was flying home on Thursday. That took the wind out of his sails. I never felt uncomfortable or threatened. Since I was done working, I enjoyed the banter.

For those who just want to blend in, most are afraid of having an encounter like I had.

[Kate Simmons]

What an interesting experience Sophie.I thought you handled it well. I can pretty much hold my own en femme, so would have taken it in stride as well. He would definitely know up front who I was though. If he wanted to continue chatting, etc. after that the more the merrier. Sometimes we just have to push the envelope the way I look at it. I may have an added advantage in that I'm empathic and can read a person and their true intentions right off the bat.

[kimdl93]

Not my perspective. I certainly don't go out the door hoping to be read nor am I delusional enough to hope that I'll pass. I'm happy, very happy to go about my life with a minimum of notice.