Maybe I misspoke Moose. Maybe what I should have said was, is there anything that parents do that can make a child a cross dresser or anything that a parent can do that would without a doubt prevent a child from cross dressing? I don't think so. If a child is going to be a cross dresser, they will be.Originally Posted by mechamoose
Does that work?
Follow your wife's instincts on this. She's right.
Many of us here did not play dress-up as children, yet we've become active crossdressers later in life. There is no firm connection between the two.
And, so what if your son or daughter turn out to be crossdressers? There's nothing at all wrong with that!
Eryn
"These girls have the most beautiful dresses. And so do I! How about that!" [Kaylee, in Firefly] [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
"What do you care what other people think?" [Arlene Feynman, to her husband Richard]
"She's taller than all the women in my family, combined!" [Howard, in The Big Bang Theory]
"Tall, tall girl. The woman could hunt geese with a rake!" [Mary Cooper, in The Big Bang Theory]
That makes much more sense, hon.
What you *can* do is make them feel like they have to hide who they are, or support them allow them to be themselves. I'm sure that I don't have to preach to THIS crowd about THAT.
<3
- Madame Moose - on my way to Anne
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"I yam what I yam and tha's all what I yam." -- Popeye the Sailor
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am 'I'? And if not now, when?" - Hillel the Elder
Hi Millie,
My thoughts .. you can't make someone want to crossdress. Kids play, use their imagination, they have fun and then grow up too quickly. Our photo's of our kids and our friends kids are littered with them dressing up in all sorts of things, dresses included. I don't think it matters. In fact I'd say it's much more important to allow kids to express themselves than repress them, repression will do much more damage. Go with your wife on this.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing
and rightdoing there is a field.
I'll meet you there.” - Rumi.
Millie,
I like your wife's reasoning, I think she understands more than you realise.
If your son decides to take up cross-dressing he wont have the same struggles that you had, he will have accepting parents who can support him and guide him on his way.
Would you have struggled with accepting parents?
Think about it.
Children grow up with all sorts of abnormalities in life, cross-dressing is just one of them.
Work on your elegance,
and beauty will follow.
Millie ...
I'm not a parent... but I do respect those who are and want to do the best for their children. And that means asking advise on sensitive topics. Thanks for coming here.
For myself... I feel strongly that a child should be allowed play dress-up if they choose. I feel it's a part of their developing imagination and role play which is very healthy and normal. As a parent you set limits of when to play, which clothes are play clothes and where you play. Beyond that it's up to the child / children to let their imaginations play characters they might create or imitate from people in their lives to characters in movies or on television. I think this is far healthier than too much television or computer games. Some used clothes from good will, a few props and you have an adventure in the making.
You do not create a CD by these activities. In fact I don't remember getting to play dress up as a kid, and I did want to. I was told boys don't wear girls clothes. And yet I did cross-dress in secret and was unable to quit for over fifty years. Now I accept that this is a part of myself and embrace it. It's a part of my self identity and how I need to express myself.
I do believe that repressing a part of myself had unknown consequences to my life. In time I may understand what these issues are. But it also saved me from some of the regressive treatments of the times.
Those were my times when I was a kid. No wonder I mistrust doctors. So keeping the secret and repressing my desire was in my best interests. Thankfully the times have changed for the better. So I wish for a better life for all persons who are gender non-conforming.
Today I just try to make the best of my life, share my knowledge and my experience, and enjoy this gift as I plead for tolerance and respect for every person.
Don't suppress who you are inside your heart. Let the world know how special you really are. Don't forget to smileas you share. It will come through in your beautiful words.
Your Sister/Brother,
Debbie/Steve
Waaayyy back in the 1950s when I grew up in a *ahem* less than affluent family and neighborhood, my most wonderful toy was my imagination and that of my friends. A stick became a king's scepter or a magician's wand. The pond in a nearby field became an ocean for our tin can boats. After a heavy rain, the runoff would form rivlits in the dirt. Those became rivers where we built dams, and created lakes. We learned a bit about ourselves, a bit about others, and maybe a little appreciation of the challenges others face. In all the fun and adventures we had, it was only role play. I never had a desire to be a civil engineer, I never wanted to be on an ocean going boat, become a magician, and never have been a king. Had we played with girls clothes, I suppose someone could point at me and say "Look at him. See that. That's what happens to boys that play with dresses. They become ocean going civil engineers who practice magic for kings while acting like women." But they would be wrong.
Best wishes
MsVal
I liked to dress up when I was a child and I continue to need to do that. Who could have predicted it.
Millie, hopefully your wife's non correctional approach to your children's swapping of clothes will lead to her greater understanding & acceptance of your cding. Millie , your cding is not going away... You will be a cd for life. Peace, mel
I do believe we are genetically coded to be CD or not, and kids playing dress up is not related to being a future CD.
With that said, for me I remember my first experience dressing as a woman was on Halloween, when I was around 11.
Encouraged by my mother, I dressed up as wonder-woman. Once I had those long black go-go boots on and felt the feminine
power pulsate through me, I was never the same.
You sound a bit hypocritical on both sides. Your wife doesn't want you to do it but is ok with the kids " playing" Whereas, you are a cd but don't want to let the kids play and explore their own identities. Maybe you and your wife should explore the motives a tad...
You are going to be told over and over and over again that you are doomed to fail - you have no choice, no chance, no hope, of stopping crossdressing. The people who are telling you this are not planning to stop. The people who stopped are not here to tell you different. Everyone is different, and I think if you try to make a single rule that includes everyone, you are fooling yourself.
I agree, though, that there is a big difference between a child playing dress-up and an adult 'playing' dress up. If your son starts asking to dress full time, your wife might feel differently. Or maybe that will make her feel more tolerant of you.
Good luck!
Deedee
It's not wrong... but it is forbidden!
I completely agree with this! Don't provide the net to catch them, as they will never learn. As a parent, you can heal the fall and help get them back up again.QI'm willing to let my kids fail. (My wife still struggles with this idea) You learn more from your failures than your successes. If I saved my kids every time they were going to crash into the rocks, then what did they learn? If/when they crash will I scoop them up off those rocks and tend their wounds? Absolutely!
It isn't about how many times you fall down, it's about how many times you get UP.
Sorry, I just saw this and had to respond to it as a parent.
Last edited by Tina_gm; 04-10-2014 at 07:09 PM.
Chickens should be allowed to cross the road without having their motives questioned
All I can say is WOW! I didn't think my first ever post to a forum would generate such a number of responses. Thank you for all the input, it has given me something to chew on for a while. I have no idea how to respond to quotes like some of you do and there are definitely too many comments to respond to at the moment. I just want to clarify a couple of things and chew on your ladies responses for a bit more.
1. My thoughts have been internal, I have not stopped my kids from playing dress up. I may occasionally cringe on the inside, but mostly I just enjoy their innocence and cuteness as they play. They are very close and I am very happy they have the relationship they have.
2. I have yielded to my wife here, I see her point. I just find the internal discussion I have ironic and was just wondering if others had the same thoughts.
3. As a parent I take a vary fatherly view with my children. I don't try to be a helicopter parent, but I do keep my eye on them. One of my jobs is to let them learn on their own through self discovery. I am near by in case they get in over their heads, but I also will let them fail (safely) and learn from their own mistakes. I have no idea where they are going to end up, but I will enjoy watching where they go.
I will follow up some more later after I have had time to digest everything. I just didn't want to appear to have abandoned the thread that I started.
Thank you,
Millie
I would have no problem with any children of mine playing dressup regardless of the gender of the clothes. And if it turned out to be more than dressup fun, if a child of mine turned out to be transgender (which, as far as anyone can tell, would have been determined before birth), I would do my best to help them find the right path for them. That's the only valid answer, if you ask me.
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