A fox in the henhouse

[Katey888]

Hey MM - I suspect all of us feel isolated form time to time... It may not be anything to do with the forum - some of it may just be the nature of people?

You say that you feel the default here is "to transition or pass.." - I don't see that as a default, but I can understand how that might come across in the way folk post and the subject matters we have here - I think I understand what you're getting at, and yes, it may mean you're in one minority here, but the fact is we are a very fragmented community in what passes for our patterns of behaviour and core needs. What underlies your frustration at not seeing more interaction from DiDs (if I may be permitted) is probably partly to do with the way DiDs present, and from your perspective, you may also be in another minority as pansexual - each time we add one of our own individual elements of uniqueness, the group we could directly associate with becomes naturally smaller.

But it shouldn't mean you're excluded from having relevant opinions, views, perspectives on CD as a whole - goodness, we're such a minority in the global population we need every fragment we can muster! Probably the majority here - if there is one - falls into Wild's observation (Wild'll love me saying this I'm sure...) - it's mainly about clothes and closely related to the sexual fantasies we may have had earlier in our CD development. Some of us move forward from that, for all sorts of reasons, but that low-level (my definition, nor meant as a pejorative) CD is not heavily discussed here because, frankly, there's not much to discuss! Moving on from that (rapidly), for me the next broad level of development is the closeted CDs, somewhat like myself - this is where you get more interaction, simply because the nature of what is practiced becomes more visual, more interactive - and it's easy to be closeted and still talk about this. I could go on but probably shouldn't...

Bottom line: You may be in a minority that isn't vocal for lots of good reasons, but that shouldn't stop you posting here, raising your discussion points, sharing what you can share and providing a point of education for those of us who want to understand you and others and everyone, but haven't had the exposure to your perspective. Personally, I feel that having found this place, I sort of have a responsibility to stay here and keep spouting, because we are such a fragmented minority and we need all the diverse support from this broad community we can get.

Hugs and kisses MM - you may not be my type, but you are my friend..

Katey x

[Vikky]

Hi Mechamoose

You ARE in good company here, as many of us have no plans to transition and only dress en femme when we can.

“Am I so much in a minority”

O don't think so. I am certainly a guy and like doing guy stuff with my mates and pals, but also crave femme time in the privacy of my own home. I also need to fit in with the feelings of my SO. It sounds as if you can dress up every day - I wish I could.

The outside world can be cruel and hard, but here there is support, ideas, experience and much more.

I hope this helps.

Vikky

[Zylia]

You want to do the whole "I'm different than everyone else" shtick? Well, stand in line buddy There are lots of stories on this forum. If you're looking for girls here who actually are girls and just want to correct the mistake mother nature made, you're going to find them. If you're looking for the girls with their heads firmly stuck in fantasy land, you're going to find them. If you're looking for guys who just enjoy being 'pretty' every once in a while or dress up for whatever tactile sensation they experience, you're going to find them as well. There are a lot of actual gender issue threads as well as fantasy and indulgence threads, but that's what this forum is for.

Sure, I 'dress to pass' (whatever that means), but don't mistake my visual presentation on this forum for my actual identity. I am a guy first and foremost. Passing or trying to pass has little to do with transition.

[mechamoose]

I'm not trying to say I'm unique, I'm just saying that the way I am doesn't seem to line up with very many of you. There are many different types of CDers, and no two of us are going to be alike.

I appreciate the feedback that you have given (especially those who don't normally post)

[natcrys]

I'm a guy.. into martial arts.. snowboarding.. football. I also have a feminine side.. which I express in a different way than you, Mecha,.. but in the grand scheme of things, I don't think we're so different.

And as I've stated in another thread, I hugely support anyone's way to express themselves. Do I understand why some want to just wear a skirt, but keep all the body hair? No! Do I fundamentally understand why I do what I do? No!

You want understanding in the literal sense, but I don't think that's really possible.. even from CD's with your specific way of dressing (which I also think is the majority actually). They will recognise and have similar feelings though.. and perhaps it would be good thing if they let themselves be heard and seen.

What I have found is that this forum provides support, encouragement, constructive criticism (if asked) and a few laughs.

Passing or trying to pass has little to do with transition.

I got nothing to add to this.

[tfguy]

Tinkerbell GG,

Thanks for your response.

[Marcelle]

Hi MM,

Not sure why you feel you are alone as when I look at a lot of threads it is just about dressing for many. I live 80% of my time male with Isha taking up the remaining 20%. Do I try to blend when I go out? Yes. However I never loose sight of the fact that I am a guy, a dude, a bloke, a man. I love being a guy as much as I love being Isha (note I said Isha and not a woman) . . . Isha just happens to like girl clothes and make-up.

Hugs

Isha

[Claire Cook]

MM (now THOSE are initials to envy!),


As others have said, we are all individuals and probably no two us have exactly the same feelings about gender -- unless we are truly TS and identify fully as female. We CD'ers are indeed a rainbow spectrum. That said, we should appreciate others' points of view -- and the fact that each of us have our own comfort zones. And we should be non-judgmental about that.


For myself, I would like to spend as much time as I can looking and acting (and maybe being accepted) as a woman -- but remain a happily married, monogamous heterosexual male. I have no intention of transitioning.


PS -- one of my GG friends gave me a MM bra!

[Zylia]

I'm not trying to say I'm unique, I'm just saying that the way I am doesn't seem to line up with very many of you. There are many different types of CDers, and no two of us are going to be alike.

Fair enough. You asked "Isn't this place about validation and exploring how we see our identities?".
This forum is EXACTLY this place. I have found no community on the internet that validates every kind of cross-gender expression (albeit not by every individual member, but that's what individuals are for) like this forum. There have been many great discussions here about cross-dressing/transgenderism and I guess that this thread is another one that shows how diverse we really are. If you're not able to 'explore' here, I really don't know where else you could go.

You also talked about the "default aim to transition or pass" and I expressed that these two things have little to do with each other. More to your point, you're right, the gallery and a lot of threads are "pass-centric", your type of cross-dressing (or at least visual expression of it) doesn't get as much attention. You're likely to find more acceptance for 'mixing' gender expressions here than in society at large, but not necessarily more appreciation. We're products of the gender binary as much as cis-folks and a lot of us hold ourselves and others to the same visual standards of that binary. This is not an excuse, it's fair criticism, often expressed and very hard to fix. See the recent thread about "men in skirts" for example. However, one of the 'tenets' of cross-dressing is the separation of identity and expression, so while a majority may express themselves differently than you do, we actually may have more in common than you think internally. Maybe it's time for another thread about that?

[Candice Mae]

Theres a big difference from being a regular cd to being a ts, occasionally wearing woman's clothing is one thing identifying and living as a woman is different ball game. There are a lot of regular CDs on here but very few of the actually are ts, and everyone is different no one has to fit a specific label. Use a label to describe yourself, but never use a label to define yourself.

[Annaliese]

Why should you be here, friendship, knowledge, to learn from us, for us to learn from you, where else would you go that is accepting, are we sometime self rightest, opinionated, yes. We will also defend your right to do the same. NO matter when you are on the CD TS spectrum you are one of us. So post, read, get to know us.

[MsVal]

Wow! Thirty six posts over night. You really touched a nerve Mechamoose.

It seems that your point is that you feel like an outlier in this group of outliers. I'm not going to attempt to invalidate your personal feeings, I have too much respect for you to do that. Instead, I'm going to agree with what I believe you are saying: the population of crossdressers that wish to present as masculine at all times but enjoy feminine clothing appears to be under represented. Put simply and crudely, there aren't very many posts by men in skirts.

You are a skillful writer, Mechamoose, and a great observer of the human condition. I look forward to seeing more of your posts, some of which I hope will promote your position in as thought provoking a way as this post has done.

Best wishes
MsVal

[Laura Collette]

Besides being a sexual thrill for me (and that has waned considerably over the years) I haven't really analyzed my crossdressing urges with anyone. Discussions like this one are really helpful but I see nobody here who sounds exactly like me so I'll add my thoughts such as they are. I would never want to transition; I am male and wouldn't give up my born gender. At the same time I've never fit into what I see as the male mold: I don't care for sports, when forced to play sports in school I wasn't aggressive enough to compete, I get bored in guys' conversations about cars, football, etc. I always felt timid around other boys and used humor to carry me through the rough spots growing up. Excuse me for buying into a cliche but I felt that girls and women were more like me in this regard, and could be accepted for who they were rather than what they did. I discovered that I made a pretty attractive looking girl when dressed up, and it was a great relief to me to set down that burden of male expectations even in private, just to be myself for a while without guilt for my "shortcomings" of courage, aggression and being the odd man out. Since then I've learned that growing up female is no bed of roses either, that schoolgirls are just as cruel to one another as the boys if not more so, that many women feel that their gender traps them into roles they resent. Some hit the "glass ceiling", others achieve in the male world by being tougher than the guys. Regardless of what I've learned as an adult, though, dressing up as a girl continues to give me a feeling of self acceptance that I find very comforting. Go figure.

[shawnsheila]

I see where you are coming from MM,
I am a "rough and tumble boy" I teach martial arts, play sports, compete in tournaments etc. all of which I love, but I also love looking and feeling like a woman... I too feel like I have an inner feminine self... Over the years I have progressed to the point where I would like to be dressed more often then not, but I still love doing "guy thing" and I also want to walk around the beach with my shirt off (as a guy) I'm still working out where I fall on the spectrum too, sometime I want to dress full time and sometimes no

[Confucius]

Everyone here has their own life experiences and are coping with cross-dressing in they best manner they know. This creates a wide array of cross-dressing, a spectrum. And I find that beautiful. The acceptance we have for one another is our finest virtue.

Personally I refuse to adopt a feminine name. I am NOT a girl. I am a man who happens to like dresses. As far as I can tell I have been this way all of my life. Feminine clothing just feels so wonderful. However I never forget that its good to be a man. There are so many good things about being a man. I love being a husband and a father.

[carhill2mn]

I think that one of the important things that one learns here is that there is a huge diversity of people here. There is no need to worry about whether or not you
"belong". Your feelings will tell you whether or not this forum is good for you.

The more different people and ideas you are exposed to, the more educated you become. Usually, this means that you have a better understanding of people who
are not just like you (no one really is).

[Wildaboutheels]

Well, you are clearly a Misfit, at least to the ones here who think "go all out or go home" is the only way to do it right. So what.

Before you got here. > http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...-MisFits/page2

Would you feel better if you had your own acronym?

Quite a few folks chose to add to this thread. And had some very creative ideas. VVV

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...rrect.../page2

And some as always, got their panties in a wad.

[Nadine Spirit]

I tend to not visit other sections of this very broad board, why? I feel as though I fit in just fine here. Sure I ruffle feathers on occasion; which is no different than IRL for me. But such is life. Point being, I work damn hard to pass, and I am constantly refining my look, but if you are not interested in such, enjoy your variation and don't think I look down upon you. And I have absolutely no interest in transitioning. I consider myself to be fairly smack dab in the middle of the spectrum and am quite happy there.

I did have the errant thought initially that I would find others who were exactly like me. Pshaw, that is like finding two identical snowflakes. I am happy now understanding that we are all snowflakes in the same storm.

We are all different but no better or worse than any other.

[reb.femme]

I'm absolutely keeping my naturally attached medallion, no thoughts on transitioning, except into a millionaire (UK Pounds) should I win the lottery.

The vast majority of the time I am a male, I always have been and always will be. I have an element of TG and would love to be able to go out dressed and pass but 40 or so years of testosterone have made that an impossible dream. He ho, that's life and I'll take it like that. I can't be overly deep about all this, my mind just doesn't function that way. I like to keep it simple and I have very few worries in life to be honest.

Ultimately Mechamoose, you are an individual and only a clone will be exactly the same as you. Vive la différence!

Rebecca

Edit: I've definitely had the Os part of my life and still do occasionally.....must be old age

[Sallee]

Hi Moose I thinnk you are wrong certainly not every one wants to be a girl at least not all the time. I do like being a girl sometimes or at least I like getting dressed like a girl. but life is way to complex for me to want to make it more so by changing genders.
I to like to get sweaty I ride mtn bikes a lot use to race them. Girls can do that too. In fact girls can do about anything a guy can if they want. I think you are putting to much thought into this wanting to be a girl thng just have fun wearing the cloths you want to wear and don't sweat the rest. Leave the rest for a sweaty muddy mtn bike ride

[JamieG]

Hi MM,

I think part of the problem is you are conflating the goals of to transition and to pass. One can strive for passing on occasion without wanting to be a full-time girl. I dress much less frequently than you do, maybe a few times a month. If I'm at home, I might just throw on a skirt and some tights and that will be the end of it. But if I'm dressing up to go out, then I want to present as femme as possible. This is in part to avoid drawing too much attention to myself, but also to be a good representative of our kind to people who may be meeting their first "out" crossdresser. Likewise, if I'm taking pics to share here, I post pics where I think I've outdone myself. I take pride in learning new skills to improve the illusion, and like to share the results with a community of souls who get it.

By the way, I think of myself as bi-gendered. I like "guy" things like football, beer, camping, and white-water rafting. But I like "girly" things too. In the last few years, I've been trying to integrate my two sides more, for example, by taking ballet classes in male mode. Thus I try to "pass" occasionally," but I certainly have no plans to transition.

You'll find the full gamut in this forum, but keep in mind that those people who are not thinking femme 24 hours a day are likewise not here 24 hours a day, so they may post less frequently.

Jamie

[PaulaQ]

Hi Mdm. Moose - I think you are either in rather good company, or are somewhat of a rare creature here. If you are strongly male identified, but switch between male and female clothing / behavior / presentation you are in really good company, there are tons of folks here just like that.

But I think you are identified somewhere between male and female, with some parts strongly feminine, some parts still masculine, more or less at the same time, right? That's a much more gender queer type of identity, I'd think - although I'd be reticent to label you. It really comes down to what you say you are.

I think some of the more vocal posters here, and certainly the ones who post the most photos, tend to worry a lot about passing. Obviously, the TS folks worry about this too. (Passing is *really* important to most TSs.)

I think the most likely explanation for the heavier post / photo count from the CDs who really work hard on passing is that a certain amount of, for want of a better word, exhibitionism, seems to be a part of the CDing for many here. They want to be seen - at least by other CDs, if not actually out and about in the world. Hey, for most of us, achieving anything approaching passability is a TON of work, and people are proud of their efforts if nothing else.

Now some others may be intimidated about posting their photos for a number of reasons:
1. They aren't out and are afraid of being outed inadvertantly
2. They may be self-conscious, feeling only highly passable folks "look good". (I disagree with that btw. I have no problem with gender queer or androgynous presentations - even "bearded dude in a dress".)
3. They may not care to show anyone else - they just don't need that type of feedback.
4. Fear that they'll be criticized by CDs who think "c'mon - put some more effort into your presentation!" (This may happen from time to time too.)

Most of the folks on this forum don't want to be girls. A few do. It's different on the MtF TS forum, but there it isn't so much a question of "I wanna be a girl!", it's more often a statement of "oh shit, I'm a girl!" At least that was my experience personally.

I'd like to see more photos from folks who aren't passable, don't care about passing, or are deliberately ambiguous / gender queer in their presentation. I'd also like to see more threads from them, provided that people with strong opinions to the contrary could behave...

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi MM, It sounds like you fit right in with all of us normal CDs' .

[Sometimes Steffi]

I totally agree with Jamie.

I guess you can tell by my name that I am only a girl sometimes.

I did the math, and I present completely girly about 0.5% of the time. That means I'm a 0.995 (mostly) boy. Of course, just because I'm mostly boy, doesn't mean I'm not wearing panties underneath my dress pants or red toe nail polish underneath my socks (which I've done all week). It also doesn't mean that I don't enjoy some retail therapy a few times a week, or that I don't look at girls for what they're wearing or how they are walking as opposed to trying to get into their panties [pun intended].

But all that explicit and implicit girl time doesn't make me want to go full time, get fixed, or shave places where I wouldn't normally shave. But, when I'm presenting girl, I want to have the best presentation that I can achieve. I love it when I am complimented on my dress or choice of jewelry.

I think what this thread might have done is woken up the sleeping mass of crossdressers that are fine being crossdressers but not crossing the line.

[Lucy_Bella]

You think that you might have it bad here "just feeling like a girl inside" try not feeling like a girl at all but dressing as one ...

The flack can be somewhat over whelming when you try to get support from the majority of this spectrum.. Most will skip past your post ,some will try to be supportive while a few will say you are just in denial..

I have a sexual attraction to certain female clothing as well as emulating feminine features that I find attractive..I have no desire to be a girl while emulating nor do I feel feminine in anyway other than sexual attraction.. I can understand where you are coming from and you make valid points in your post.

In the end we should understand that as a whole this site is very supportive for the majority as I feel that is the intention ..