Aging and the CDer - RESPONSES FROM ALL WELCOME

[Marcelle]

Disclaimer: Before you post in response, please do not provide make-up tips for older gals as this is not the intent of the post. It is about your experience as an aging CDer. I would hate to have the thread moved to Beauty as this is not it's intent . . . thanks.

Hi all,

Figured it was time for another musing of Isha's somewhat odd mind. You can thank Kristyn (aka Hell on Heels) for this topic as she gave me the idea.

The first time I fully dressed I was 17 years old and was in my first relationship with a gal who was shall we say was "very opened minded". It was her idea to which I responded "no way" (albeit internally I was screaming YES!) I let her talk me into it - "Sure Isha, let her" . I had just joined the military, was living in Germany, weighed 140 pounds, youthful skin and could get away for days without shaving. So by the time she was finished I made a somewhat pretty girl. That was the first and last time I dressed until last August, 32 years later.

Needless to say my first attempt at dressing 32 years later was horrendous. Staring back at me was not the pretty 17 year old girl I remembered but a slightly more mature "dude in drag" . Now I am no expert in make-up now but with much practice I think I am beginning to find my mark. However, to be honest . . . age and looking femme is something I struggle with. My skin is not elastic anymore, complexion is less than smooth, lines and crowfeet abound and those pesky dark circles under my eyes make me look like Rocky Racoon (a nod out to any Beatles fans). Let's not even go to the neck department . . . gobble, gobble. The worst part is the same products I use to create a smooth complexion (foundation) only help to accentuate the lines.

Don't get me wrong I am not complaining (okay perhaps a little) but I sometimes find myself wondering why the preoccupation with trying to look younger? I don't feel this way when I am "en boy" in fact I could not care less. However, I would be lying if I said I did not care when I am "en femme". I look around and I see a multitude of older GGs who are all beautiful in their own right with or without make-up. They have lines, sagging skin, poor complexions but still carry their age with grace and dignity. I love every laugh line, wrinkle and age worn aspect of my wife's face . . . but I still cannot make the leap to myself.

Perhaps it is just me looking in the mirror remembering that 17 year old girl or perhaps it is just vanity (probably a bit of both ). Not a big issue in my life as I know I will have to work through it and just accept myself "en femme" with a more mature look.

Just wondering if anybody else has felt this way and perhaps would like to share some thoughts for those gals who may be approaching that point in their life when the "young girl" stops staring back at you in the mirror and you see someone older instead - REMEMBER THOUGH . . . No make-up tips please. It is about acceptance of aging in this thing we do.

Hugs

Isha

[Teresa]

Hi Isha,
Most of us are aware of the feeling of being younger when dressed, I feel it takes ten years off me, lets face it how many GGs dress to look older ? When dressed I get the feeling is the World is a better place, it feels more stress free and I want to laugh and joke more, I suppose if you feel like that inside you come over as a younger more vibrant person. I'm surprised you've posted this as you come over as that kind of person, being old to you is years away yet ! I also do activities that keep the body active again that helps, walking the dog is great because it's a great way of interacting with other people. I always remember saying to older members of the family when taking wedding pictures, when they said they were too old, I would reply it's not what you're too old for but what you're young enough for.
Please don't go around with a paper bag on your head Isha you're certainly not ready for that yet.

[devida]

I was just looking at some photos of me when I was 19. I was really very pretty. I had beautiful skin and I didn't need to wear mascara because I had long lashes. I didn't need to wear eye shadow because my eyes were naturally sultry. I didn't need to do my eyebrows because they were black and well shaped. I didn't even need to wear female clothes because I was routinely identified as a girl. I do wear makeup to look younger and I do wear shape wear to have a more youthful body but I know I had better be realistic. I'm not going to look more than 10 years younger than I am. I'm going to look like a feminine man in his fifties, or maybe a masculine woman in her fifties. I'm not going to look like I'm younger than that and if I try to I will just look silly. Luckily my SO instantly tells me if I have done too much makeup or if I just can't wear that outfit on the street and sometimes not even in the house when she's awake. But of course I am aware of the fact of aging. I just choose to compare myself with others in my age group, not with my younger self or with they young people I see. And compared to my peers I look damned good.

[EllenJo]

I am 60 years old and over the years I see the changes and yet when I look into the mirror when dressed I see a younger female version of me. No I don't see a teen girl looking back but I do see a middle age woman instead of an old man. It is not because I work at looking younger its just that women have more options when it comes to dealing with aging. Make up, hair coloring, foundation garments, ect... It all adds up. My drab side is bald with a gray fringe of hair. Ellen Jo on the other hand has a smoother face with beautiful eyes, a flatter tummy, and a full head of beautiful auburn hair. The panty hose hide all of the scars of an active male life on my legs. My boobs are always perky and when they start to sag a bit, a new bra with new forms gets them right back in shape. The endless fashion options allow them (and us) to distract the eye from what we feel is a negative feature and allows us to enhance something else.

Like I said the teen girl we all wish was looking back may be gone but the lovely woman that's 10-15 years younger than we are, can still be found in the minds eye.
Love
Ellen Jo

[looking_good]

I wonder - sometimes - if aging gives is a different perspective on cross dressing. Perhaps "if not now, when?". A bit more thought into "what is this part of me about?". For me, I am introduced to a set of feelings and emotions that are a fuller part of the human condition that often get lost in the hurly-burly of everyday life. Call it an emotional vacation or adventure?

As to the net visual effect of being an older cross dresser...well, I have always looked with favor upon the many, many benefits of low lighting...

[mykell]

i think i know what your saying, when i do a photo day to post here and start editing i realize that the old lady is me and i missed my youth with this activity i just really embraced recently, hiding my turkey neck and wrinkles is not the easiest but when i feel down i just look into my profile and stare at my "keeper" picture. it cheers me up when i see it, the magical youthful glow about it seems to have captured my young feeling i have when i dress up.

so whether its the clothes, makeup, jewelry, hair we strive for a pleasant image of what were trying to emulate, an attractive woman.....

[jackie_p]

Isha:

I know what you are getting at. I feel the same way. In fact I sometimes get depressed when I look in the mirror and see an old lady but don't mind my older male self. I think it is because my female self, in my minds eye, is still young. It probably would be different if I had grown old gracefully as a female but I didn't get that chance and my mind has a hard time accepting the jump from the young girl I was (I was 8 my first time) to the old lady I am now. It just makes me try harder.

[noeleena]

Hi,

I never ever saw a young girl in any mirror , so i never had to worry about do i have to look a certian way in my life, or dress . im over 66 im happy in ( knife edge here, ) how i am body wise and getting there as far as my facial features are concerned .

myself as far as my facial features are, i would have to go back to a photo taken in 1860's of a woman with very masculine facial features, yet she looks quite lovely in ...her... own way now had she smiled that would have made so much difference,
okay i have the smile .

really underneath my emotions im really happy in who i am ,

as i.... ya ya ....i know , . age, im happy with that as i know i wont look so much like a male as i no doubt have over the years, yet this is only one small part of who i am .

I accept i have lost some of my maleness facial features over the last 10 odd years, and more so the last 3, nothing major just gentle lovely little features.

I never wonted to look younger most of my life i have been very mature and from age 10. and i had been told by our head master in 1957, Mom knew that hey i still did kid things , and really it was just Mom and myself ,

so i had to grow up quicker than most kids because of what i had to go through and do health and caring for my Mother because of ...major... surgerys, so that helped shape who i was to become through out life,

I allso had a different perspective of life as well more to do with being female so that was shown in little ways, looking after other girls as sisters or more as an older sister,

I was more a career than a user so i was trusted more, and those around me were safe and knew i was there for them.

Im allso fortunate in haveing lovely skin and i get comments about that, i allso see something else going on i think your heading into this,

Right, get the right words,.....many of those i know my close women friends some younger and some older do not have the lovely skin and complextion i have, even my skin tones, hardly any lines a few yes of cause, yet over all i am well placed to look better facial wise for a few more years .

reasons why, my background going back to my Mother who was a lovely woman and had a beauty about her that i see in our daughter - Kaylyn .

my grandmother and those before her a beauty that was part of our german heritage down the line so i may not have been complete as a fully functioning female ,

i inherited a lot that has given me more than our male family as i look back at them had i been a full male i know what my facial features would be like some years ago.

Now heading into your looking younger, or wonting to, so i will say i have bypassed that part of our what our males would look like, my own hormones took care of that as well.

You know , i know others will say they dont belive me .... im happy with how i look over all. happy in who i am and have a lovely life, and what i'v been given in how i was brought up and taught and learnt have helped in my becoming a woman of worth,

So i do have a beauty its not as a young woman, its of a mature loving careing woman. one thats worth working towards .

...noeleena...

[samantha rogers]

Well, I certainly know these feelings. I remember very vividly the girl from the mirror twenty years ago and I know full well how hard I try to still get back to that despite all the same marks of age you mention. I have had this exact same discussion in my mind quite often. And just as you say, I also contrast the difference between femme and drab, and find I also dont much care in drab (though I dont think I have ever stopped dressing in boy mode the way I did thirty years ago - still a punk rocker at heart...tee hee) So why, as you ask, is it so important to stay young en femme?
Is it the emphasis on youth put out by fashion and advertising? Is it that we do this to become "pretty" and that part of that we have come to accept as meaning young?
Heck, I don't know...but I do know I use every trick I can find to forstall the inevitable. And in the meantime, more and more, I find myself looking at older women, seeking out the elegant,sophisticated ladies, and studying how they wear their hair, or cover the flaws, or divert attention from the shortcomings. I watch for the ones who carry themselves with style and grace (especially the taller ones...tee hee) and I try to learn.
I think that, short of spending a lot on plastic surgery, style and a sense of humor are about all we have, honey.
The key I think is in trying to find that elusive grace that the most beautiful older women all possess.
But Isha...good for you that you are beginning to consider these things so early, now, easily a good twenty years before you need to worry, you gorgeous girl, you!

[Katey888]

Isha - that's prompted some interesting thoughts for me..

As I've revealed before, my first proper head to toe attempt at transformation was only about mid-2013 and I only get a chance to do this maybe every 3-4 weeks or so... so I've never experienced a 17-year old Katey (though I'm sure she would have been stunning if somewhat naive... ) - my point being, perhaps I'm fortunate that I've only ever experienced me looking much the way I do now, and maybe just getting a bit more practice with the makeup is actually offsetting real ageing, at least for a while...

My rational self is telling me that I won't want to do this beyond a certain point - at the moment that probably means if I can emulate a presentable forty-something, and be age-appropriate fashionable, then I'll feel good about it... I somehow doubt that my TGness is enough to keep me going beyond that... but who knows...?

I just can't comprehend the idea of a grey wig, or (no offence to older members here) going through the transformation thing to only look my real age... the apparent age reduction thing is probably part of the allure of doing this whole thing now - not all of it, but certainly part...

Have to work on vanity reduction classes - but the odd thing is I don't care as much about my male side... Go figure!?!

Katey x

[kimdl93]

A dear aunt of mine once observed that every morning when she looked in the mirror she was surprised to see an old lady looking back at her. As I've grown older I'm beginning to understand in a much more personal way, just what she meant. I don't 'feel' old, but time is nonetheless taking it's toll. I certainly don't attempt to look like a twenty something, I know my limitations full well. But I can't help wonder if I might have only started earlier.

Btw, I never was that slim and small...at 17 I was nearly 6'3" and approaching 200 lbs. still a girl can dream

[Martha G]

Basically I look at least 15 years younger when I get dressed.

One of the main things is that I do not have hardly any wrinkles and need little makeup.

But I do realize that there is a 71 year old person under the image and I can't do anything about that.

As I have said before, I am into creating costume characters and am rapidly becoming an expert impersonator of elderly women, such as grannies, maiden aunts , hags and some just plain old broads.

However, I do prefer the dress up that makes me look ( and feel) younger!

http://i346.photobucket.com/albums/p410/bessielouquimby/MarthaYoungandold2_zps0f6379c3.jpg

[Melissa in SE Tn]

Isha ... Very good thread! As for Melissa, she has just woken up from a several decades cd hibernation . She doesn't have a history to reflect upon or draw comparisons to. She is loving being a 59 year old woman!! Yes she wishes that time & age would vanish so that she could be a 20 -30 year old femme fatal, but reality tells her that she can still feel attractive & feminine as long as she longs to be Melissa. I love being feminine. It brings such peace & harmony to my life . I can bring peace & harmony into my life . Aging is inevitable & the consequences can only be mollified by accepting the peace in being feminine. I don't like wrinkles or a flabby gut , but melissa can overlook those frailties as long as she can feel the peace in being feminine. Always look for that peace-- mel

[sometimes_miss]

I think that one reason I never worry about how I look when I dress as a girl, is that there is no one that I am trying to dress up for. I've never wanted to attract men, and know that the possibility of finding a woman who would accept me as a girl is virtually impossible. When I was younger, in my teens, when I could have passed, even then the facial deformity was alway there, telling me no one would want to look at me anyway. So there was never a time, ever, when dressing was an effort to pass or involve others. For the past 15 years, since the divorce, and even for a short time before that, I never looked in the mirror to see what I looked like; I already knew. What I needed was what I saw, looking out at the world with me in it; how seeing and feeling the girl clothes on me made me feel was all that mattered. So when I come home, and change into the outfit a 15 year old teenage girl might wear, I feel perfectly at home in that role, until something jolts me out of my temporary fantasy of being someone, something, else entirely. But even after the momentary break, I quickly go right back to where I was.....teenage girl, learning how to fit into the world that way. And I've been 'stuck' in that 'mode' whenever dressed, now, for almost 40 years, because I'll never be able to grow out of it, I'll never progress to college girl Lexi, or adult Lexi, because I've never lived through the adolescent girl phase to grow up from it. And, I've learned that I have to accept that. So I have.

[mikiSJ]

I simply want to look like a 67 year old woman with an excellent sense of well being and good health. I have the 67 part down, working on the woman thing with hormones and I am starting to feel very good about myself. Now, if I could solve some health issues I would be in a good stead.

[larry]

I am not pretty-dressed or undressed--yes the pun is intentional. Getting old S----. However the alternative is not good..

[Amanda M]

Isha - really, you need to start being realistic. I don't care how old you are, you look really, really great! For me, a layer of makeup trowelled on ( sorry, I mean artfully and discreetly applied) takes a good chunk of my 68 years - what more can I ask for?

If I am allowed a little bit of self-approval, I do remember being a slim, 30 year old quite gorgeous redhead. Into the car, out on the town, Weayyyy! What the Hell happened?

You hit the nail on the head when you said "I look around and I see a multitude of older GGs who are all beautiful in their own right with or without make-up. They have lines, sagging skin, poor complexions but still carry their age with grace and dignity." Therein, I believe, is the key. The world is obsessed by youthful lovlieness - I mean who would not not want to like Kylie Minogue? (Sorry, Kylie, I know you are not in the first flush of youth, but you look great)

Nevertheless, some of us oldies scrub up well!

Hugs,
Amanda

[Adriana Moretti]

i look alot younger than I really am, and the time is flying by...but there are alot of beautiful older women out there to look up to as role models...Diane Keaton comes to mind...and all the gals from that tv show Hot In Cleveland even Betty White ! As I age I can see myself heading in those directions...especialy Diane Keaton I have had a crush on her since The Godfather...she looks great

[CarlaWestin]

Isha, thank you for the wonderful thread. And Martha! Honey, you look fabulous! I think the occurrence that dressing up making us look younger is just a fortunate byproduct of the activity. We paint on the desirable colors and tones in all the right places. The foundations, forms and clothing put all the visual lines in the right places. A pink Rago all-in-one with fishnets and maryjanes makes me look breathtaking! And I'm 58. Isha, I checked your profile for age but it's not listed. I'm guessing from your comments you're about 40-50. The most perfect thing that comes with age is self acceptance. I'm finally at peace with myself, crossdresser or otherwise. This is the wonderful bounty we harvest from a lifetime of trials and tribulations.

So, what am I wearing right now? Gladiator sandals, jean skirt, soft charcoal leotard, Chantelle bra ($5.99 at Savers) and my morning beard stubble. And I'm feeling very fem, mature and at peace with myself.

[Sheila11]

Getting old sucks.
I do not have any pics of the young lady I tried to be 40 years ago. I do not see the younger girl or even remember what she looked like. I do see the sagging jowls, the dark circles, the crows feet, sagging eyelids, and laugh lines in both male and female persona, and I do not like them. I see the young ladies with their flawless tight skin and beautiful full hair and am green with envy.

Sooooo.... I do my best to look nice as a 50+ woman. Dress nice, spend too much time on makeup, and hide some of the flaws behind glasses and bangs.

I would leap at the chance to be 15 again.

[Sophie Yang]

Isha,

Beauty is for the young and aging is not always kind. “Older” women, for whatever reason, generally do not like to divulge, discuss, or feel their age. I would throw weight into this category as well. Most of the hang-up, with age and weight, is probably more to do with societal norms molded with the constant drumming of commercial advertisements. Whether we admit it or not, the constant repetition influences how we feel and see ourselves and the world. In our case, how we see our two selves. The constant advertising pitches of youth and beauty only emphasizes to those of us past our prime, that our prime really is in the past.

Age is also a state of mind. In the mind’s eye, it sees many different possibilities, even impossibilities. It can see into the past and into the future. Probably for the most of us, the past was a simpler, happier, more care free time in our lives. Getting en-femme is a little magical. It does take off a number of years, but not as many as we would like. It transforms us maybe back to the happier simpler times.

I have been talking with a young lady who is going through the college application process. Her first choice is Reed College. I applied there back in 1973 and my son graduated in 2011. It is transformational to listen to her talk of her hopes and aspirations for her future. Maybe it is just her youthful, fresh optimism that kind of transforms me back to when I was that age.

By the same token, those of us who have raised our kids and looking forward to retirement have opportunities and income that we never had when younger. In the end, getting hung up on aging doesn’t add any value to your day or your time out and about.

[Danielle/Mo]

Agree with Sheila11 that getting old sucks really,really bad. I get depressed every time I think about this topic, sometimes to the point of locking my bedroom door and crying. I also would leap at the chance to be 15 again . But it would have to be in today's society. Going back to being 15 at the time that I really was 15 (1971) would not help much. I am lucky that I have a family ( ex wife,15 yr old Daughter, 20 yr old son, even ex wife's current husband) that accept and encourage me to be myself. They even go out in public with Danielle and help with clothing, hair and makeup tips. This helps me be less depressed about being old.

[Jenniferathome]

Isha, aging is only problem if you try to defy it. To me, there is nothing more sad than seeing a person of x years trying to be x-20, or more, years old. It just doesn't work. I think women do have an advantage with makeup in that, if done properly, they can reduce their visible years a bit. We cross dressers can do the same. But as you mention, one can carry their age with grace and dignity. That's called age-appropriate. Embrace your age int he same way that one can embraced their cross dressing .

[Lorileah]

A dear aunt of mine once observed that every morning when she looked in the mirror she was surprised to see an old lady looking back at her.

and I, as time goes by, am thrilled to see a mature younger woman looking at me. Now I can make myself younger and softer.

I hate the external aging process too but I do stupid things to hasten it like golf and working in the yard. I do however fell the same inside as I did 30 years ago. Age is a number, that is all. I would have loved to see what I would have looked like totally "en femme" 40 years ago but I was busy trying to fit a macho mold at the time. Took me 2 years in the Army to grow a mustache and then people asked if I forgot to shave that morning...I would kill for that now.

[Alice Torn]

Isha, I am 60 next month, and have accepted that i am a mature outside lady, when dressed. But a gray wigged, lady showing some legs! But, the skirts and dresses are mostly knee length or a little longer. Time changes a lot of things, but not everything.